The Seven Smutty Samurai Chat Thread

[euclid]

AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!!
I have a vivid imagination about the "not furry" part and I hope it isn't so. Where will this end?


Not furry is bad???


I think most prefer said smoothness...no?

[Fonsz]

Not furry is bad???


I think most prefer said smoothness...no?
Weird is what it is. Since this is the Smut thread until shut down, I would like to say that it reminds me of doing the deed with the underaged. That is bad I think and so it should be. Not furry is weird. Besides hair will always grow back and then what? The horror! The Horror!

[euclid]

Weird is what it is. Since this is the Smut thread until shut down, I would like to say that it reminds me of doing the deed with the underaged. That is bad I think and so it should be. Not furry is weird. Besides hair will always grow back and then what? The horror! The Horror!


I would like to point out that my reason for non furry preference has nothing to do with such mental associations and has more to do with the fact that if I wanted to floss my teeth, I have mint flavoured stuff in my medicine cabinet...if ya know what I mean.

:lick:

[ScottUK]

Spot-on.

If I wanted an irritating, mindless, shallow chat after nookie, I would go for a schoolgirl (or buy a mirror for the bedroom... :D ). In fact, forget that - I'd be asleep by then anyway... hehe

As much as teens are sought after by many, I couldn't handle the crap they come out with.

Smooth is the order of the day, peeps. Runsyi, post a pic to prove the Fonsz wrong.

[ScottUK]

I would like to say that it reminds me of doing the deed with the underaged.Reminds? REMINDS???

Do the police know where you live? :)

[runsyi]

Reminds? REMINDS???

Do the police know where you live? :)

Beat me to the punch. Tell you what, Scott. When you get your yondan (in Kendo, not Iai) I'll send you some pictures.

[Ignatz]

I am soooo staying out of this discussion. I think I will just get out my airport guide and look at pictures of airstrips.:nervous:

[Fonsz]

Reminds? REMINDS???

Do the police know where you live? :)
Who started these insinuations with weird stuff? Wasn't me! Maybe "remind" was a bad choice but I didn't start it and I will swear it on a stack of Bibles that this is not to my liking. I just have a vivid imagination which I tend to keep to myself. But this is not something you guys can relate to judging by the posts in this thread by certain people whom I shall not name. (But you know who you are!!!):o:redface::evil:

[Fonsz]

I am soooo staying out of this discussion. I think I will just get out my airport guide and look at pictures of airstrips.:nervous:
Let me go with you and discuss "cod pysses" or anything else for that matter.:tired:

[Ignatz]

Yo Fonz, I don't really go that way.:spchless: Wrong thread to bring that up I think.

[ScottUK]

Hey Fonsz, you don't have to cover anything up with us - we're your friends. Whatever blows your hakama up, as it were...


Beat me to the punch. Tell you what, Scott. When you get your yondan (in Kendo, not Iai) I'll send you some pictures.Bugger. You'll be too old then. Better take the pictures now. :D

[Ignatz]

Don't make me explain the airstrip remark.:cool2:

[ScottUK]

Hehe, I am well aware of the importance of a tidy 'runway' - best not have any jungle to hinder the approach...

[rottunpunk]

on a personal as in me having one (and not interested in anything more than aestheticness and personal hygiene)
all bald, as fonsz pointed out looks very wrong. and would be like being pre-pubescant again.
brazilians look wierd
too hairy is gorilla like
knickerline (i dont do bikinis) and trimmed tidy is best.
as for blokes who shave or wax downstairs, well, they need help or something :D
:p

[Ignatz]

on a personal as in me having one (and not interested in anything more than aestheticness and personal hygiene)
I know that I will sleep better tonight knowing that.:D

So, with Runsyi, that makes at least two of you. God bless us all.

[ScottUK]

Deb,

Instead of a landing strip, maybe a mohawk would suit your username? :D

[runsyi]

brazilians look wierd
:D
:p

Now that's not a nice thing to say about Brazilians.

Jodan desu.

You mean it's not good to look pre-pubescent? Tell that to the thousands of knee sock wearing Japanese girls.

[Ignatz]

Is the coffeeshop opening?

[Ignatz]

For your viewing pleasure.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiH7pkCObdA

[Paburo]

Deb,

Instead of a landing strip, maybe a mohawk would suit your username? :D

don't listen to this guy punk :D

a mohawk can pierce and poke an eye of the users partner right in the middle of some suave passionate action.

landing strip or bermuda triangle are most advisable :bandit:

[rottunpunk]

a moey eh? like a brazillian then, but spiked up. it would just make holes in me knickers
paburo, considering im celibate/frigid, i dont think it would matter if i had spikes to take someones eye out, not that im wanting to try it anyways...im not that wierd :D
:p

[ScottUK]

considering im celibate/frigidIs that by choice? :D

[Paburo]

Is that by choice? :D

nonono, i mean. punk, how can you claim to be a smutty wimmin and be celibate/frigid at the same time? i think this defies all human logic.

oh well, never understood women anyway :D

[rottunpunk]

kind of by choice.
yes i can be smutty and frigid. wimmin can multi-task ya know :D
:p

[Fonsz]

Yo Fonz, I don't really go that way.:spchless: Wrong thread to bring that up I think.
That's not what I meant :eek: being around this thread is very dangerous and you have to take great care with what you say and do or want. Whose idea was it to create this can of worms in a minefield?:confused:
But we can discuss other things as long as it isn't around here. Please?

[The great I AM]

You mean it's not good to look pre-pubescent? Tell that to the thousands of knee sock wearing Japanese girls.I certainly won't be telling them. They're the reason I wake up in the morning!

[Rothwa]

I wonder where the transition from "welcome to the Jungle" to brazilain started? myself like the next person, i do appreciate a degree of pubic topiary on a laydee however i am at a loss to the reasoning behind total baldness.

What was this thread about again.. i forget? :D

[ScottUK]

This thread is the greatest since Anjin decided to spar with shinken and titanium armour.

[Rothwa]

I would like to point out that my reason for non furry preference has nothing to do with such mental associations and has more to do with the fact that if I wanted to floss my teeth, I have mint flavoured stuff in my medicine cabinet...if ya know what I mean.

:lick:

You mean you don't like eating sushi off the barber shop floor? well at least not untill it's been swept! hahaha

This thread rocks!

[euclid]

I wonder where the transition from "welcome to the Jungle" to brazilain started? myself like the next person, i do appreciate a degree of pubic topiary on a laydee however i am at a loss to the reasoning behind total baldness.

What was this thread about again.. i forget? :D


From all the porn I've watched...er...reasearch I've done. I would say that the transition from afro crotch to the kojack was in the late 70's/early 80's. This was likely due to people disavowing themselves of crazy disco hair and were so thouroughly disgusted with themselves that they shaved their entire bodies as some sort of purification ritual.

[Ignatz]

That's not what I meant :eek: being around this thread is very dangerous and you have to take great care with what you say and do or want. Whose idea was it to create this can of worms in a minefield?:confused:
But we can discuss other things as long as it isn't around here. Please?
Alex: You needn't take it any further, sir. You've proved to me that all this ultraviolence and killing is wrong, wrong, and terribly wrong. I've learned me lesson, sir. I've seen now what I've never seen before. I'm cured! Praise god!

[Rothwa]

From all the porn I've watched...er...reasearch I've done. I would say that the transition from afro crotch to the kojack was in the late 70's/early 80's. This was likely due to people disavowing themselves of crazy disco hair and were so thouroughly disgusted with themselves that they shaved their entire bodies as some sort of purification ritual.

Ah.. i see.. so it started as a kind of religious type pornification ritual, much like the Opus die(sp) thingy, only with disco as it's Massiah.

Talking of films did anyone see the film Snatch ? I found the title a tad misleading!

[ScottUK]

Would you prefer Shaft?

Not an offer, by the way...

[Ignatz]

Not an offer, by the way...
No time for the in out luv, I'm just here to read the meter?

[Rothwa]

Would you prefer Shaft?

Not an offer, by the way...

I don't recall seeing that film, is it a specialist european import? You've gotta really know your stuff to delve into that kind of thing eh? :-)

relevant Shaft quote "Don't let your mouth get your ass in trouble. "

P.S please don't take this the wrong way! hahahaha i could write a carry on film!

[Paburo]

snatch is a nice smutty film. just not too sexual.

aaah i knew the opus dei would end up being mentioned on a smutty thread. those guys are everywhere! *shakes fist in the air* :0

i've never seen 70's porn. i wasnt born back then... but i always wondered what was it like and all. hold on tho.... afro crotch to kojack??.... dear lord, now i'm not too sure if i want to anymore.

umm don't know if it's cultural or what, but i'm of the opinion that body hair on women is just downright gross and un-feminine.....

girls of the world, please do shave/wax your armpits, legs, and (at least trim) the jungle area. kthx.

[Fonsz]

Alex: You needn't take it any further, sir. You've proved to me that all this ultraviolence and killing is wrong, wrong, and terribly wrong. I've learned me lesson, sir. I've seen now what I've never seen before. I'm cured! Praise god!
Halleluah and amen! I think:ko:............
Because I don't know what you're referring to but I'm afraid to ask..:nervous:

[euclid]

viddy well A Clockwork Orange my little Droogie.

[Fonsz]

viddy well A Clockwork Orange my little Droogie.
For helping me out here, I now know what it's supposed to mean, and where it's at. But is this a good thing or should I just stay away here. Because everything you say and do wil be held against you in a court of smut and inuendo.:D

[Rurouni Kenshin]

viddy well A Clockwork Orange my little Droogie.

haha...we watched that in highschool during class................man, no wonder I have issues :D
Btw, the original version is smuttier than the adult version.............. :cyclops:

[euclid]

a court of smut and inuendo.:D


Ah, now THAT is a legal institution I can get behind! SMUT COURT!!!!


:D

[Rothwa]

Ah, now THAT is a legal institution I can get behind! SMUT COURT!!!!


:D

"place your right hand on the copy of Readers Wives and repeat after me....."

[Awooga Guy]

Judge Awooga in session! All rise!

Fnar.

Jeez, you expect this, and that but Awooga Guy really didn't think this thread could stoop much further. It really has plumbed new depths of smuttiness. Awogoa Guy thinks we can all be proud of what has been achieved here :)






That is all.

[ScottUK]

Any of the other female smutty samurai wanna disclose anything, other than Newbie and RP...?

[euclid]

It really has plumbed new depths of smuttiness. Awogoa Guy thinks we can all be proud of what has been achieved here

I agree, although I am sure that given time and practice, we can sink even further into the boggy mire of smuttiness. Get out the hipwaders!!!

[ScottUK]

Man, I have some elbow-legth rubber gloves, but hipwaders? You guys are extreme...

[euclid]

come on....hipwaders aren't extreme.


It could ALWAYS be worse (http://www.1greatadultstore.com/Merchant2/merchant.mv?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=1&Product_Code=PD8702-99)

[Lounge]

Well... I've been thinking... now I'm single my smutometer is reading overload...

women dressed in short, pleated skirts and in knee high socks... too late I've made a mess...

Ryunsi sporting a bald beaver... bedabaddabababadadadaba....

Now as for adjustment of the crotch wig... I'm thinking of trimming and shaving in the superman logo.

Filthy film titles.... I prefer to rename actual films into their possible porn title.. it's a pub game me and my friends play.... anyone caught naming Shaving private Ryan is intantly eject from the game and the pub...

To get started my favorite: Star Wars Ep.I The Spanking Menace

[ScottUK]

Womb Raider?

[Lounge]

Indiana Bones and the Raiders of teh Last Arse

[Rothwa]

Muffy the virgin Slayer?

[ScottUK]

There is a 'Muffy the Vampire Layer (http://www.vampiremovies.co.uk/reviews/muffytvl.htm)'...

[Rothwa]

There is a 'Muffy the Vampire Layer (http://www.vampiremovies.co.uk/reviews/muffytvl.htm)'...

hahahaha sweet!

[ScottUK]

I know my porn, er, art.

By the way, be warned about 'Shaving Ryan's Privates'. It is a gay film.

I borrowed Lounge's copy... :D

[The great I AM]

In Diana Jones and the Temple of Poon?

[ScottUK]

Exists (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0128726/)... :)

[Lounge]

I know my porn, er, art.

By the way, be warned about 'Shaving Ryan's Privates'. It is a gay film.

I borrowed Lounge's copy... :D
Only because I couldn't stand listening to you beg me any longer!!!

OK the full set:
Star Whores:
EpI. The Spanking Menace
EpII. Attack of the Bones
EpIII. The Bone Sores
EpIV. A New Grope
EpV. The Empire Spanks Back
EpVI. Return of the Japseye

I know it's weak but with six pints inside it's hillaruious!!!

[Lounge]

In Diana Jones and the Temple of Poon?
Lets go for all three Indiana Bones and the Gash Crusade

[Rothwa]

Pump fiction?

[Rothwa]

Willy W*nker and the Chocolate Starfish.

[Lounge]

Willy W*nker and the Chocolate Starfish.
Quality... But I'm not sure Mr.Dahl would approve ;)

[Lounge]

Luc Besson's The Filth Element

[Rothwa]

Toy Story.

hahahaha think about it.

[Newbie]

Gibbo:
Man LARPing is sad... the runt of the litter running round in a bit of fur with a foam/latex sword screaming 'Ahh you thought you had me Camenbert... well I think you'll find my solid Edam blade forged by the high elves of Ementhal will finally show you what for...' is not good... I have first hand experience... I was about 13... now I'm older I have new interests... like real women and drinking and cars and drinking and MA and drinking...

AAARRRGGGHH!!! Goddammit! I already said not that kinda larping! You can't even join Camarilla unless you're 18+ cos of the horror themes, etc and we don't go around whacking each other. That's what dojos are for :)


Scott:
Any of the other female smutty samurai wanna disclose anything, other than Newbie and RP...?

What? You're sick of me Scotty-boy *sniffle* :(

Edward Penis Hands was actually made.

[Rurouni Kenshin]

Toy Story.

hahahaha think about it.

SpaceBallz

Anal-ize this!

Harley Davidson and the Camel-Toe Man

[Lounge]

AAARRRGGGHH!!! Goddammit! I already said not that kinda larping! You can't even join Camarilla unless you're 18+ cos of the horror themes
AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
First Ryunsi now you?!?!?!?! Are you all dislexic? L-O-U-N-G-E spells? not ScottUK... not The great I AM... not Scott... not Gibbo... say it with me LOUNGE!!! well done you get a shiney gold star :mad:

Now... I can speak about LARP and table top from first hand experience... I played all the D&D and AD&D and Vampire the Maquerade and Werewolf and Cyber someting and all those others when I was a kid... Now ... L-A-R-P stands for Live Action Role Playing so unless your dressed up running round with pretend weapons then you're not LARPing... or a LARPer... So... I have been there; I have done it; I have the T-shirt; and I'm an adult now and have different interests... I'm not being funny Newbie, I know many people over 30 that still play... but... don't say you're a LARPer and get mad when everyone thinks you LARP. I have nothing against people who do it, it's only a friendly ribbing, re-read the cheesy theme, I get the p1ss taken out of me by ScottUK on a daily basis... no actual harm intended, laugh and the world laughs with you, LARP and the world laughs at you ;)

Rant over... Newbie, even if ScottUK is, I'm not bored, tell us more ;) I want to know everything :ko:

[Lounge]

American History XXX

[Rurouni Kenshin]

American Cream-Pie

The Gang Bangs of New York

[Awooga Guy]

The latest smutty epic - Linky (http://img53.imageshack.us/img53/2086/benhurmm5.jpg)

Awooga Guy is proud of you all! The thread continues to evolve in the name of smut :)





That is all.

[Rurouni Kenshin]

A classic: Big 'Uns of Navarone

[ScottUK]

I get the p1ss taken out of me by ScottUK on a daily basis... no actual harm intended, laugh and the world laughs with you, LARP and the world laughs at you ;)I want to have your children.

[Newbie]

Sorry Lounge. But with Camarilla so yeah, what was Masquerade (now Requiem) it is only 18+ (think what Tzimisze (sp?) and BSDs could do to a kids head in live action?) and there are no weapons. Well, you can have 'em but they have to be plastic, painted bright orange and you can't brandish them or hit anyone with them or even play fight with them. They're there for effect only. It's just I know there are different styles of larp out there that do go around hitting each other with latex weapons but that's nothing like what we do.

Sorry for getting my back up but I've been getting really shitty for a good few years now with people belonging to one sub-culture group looking down on another sub-culture group cos 'what they do is lame' and will come up with excuses when what they do could be considered equally as lame from another perspective. Like wargamers looking down on card gamers looking down on tabletoppers looking down on larpers looking down on online roleplayers. I've also been copping flack for being a part-time goth at the same time I was copping it for being a larper.

There. Rant over. Thanks Lounge for the clarification though. A lot of people aren't joking :(

But how can something be bad when it inadvertantly got me into kendo? :D

And as for wanting to hear everything, I aint one to kiss and tell but so far every convention I've been single at.. well.. could be a fun weekend. :)

With jodo training! Woot! Reminds me, have to prod sensei about training times...

[Newbie]

I want to have your children

I'd like to see that. The children that is, not the process of creating them.

[ScottUK]

Trust, me, you'd never want to see the offspring of me and Lounge. Ask Awooga what we're like...

The kid would be a giant, tattooed, sarcastic, hairy, apathetic, womanising alcoholic mentalist with a penchant for edged weapons...

In fact, Lounge - what you doing tonight? :D

[Newbie]

Hmm... except for the womanising part that don't sound too bad... single you say?

[Lounge]

Lets go for the Bond set and Awooga 'King of all filth' guy can reside as judge and if necessary jury and executioner!!!! This is a mine field to go wrong... don't get lazy and don't make it cheap!! I want a good well though out titles, keep it classy, Awooga can ban you from the competition for poor form... Ladies and gentlemen (...yeah right...) Hajime:

Brown-member

[Lounge]

Trust, me, you'd never want to see the offspring of me and Lounge. Ask Awooga what we're like...

The kid would be a giant, tattooed, sarcastic, hairy, apathetic, womanising alcoholic mentalist with a penchant for edged weapons...
The truth behind this scares me!!!

[euclid]

For Your Thighs Only

[Lounge]

Hmm... except for the womanising part that don't sound too bad... single you say?
What both of us? you dirty so and so!!! ;)

[rottunpunk]

you only cum once
hehe, and ones that are smutty anyways,
the man with the golden gun
thunderball(s)
for your eyes only

not james bond but, v for vagina?
:p

[Lounge]

For Your Thighs Only
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO nice!!!

[ScottUK]

Octo, er, pussy.

[Lounge]

you only cum once
Your doing it wrong then!!!! ;) :p

[rottunpunk]

sorry meant twice...
hey i dont do it at all sweet pea ;)
:p

[Lounge]

In Her Majesty's Secret Servix

[rottunpunk]

licence to spill
:p

[Newbie]

What both of us? you dirty so and so!!!

Oh please, this is the Smut thread, afterall.

Argh. It's Friday. My housemate's on a date. Her mum (also a housemate) is out on the piss. And here I am trawling the kendo forums amd watching weird pre-war kendo vids with no subtitles (and I don't speak Japanese) Dammit. Oh well, gotta get up at 6:45 anyway to be at seminars by 9:00am. Not that I can take part! ARgh! Stupid, stupid, stupid trapezius muscle!!

Heh-heh, I said 'muscle'

This thread gives a new meaning to "Snakes on a Plane" at least.

God it's been a long week.

[Awooga Guy]

In Her Majesty's Secret Cervix

That's great :D Lounge is teh winnar!






That is all.

[rottunpunk]

that one was indeed quite clever.
congratulations lounge.
though were we actually duped into helping you win a pub challenge there? :D

just noticed your new signature link awooga guy. hurhur fnar
:p

[Awooga Guy]

just noticed your new signature link awooga guy. hurhur fnar
:p

Glad you like. Awooga Guy found it on B3ta.com - their photoshop challenge the other week was "Corporate Merger Disasters" and Awooga Guy laughed his head off at that one :)






That is all.

[Paburo]

The children that is, not the process of creating them.


hey i dont do it at all sweet pea

somehow, i get the feeling (just a feeling) you girls are not smutty enough for the title :D ...perhaps you should take lessons from runsyi-sensei :bandit: lol jodan desuuuuu

[ScottUK]

A big shout out to Awooga's correcting of Lounge's cack spelling.

Nice logo, Mr AWG.

[Lounge]

that one was indeed quite clever.
congratulations lounge.
though were we actually duped into helping you win a pub challenge there? :D
:p
Oh! au contraire ma belle dame, In the pub it is not a competition but a game, we all win because we all laughed hard and long (fnar) at the suggestions :D I hope you all feel the same way here :)

[Lounge]

A big shout out to Awooga's correcting of Lounge's cack spelling.

Nice logo, Mr AWG.
I'm good with numbers, not words as well you know!! ;)

mumble mumble bloody English language... mumble... no set rules...

[Lounge]

A big shout out to Awooga's correcting of Lounge's cack spelling.

Nice logo, Mr AWG.
Kudos on the use of the word 'cack' :) 10/10

[Awooga Guy]

we all win because we all laughed hard and long (fnar) at the suggestions :D I hope you all feel the same way here :)

Fnar!

Glad you like the logo folks :)







That is all.

[Awooga Guy]

Kudos on the use of the word 'cack' :) 10/10

Lounge, you're being far too generous - 10/10 is unachievable perfection. Whereas 0/10 is non-functional - there wasn't a joke.

The most that us mere mortals can hope to achieve really is about 8/10 - hachidan if you will.

Awooga Guy feels that that use of "cack" was only worth 6.5/10, but there ya go :D





That is all.

[ScottUK]

L0U|\|93, j00Z r 4 Ph3(|<4R53 r41|\| /\/\4|\| /\/\3|\|74LL'/ d3Ph1(13|\|7 r374RD bU7 1 L0\/35 '/4 4|\|'/\/\/4'/.

[Lounge]

L0U|\|93, j00Z r 4 Ph3(|<4R53 r41|\| /\/\4|\| /\/\3|\|74LL'/ d3Ph1(13|\|7 r374RD bU7 1 L0\/35 '/4 4|\|'/\/\/4'/.
1 L0\/3$ '/4 700 '/4 |-|41r'/ /\/\0|\|90L

[Lounge]

The most that us mere mortals can hope to achieve really is about 8/10 - hachidan if you will.

Awooga Guy feels that that use of "cack" was only worth 6.5/10, but there ya go :D
I stand corrected...

[Awooga Guy]

I stand corrected...

Yes indeed. Trust in Awooga for he is good.







That is all.

[ScottUK]

1 L0\/3$ '/4 700 '/4 |-|41r'/ /\/\0|\|90LL stands for Lounge (http://www.daedalusdesign.co.uk/utilities/fun/loser.jpg)

[Newbie]

Just keep telling yourself that, honey. Anything you need to get to sleep at night.

[ScottUK]

Time for more smut:

http://www.idolhaven.com/?cat=2

The young lady at the bottom (Sora Aoi) is an iaidoka. How cool is that? :)

[euclid]

Thanks alot Scott. Now my sweater is all drooly.

[ScottUK]

...or your drooler is all sweaty... :D

[euclid]

Or MAYBE....


A little from column A and a little from column B

:laugh:

[runsyi]

Pump fiction?

Don't know if this particular one exists, but there is a pulp friction (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0127181/). Don't ask me how I know.

[ScottUK]

Yeah yeah, just an innocent littl' girl... :)

[runsyi]

Yeah yeah, just an innocent littl' girl... :)

I didn't mean "don't ask" in that way. I meant you really don't want to know the story. It grosses me out just to recall it.

[Ignatz]

I don't know. I just don't know. Ol' Baldy, what have you been doing?

[Paburo]

stolen from a friends blog... (in spanish)

what do these 4 flics have in common?

http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i147/lithane3/b4c67336.jpg

that according to namethatporno.com (http://www.namethatporno.com/)these need no name-change at all for the porno version (http://www.namethatporno.com/nochange/nochange.html).

shelly, never heard about pump friction... but there are other suggestions: Pimp Friction, Help! Friction!, Plump Friction...

[Awooga Guy]

Awooga Guy loves that site! Good find :)







That is all.

[Anjin-san]

Can't check it at work, but Aoi Sora is an iaidoka? Get the F*** outta here!

[ScottUK]

I shit ye not.

http://www.e-budo.com/forum/showthread.php?p=400785

[The great I AM]

All my dreams have come true! But I'll bet the only katana she uses is a pork sword.

[euclid]

or perhaps for those who are genetically challenged, a spam dagger?

[The great I AM]

Yay! Penis Euphemisms!

Spam Javelin (Scott - no google usage to find lists this time, you boring sod. You spoil it for the rest of us!)

Love hammer

[Ignatz]

The one eyed trouser trout.

[The great I AM]

Snake in the grass
the "Pump Action"
Purple Veined Warrior
Purple picolo

[ScottUK]

Veiny Bangstick.



Bollocks, Gibster. :)

[euclid]

spitting cyclops
willie the one eyed wonder worm

[Fonsz]

Can't check it at work, but Aoi Sora is an iaidoka? Get the F*** outta here! I just checked out her web site in the comfort of home and I have read an interview in English of this goddess, who cares that she practices Iaido. Blue Sky there must be something you smut folks can do with that name..........
One eyed trouser trout indeed!!

[Awooga Guy]

The love bokken.





That is all.

[ScottUK]

Tanto or Nodachi? :)

[Paburo]

the love suburito, scott :D

[ScottUK]

Not saying I'm well-endowed or anything...

The Love Choken (http://www.daedalusdesign.co.uk/utilities/japan-link-closed/chokenbokuto.jpg) (choke 'em?) :D

[euclid]

Not saying I'm well-endowed or anything...

The Love Choken (http://www.daedalusdesign.co.uk/utilities/japan-link-closed/chokenbokuto.jpg) (choke 'em?) :D


Sure sure Scott...you sure you aren't overcompensating (http://www.e-bogu.com/PhotoGallery.asp?ProductCode=HAY%2DACC%2DGIF%2DMIN ISHINAI1%2D%2D) for something?


:silly:

[ScottUK]

God DAMN that is a big sword stand... :)


You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to euclid again.Ah bugger... :D

[euclid]

hahaha, damn.

that's a crappy rule.

:cheerful:

[rottunpunk]

hehe ace.
ill give you it on scotts behalf as i have to spread more round before giving it back to him...er...herm :D
the yard o'beef
tonsil tickler
wormy mcjuicemaker.

one day God asked moses to circumcise his son, as an offering. moses asked why God wanted him to do this. God replied, well apart from all that obeying my infinite wisdom, and the being clean and pure stuff, i want to make a wallet that turns into a briefcase when i rub it.
:p

[euclid]

hehe ace.
ill give you it on scotts behalf as i have to spread more round before giving it back to him...er...herm :D
the yard o'beef
tonsil tickler
wormy mcjuicemaker.

one day God asked moses to circumcise his son, as an offering. moses asked why God wanted him to do this. God replied, well apart from all that obeying my infinite wisdom, and the being clean and pure stuff, i want to make a wallet that turns into a briefcase when i rub it.
:p


*sniff sniff*

Aw...I feel so loved.

Well, maybe not loved, but fairly well liked.

:cool:

[runsyi]

wormy mcjuicemaker.


I like that one.

But in the "vein" (get it?) of Gibbo's entries... I submit the ever disgusting euphamisim, purple headed custard chucker. Man, if it's chucking custard I don't want to be within ten yards (or metres, whatever) of it.

[Ignatz]

Well english think that a little cottage cheese is normal. They still don't fully understand soap and think "Death to the evil trouser worm" is a term of endearment.:rolleyes:

[Lounge]

Well english think that a little cottage cheese is normal. They still don't fully understand soap and think "Death to the evil trouser worm" is a term of endearment.:rolleyes:
As opposed to the US sadomasachistic self mutilisation approach? I'd rather clean than scream! ;)

How about these few... one-holed friction whistle, leather lollipop, bacon bazooker or the clam hammer... not my best but I've got work to do :)

[The great I AM]

Man, if it's chucking custard I don't want to be within ten yards (or metres, whatever) of it.Heh, Runsyi, that sort of naeivity(sp?) borders on sexy. If you don't like custard, how about sticky white love piss (not one of mine that one but it makes me laugh. Still)?

[ScottUK]

Does she make you want to do a sex wee?

[Lounge]

Does she make you want to do a sex wee?
AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! too busy posting in another thread... you beat me to it you scoundrel!!

[Rurouni Kenshin]

Man.................reading last few pages of this thread wont make the Monty Python songs go away...........................

.....I love to hear you oralize, when youre between my thighs, you blow me away................... and ofcourse===> The penis song..............

[rottunpunk]

http://www.lyricsdepot.com/monty-python/every-sperm-is-sacred.html
:p

[Ignatz]

Moose Knuckle:cool2:

[Awooga Guy]

So, Awooga Guy took this pic at his local Ikea:

http://img401.imageshack.us/img401/4429/dsc00689oo1.jpg

Fnar, yakyakyak etc :)


And Awooga Guy already sent it to Lounge's mobile phone :D






That is all.

[euclid]

Those are my very favourite kind.

[rottunpunk]

hur hur. geniusness. :D
:p

[Awooga Guy]

Thangyouverymuch :) It says something that Awooga Guy's first thought, upon seeing a potentially smutty sign, was to get his camera phone out and photograph it so Awooga Guy could put it in the Seven Smutty Samurai chat thread.

Awooga Guy hopes that all the other smut devotees here are constantly vigilant too :) If you see something smutty - photograph it and post it in here :D






That is all.

[euclid]

there is a lawyer in a town not far from here whose name is Peter A. Hustler.


While not inherently smutty, I did find it nevertheless quite amusing.

[Awooga Guy]

Did you go "Fnar!" or "Hur hur"? If so, you are indeed smutty. You can check out any time you like but you can never leave.





That is all.

[euclid]

I was with a group of friends when I noticed it and I demanded that we all go into the office and explain to the receptionist that we were looking to sue the publisher of a porn magazine as he fired us all from our jobs as porn actors for being "too hard on the eyes" and this was blatantly discriminatory.

[Lounge]

And Awooga Guy already sent it to Lounge's mobile phone :D
I was on the phone to my boss in America Friday... we were discussing a work related service part issue... I was taking about the grease sachets that go into the kits for re-lubricating the joint... I found this increadibly funny to start with... but then my boss told me that in America they refer to them as 'grease pillows'!!! this slayed me.. my boss talking to me about greasy pillows... I had to stop and expain to him about dirty pillows and carefully lead that into a description of greasy pillows (the Americans can be v.funny about certain things where work is involved!!!)... he too found it hilarious and is not looking forward to the next meeting when they are brought up as he does not think that he will be able to contain the laughter!!! :D

[Awooga Guy]

I was on the phone to my boss in America Friday... we were discussing a work related service part issue... I was taking about the grease sachets that go into the kits for re-lubricating the joint... I found this increadibly funny to start with... but then my boss told me that in America they refer to them as 'grease pillows'!!! this slayed me.. my boss talking to me about greasy pillows... I had to stop and expain to him about dirty pillows and carefully lead that into a description of greasy pillows (the Americans can be v.funny about certain things where work is involved!!!)... he too found it hilarious and is not looking forward to the next meeting when they are brought up as he does not think that he will be able to contain the laughter!!! :D

Yakyakyak! :D






That is all.

[ScottUK]

Lounge, don't you spend your day messing with, er, shafts? :D

[SmellsLikeBogu]

I once saw a naked lady, and she was so naked, it looked like 10 naked ladies.
know what I did?
Pressed play again

[Lounge]

Lounge, don't you spend your day messing with, er, shafts? :D
Shafts, flanges, bell ends, grease nipples, lubricated plunging joints, R.U.T. (Rubber Up Tube), slip stubs, stub shafts, muffs and the infamous machine... the fanny stetcher!!! in the UK it would be a gaiter stretcher but as it's not an British machine the writing on the side is awesome... now do we take fanny the UK or US way?? :paranoid: :ermm: :devious: :eek:
I spend the whole day talking smut and I get paid to do it :D

[ScottUK]

I just love the word muff. I thank thee.

[Lounge]

I just love the word muff. I thank thee.
It is an excellent word :)
I've just been checking some info on the Global Materials Hardness table... I love to know the global equivalents for the hardness of my shaft

[Lounge]

Just for Scott here is a pic of a sleeve muff I just finished with.... not to be confused with a wizards sleeve muff!!!
An awsome muff!!! (http://img215.imageshack.us/img215/5063/012300203967nm3.png)

[ScottUK]

Bah, didn't do much for me... got any in a, er, dark anodised finish? :D

[Lounge]

Bah, didn't do much for me... got any in a, er, dark anodised finish? :D
As long as I have the correct swatch!!!
Just for you Scott, check out the bottom right hand...
looky here!!! (http://img207.imageshack.us/img207/7108/woodjy3.png)

[Awooga Guy]

I've just been checking some info on the Global Materials Hardness table... I love to know the global equivalents for the hardness of my shaft

Arf! Smutty Quote of the Day (tm)! :D






That is all.

[ScottUK]

As long as I have the correct swatch!!!
Just for you Scott, check out the bottom right hand...
looky here!!! (http://img207.imageshack.us/img207/7108/woodjy3.png)I was thinking more Iman or Naomi C - not bloody Papa Smurf...! :D

[Lounge]

I was thinking more Iman or Naomi C - not bloody Papa Smurf...! :D
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!
You could have at least gone with Smurfette!!! Don't wanna be tunneling no Papa Smurf!!! :eek: (A blue face... how apt!!!)

[Lounge]

OMG ScottUK WANTS TO POP PAPA SMURF IN THE POOPER!!!!:confused2:silly:

:paranoid:
:nervous:
:ermm:
:spchless:
:laugh:

[ScottUK]

You die on Thursday, bitch. :D

Lounge (http://www.daedalusdesign.co.uk/utilities/fun/room.jpg)

[Lounge]

OOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! (http://us.inmagine.com/168nwm/imagesource/is664/is664037.jpg)

[ScottUK]

Hehe, you better hope that bag is made of kevlar...

[Lounge]

Hehe, you better hope that bag is made of kevlar...
100% stab proof... unlike Papa Smurf eh? :D

[ScottUK]

Hehe, don't make me bring up your previous indiscretions... I have locked them in a secure place in my mind, marked "Lounge's Sex Offender Arrest Memories"...

[Lounge]

Hehe, don't make me bring up your previous indiscretions... I have locked them in a secure place in my mind, marked "Lounge's Sex Offender Arrest Memories"...
:nervous: :spchless:

[Lounge]

Just not the one where I tried to chat up a certain persons daughter!!!! :ninja: :dead:

[ScottUK]

I had the impression you were successful by the sloppy grin on your return... :)

[Lounge]

I had the impression you were successful by the sloppy grin on your return... :)
OK not tried but more an evacuation of all troops due to threat of nuclear attack!!! :D

[Spendius]

What's that ? I type "kendo wallpaper" on google pics and end up with this: http://funsite-tr.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/kendo2.jpg
I expected something a bit more work safe...

[Awooga Guy]

Now now, children. Don't make Awooga Guy bang your heads together, Scott and Lounge. Play nicely :)






That is all.

[ScottUK]

Want me to decimate your arse with nito? Don't make me learn...

[Awooga Guy]

Come to the seminar on the 22nd! :D






That is all.

[ScottUK]

Maybe, maybe. I'll see what the ball and chain says...

[Newbie]

Yay! I'm back! I know I promised you smutty stories from my trip but I forgot the one golden rule "what goes on con stays on con". But there was staying with Alison after con... well, we had a very smutty night watching Grey's Anatomy. Hmm. Okay, that wasn't very smutty.

Oh well.

I'm going to nap now. Been up since 4:20am. Stupid plane.

[Awooga Guy]

Maybe, maybe. I'll see what the ball and chain says...

Eh? Why wouldn't Lounge let you go? :D

Yakyakyak!







That is all.

PS Welcome back Newbie.

[Lounge]

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
You know I let little Scotty out to play... just as long as he's back before it's dark!!!

I'm not sure how Mrs.ScottUK will feel about that Awooga... If I were you I'd start running now... I hear she's got a violent side!!!

[ScottUK]

I'm not sure how Mrs.ScottUK will feel about that Awooga... If I were you I'd start running now... I hear she's got a violent side!!!100lbs of koryu jacktheripperjutsu. Fantastic for a night in, though... :D

[Awooga Guy]

100lbs of koryu jacktheripperjutsu. Fantastic for a night in, though... :D

Arf! :D

2501 posts?! It's not a nice round number any more Scott :eek:





That is all.

[Newbie]

Scotty-boy will just have to keep posting random smutty crap till he reaches the big three oh, oh, oh!

[ScottUK]

Did you have three big 'O's on your larp-fest? :D

[Newbie]

Aw, man! Scott, I'd love to answer your question but remember:


the one golden rule "what goes on con stays on con".

Sorry buddy, my hands are tied!

:D

However, I was playing with long oak shafts whenever I wasn't gaming, if that makes you feel any better?

[ScottUK]

Sorry buddy, my hands are tied!Not for the first time, eh? :)

[Lounge]

Sorry buddy, my hands are tied!
So this must have happened after the con then?!? :D I love having my hands tied ;)

[Lounge]

Not for the first time, eh? :)
Great minds and all that??:rambo:

[Awooga Guy]

Did you have three big 'O's on your larp-fest? :D

SQOTD! Well done Scott :)






That is all.

[ScottUK]

Nothing SQOTD about it - Newbie bought it up... :D

[Lounge]

"what goes on con stays on con"
Come on Newb... I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours?!?!? ;) :p

On another note, how many of the Smutty Samurai have partners?

We know that ScottUK has a woman to withstand his smut... how about the rest?

[Awooga Guy]

Awooga Guy is spoken for. Scott and Gibbo are married (not like that you perv :D). Rookie has a gf too. Dunno about Ignatz and Meng. What happpened with your ex then Lounge?






That is all.

[ScottUK]

What happpened with your ex then Lounge?Lounge was intimidated as she had a bigger willy. Unlike Runsyi.

[Paburo]

newbie and ali, if necessary do edit the pictures with a proper black 'censored' strip. but do post them in any case! :D

[Lounge]

Lounge was intimidated as she had a bigger willy. Unlike Runsyi.
Ha ha... why is Ryunsi's smaller?

What happpened with your ex then Lounge?
Long story, but it was my decision to finish it... just one of those 'things just aren't working' hoojimagubbins. We have agreed to stay friends though, which is nice :)

[ScottUK]

Ha ha... why is Ryunsi's smaller?Someone (maybe Runsyi herself) will post the answer soon. I am too shy.

[euclid]

I am too shy.


:spchless:

[ScottUK]

Talking about Runsyi's genitalia while she is not here is beyond even me.

Where's Gibbo when you need him? :)

[Lounge]

Talking about Runsyi's genitalia while she is not here is beyond even me.
Ahem!!!

...as she had a bigger willy. Unlike Runsyi.
I repeat... Ahem!!

[Awooga Guy]

Long story, but it was my decision to finish it... just one of those 'things just aren't working' hoojimagubbins. We have agreed to stay friends though, which is nice :)

So she wouldn't take it up the Gary then?







That is all.

[Lounge]

:spchless:
I second the motion...
:spchless:

[Lounge]

So she wouldn't take it up the Gary then?
... and it's not like I didn't ask nicely!!!

[Awooga Guy]

Yakyakyak! :D






That is all.

[ScottUK]

So she wouldn't take it up the Gary then?It makes we wonder about the story behind Mariah Carey's album, Glitter.


I have no dickAha - found it...!

[Awooga Guy]

It makes we wonder about the story behind Mariah Carey's album, Glitter.

She obviously wanted to express something in rhyming slang :)







That is all.

[Lounge]

It makes we wonder about the story behind Mariah Carey's album, Glitter.
She scares the bejesus out of me!!! she's one of those women that would tie you up, tread on your sack in high heels and tell you to say "Thank you Miss may I please have another"!! while one of her little satan produced rat/dog cross bites at your face!!! of course you'd be forced to wear a pink feather boa and lipstick or else she wouldn't get turned on!!! She is indeed the work of the devil... SHE A DEVIL CHILE' SHE GOT THA BEE-ELZIBUB IN HA' OHHH LORD STRIKE THAT CHILE' DOWN BEFORE THE SEED O' SATAN CAN BE PLANTED AGAIN TO BRING FORTH ANOTHER DEAMON SPAWN!!!!

But it's not like I put any thought into it...

[Awooga Guy]

So what happened with you and your ex again? :D







That is all.

[Lounge]

So what happened with you and your ex again?
Not sure it was all going fine until I mentioned maybe introducing animal blood into the bedroom... you know just to liven things up a bit!!! I think the fact that I wanted to pour it on her from a semi decomposed rams head was what she was really against!!! :ponder: :disapp:

[rottunpunk]

ah some people really are strange.
animal blood is a must in any relationship.
glad youre staying friends though, but make sure you do.
:p

[Lounge]

glad youre staying friends though, but make sure you do.
I'm one of the few nice guys left in the UK, I intend to :)
I left my old ('male slag' I believe was the term was it not Scott?) persona behind years ago, although I will need to relearn my skills in order to find a new woman :(

[rottunpunk]

glad to hear it :mad: :D
im sure its like riding a bike or horse or something.
with your suavisity, if you require a layydeee im sure youll get one easy.
theres a street in boro where we see wimmin looking for a man to give her a good night all the time. :D
:p

[ScottUK]

I didn't realise you have an internet connection there? :D

Ahh, the benefits of Wi-Fi...

[rottunpunk]

what up north?
aye we've got all the mod cons,
running water (down the walls mainly, but it rains lots too)
hamsters connected to potatoes to make light and such
and the chuckle brothers
:p

[ScottUK]

I meant 'that street in Boro...' :D

[rottunpunk]

oh right, paroxide moment, sorry.
yeah same answer as before, though ive never seen the chuckle brothers hanging around. :D
:p

[runsyi]

Lounge was intimidated as she had a bigger willy. Unlike Runsyi.

Yes, I'm not intimidated at all when my partner has a bigger wang. In fact, I prefer it that way. The bigger the better, IMHO.

Newbie, Anatomy? Big O's? Now you have to post something or you're just a tease.

[I_am_Cthulhu]

Damn, Runsyi - I wish I met your quota...

[Kenzan]

It's not the size of the Shinai, but the Kime employed.
:D

[I_am_Cthulhu]

I think my kihaku is pretty good - especially during suwariwaza... :D

[Ignatz]

On another note, how many of the Smutty Samurai have partners?
I was involved in a study once and they asked how old I was when I had my first sexual experience and I answered:
"12"
"Oh my goodness" they said. "How old was your partner?"
I replied: "Gosh, I didnn't have a partner until I was 15".

Ignatz is currently 12 again.

[euclid]

It's not the size of the Shinai, but the Kime employed.
:D


That's what all the boys fighting with a shoto say.

:silly:

[euclid]

im sure its like riding a bike or horse or something.


:eek:


The mind reels!!!

[Awooga Guy]

what up north?
aye we've got all the mod cons,
running water (down the walls mainly, but it rains lots too)

Arf :)

Maybe it's because Awooga's a Londoner, but he loves London town...






That is all.

[Lounge]

I was in the pub last night and my mate brought a packet of dry roasted peanuts... now I want to find the person that designed this packaging... to put this text next to this picture is pure genius!!!

the affore mentioned packet (http://img219.imageshack.us/img219/1255/03102006303nd8.jpg)

[Lounge]

After the comments about where I work the other day I had to share this extract from an E-mail I just recieved... this is copy and paste, no modification other than where I have removed the customer name...

Hello Gary,
During yesterdays mass production build for REMOVED, we experienced a significant number of rejects for ring jam when running the 471 shafts (approx 50%). When we switched to the 470 shafts we experienced approximately 2 ring jam rejects in 50 parts.

Awesome :D

[rottunpunk]

hehe, your place sounds well fun
nobbys blue salty nuts are the bestest
:p

[Awooga Guy]

Fnar fnar! :)






That is all.

[I_am_Cthulhu]

I fear Lounge is compensating for a large, but no longer functioning member. This is why his J has been sent packing. :D

[Lounge]

I fear Lounge is compensating for a large, but no longer functioning member. This is why his J has been sent packing. :D
It was like putting a marshmallow in a piggy bank!!!

[I_am_Cthulhu]

May I suggest two lolly sticks and some gaffer tape next time? Failing that, Rohypnol and a camcorder...

[Lounge]

May I suggest two lolly sticks and some gaffer tape next time? Failing that, Rohypnol and a camcorder...
You may not!!:sleeping:

[Newbie]

This thread has lost me.


newbie and ali, if necessary do edit the pictures with a proper black 'censored' strip. but do post them in any case!

What? Of us watching telly?

Oh wait! There was some smut - Ali, remember that couple snogging by the eternal flame? Didn't get a pic though, was more interested in getting a pic of the eternal flame itself.

Okay, even that wasn't terribly smutty. *sigh*

[rottunpunk]

:eek:


The mind reels!!!

sorry, forgot to reply.
there was this case with a man and his donkey once...
and another with a man and a goat, next to where a train broke down. he just kept going, how hard was he? :D
:p

[Lounge]

there was this case with a man and his donkey once...
Have you been watching Clerks II???
Long live Bachelor Party... Tom Hanks at his best...

[rottunpunk]

not recently. turner and hooch is my favourite tom hanks film.
the one with the goat was real though. he got a restraining order, keeping him away from farm animals.
just hope he didnt have a pet gerbil or something
:p

[Awooga Guy]

just hope he didnt have a pet gerbil or something
:p

http://img139.imageshack.us/img139/554/506furryfriendgc4.jpg

http://img170.imageshack.us/img170/2552/hammydsfu7.jpg

http://img80.imageshack.us/img80/7452/clivepz1ad5.jpg

:D





That is all.

[rottunpunk]

aww those pictures would have soo won cutest pet
:p

[Ignatz]

I would just like to take this opportunity to state publicly, and for the record, that I have no current recollection of anything whatsoever.
Thank you.

[The great I AM]

I would just like to take this opportunity to state publicly, and for the record, that I have no current recollection of anything whatsoever.
Thank you.Neither do I. I do not even recollect what I have just written. I do not even recollect what I have just written.

[Newbie]

I would just like to take this opportunity to state publicly, and for the record, that I have no current recollection of anything whatsoever.
Thank you.

Neither do I. I do not even recollect what I have just written. I do not even recollect what I have just written.

Just keep telling yourself that, boys. Whatever it takes to get to sleep at night.

[Newbie]

What's happened to everyone? Are you all dead???

[Spendius]

Smutty links posted in the Flames section I guess ;)

[Awooga Guy]

Smutty Samurai never die, they just get older and dirtier :)






That is all.

[I_am_Cthulhu]

What's happened to everyone? Are you all dead???
No, just undead.

[rottunpunk]

busy playin with me sokes :D
its quiet in general on here at the moment. kind of serene
:p

[rottunpunk]

hehe, got emailed these and some others today. these two did made me laugh
http://img207.imageshack.us/img207/4259/monkeykz9.th.png (http://img207.imageshack.us/my.php?image=monkeykz9.png)
http://img133.imageshack.us/img133/7949/tamponnw8.th.png (http://img133.imageshack.us/my.php?image=tamponnw8.png)
:p

[Newbie]

Wrong. So very wrong.




:D

[Lounge]

I just needed to let people know... this is a hoax, if you have any contact please inform the relevant authorities LINK (http://img183.imageshack.us/img183/4397/imagehw0.jpg)

[rottunpunk]

hehe sweet :D
:p

[Newbie]

I'll go after you, RP :)

[Lounge]

This was sent to me by a woman so please no Lynch mobs... his films just confuse and annoy me :laugh:

LINK (http://img223.imageshack.us/img223/5990/newspaper1zd6.jpg)