The Seven Smutty Samurai Chat Thread

[Newbie]

ROWL

No offense taken. I know so very, very many women like that :(

[rottunpunk]

im sure he is very thorough newbie.
nice clipping too. its conclusive scientific evidence that blokes are more wimminlike than we are :D
:p

[I_am_Cthulhu]

Hehe I love this (http://www.doheth.co.uk/funny/misc/Male-Female_Controls.jpg).

[Newbie]

Dear god. If only it were that easy.


wimminlike than we are

Here! Here! But then, we're dojo chicks, and smutty samuraiettes, at that. We're hardly the typical specimens of our gender.

[rottunpunk]

your being very poetic today scott

how do you do the changey namey for the link thing?



1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing cricket without a box.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing by product of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
AND;
He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . . You wear pants don't you?
He said . . ..... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said . . .. I would but you're never there.
He said . ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
She said . . They don't have time
He said . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said . . We don't know; it has never happened.
He said . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
She said ...... . . They already have boyfriends.
She said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
He said . . . A widow.
He said . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
FREE YOUR MIND

[I_am_Cthulhu]

how do you do the changey namey for the link thing?Eh? What changey namey fing?

[rottunpunk]

when you have a link, and change it to say a word (like link) instead of having the whole url thingy
:p

[Lounge]

how do you do the changey namey for the link thing?
Your 'Message Editor Interface' in your CP options need to be set to 'Standard editor', then when you insert the link it will automatically highlight some text, edit this to say what you want :D


8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
It also has the power to control the universe if only we could harness the power !!!

[I_am_Cthulhu]

when you have a link, and change it to say a word (like link) instead of having the whole url thingy
:pType the word and highlight it, then click on 'Insert Link' and, er, insert the link.

If you can't see the 'Insert Link' option, follow Lounge's advice above...

[rottunpunk]

okey doke. ill try it next time.
thanks muchly for your help.
:p

[Awooga Guy]

I just needed to let people know... this is a hoax, if you have any contact please inform the relevant authorities LINK (http://img183.imageshack.us/img183/4397/imagehw0.jpg)

Nice, Lounge. But Awooga Guy prefers this pic:

L I I I N K (http://img156.imageshack.us/img156/5656/freerobotsexab7.jpg)

:D




That is all.

[Lounge]

Nice, Lounge. But Awooga Guy prefers this pic
Excellent... good work Awooga dude

[rottunpunk]

funky pic
is that you in those boxes :D
i like how the box where the crotch is, is a jd one
:p

[Awooga Guy]

is that you in those boxes :D

Certainly not, Awooga Guy does not wear boxes offering robot sex.

He stands by the side of the road offering real sex instead. Not many takers though :(

Meanwhile have some more pics:

http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/2786/rearwj3.jpg

http://img391.imageshack.us/img391/8718/atatratatatnw3.gif

http://img156.imageshack.us/img156/1598/maryhz5.jpg

http://img243.imageshack.us/img243/3826/1145756055222en8.jpg

http://img243.imageshack.us/img243/2003/badbunnywi9.gif

http://img174.imageshack.us/img174/1286/brocoollizf3kq4.jpg

http://img174.imageshack.us/img174/9326/buggerycr7.jpg

http://img245.imageshack.us/img245/5975/cocksoupvg4qb2.jpg

http://img175.imageshack.us/img175/9189/fliptt7.jpg

And finally, Steven Seagal's latest epic: http://img221.imageshack.us/img221/5641/painfultowatchpz3.jpg

Enjoy :D







That is all.

[Kenzan]

On this note.
My buds and I have a new drinking game.
We watch Steven Segal movies, and every time he does something not related to any sort of martial arts at all, we drink. Twice if it's with a sword.
Needless to say, we are plotzed before the end of the opening sequence...

...which is, by the way the only way I can get through viewage of one of his stinkers these days.

[chidokan]

Anyone go to the Isle of Man TT/Manx races? If so, are any of you members of the Purple Helmet club? Just curious.... I thought you may be affiliated.

http://www.thepurplehelmets.com/gallery/stunts/index.htm

There's an iaido club there if you need an excuse to go...they practise manxo jikiden eishin ryu.

[rottunpunk]

purple helmets eh? :D
just got another smutty email joke i thought you lot might appreciate


A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she
looks about the store, she notices a box full of live frogs. The sign
says:
"Cli**ris Licking Frogs! Only £20 each! Comes with complete
instructions.The blonde excitedly looks around to see if anybody's
watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll
take one."
As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, "Just follow the
instructions." The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way
home.
As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the
instructions and reads them very carefully. She does exactly what is
specified:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you and allow the frog to
do what he has been trained to do.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise nothing
happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point.
She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it
says,
"If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store."
So, the blonde calls the pet store. The man says, "I'll be right over."
Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him
in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions.
The bloody frog just sits there."
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into
its eyes and sternly says:
"Listen to me! I'm only going to show you
how to do this one more time"

[Lounge]

Thanks for that Rottun, just wiped the tears from my eyes :D

A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.

The curator of the gallery realised that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society.
"In fact," he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."

After the curator left, a Scottish man approached the couple and said
"Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple.
"Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact, there's no African Americans depicted at all. They're just three Scottish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch."

[rottunpunk]

hehe, and indeed chortle :D
:p

[Awooga Guy]

So here's today's amazing video link from Awooga Guy.

Awooga Guy knows that some of you are Formula 1 fans, but he never knew an F1 engine could do this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGEqlNU30Tg

Enjoy :D






That is all.

[rottunpunk]

that is marvellous, and a most wonderful find
thanks awooga guy
:p

[Lounge]

Can't watch at work!!! have to wait!!! this sucks!!!

[Awooga Guy]

Thangyouverymuch :)

Lounge - it's a clip from the Goodwood Festival of Speed this year. There's one of this year's Renault F1 cars, with a laptop connected to it. The engineers made the engine rev in the correct speed and sequence so it played "God Save The Queen". There's another clip on YouTube of the same car playing the French national anthem, but Awooga Guy did not post it as he fears Scott would kill him for being unpatriotic ;)







That is all.

[Lounge]

There's another clip on YouTube of the same car playing the French national anthem, but Awooga Guy did not post it as he fears Scott would kill him for being unpatriotic ;)
Scott does not like the use of the 'F' word either inside OR outside the dojo!!! :p

[rottunpunk]

no the f word is bad.
god save the queen is much catchier and better a tune anyways.

if there was a top ten for national athmes, god save the queen would be number 1
....not that im biased or anything :D
:p

[Lounge]

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment:
Get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken."

''What's the morale of that story?'' asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'."

"That was a fine story Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunty Sharon. Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, ''what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that shocking story?"

"Stay the f**k away from Aunty Sharon when she's been drinking"

[chidokan]

I was in Paris on holiday the other week, and went off to the military museum (they had katana and o-yoroi there). What made me laugh is this quote from one of the notices....
"despite minor setbacks at Crecy and Agincourt, the French beat off the border raids by the English".
The guy who wrote that could be Tony Blair's spin doctor...:grin: God knows what happens to cause a major defeat..extinction perhaps?

[Kenzan]

In America, we have many queens.
:D

[I_am_Cthulhu]

minor setbacksSuperb. May I direct you once again to WeAreTheEnglish...?

Crecy (http://www.wearetheenglish.com/battle4.html)

Agincourt (http://www.wearetheenglish.com/battle6.html)

[I_am_Cthulhu]

Remember, people - Garlic is not perfume (http://humor4you.com/fundoc.asp?cat_id=37&image=051211112.jpg&cat_desc=Sports)... :D

[euclid]

no the f word is bad.
god save the queen is much catchier and better a tune anyways.

if there was a top ten for national athmes, god save the queen would be number 1
....not that im biased or anything :D
:p


Interesting National Anthem story here, in Canada, the OFFICIAL version of the national anthem alternates between english and french.

Of course, when I was growing up, everyone just sang the all english version, now when I have to sing the national anthem I just sort of mumble through the french bits because I can never remember them.

:nervous:

[Kenzan]

Superb. May I direct you once again to WeAreTheEnglish...?

...After the battle, Edward resumed his march and besieged Calais which fell the following year. The French army had been destroyed....

~And forevermore didst the general tastiness of English cuisine wane ever thusly.
:D

[I_am_Cthulhu]

It is a price I am willing to pay... :D

[rottunpunk]

whats wrong with english food?
may i again advert your attention to my comment on chips and gravy (with scraps)

and pie. pie wouldnt exist if it werent for us

and roast dinners

and chicken tikka

...
:p

[I_am_Cthulhu]

I would eat Kenzan's leg if it was with English chips (fries to you non-Eeenglish...) and loads of vinegar.

[Lounge]

To be fair if we didn't comendere half the wold and put 'em straight none of that world cuisine would ever have come to be! ;)

[rottunpunk]

has lounge been drinking? or too much men hits
your typings gone like mine

curry. we invented curry
whilst comendereing other land, might i add

and what have you yanks got? burgers and fries and pizza and burritos, all european food anyways-ha :D
:p

[Kenzan]

whats wrong with english food?
may i again advert your attention to my comment on chips and gravy (with scraps)

and pie. pie wouldnt exist if it werent for us

and roast dinners

and chicken tikka

...
:p

Sorry, I lost you after the mentioning of the word "Pie."
~What was that again?
:D

BTW..Aren't the Irish responsible for roast?
..and isn't Chicken Tikka of Indian origin?

Muahaha!
I quickly predict that the conversation will now turn slowly towards the food products more suited toward stout Britishness.
i.e., Egg in a Basket, Jellied Eels,
Blood Pudding....In fact Blood "everything."

~and Fried Fish in newspaper with malt Vinegar, which, come to think of it, save the beer and various ales, leaves one with not a total loss at least.
:D

[Lounge]

I have to be fair the US know how to combine meat and cheese!

[Kenzan]

curry. we invented curry
whilst comendereing other land, might i add

Curry comes from India. Mwah! :D


and what have you yanks got? burgers and fries and pizza and burritos, all european food anyways-ha :D
:p


Actually, all of those foods are of strictly American Origin.
Double Mwah! :D
;P

[I_am_Cthulhu]

~and Fried Fish in newspaper with malt Vinegar, which, come to thing of it, save the beer and various ales, leaves one with not a total loss at least.Your eloquence fills me with murderous intent. :D

Pizza is American? You are a berk of the highest tier.

[Lounge]

roast - English
balti - English
tandori - English

And for the ultimate food never to be beaten, the full English breakfast :D

[I_am_Cthulhu]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_pizza - Italian

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burritos - Mexican

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/French_fries - British

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burger - German

Kenzan (http://www.daedalusdesign.co.uk/utilities/fun/iq.jpg) - Retard

[rottunpunk]

nope though i was thinking of balti-same diff
we invented all curry
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/special_report/1999/02/99/e-cyclopedia/1285804.stm

alas no more fish n chips in newspaper, twas banned. they dont taste the same.
though a chippy near me does them in these box things which adds some flavour.

also pasties, they are good and british and tasty

this is from a pub wall, dont know how to upload pics off my phone yet.
the pie:
''Since the dawn of time, the pie has been central to the evolution and survival of man. The earliest recorded evidence of the pie was found on Bodmin Moor, Cornwall, dating back to the year 52 BC. It was a huge example found (encased in mud) by a hitchhiker from Dumfries . This find later became known as "The Meat Beast of Bodmin Moor". ''
:p

[Kenzan]

Pizza is American? You are a berk of the highest tier.

Incorrect, my dear charlie of most rightness!

"Pizza Pie" as we are in the world used to it today, is strictly of American origins, I assure you.
"Pizza Margarita": Which is simple Cheese and Tomato, (Which, by the way Tomatoes originate from The Aztec Culture, stolen by the Spanish.) was sold by the roadside during the early American industrial revolution to immigrant Italian laborers who needed a snack which was both cheap, portable, and hand held.
While it is true that Cheese on top of baked flatbread existed long before America, it is also true that America invented Pizza as we know it today.

[rottunpunk]

pizza is italian. thats why the turtles ate it
ah the full english, how could i miss that one out
:p

[runsyi]

Didn't someone write in their signature that Wikipedia is not a real encylopedia?

Tex mex and creole cooking are indigineous to the United States. Chimichangas, nachos, gumbo, not to mention the ultimate date food for avoiding the good night kiss--caesar salad. What more can I write? Americans are to world cuisine what the Japanese are to electronics and technology. We take the best and make it better.

[rottunpunk]

pah, id take lard fried goodness over yanky stolen wrongness any day
:p

[Kenzan]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_pizza - Italian

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burritos - Mexican

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/French_fries - British

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burger - German

Kenzan (http://www.daedalusdesign.co.uk/utilities/fun/iq.jpg) - Retard


Oh, my mistake, it's on Wikipedia..
Ergo, it MUST be indisputably true, and thrice thusly written in stone.
Yes..How dare we question the mighty authority that is Wikipedia on any matters, great or small.
I beseech to you accept of this mere ignorant retch, his most humble apologies good sir.
I defer all worldly knowledge until you forthwith and unto the infallible wisdom of free online blogosphere tools from this moment on.
:D

[Lounge]

Well we all know god is English hence the great understanding of sarchasm, inuendo and cruelty... and god created everything including thought... by default all food is English :p

[rottunpunk]

quick addition to my curry theme.
it was invented in india yes.
BY THE BRITISH
the meat went all rotten so they covered it with spices and stewed it to make it edible
hah
and scotts findings can be found elsewhere than wikipedia, its just that the truth is all in one place on there
erm...double ha?
:p

[Kenzan]

Well we all know god is English hence the great understanding of sarchasm, inuendo and cruelty... and god created everything including thought... by default all food is English :p

...And that is precisely why humans taste like chicken.
:D

[rottunpunk]

Well we all know god is English hence the great understanding of sarchasm, inuendo and cruelty... and god created everything including thought... by default all food is English :p
well that just proves it. end of debate
rule brittania, brittania rules the foodlike waves :D
:p

[rottunpunk]

...And that is precisely why humans taste like chicken.
:D
pork, we tate like pork :D
:p

[Kenzan]

quick addition to my curry theme.
it was invented in india yes.
BY THE BRITISH
the meat went all rotten so they covered it with spices and stewed it to make it edible
hah
and scotts findings can be found elsewhere than wikipedia, its just that the truth is all in one place on there
erm...double ha?
:p


British or no, Curry is as awesome as the day is long.
If there is a heaven, it has rivers of it.

On the other issue, who you gonna believe, sister?
A bonafide Red-Blooded American, or a blurb on the innernet?
I'm tellin' ya, ALL greased up, calorie-laden, deep-fried goodness originated in the land of non-tea-drinkers!:D

..except for the deep fried mars-bars..Turkies, yes. Mar bars? Not so sure. I think that was an Aussie thing.

[I_am_Cthulhu]

I'm tellin' ya, ALL greased up, calorie-laden, deep-fried goodness originated in the land of non-tea-drinkers!:D...and it shows.

[runsyi]

pork, we tate like pork :D
:p

That's not what my boyfriend says....

Just thought I'd get this train back on track.

Having not ever had English food, I can't speak as to the quality of the dishes or preparation. But have you seen how many fat people there are in America? The food here must be the best.

[Lounge]

deep fried mars bar... blame the Scots for that!

[rottunpunk]

On the other issue, who you gonna believe, sister?
A bonafide Red-Blooded American, or a blurb on the innernet?

..except for the deep fried mars-bars..Turkies, yes. Mar bars? Not so sure. I think that was an Aussie thing.
um...the blurb
the deep fried mars bar was invented in scotland...again british
the scottish deep fry anything and everything after all

as for what people taste like, im sure it was pork.
we are closer to pigs than any other farm animal
well most of us :D
...um, how does your blokey know anyways?
:p

edit:ach ya beat me on the marses

[Lounge]

i heard people tasted like soilent green! i think I'm starting to taste like snozberries!

[Lounge]

...um, how does your blokey know anyways?
:p

why Rottun? why?

[Kenzan]

...and it shows.

Silence! Or I shall be required to send forth the sum total of the entire American popultion's girth to sit hence upon you!
Hmm..er..no, that sounds as if it would faciliate the need for some sort of physical effort on my part, which of course takes precious time away from eating and watching T.V..and this simply cannot come to pass I say!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled Smut-O-Ramma.
:D

[Lounge]

Now we are back on track, all this talk of girth and sitting on people! :D

[runsyi]

Now we are back on track, all this talk of girth and sitting on people! :D

I tried earlier. But what can I say?

[Kenzan]

I tried earlier. But what can I say?

I beg to differ.
I think you could've tried a lot harder than that.

One photo;
~and we would essentially all forget what it was in the hell we were doing.
..and our names, for that matter.
:D

[Ignatz]

jambalaya

and if that ain't enough

Texas Bar-B-Q with Rudy's sauce but never, ever use Rudy's during sex, before and after is OK but never during.

and if you get uni in Japan, it probably came from the U.S.

[Kenzan]

jambalaya

and if that ain't enough

Texas Bar-B-Q with Rudy's sauce but never, ever use Rudy's during sex, before and after is OK but never during.


~BBQ-Gasm?
I find it sexeh to have her wear the sauce bib.
..and nothing else.
:D



and if you get uni in Japan, it probably came from the U.S.


Here in L.A., it's dirt cheap and of sublime quality.
On that note, ever notice the similarities between fresh Uni and *ahem* something else?

I prefer Futon no Uni the best.
:D :lick:

[The great I AM]

Futon no Uni[/I] the best.
:D :lick:So Uni isn't an STD then?

[Lounge]

So Uni isn't an STD then?
I wouldn't be sure... I simply remember it tasting of bile! I remember vividly the feeling that I had just done a verp* but it was just the sushi!! The Japanese family I was staying with that had taken me out were very polite... and so was I... when asked if I wanted more I simply replied "No thank you I'm full" I'm sure the look on my face said it all!!!

I still to this day cannot remove the memory of eating sick wrapped in rice!!!

*(a burp where a small amount of vomit comes up into your mouth!)

[I_am_Cthulhu]

I could throw up just thinking of uni. Horrendous.

[Awooga Guy]

Wow, Awooga Guy disappears for a night and it all kicks off.


~And forevermore didst the general tastiness of English cuisine wane ever thusly.
:D

Very true - to paraphrase George Orwell: "Many people seem to think that the best British cuisine is French cuisine"


Oh, my mistake, it's on Wikipedia..
Ergo, it MUST be indisputably true, and thrice thusly written in stone.
Yes..How dare we question the mighty authority that is Wikipedia on any matters, great or small.
I beseech to you accept of this mere ignorant retch, his most humble apologies good sir.
I defer all worldly knowledge until you forthwith and unto the infallible wisdom of free online blogosphere tools from this moment on.
:D

Awooga Guy sees what you did there.


That's not what my boyfriend says....

:eek: Awooga Guy nominates Runsyi as new leader of the Seven Smutty Wimmin Samurai!







That is all.

[Lounge]

I tried earlier. But what can I say?
Respect to woman up front, you lead the way sister...

[The great I AM]

That's not what my boyfriend says.....Does he say "Its my turn for the 8-ball gag"?

Yeah! Lets start off a "What Runsyi's boyfriend says" thread drift!

[Ignatz]

Does he say "Its my turn for the 8-ball gag"?

Yeah! Lets start off a "What Runsyi's boyfriend says" thread drift!
I need a "What Would Runsyi's Boyfriend Do" T-shirt

WWRBD

[Lounge]

I need a "What Would Runsyi's Boyfriend Do" T-shirt

WWRBD
AWESOME!!!

[Lounge]

Does he say: "What?.... the fat end?"

Sorry Ryunsi... I couldn't resist joining in...

[Spendius]

verp*

*(a burp where a small amount of vomit comes up into your mouth!)

Wonderful word ! I'll have to remember that one...

[Lounge]

Wonderful word ! I'll have to remember that one...
It is a wonderful word :D but I have to be honest... now... I'm not proud of this... It is taken directly from the stand up of Tim Allen, AKA Tim 'The tool man' Taylor!!!

His stand up is funny!!! :shocked:

[Spendius]

Would you have a similar word for these kinds of farts, you know...

[The great I AM]

Would you have a similar word for these kinds of farts, you know...A shart, perhaps?

[I_am_Cthulhu]

Ah, this thread takes wonderful turns - now we're onto poo gas. Superb...

[Awooga Guy]

Ah, this thread takes wonderful turns - now we're onto poo gas. Superb...

This thread is warped, like Windsor Castle after the fire.






That is all.

[Ignatz]

Ah, this thread takes wonderful turns - now we're onto poo gas. Superb...
I believe that would be LPG or Liquid Poo Gas

[I_am_Cthulhu]

Poo Gas is just a fart. LPG? I like it... :)

[runsyi]

I need a "What Would Runsyi's Boyfriend Do" T-shirt

WWRBD

You should all know by now what he'd do... the only question is... how am I going to tell him to do it?

[Awooga Guy]

So here's today's awesome interweb link, courtesy of Awooga Girl. Have a listen to this:

http://joshualowry.vox.com/library/audio/6a00c225203796f21900c2252ab8c18e1d.html

Enjoy :D





That is all.

[rottunpunk]

hehe genius. i have to try that one next time.
usually i just tell them i dont believe in phones, or windows and am allergic to insurance :D
:p

[Lounge]

Would you have a similar word for these kinds of farts, you know...
The most popular with me is "Oh no! I think I've drawn mud" I believe its from an old teen movie, but I can't remember which one!

[Lounge]

A shart, perhaps?
Excellent work :D

[euclid]

Wonderful word ! I'll have to remember that one...


Of course the correct spelling would OBVIOUSLY be vurp (Vomit bURP)


:ditsy:

[Kenzan]

http://www.bofunk.com/video/305/light_fart_on_fire.html

[Ignatz]

You should all know by now what he'd do... the only question is... how am I going to tell him to do it?
If you have to tell him, perhaps you should think about a man friend instead of a boy firiend,:rolleyes:

[Kenzan]

If you have to tell him, perhaps you should think about a man friend instead of a boy firiend,:rolleyes:

Is that anything like a F.W.O.S?
(Friends with occasional sex)
:)

[Ignatz]

Beats me, I have always been more of a serial monogomist.:cheeky:

[The great I AM]

You should all know by now what he'd do... the only question is... how am I going to tell him to do it?How about:

"Have you got your brown wings yet?"

[Kenzan]

How about:

"Have you got your brown wings yet?"

(Shudder)
I don't want to even conceive of thinking what those might be.
:spchless:

[Ignatz]

How about:

"Have you got your brown wings yet?"
Ahhh, the love that dare not speak it's name.:shocked:

[I_am_Cthulhu]

(Shudder)
I don't want to even conceive of thinking what those might be.
:spchless:Get a teeshirt printed and walk around displaying it. Some kind stranger will show you.

Don't forget to report back...

[rottunpunk]

wear it in the park at night. that'll definately get a response or two. :D
:p

[Lounge]

look at this filthy SMUT!!!! (http://plant-disease.ippc.orst.edu/plant_images/corn2.JPG)

[Awooga Guy]

OMG teh smut!!!11oneone :D






That is all.

[rottunpunk]

looks a bit late for that one. but its ok, on the site there are clinics that they can go to. probably with stpd specialists
:p
edit: ooh just found a pic of some smut with head
http://plant-disease.ippc.orst.edu/image.cfm?RecordID=128

[Newbie]

look at this filthy SMUT!!!!

errr... what the??

[Lounge]

It amazing I've just found the effect that smut will have on the crops of China!!! see here! (http://www.montana.edu/wwwpb/ag/chinatckmapsm.jpg)

My only guess is that the workers will be so engrossed in their smut that they won't be working in the fields!!! :shocked:

[rottunpunk]

hehe. remarkable.
that and you two have waaay more time on your hands than i do, obviously :D
:p

[Lounge]

hehe. remarkable.
that and you two have waaay more time on your hands than i do, obviously :D
:p
Of course I do... I'm an automotive engineer!!! and we all know how messed up that is at the mo'!!!!

[rottunpunk]

chidokan does engineery things with cars and things.
or summit. hes very stressed at work. i dont like to go into it.
hows yer flanges?
:p

[Lounge]

They're flangetastic thanks for asking :)

I've moved on to a ball spline shaft at the min, next on the list is a rilson lubricated slip stub to mate with my co-workers muff!!! OO-ER!!! :spchless:

[rottunpunk]

fnar snigger re. latter progect :laugh:
:p

[Ignatz]

It amazing I've just found the effect that smut will have on the crops of China!!! see here! (http://www.montana.edu/wwwpb/ag/chinatckmapsm.jpg)

My only guess is that the workers will be so engrossed in their smut that they won't be working in the fields!!! :shocked:
Good smut, in the form of the erot fungus will, when infecting rye, produce lysergic acid di-ethlyamine.:smoker: :smoker: :alien:

[I_am_Cthulhu]

I, ahem, have no idea what you are talking about...

[Lounge]

Good smut, in the form of the erot fungus will, when infecting rye, produce lysergic acid di-ethlyamine.:smoker: :smoker: :alien:
And thats not good for the workers or the environment!!! I never realised smut was so dangerous!!! :cross_eye

[Awooga Guy]

Of course I do... I'm an automotive engineer!!! and we all know how messed up that is at the mo'!!!!

Sadly true, have you folks heard about TVR moving all their car production out of the UK? A sad day :(






That is all.

[Lounge]

No! my god! as you know we supply Lotus! I'll ask around, see if there is any info!! :shocked:

[Lounge]

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !

Not Lotus... TVR.... Awooga... Lotus... not Lotus... TVR... Lotus increase assembly... :emb:

[I_am_Cthulhu]

I thought TVR just built a new factory not too far from the original one in Blackpool?

I love TVRs. Am saving my pennies...

[Awooga Guy]

Lotus laid off 200 workers the other week too - 1/6th of their workforce.

As you probably know, Proton own Lotus and they have admitted unless Proton ties up with another manufacturer, Proton will go bust.

It's all gone crapola :(

PS TVR were due to open a new factory in Blackpool but they've gone back on that promise now. Only engines and drivetrains will be built in the uk now :( They're "Outsourcing car production as of the 2007 model year.






That is all.

[The great I AM]

I have had 6 pints for lunch, and would like to declare to the world that I LOVE MINGE

[I_am_Cthulhu]

Thanks to the Gib for restoring the thread to its bottom-feeder level where it belongs... :D

[rottunpunk]

I have had 6 pints for lunch, and would like to declare to the world that I LOVE MINGE
good for you :D
:p

[Fonsz]

I have had 6 pints for lunch, and would like to declare to the world that I LOVE MINGE
I'm not from Barcelona but what is "MINGE"? And how do you get back to work after 6 pints? Or is it compay policy that clients can smell that you're drunk while doing business?:rolleyes:

[Kenzan]

Here ye go:
(May not be work safe)

http://tinyurl.com/yy38qp

[rottunpunk]

a few cartoons from a bunch i got in an email today.
enjoy :D
[img=http://img152.imageshack.us/img152/7283/image1pm1.th.jpg] (http://img152.imageshack.us/my.php?image=image1pm1.jpg)
[img=http://img218.imageshack.us/img218/6494/image2cd1.th.jpg] (http://img218.imageshack.us/my.php?image=image2cd1.jpg)
[img=http://img97.imageshack.us/img97/9904/image3zo4.th.jpg] (http://img97.imageshack.us/my.php?image=image3zo4.jpg)
[img=http://img95.imageshack.us/img95/7529/image4xo8.th.jpg] (http://img95.imageshack.us/my.php?image=image4xo8.jpg)
[img=http://img89.imageshack.us/img89/3997/image5dc6.th.jpg] (http://img89.imageshack.us/my.php?image=image5dc6.jpg)
[img=http://img218.imageshack.us/img218/1060/image6sk3.th.jpg] (http://img218.imageshack.us/my.php?image=image6sk3.jpg)
:p
p.s, i think that inserty wordy for linky thingy is beyond my technical capabilities :(

[Paburo]

fonz, i'm not from barcelona either. but i think he was referring to this kind of minge:

http://www.sexualhealth.org.uk/minge.jpg

kenzan, that's a nice prototype for a summer keikogi/hakama :D

[Rothwa]

I have had 6 pints for lunch, and would like to declare to the world that I LOVE MINGE

Minge the Merciless?

[The great I AM]

Minge the Merciless?I am now well hungover, so if I came up against any merciless minge right now, I'd be in for the pounding of my life. Snoooooogins......

[Awooga Guy]

a few cartoons from a bunch i got in an email today.
enjoy :D
[img=http://img152.imageshack.us/img152/7283/image1pm1.th.jpg] (http://img152.imageshack.us/my.php?image=image1pm1.jpg)
[img=http://img218.imageshack.us/img218/6494/image2cd1.th.jpg] (http://img218.imageshack.us/my.php?image=image2cd1.jpg)
[img=http://img97.imageshack.us/img97/9904/image3zo4.th.jpg] (http://img97.imageshack.us/my.php?image=image3zo4.jpg)
[img=http://img95.imageshack.us/img95/7529/image4xo8.th.jpg] (http://img95.imageshack.us/my.php?image=image4xo8.jpg)
[img=http://img89.imageshack.us/img89/3997/image5dc6.th.jpg] (http://img89.imageshack.us/my.php?image=image5dc6.jpg)
[img=http://img218.imageshack.us/img218/1060/image6sk3.th.jpg] (http://img218.imageshack.us/my.php?image=image6sk3.jpg)
:p
p.s, i think that inserty wordy for linky thingy is beyond my technical capabilities :(

Arf! :D






That is all.

[Rothwa]

I am now well hungover, so if I came up against any merciless minge right now, I'd be in for the pounding of my life. Snoooooogins......

It's a great cure for a hangover, but maybe you should go for a slightly less merciless one. Something like a "Minge the not so merciless but with a slight wicked side", In your delicate state anyway!

[Kenzan]

MmmmmMmMmM..
Caaaaaat Fiiiiiiigggghht...
(Drool)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DowFLyuHaeo

[Ignatz]

Some smut for your consideration:

http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g219/pigeondung/ky.jpg

[runsyi]

I am now well hungover, so if I came up against any merciless minge right now, I'd be in for the pounding of my life. Snoooooogins......

You must be hungover. Cause if minge is what Paburo illustrated, then shouldn't the minge be in for the pounding from you?

[bobdonny]

Some smut for your consideration:

http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g219/pigeondung/ky.jpg

niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice ;)

[Kenzan]

Some smut for your consideration:

http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g219/pigeondung/ky.jpg

Hey! I put that on my toast!
:spchless:

:D

..I was gonna say "gargle with that stuff." Then I realized that 1. It'd be too gross, and 2., I would inadvertently make myself look like some nuclear blast flittering flame-ster.
:D

[rottunpunk]

Some smut for your consideration:

http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g219/pigeondung/ky.jpg

good find :D
:p

[Newbie]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DowFLyuHaeo

Nice panty shot :) Now if only Abby had been in on that.... *drroooool* I might be straight but damn! that girl can certainly turn another girl's head!

[runsyi]

Nice panty shot :) Now if only Abby had been in on that.... *drroooool* I might be straight but damn! that girl can certainly turn another girl's head!

How about putting that on your toast? I don't get to watch this show, I think it's on one of my practice nights. Abby is the goth-y gal? Is that your bag, baby? Reminds me of a Margaret Cho bit.

[Paburo]

How about putting that on your toast? I don't get to watch this show, I think it's on one of my practice nights. Abby is the goth-y gal? Is that your bag, baby? Reminds me of a Margaret Cho bit.
newbie and shelly. here's some abby from ncis (pauley perrette) sweaty action for you:

http://forums.superiorpics.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php/Cat/0/Number/712812/an/0/page/0/gonew/1#UNREAD

she's not bad. btw, looks like she used to be a punk rock singer. go figure. her last name sounds really smutty and dirty in spanish, heh.

[Fonsz]

newbie and shelly. here's some abby from ncis (pauley perrette) sweaty action for you:

http://forums.superiorpics.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php/Cat/0/Number/712812/an/0/page/0/gonew/1#UNREAD

she's not bad. btw, looks like she used to be a punk rock singer. go figure. her last name sounds really smutty and dirty in spanish, heh.
Damn you Paburo my hormones are on the run and I lost sleep this night. Why are you torturing us with pics like these.
If you'll excuse me I'm off to a cold shower if you don't mind.....

[Kenzan]

This is interesting.
This may explain our human propensity for sukebetude a bit.

http://www.livescience.com/humanbiology/061023_invisible_erotica.html

And...
This just in:

http://www.forbes.com/2003/10/08/cz_af_1008health.html

[Kenzan]

You know,
Just when I've sworn off video games, they have to go an make this:
http://www.gametrailers.com/player.php?id=14281&type=mov&pl=game

i may just have to buy an xbox 360

[Fred27]

You guys are very VERY scary and smutty....where do I sign on? :D

[Obukan_dude]

You know,
Just when I've sworn off video games, they have to go an make this:
http://www.gametrailers.com/player.php?id=14281&type=mov&pl=game

i may just have to buy an xbox 360

The game trailer isn't smutty enough for you, huh?;)

[rottunpunk]

so out on my ramblings today i saw a rather large conker
[img=http://img110.imageshack.us/img110/5958/conkerjj4.th.jpg] (http://img110.imageshack.us/my.php?image=conkerjj4.jpg)

i also managed to find some smutt in a cave on wednesday (not much and its not really good smut)
but im having trouble figuring out how to get the images off my phone
:p

[Kenzan]

so out on my ramblings today i saw a rather large conker
[img=http://img110.imageshack.us/img110/5958/conkerjj4.th.jpg] (http://img110.imageshack.us/my.php?image=conkerjj4.jpg)

i also managed to find some smutt in a cave on wednesday (not much and its not really good smut)
but im having trouble figuring out how to get the images off my phone
:p

I'm afraid to ask exactly what that is.
It appears to be the remnants of someone who got his onions kicked in.
:D

[rottunpunk]

you mean youve never played conkers? :eek:
:p

[Kenzan]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conkers

Hmmm....I'm afraid I've never played that game.
You see, in America, we eat Chestnuts.
We do not play with our nuts...
......
...........

On second thought......
:D

[rottunpunk]

yep thats the beauties
i urge you to spread the playing with nuts culture across america
then you can conker the country (get it? boom boom)

my mother used to bake ours to make them even harder
i had a reigming champ one year, i was so proud
then it fell at the hands of some little flat thing
the rule was that if a conker falls it may be stamped upon
shame im too old to put my 12 incher into a playground tourney
:p

[Kenzan]

yep thats the beauties
i urge you to spread the playing with nuts culture across america
then you can conker the country (get it? boom boom)

my mother used to bake ours to make them even harder
i had a reigning champ one year, i was so proud
then it fell at the hands of some little flat thing
the rule was that if a conker falls it may be stamped upon
shame im too old to put my 12 incher into a playground tourney
:p

That's got to be the smuttiest story I've heard all week!
LOL :D

[Ignatz]

I'm not too old but I would have to enter twice.:rolleyes:

[rottunpunk]

I'm not too old but I would have to enter twice.:rolleyes:
fnar :D
:p

[Awooga Guy]

so out on my ramblings today i saw a rather large conker
[img=http://img110.imageshack.us/img110/5958/conkerjj4.th.jpg] (http://img110.imageshack.us/my.php?image=conkerjj4.jpg)


Awooga Guy regularly plays with his conkers.

However check out what he found at his local supermarket:

http://img108.imageshack.us/img108/7119/dsc00720sr8.jpg

And Fred, you would be a fine addition to the Smutty ranks. We need to get our heads together and form the 42 Smutty Ronin really :)






That is all.

[Kenzan]

However check out what he found at his local supermarket:
http://img108.imageshack.us/img108/7119/dsc00720sr8.jpg


ROFL!
:D :D
That, my friend, was SO far off the "wrongness" meter, that it actually reset itself to the "rightness" side.
LOL
:D

[Awooga Guy]

One more thing,

Awooga Guy is off to a Hallowe'en party tomorrow, being hosted by Rookie M from this forum. Here is a sneak preview of his costume:

http://img128.imageshack.us/img128/4388/dsc00748dc8.jpg

Featuring a cardboard chainsaw made by Awooga Girl. Her skills are leet :)






That is all.

[rottunpunk]

hmmn, nice bit of fruit you have there awooga guy
and nice costume
the chainsaw is indeed impressive
:p

[euclid]

My new favourite place (http://snaps.snapsoid.com/~drop-your-pants_receive-prompt_attention#snapsbig)

[Kenzan]

My new favourite place (http://snaps.snapsoid.com/~drop-your-pants_receive-prompt_attention#snapsbig)

Umm..
FYI
Not work safe.

[rottunpunk]

hehe :D
:p

[Kenzan]

This is exactly what the doctor ordered, and what the world needs more of:
Random spankings.
:D

http://www.youtube.com/v/1Q3sZderNzA

[NorthernKendoka]

This thread saves my day, every day.

Will there be any try-outs for the smutty samurai during the WKC or do I have to pass the writen test first.

[Fred27]

I found a good way to memorize advanced math-formulas. :cool2:

http://i129.photobucket.com/albums/p236/TempDude27/4146.jpg

(note: I havent gone through all the pics in this looooong thread so sorry if it has been posted before)

[Awooga Guy]

This thread saves my day, every day.

Will there be any try-outs for the smutty samurai during the WKC or do I have to pass the writen test first.

We are thinking of expanding into the 47 Smutty Ronin, due to demand.

Watch this space...

PS Great pic Fred :D







That is all.

[euclid]

We are thinking of expanding into the 47 Smutty Ronin, due to demand.



Perhaps someone will start up a rival faction!!

:cheeky:

[rottunpunk]

who could rival our prowess?
the ninja nun faction?
excellent pic mr fred, even i appreciate that one and im a wimmin
:p

[Obukan_dude]

We are thinking of expanding into the 47 Smutty Ronin, due to demand...That is all.
http://www.xsltblog.com/archives/24805BP~The-Simpsons-Mr-Burns-Excellent.jpg

[Fred27]

who could rival our prowess?
the ninja nun faction?
excellent pic mr fred, even i appreciate that one and im a wimmin
:p


mmm..thanks! That pic made me wanna become a civil engineer :cool2:

[Lounge]

Back from my adventures I came across this shop/kiosk.... have a guess what they sell!!!
KIOSK :) (http://img248.imageshack.us/img248/3421/lovejuicezx6.jpg)

[Awooga Guy]

Fnar fnar :)

Love juice is pretty popular these days :) Did you have a good time in Finland, Lounge? And did you get the text that Awooga Guy sent you?







That is all.

[Lounge]

Did you have a good time in Finland, Lounge? And did you get the text that Awooga Guy sent you?
Finland rocks, the guys out there are great and I would go back any time. They are mad as badgers and I love 'em.

I got no text!?!?!? if it was a pic or vid msg I had no 3G reception only 2.5G so I wouldn't have got it... I missed an important one from my sister too!!! after a few days I think the validity runs out... so you may need to send it again :(

My leg is killing me and it feels great :D

[I_am_Cthulhu]

I want to kill you, and this also feels great.

[Lounge]

I want to kill you, and this also feels great.
Again? watch your fingers!!!!!;)

[Newbie]

.... have a guess what they sell!!!

Oh no. Please no....

[Lounge]

Oh no. Please no....
Yeah.....




fruit juice!!!!

[Awooga Guy]

Don't worry it was only the picture of the phallic veggie Awooga Guy found in the supermarket - it's on the previous page. :)







That is all.

[I_am_Cthulhu]

Again? watch your fingers!!!!!;)Remember, together they make up a fist... :D

Post those toilet door signs... :)

[Lounge]

Remember, together they make up a fist... :D

Post those toilet door signs... :)
HEE HEE!!!
Finnish bar, toilet door signs...
Male (http://img248.imageshack.us/img248/5771/maleei0.jpg)
Female (http://img250.imageshack.us/img250/2029/femalewv2.jpg)

[rottunpunk]

hehe, nice pictures
i soo want to go to finland now

newbie are you sure you put your smuttfactor on this week? :D
:p

[rottunpunk]

sorry for the doublepost
this was in an email of pictures of clever adverts and such
the rest were good but had too many clothes on for yous lot :D

http://img267.imageshack.us/img267/6805/untitledjd3.th.png (http://img267.imageshack.us/my.php?image=untitledjd3.png)

:p

[Lounge]

Ninja dentists are not only thorough, but they due to their dedication and training in the art of shinobu you'd never know they'd been there!!!

LINK (http://img179.imageshack.us/img179/7434/dsc00073ca4.jpg)

[rottunpunk]

hehe, i want a ninja dentist
real ones hurt too much
:p

[Fred27]

hehe, i want a ninja dentist
real ones hurt too much
:p

"Ninja DentistJutsu...The art of screwing holes in your teeth & jaw and emptying your bank account all at once!"

[Awooga Guy]

Here's another smutty pic, courtesy of Awooga Guy's trusty camera phone.

Awooga Guy snapped this from the bus, on the way back to Awooga Towers.

http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/761/cockz0rs5em.jpg







That is all.

[Kenzan]

Woman: "Say Bob, I'd like to see you again? Can you give me directions to your flat?"
Man: "Oh, sure! ya'see, just go down past the post, turn left at the pub, and there's a big flourished wang on my lobby door...That's MY flat.
Woman: Oh!....(plays with own hair)....you don't say!!!

:D

Anyhoo...

Door.
Big 'ol Wang on it.
Hysterical.
:D

[rottunpunk]

hehe, marvellius find :D
i still need to find a way of getting photos into the compuitor from my phone
how can a cd software thingy from a modern phone not be compatible with xp? :confused:
:p

[Newbie]

My ex's sister got him this really funky light for Christmas one year. Only problem was the best place to have it was in the hallway. Looked cool but boy did we get some comments...

[Lounge]

Worlds best statue!!! (http://img208.imageshack.us/img208/162/statuejobxp7.jpg)

My god!! I want this in my back... no... my front garden!!!!!

[Lounge]

Please see the abridged list below, some were taken out for censorship reasons...

Here are some handy tips for everyday

Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment, always circle the stain in permanent pen, so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone.

Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to the object you wish to view.

Always poo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.

Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.

Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating cakes again.

Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken steroids byrunning a bit slower.

Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or veal. Since they're always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat substitute etc 'tastes exactly like the real thing', they won't know the difference.

Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you'd no doubt be made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about yours, and ask for a nice steak.

High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

Corsa drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgems anyway, so it may as well look like one.

Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.

DON'T INVITE DRUG ADDICTS round for a meal on Boxing Day. They may find the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive.

[Lounge]

Sod it... here are a few of the Smutty Samurai ones...

Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.

An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.

Girls. Don't worry about a nice dress for that important first date. All he's interested in is seeing you starkers.

Men. Don't waste time with months and years of dating. Ask her up front if she enjoys anal.

[Awooga Guy]

Arf, top tips from Mr Lounge there. Somebody reads Viz ;)







That is all.

[I_am_Cthulhu]

My favourite Viz 'Top Tip' moment:

"If you get shot in the chest, lie on your side. That way only one lung will fill with blood".

Superb...

[Mike Molloy]

1) Save money on expensive doorbell batteries - simply pop to the door every 2 minutes and see if anybody is there.
2) Tired of losing contact lenses? Simply drill a small hole in each lens and tie them round your neck with thin fishing line.
3) (My favourite). Hosting a party? Make all the guests swallow a numbered plastic disc when they arrive, thereby making it easy to determine the culprit when later sifting through all the piles of vomit.

[Lounge]

Avoid jet lag by simply taking an earlier flight, thus arriving fully refreshed and on time.

Deter goldfish from having sex by throwing a small bucket of air over any that you catch in the act.

Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply pissing in the sink.

BOMB disposal experts' wives. Keep hubby on his toes by packing his lunchbox with plasticine and an old alarm clock.

If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

WHEN reading a book try tearing out the pages as you read them. This saves the expense of buying a bookmark, and the pages can later be used for shopping lists.

OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know. (personal note, you should do this in pencil so that when you meet new people you can just erase the line :))

[Fred27]

A salute to our Israeli friends :)

http://i129.photobucket.com/albums/p236/TempDude27/israelcondom.jpg

[The great I AM]

Seamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money:

Between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of 50 pence.

Murphy said "Hang on, I have an idea." He went next door to the butcher's
shop and came out with one large sausage.

Seamus said "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all".

Murphy replied "Don't worry - just follow me." He went into a wine bar
where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of
Jamieson whiskey.

Seamus said "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be
in?

We haven't got any Money!!"

Murphy replied, with a smile "Don't worry, I have a plan. Cheers!"

They downed their drinks. Murphy said "OK, I'll stick the sausage through
my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth."

Said and done, the barman noticed them, went berserk and threw them out.

They continued this, bar after bar, getting more and more drunk all for
free.

At the tenth bar Seamus said "Murphy - I don't think I can do any more
o'this. I'm pissed and me knees are killin' me!"

Murphy said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third
pub."

[rottunpunk]

mwahahaha :D
re: all of above
newbie, we will need a photo of that there light though ;)
:p

[ScottUK]

It was George the Postman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family, who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing hooks.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough, they went downstairs where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausages, blueberry waffles, and freshly-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking our from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, "F*ck him. Give him a dollar. Breakfast was my idea."

[Awooga Guy]

http://www.pcc.com/staff/douglas/ResemblesPacMan.png
http://haloise.smugmug.com/photos/107426290-M.jpg





That is all.

[Hai_hai]

Who are the seven smutty samurai?

[I_am_Cthulhu]

Awooga, Rookie, Ignatz, Gibbo, Lounge, Meng and ScottUK. Bunch of pervs if you ask me.

[Paikea]

Awooga, Rookie, Ignatz, Gibbo, Lounge, Meng and ScottUK. Bunch of pervs if you ask me.We really do need to up those meds again, don't we?

[I_am_Cthulhu]

Hehe whatever works baby...

[Newbie]

Yeah, thanks Hai Hai. Don't ask about the Smutty Samuraiettes or anything!

[Awooga Guy]

Click here for all your cat picture needs :) (http://shadowdane.shackspace.com/cats.htm)






That is all.

[Awooga Guy]

Actually this one's slightly better (http://nodwick.humor.gamespy.com/cats/cats.htm)






That is all.

[Ignatz]

Mmmmm. Wet beaver.
http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g219/pigeondung/wetbeaver.jpg

[rottunpunk]

yey soo cute
i do like to see pictures of pussys and beavers
:p

[rottunpunk]

She is in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. He walks in.

She turns and says, "You've got to make love to me this very moment."

His eyes light up and he thinks, "This is my lucky day." Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraces her and then gives it his all on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she says, "Thanks," and returns to the stove.

More than a little puzzled, he asks, "What was that all about?"

She explains, "The egg timer's broken."


:p

[Hai_hai]

Who are the ty Samuraiettes?

[rottunpunk]

thats better ;)
alison, me(as in rottunpunk-me), newbie, runsyi as the original smutty ronin, and kensenbattyboy
have i missed anyone?:confused2

A ninety year old man is provided a jar by his doctor to provide a sperm sample for analysis at the hospital.
He turns up 2 days later with the jar empty. The nurse asks why there was no sample.
He says, ''sorry but i tried with my left hand, then with my right hand. Then my wife tried with both hands. then with her mouth; first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out.
Then we got Ethel from next door to have a try.
But it was all no good. We just could not get the damned lid off the jar.

[Fonsz]

thats better ;)
alison, me(as in rottunpunk-me), newbie, runsyi as the original smutty ronin, and kensenbattyboy
have i missed anyone?:confused2

A ninety year old man is provided a jar by his doctor to provide a sperm sample for analysis at the hospital.
He turns up 2 days later with the jar empty. The nurse asks why there was no sample.
He says, ''sorry but i tried with my left hand, then with my right hand. Then my wife tried with both hands. then with her mouth; first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out.
Then we got Ethel from next door to have a try.
But it was all no good. We just could not get the damned lid off the jar.
Ha hahahaha! That's a good one! Even my wife who doesn't like these kind of jokes had to laugh out loud when I told her.
I haven't told her where I get all these jokes.:smiley:

[Awooga Guy]

Excellent jokes RP :)

Ok have you guys heard the joke about John Howard (the Aussie PM)?

John Howard goes to visit Her Majesty the Queen one day.

As he stands before her he asks: "Your majesty, I've been Prime Minister of Australia for a very long time. I'd like a new title that reflects my stature. I'd like to be crowned as King of Australia".

The Queen replies "No we can't have that, because Australia is not a kingdom"

JH says "Er, ok. Well how about calling me the Prince of Australia?"

The Queen replies "No we can't have that, because Australia is not a principality"

JH says "Well what can we do then, your majesty?"

The Queen thinks for a while and says "Well, you know how Australia is a country..."

:D






That is all.

[rottunpunk]

hehe. super joke. :D
:p

[Lounge]

A newly wed couple had just moved into a new neighbourhood and were anxious to meet other people, so they decided to join their local church. They met up with the reverend, who told them, ‘We're not interested in having any part-time undedicated members in our congregation. Belonging is a big commitment. So in order to test your resolve, I'm going to ask you two to give up sex for 30 days. After all, Jesus used to head out into the desert for 40 days at a time, so I don't think this is too much to ask. If you can pass this test, we'll let you in.’ So the couple agree and go home, They come back 30 days later and the reverend asks them, ‘Well, how did it go?’ The husband replies, ‘For the first few weeks we were okay. But I started getting pretty pent-up in the last half of the month. The final straw came on the 29th day. My wife dropped a head of lettuce on the floor and bent over to pick it up, and there I was, staring at her nice, firm ass sticking up at me. I mean, I couldn't help it – I threw up her skirt, got her down on the floor and we had wild, passionate sex right then and there.’ The reverend says, ‘I'm sorry, but that means you will no longer be welcome in our church.’ ‘To hell with that!’ said the husband. ‘We'll no longer be welcome in Tesco's!’

[Lounge]

A elderly gentleman shuffles into a drug store and asks for Viagra. ‘That's no problem,’ says the pharmacist. ‘How many do you want?’ ‘Just a few, maybe four,’ says the pensioner. ‘But could you cut them into four pieces?’ ‘That won't do you much good,’ replies the pharmacist. The customer looks at him and sighs. ‘I’m 83 years old – I'm not interested in sex anymore,’ he says. ‘I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't piss on my shoes.’

[Nanbanjin]

A elderly gentleman shuffles into a drug store and asks for Viagra. ‘That's no problem,’ says the pharmacist. ‘How many do you want?’ ‘Just a few, maybe four,’ says the pensioner. ‘But could you cut them into four pieces?’ ‘That won't do you much good,’ replies the pharmacist. The customer looks at him and sighs. ‘I’m 83 years old – I'm not interested in sex anymore,’ he says. ‘I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't piss on my shoes.’
I take a double dose so I can go the whole night without rolling out of bed.

[rottunpunk]

hurhur and guffaw :D
:p

[Lounge]

Oi Ms.Punk, empty your PM's I keep getting blocked... not that I'd force anything without permission... oo er!!!:eek:

[rottunpunk]

ooh eck. sorry dude
ive opened up a bit now so post on in ;)
:p

[Awooga Guy]

Teh smut!!! :D






That is all.

[KhawMengLee]

KARATE BIKINI BABES (http://gougoule.com/bikini-karate-babes/)

Now on PSP!:D

[Kenzan]

Smut from the 70's
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryCvUNziFEw

According to a Digg user, this act from the Gong show received so many complaints that the show was pulled from the East Coast lineup. However folks on the West coast still saw it.
:D

Oh..I almost forgot.
For those who are too young to remember, or where geographically unable to see this gem;
This is the GONG SHOW (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gong_Show)

[rottunpunk]

that was good smut kenzan
latest email joke from deborah:

One day an old woman walked into a shop and got some dog food, she went to pay for it and the cashier said you can't buy that dog food we need evidence that you have a dog, so she bought in her dog and she got the dog food.


The next day the same old lady went to get some cat food and the cashier said you can't have that cat food we need evidence that you have a cat, so she went home and got her cat and she got the cat food.


Next day the same old lady went in again and she had a box, she told the cashier to put her finger in it, so she did. She said it felt warm and soft, the little old lady then said now you're satisfied can I have some toilet paper please!

[I_am_Cthulhu]

ewww, old woman's box...

[The great I AM]

ewww, old woman's box...I heard that you couldn't get enough of it.

[I_am_Cthulhu]

Is your momma free this evening, bitch?

[The great I AM]

Is your momma free this evening, bitch?Nope, and your's wasn't last night, cost me an arm and a leg!

[I_am_Cthulhu]

I hope you paid in Euros - she's in Spain. Nooch.

[The great I AM]

I paid in Tapas

[I_am_Cthulhu]

Hehe Shobu Ari. :D

[Awooga Guy]

Improved Pussy Pictures (http://files.kavefish.com/pictures/collections/funny_cat_pictures/_index-list.html)






That is all.

[Lounge]

say it with flowers (http://img144.imageshack.us/img144/5883/image001251ae8.jpg):D

[Newbie]

Hey, if you really wanna make your point with flowers http://www.unfocused.net/images/pictures/hollow_1097427539.jpg

[rottunpunk]

i would be well suited to working at that shop :D

hurhur spunk (http://www.dazbert.co.uk/sites/rudefood/index.php?page=food/spunk.htm) and other smutty foods
:p
*EDIT: yey me. i finally made a wordy linky thingy work :D*

[Newbie]

You'd need a nice big glass of Cockburns to wash that down with.

[rottunpunk]

hehe
ill go to flaps the restaurant for that drink :D
:p

[Awooga Guy]

Here's a pic of Awooga Guy's flatmate, next to an interesting sign we found today:

http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/8202/reliefdm0.jpg







That is all.

[Newbie]

Sats is gonna kill me for this but what can I do? I am a Smutty Samuraiette! You need to click on "News"

Smutty Budo (http://budokan-darlington.mysite.wanadoo-members.co.uk/)

Note the sign in the top photo.

[rottunpunk]

nice find newbie
i noticed that one a while ago but forgot all about it.

nice sign find too awooga.
i though you lived with awooga gal. :confused:
or is there something you arent telling us? :D
:p

[Fred27]

I really like the "wanadoo-members.co.uk"...

*obcene giggle*

[Awooga Guy]

nice sign find too awooga.
i though you lived with awooga gal. :confused:
or is there something you arent telling us? :D
:p

Nope, Awooga Guy will soon be living with Awooga Girl, but right now it's just him and his flatmate. He's a lurker on this forum - Awooga Guy should really get his flatmate to start posting on here.

Glad you like the pic :) We cracked up when we saw that. Awooga Guy is constantly vigilant with his camera phone for smut, so he can post it in this thread :)






That is all.

[Lounge]

OMG!! (http://img205.imageshack.us/img205/7321/image001cu1.gif)There are limits.... but not for the Smutty Samurai!!!

[rottunpunk]

hehe.
marvelousness.
i want me some hoff soap :D
:p

[Lounge]

Apparently once you start you can't get enough hoff it!!!

[h2o]

MMmm....Hass-fluid...yummie.

NOOOOOOO!!!!! The images in my head! Make them go away! GAhahahaaaa!!:eek:

[Awooga Guy]

Arrgh my eyes! The goggles do nothing! (http://www.stupidness.net/archives/images/simgoggles.jpg)







That is all

[Lounge]

Arrgh my eyes! The goggles do nothing! (http://www.stupidness.net/archives/images/simgoggles.jpg)
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Awooga Guy again.

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

[Newbie]

MMmm.. Hoffalicious...

[Awooga Guy]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Awooga Guy again.

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

It's the thought that counts :)






That is all.

[Awooga Guy]

Today's cool clip, courtesy of Awooga Guy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FICJhM2m1ac&mode=related&search=

Awooga Guy's favourite bit of Futurama ever.






That is all.

[Lounge]

Judging by the selected image, they're not wrong!!!

Lounge's camera phone activity (http://img80.imageshack.us/img80/3867/campxm2.jpg)

[Lounge]

OK Smutty Samurai vote

Which is the smuttiest?

number A (http://img205.imageshack.us/img205/3777/aiy1.jpg)
number B (http://img206.imageshack.us/img206/2658/bgk8.jpg)
number C (http://img206.imageshack.us/img206/6809/cou3.jpg)
number D (http://img80.imageshack.us/img80/5788/dnm9.jpg)