The Seven Smutty Samurai Chat Thread

[Spendius]

A masked man walks into a sperm bank and points a gun towards the (female) receptionist:
- Open the safe, or I kill you
- But, sir, this is a sperm bank, there is no money
- Shut up, open the safe or I shoot you !
She walks to the safe and opens the door
- Take a vial out !
She takes one
- Now, drink it !
She starts crying
- No, please, you can't make me do that
- DRINK IT ! *shoots 2 bullets in the ceiling*
She drinks
- Drink another one !
Sobbing, she does.
The man then removes his mask:
- You see, honey, you can do it if you really want to.

(PS: nice story decado :) )

[theicychameleon]

Heres a little number I whittled off before I came out!

Isn't it awfully nice to have a shinai?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a bokken?
it's swell to have a iaito,
it's divine to own a bokkuto,
from the tiniest little tanto
to the world's biggest dotanuki.
So, three cheers for your crom or dragontoothkatanaoftheancestors.
Hooray for your one-shaku saya pike.
Your piece of fork, your life's best friend,
your Chopper, or your Soul.
You can wrap it up in ito!
You can slip it in your swordbag.
But don't take it out in public,
Or they will put you in the dock,
And you won't acome aback.

Athankyouverymuch!

(improvements requested)

[ScottUK]

Superb version...

[satsumaruma]

We should play 'guess the drugs being used before typing on KWF"

[Sparv]

This one seems quite usual: CH3-CH2-OH
Her Majesty Ethanol!
Too much work to quote all the posts about this drug. :D

[rottunpunk]

hehe another sign find
i stole it off someone im afraid, but its worth the share :D

http://img508.imageshack.us/img508/8974/n5205119221317872994ze0.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
:p

[Oroshi]

I'd completely forgotten about a couple of pictures I took in Japan.

Car (http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb137/yamaoroshi/le_car.jpg)

Snack (http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb137/yamaoroshi/sausagefull.jpg)

[rottunpunk]

fnar :D
:p

[Lounge]

Sport rocks... (http://img356.imageshack.us/img356/6031/athleticsa112sc4.jpg)

[shred_lord]

Ah sweet romance (http://www.thelot.com/films/41202)

[Spendius]

Mostly in French (for the puns), the shameful postcards (http://cartespostalesdelahonte.over-blog.fr/)

[Spendius]

some other stuff (http://picasaweb.google.com/ronnie.soak/Smut2)

[Sparv]

I spent the last week-end here (http://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Condom). This small city is on the river "la Baise". So if we translate the name... Condom-uppon-fuck.

The road sign has been welded to prevent english-speaking tourists from stealing it. There used to be a "museum of the condom" there but it no longer exists.

[Lounge]

I love the Russian version of the Casino Royale poster (http://img78.imageshack.us/img78/6915/192fb61or0.jpg). The second word doesn't look like Royale ;)

Thank you Brother of Lounge for this wonerful find.

[theicychameleon]

Has anyone posted this here? Lest find out. Oh! and not safe for work, most of the time. This ones ok:

http://sexylosers.com/007.html

By the way, what does fnar mean?

[rottunpunk]

thank you indeed brother of lounge
ace find :D
:p

[Spendius]

I just discovered this (http://sexylosers.com/002.html) webcomic, seems quite good (and perv)

[shred_lord]

The Euphemism Generator (http://walkingdead.net/perl/euphemism)

Genius

My Favourite so far...
lubing the buttery squid!

or maybe

lifting the big purple midget.

[theicychameleon]

Negotiating the funky eggplant... has a certain ring to it. Wahey! I was able to give you a +rep!

[Oroshi]

Hiding the red batmobile.

Kicking the tiny immigrant.

Cramming the pope's chimney.

+rep pour vous.

[Awooga Guy]

That sexylosers site is teh cool! :) Nice find.

Good to see you back again Lounger, what's the craic?






That is all.

[Lounge]

I finally got a laptop to be able to start posting again!!! I apologise in advance!!

I've got my first interview for that job in America tomorrow! I've gotta go through four phone interviews! I'm officially cacking myself! four interviews for one job!! that seems a bit over the top!! ne!!

How be the Awooga? YAAAARRRR!!!!

[Ignatz]

I think we all need to practice this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JF1cxgY9oAE

[rottunpunk]

hehe wow.
just imagine if that guy was on talent of britain or whatever the new xfactor thing is :D

good luck with your interviews lounger.
atleast you can make rude gestres at their stupid questions without them seeing (unlike a face to face interview)
but then you must remember that one can always hear a smile (motto from my mates call centre job-urgh)
good luck dude.
im sure you will ace it
:p

[rottunpunk]

The Euphemism Generator (http://walkingdead.net/perl/euphemism)

Genius

My Favourite so far...
lubing the buttery squid!

or maybe

lifting the big purple midget.





i got
''retrieving the incandescent pretzel.''
:confused:
:p

[Kenzan]

I finally got a laptop to be able to start posting again!!! I apologise in advance!!

I've got my first interview for that job in America tomorrow! I've gotta go through four phone interviews! I'm officially cacking myself! four interviews for one job!! that seems a bit over the top!! ne!!



First rule on being an employee of an American firm:
Don't say things like: "I'm officially cacking myself!"

The accent will float you about a week, then you'll have to get used to everyone mimicking you,
~Essentially your co-workers will be running around, trying to be cute going:

"Spot O tea? Spot O tea old chap?"
wud yew lieke 'a spo'otea 'an scohwns?

Morons.

In any event, the chicks seem to dig it so not all is lost! :D

I bid good luck to you!
Welcome to 'merica, Bubba!
:D

[Lounge]

The accent will float you about a week, then you'll have to get used to everyone mimicking you,
~Essentially your co-workers will be running around, trying to be cute going:

"Spot O tea? Spot O tea old chap?"
wud yew lieke 'a spo'otea 'an scohwns?

You've obviously never heard me talk!!!:cyclops:

Cheers Though dude, I'll cut back on cacking myself... no.. hang on... damn it all!!!

And cheers to the Punk too :) I'll keep you all posted because after all if I do make it I'm gonna need to find a new dojo!

[Spendius]

I've got my first interview for that job in America tomorrow! I've gotta go through four phone interviews! I'm officially cacking myself! four interviews for one job!! that seems a bit over the top!! ne!!



be prepared:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6M7o66Ojsh0

[Fred27]

"Bang it up"!

How to recruit..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvsPv9uzdDM&mode=related&search=

[Awooga Guy]

Wicked, good luck Loungus. May the smut be with you :)






That is all.

[Kenzan]

Wicked, good luck Loungus. May the smut be with you :)






That is all.

Kenzan sees what you did there.



'tis all!
:D

[shred_lord]

Sometimes this thread makes me want to go (http://www.noob.us/humor/hamster-with-the-dramatic-look/)

[ScottUK]

A touching letter from Grandma... (http://www.just-whatever.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/11/nicelett.jpg)

[Lounge]

Sometimes this thread makes me want to go (http://www.noob.us/humor/hamster-with-the-dramatic-look/)

Must spread rep etc...

I let out a little wee... and I think I might have pulled a stomach muscle¬¬¬

[rottunpunk]

shred lords video mark 2
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=2038710473

which i found after watching a randy rabbit having some pussy
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=2038637297
:p

[Nige]

shred lords video mark 2
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=2038710473

I've seen so many vids with that in it's unbeliveable, even though some are pretty hilarious! :D

[Fred27]

I let out a little wee

Thank you soooo much for sharing that with us (http://i129.photobucket.com/albums/p236/TempDude27/bobby-1.jpg) :p

[Spendius]

Thank you soooo much for sharing that with us (http://i129.photobucket.com/albums/p236/TempDude27/bobby-1.jpg) :p

Before clicking the link, I kinda hoped you DID find some duct tape porn...

[ScottUK]

Eww, nasty. (http://www.erosblog.com/sex-blog-pictures/duct-tape-harness.jpg)

Kinda like this one, though. (http://www.bondageblog.com/bondage-pictures/cute-girl-duct-taped-to-wall.jpg)

[SmellsLikeBogu]

Eww, nasty. (http://www.erosblog.com/sex-blog-pictures/duct-tape-harness.jpg)

Kinda like this one, though. (http://www.bondageblog.com/bondage-pictures/cute-girl-duct-taped-to-wall.jpg)

the second one is forbidden! I want to see it even more now!

[ScottUK]

I've just emailed it to you.

[rottunpunk]

Before clicking the link, I kinda hoped you DID find some duct tape porn...

no, but the pumpkin next to the kitty does look like it has a willy-
...or is it just my bad graphics card and overactive imagination?
:p

[rottunpunk]

the second one is forbidden! I want to see it even more now!
sorry, double post

aye the second one is forbidden for me too
though i have no desire to see it
preston has more scary stuff than the top pic
they are more likely to use the luminous orange duct tape for a start :D
:p

[ScottUK]

A young Geordie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job.

The manager asked "Do you have any sales experience?"

The young man answered "Eye, hods, I was a canny salesman back in Lemington."

The manager liked the Geordie so he gave him the job.

His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked "OK, so how many sales did you make today?"

The Geordie said "Just the one, Marra."

The manager groaned ..."Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?

"£124,237.64" replied the Geordie.

The manager choked and exclaimed "£124,237.64, what the hell did you sell him?"

"Well, forst I selt him a smaal fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and then I selt him a new fishing rod.

Then I asked him where he was gannin' fishing and he said doon at the coast, so I telt him he would need a booat, so we went doon tiv the boat department and I selt him that twin-engined Power Cat.

Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him doon tiv the car sales and I selt him the 4 x 4 Suzuki".

The manager, incredulous, said "You mean to tell me....a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and 4x4?"

"Ner, nah......he came in here to buy a box of Tampax for his ladyfriend and I said ''Well, since ya weekend's fooked, ya might as well gan fishin..."

[Spendius]

ok not smutty, but whatever...

Two German guys are in New York and go into a bar:
- Exkuze me, mizter bartender, ve vould like two martiniz pleeze
- Dry ?
- Nein, zwei !

[shred_lord]

I'll never look ketchup in the eye again. (http://www.fwditon.com/view_fwd.php?id=2081)

[Lounge]

I'll never look ketchup in the eye again. (http://www.fwditon.com/view_fwd.php?id=2081)

must spread rep...damn

[Lounge]

Thought this was funny (http://www.jibjab.com/view/62463) :D

[Lounge]

Bush screws the country... (http://www.jibjab.com/view/80518) awesome.

[Lounge]

You are all perverts... (http://www.jibjab.com/view/36926) I love this advert :D

[Spendius]

You are all perverts... (http://www.jibjab.com/view/36926) I love this advert :D

Brilliant !

[ScottUK]

Some fun Euro-ribbing, courtesy of an anonymous KW member we all know and love:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists themselves have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

[Ignatz]

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods.

The bear asks the rabbit, "When you shit do you get little shitballs stuck in your fur?"

"Why, no", says the rabbit.

"Good", says the bear and he wipes his ass with the rabbit.

[Spendius]

http://picasaweb.google.com/ronnie.soak/Smut3

[theicychameleon]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbdnzlMR2Rc fairly work safe, but not for the more squeamish smutty samurai.

Heard at work today: theres a new guy on the tills at the supermarket. He asks for a price check on tampons, another guy comes running up thinking he said thumb tacks: "Are they the kind you push in with your thumb or you have to hammer in?"

It tried to rep you scott, good call but KW thinks four is enough.

[Decado]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbdnzlMR2Rc fairly work safe, but not for the more squeamish smutty samurai.

Heard at work today: theres a new guy on the tills at the supermarket. He asks for a price check on tampons, another guy comes running up thinking he said thumb tacks: "Are they the kind you push in with your thumb or you have to hammer in?"

It tried to rep you scott, good call but KW thinks four is enough.

You must...................etc. I'm spreading it, I really am!

It's the "look" of puzzlement on the sperm's face that is so funny. You do sort of expect the sphincter thing to open up and a load of the brown stuff to appear.

From the above, I gather that the person buying the tampons was a dyslexic mountain climber. Heard he slipped off the icy mountain. He was eventually found by a shepherd. You know, the queer one that kept mountain sheep. The woolly jumper guy - I'm sure you've heard of him.

[theicychameleon]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUU_oOBZKko

This bunny does not like its cat in a platonic manner.

[chidokan]

have you heard the name of the guy who did the Glasgow airport attack?

Singh ma geep. (groan..:laugh:)

[SmellsLikeBogu]

Some fun Euro-ribbing, courtesy of an anonymous KW member we all know and love:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists themselves have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.


I'd give you some rep, but Im on vacation :p

[Fred27]

Let there be smut!!!


http://regmedia.co.uk/2005/12/14/hardware_smut.jpg

And...http://www.adambaumgoldgallery.com/feiffer_jules/smutWB.jpg

[rottunpunk]

some excellent stuff coming through

this ones a bit old, but still makes me laugh

http://img176.imageshack.us/my.php?image=dsc00041lc1.jpg
:p

[Hisham]

I bet Miriam isn't a woman.:D

[ScottUK]

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display. There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large a collection of Teddy Bears, but doesn't mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side. They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while, she finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father my children?" She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom! Where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, and more heat than she has ever known. After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?"

The guy warmly smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says: "Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf."

[theicychameleon]

You must spread some reputation etc etc :( :( :(

[ScottUK]

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.

They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.'

She replies, 'If the rest of you is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.

The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'

The husband, rejected, turns over.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.

He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.

'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?'

'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.

'Yes, I did.' he replied.

'My God, Bill, what happened?'

'I got fired.'

'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'

'Oh...she got fired too.'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'

'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'

'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'

Whereupon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'

'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps.

'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.'

[kartoffelngeist]

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.

He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.

'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?'

'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.

'Yes, I did.' he replied.

'My God, Bill, what happened?'

'I got fired.'

'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'

'Oh...she got fired too.'

I got strange looks from the rest of the office for laughing at that...

[Spendius]

Funny ad placements

http://www.oddee.com/item_87332.aspx

[ScottUK]

Four men were being interviewed for a job.

The interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"
The first man replied, "A thought. It pops into your head, there's no forewarning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good," replied the interviewer. "And now you, sir," he asked the second man.

"Hmmm, let me see..... a blink!," said the second man. "It comes and goes and you don't know it ever happened. A blink is the fastest thing I know of."
"Excellent!", said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye. That's a very popular cliché for speed."

He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.

"Well, out on my dad's property, you step out of the house and on the wall there is a light switch. When you flip that switch, way across the paddock the light at the barn comes on in an instant. Turning on a light is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light." he said. Turning to the fourth man, an Australian, he posed the same question.

"After hearing the three previous answers, it's obvious to me the fastest thing known is diarrhoea," said the Aussie.

"What!" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

"Oh, I can explain," said the Aussie, "You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so well and ran for the bathroom. But, before I could, think, blink, or turn on the light, I shat my pants."

He got the job.

[SmellsLikeBogu]

No more respect for you smutty sammy's!
how can you guys have missed this?

It is Adult Engrish week! (http://www.engrish.com/detail.php?imagename=tissues-time.jpg&category=Adult%20Engrish&date=2003-07-28)

[stephanie dee]

*Sigh* I can't help but think that you guys have too much time on your hands.........

...... It doesn't stop me from reading all the posts and laughing!! :)

[Decado]

Harry Potter- 21st July! P-Day is here.......:eek::laugh: Severus is so gonna prove that he is really a goodie, I know it!!! :)

No, he turns out to be have been a Death Eater and fooled Dumbledore! The end battle is fantastic and Draco Malfoy gets his just desserts. He's never going to get that Nimbus out of his arse as it's following the Snitch. Don't expect an 8th Harry Potter as he won't be around! But maybe HIS son will carry on. Ginny's pregnant! Apparently Harry's wand was a bit more active than he thought and his Patronus did the job!

Oh, and Ron decides Neville's more his type (it's that long bottom apparently) much to Hermione's chagrin. Ah, well, perhaps she can find another use for that wand.

Oh, sorry, did I spoil it? :D

PS Bet Dumbledore's not really dead!

[stephanie dee]

Dumbledore isn't dead! Well, not fully, I mean his body quite obviously is.... But I think he will make a comeback at somepoint!!! :)

Ginny's pregnant??!?!?! Shock shock! Never saw that one coming!!! So, when exactly did JK Rowling get you to help her write the end of the Harry Potter books then eh?? :)

[Decado]

Dumbledore isn't dead! Well, not fully, I mean his body quite obviously is.... But I think he will make a comeback at somepoint!!! :)

Ginny's pregnant??!?!?! Shock shock! Never saw that one coming!!! So, when exactly did JK Rowling get you to help her write the end of the Harry Potter books then eh?? :)

"Ginny's pregnant??!?!?! Shock shock! Never saw that one coming!!!"

Neither did Ginny!

Dumbledore's bound to come back! Only a few more days to find out.

Wish I could have helped JK write the Harry Potter books for a small consideration of course! Say, 20%. I'd be very rich now!

[ScottUK]

How gay has this thread turned...? :)

[Kenzan]

Please please please please don't let this become a Harry Potter thread....

[ScottUK]

Anyone remember this (http://mirror-uk-rb1.gallery.hd.org/_exhibits/bizarre/Harry-PotHead-mocked-up-film-poster-following-success-of-Harry-Potter-film-and-revelations-that-Prince-Harry-had-smoked-pot-cannabis-ANON.jpg)?

[kartoffelngeist]

I made a bit of a typo on a spreadsheet I just sent round the office. :s

The column was supposed to be titled: total count

[Spendius]

I made a bit of a typo on a spreadsheet I just sent round the office. :s

The column was supposed to be titled: total count

Hehe nice..

[kartoffelngeist]

Hehe nice..

It was there at least 3 times per page, I'd just copied and pasted it.

Inbox is currently filling up with emails from people kindly informing me of it...

[Spendius]

Hehe I can imagine the "object" of those mails...

[Decado]

I made a bit of a typo on a spreadsheet I just sent round the office. :s

The column was supposed to be titled: total count

What a silly bunt! (Monty Python)

[Decado]

Please please please please don't let this become a Harry Potter thread....

Back to the Smut:

The pupils at Hogwarts were having a party..........No, sorry, that should be:

The Viking gods were having a big party with some mortal women invited. There was much drinking with many horns of mead being consumed. There was also lots of shagging.

The next morning Thor woke up with the biggest hangover he had ever known. He suddenly realised that there was someone else in bed with him. He rolled the furs back and there was a buxom blonde wench who he didn't recognise. As she awoke he thought it only polite to introduce himself, to let her know she had just slept with a god.

"Hello", he said, "I'm Thor!".

She replied "You're Thor!". I'm tho thor I can hardly thtand!".

[Decado]

And courtesy of a rag mag from many many years ago:

Punctuate this sentence:

Sex sex sex worry worry worry

Answer:

Sex period sex period sex no period worry worry worry:eek:

Thread back on track now I think.

[Newbie]

Where I used to work I was typing out thousands of letters into a mail merge. One was addressed to a Dear Virginia. As a fluke whilst checking them over I realised before I printed it thank god that I'd left out one of the "i"s. I'll let you figure out which one.

[Decado]

Where I used to work I was typing out thousands of letters into a mail merge. One was addressed to a Dear Virginia. As a fluke whilst checking them over I realised before I printed it thank god that I'd left out one of the "i"s. I'll let you figure out which one.

Yeah, Virgnia would have looked pretty silly. :laugh:

[Neil Gendzwill]

I'm not usually up for a religion discussion, but here's something you can all get behind:

http://blogs.herald.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/07/19/pic0110.jpg

[Ignatz]

Presbeterians do't get wood so they don't get the joke.

[Obukan_dude]

...is awesome.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5GZa4UA7VU

[pgsmith]

I'm not usually up for a religion discussion, but here's something you can all get behind:
I heard that they were going to join with a church in Texas ... http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y161/pgsmith/churchsign.jpg

[Spendius]

Like japanese school girl uniform, with a short skirt ? You can even see some pussy (http://img410.imageshack.us/img410/5928/09ju7.jpg) !

[Obukan_dude]

Like japanese school girl uniform, with a short skirt ? You can even see some pussy (http://img410.imageshack.us/img410/5928/09ju7.jpg) !

I knew that was coming, yet it still scared the shit out of me for some reason.:ko:
Nice pic.

[ScottUK]

You were worried that someone would see you clicking on it... :)

[Fred27]

If ya want smut then I have a treat for you.

Behold!
Red-Hot and Filthy Library Smut/ (http://thenonist.com/index.php/thenonist/permalink/hot_library_smut/)

[Spendius]

5 days without smut !! Even smut samurai take holidays I guess...

http://img503.imageshack.us/img503/7127/bewareofdogsi9.jpg
http://img339.imageshack.us/img339/355/bulletlk0.jpg

The answer to the ultimate question from Demolition Man:
http://img521.imageshack.us/img521/1433/3shellsig2.jpg

[Spendius]

Wonderful ! Origami for adults:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/1931160287/ref=sib_dp_pt/105-4395296-0784449#reader-link

[shred_lord]

Porn Star Or Pony? (http://www.brunching.com/pornorpony.html)

[Fred27]

Porn Star Or Pony? (http://www.brunching.com/pornorpony.html)

Dammit! My work-computer wont let anything with "porn" through the proxy! Damnation! :mad::mad: I must have my smut fix!!

[Owen]

aww only 7 out of 12

[Paburo]

4 out of 12?? wtf??

[Sparv]

aww only 7 out of 12

How many pony and how many porn stars? That matters.:)
I got only 3 right: 2 poney, one porn star. I'm neither a fan of porn or poney (but I prefer porn stars to ponies).
Why does all the porn stars have poney names, and all the ponies porn star names?

BTW, fly united (http://www.362avnco.com/FlyUnited.jpg)

[Sparv]

Sorry for the spelling and grammar.

[Spendius]

German finesse... (http://img110.imageshack.us/img110/1637/germanlf7.jpg)

[Newbie]

I took the punt and opened this at work. Now everyone's doing the quiz. Wrong. So very wrong.

[Decado]

German finesse... (http://img110.imageshack.us/img110/1637/germanlf7.jpg)

Now, that's just taking the piss!

[ScottUK]

Seeing as floods are topical...



In the year 2007, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in England and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, "You have 6 months to build The Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the Rain! Where is the Ark ?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things Have changed. I needed Building Regulations Approval. I've been arguing with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission for building The Ark in my garden because it is a development of the site even though in my view it is a temporary structure. We had to go to appeal to the Secretary of State for a decision.

Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea.

I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up in order to Protect the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me.

They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals i a confined space.

Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority ruled that I could not build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission on how many BMEs I'm supposed to hire for my building team.

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only CSCS accredited workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

[Hisham]

It's beens sometime since i contributed to this thread, check this out (http://funcop.net/italianenglish.swf).

[bobdonny]

It's beens sometime since i contributed to this thread, check this out (http://funcop.net/italianenglish.swf).


what a ledgend

[rottunpunk]

Porn Star Or Pony? (http://www.brunching.com/pornorpony.html)

hehe ace.
i got 9 out of 12
but then i collected porn stars...erm i mean ponies as a youngster
:p

[rottunpunk]

sorry for the double post
http://img237.imageshack.us/my.php?image=ole0sh7.png
:p

[shred_lord]

Lucky Drink

A man wakes up with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open
his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins
and a glass of water on the side table. He sees his clothing
in front of him, all cleaned and pressed. He looks around the
room and sees it is in perfect order. So's the rest of the
house. He takes his aspirins and notices a note on the table:

Honey,
Breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping.
I Love you.

He goes to the kitchen. Sure enough, a hot breakfast and the
morning newspaper await him. His son is also at the table,
eating. The man asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and
delirious. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway,
and gave yourself a black eye when you walked into the door."

Confused, the man asks, "So why is everything in order and
so clean, with breakfast on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your pants off you shouted,

"LADY, GET YOUR DAMNED HANDS OFF OF ME! I'M MARRIED!"

[Hisham]

Brilliant indeed.:D

Have to spread rep......

[Spendius]

Japanese condoms:
http://inventorspot.com/articles/top_10_weirdest_japanese_condoms_5537?page=0%2C0

'Love cannon'

PS: I'd like to take back any statement I made against British beer. I've just finished one week of preliminary tests, and which were very interesting, I'll probably have to come back some day for a deepened analysis.

[ScottUK]

PS: I'd like to take back any statement I made against British beer. I've just finished one week of preliminary tests, and which were very interesting, I'll probably have to come back some day for a deepened analysis.What did you test-run, then?

[Spendius]

London's pride, Best and her sister XB, sunny <something>, old peculiar, cumberland... among others.

[Hisham]

Another one of lifes shocking (http://funcop.net/boobflash.swf) moments. :D

[shred_lord]

need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight (http://forums.clubrsx.com/showthread.php?t=502847)

This scene is only missed the ninjerlator (http://www.zen121745.zen.co.uk/super3.png)!

Oh! Time to go shower with bleach again!

[Decado]

need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight (http://forums.clubrsx.com/showthread.php?t=502847)

This scene is only missed the ninjerlator (http://www.zen121745.zen.co.uk/super3.png)!

Oh! Time to go shower with bleach again!

Or sulphuric acid anyway!

[Decado]

Just a few things I found during a boring evening. Some smutty, some not.

Anonymous guy commenting on his perceived increase in gay propagnda -
"I have nothing against gay men, I just don't like them thrusting it down my throat!"
(You can always say no!)

"And at 7:10, we'll be meeting the WPC fingered by her own police force."
--Fiona Philips - newsreader
(Did the WPC have a smile on ger face I wonder)

"Sales of the impotence drug Viagra will be subject to stiff restrictions."
--Channel 5 News Reader—

A jockey without a whip is like a carpenter without a spanner."
--Frankie Dettori - jockey

If you'd offered me a 69 at the start this morning I'd have been all over you."
--Sam Torrance - golfer
(I just wonder if the interviewer was male or female)

Sure there have been injuries and deaths in Boxing - but none of them serious."
--Alan Minter
(Oh goody! I don't like serious deaths)

"Although as a rider and breeder she has won countless prizes, she says she enjoys an occasional beating." -- From a New Zealand paper.
(Don't we all! Else why do you do JSA?)

"Visitors to the sandspit are advised that there is a prohibited area near the groin." -- From a New Zealand paper.
(That's what the women always say to me)

"Well, I guess we can see that Ralph isn't a left-handed hooker." -- Sportscaster, after Ralph Sampson missed a left-handed hook shot.

"You can't beat our meat!" -- A sign on a restaurant, now closed.
(You are just going to have to beat your own!)

"Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose." -- A sign in a Swiss hotel.
(Aah! That explains what I saw in Geneva then)

"Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time." -- A sign in a laundry in Rome.
(So, where is this laundry?)

"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid." -- A sign in a Japanese hotel.
(So, Scott, did you?)

"Specialist in women and other diseases." -- A sign outside of Roman doctor's office.
(Now you know, ladies)

"Please take one step forward and crap twice." -- A sign in a temple in China.

"It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose." -- A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest.
(And then the excitement will be intense!)

"The manager has personally passed all the water served here." -- A sign in an Acapulco hotel.
(Our local pub serves beer that comes from a similar source)

[Decado]

So, how many do you know (or will admit to?)

1. According to the Kinsey Institute, the biggest erect penis on record measures 13 inches. The smallest tops off at 1 3/4 inches. (Who admitted to 1.75 inches!!!)
2. The most common fantasy is oral sex. (or aural sex as I saw someone spell it! Must be one of those eerie fuckers!)
3. 8% of us have regular anal sex. (Well, bugger me! No, hang on a m.......:eek:)
4. 60% of men and 54% of women have had a 1-night stand. (Or 6% of men have lied)
5. Women buy 4 out of every 10 condoms sold. (Something to keep the lipstick in?)
6. In 1609, a doctor named Wecker found a corpse in Bologna with two penises. Since then, there have been eighty documented cases of men similarly endowed.
7. Men say the average erect penis is 10". Women say it's 4". (Both are lying!)
8. A female orgasm is a powerful painkiller (because of the release of endorphins), so headaches are in fact a bad excuse not to have sex. (Useful information at last!)
9. 56% of men have had sex at work. (Sometimes there was even someone else there as well)
10. Among the Mangaians of Polynesia, 18-year-old couples make love
an average of three times a night, every night, until their
thirties, when the weekly average drops to a mere 14. (TV is pretty bad there)
11. 1 in 3 of us have had an extramarital affair. (Well, I did. But it was after the divorce so does that count?)
12. 62% think there is nothing wrong with affairs. (The Italians always did-a a like-a the fun-a fairs)
13. The maximum speed at which erotic sensations travel from skin to
brain has been clocked at 156 miles per hour. (So, who the hell has the time or the inclination to use a stopwatch at that point in time?)
14. A honeymooning couple are suing Holiday Inn for ten thousand
dollars, claiming their sex life is now dysfunction because an
employee mistakenly walked in on them on their wedding night.
15. At least 500 Americans die each year from asphyxia in an attempt
to lessen oxygen flow to the brain in order to induce a more
powerful orgasm. (Perhaps we could export that idea to some other countries)
16. England?s King Edward VII, a man of considerable heft, had a
special table built so that he could comfortably engage in
sexual intercourse. (Normal people just sweep the dishes off the dining table and carry on)
17. 29% of us are virgins when we marry. (What do you mean - us! You, you sad loser)
18. The average sexual experience lasts about 39 minutes. (So what happens during the other 34 minutes?)
19. 58% like dirty talk during sex. (Groaning and moaning not good enough for you?)
20. 22% rent porno flicks at least once.
21. Given today's average frequency of sexual intercourse, it would
take the typical American couple more than four years to try
every one of the 529 positions described in the Kama Sutra. (Or a life time and several long stays in a hospital for us Brits)

[Decado]

Lucky lions is all I can say!

You can tell if a skunk is about if you smell only .000 000 000 000 071 ounce of its spray. (I know some people like that!)
The Albatross has a wing span of up to 14 feet and only needs to land once every couple of years to breed. They can travel hundreds of thousands of miles each flight. (That’s a hell of a long way to go for a f**k!)
According to hospital figures, dogs bite an average of 1 million Americans a year. (Was it something they said?)
The Dalmatian breed of dog originates from the Dalmatian Coast of Croatia. (And here was me thinking they came from Brighton!)
Surveys show that 62 percent of dog owners admit that their dog owns a sweater, wintercoat or raincoat. (You sad, sad people!)
At least 63% of dog owners admitted to kissing their dogs. Of these, some 45% kissed them on the nose, 19% on the neck, 7% on the back, 5% on the stomach and 2% on the legs. An additional 29% listed the place they kiss their dog as other! (Forget what I said above. These people are really, really sad. And where is “other”?)
The fingerprints of koala bears are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene. (No, honest, officer, it was the koala bear that did it)
A cheetah can reach a top speed approaching 70 mph. (I had a car like that once)
As of 2001, there are around 44 million sheep in New Zealand, a country of around 4 million people. (There’s also a lack of women there as well! So………………..)
Dolphins sleep with one half of the brain at a time, and one eye closed. (I know some people who are like that when they are awake)
The Rottweiler makes an excellent family pet. They are especially good with children and a fantastic guard dog. (Yes, they love children. But they can only manage to eat one a day)
A Panda's diet is 99% bamboo. (Eats, shoots and leaves)
Some lions can mate over 50 times a day. (What!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
The Galpagos Tortoise has a potential life span of 200 years. (I want to know more about how the lion does it)
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump. (That flipping lion can – over 50 times a day!)
Cats spend 30% of their waking hours grooming themselves. (No time for them to shag 50 times a day then)
All elephants walk on tip-toe, because the back portion of their foot is made up of all fat and no bone. (Don’t want to disturb the lions then. They are busy!)
A rhinoceros's horn is made of hair. (Surely, it’s quality that counts, not quantity)
Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand. (After all anyone can shag 50 times a day, but to do it well, that’s another thing)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Ha! He’s not going to be doing it 50 times a day then)
Rhinos are in the same family as horses, and are thought to have inspired the myth of the unicorn. (Not a relative I’d want)
Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is occuring, relax and correct itself. At about that height it hits maximum speed and when it hits the ground it's rib cage absorbs most of the impact. (As opposed to a human being who realises immediately what is happening and shits themselves)
Human birth control pills work on gorillas. (Hope those lions know how to use them!)
A dolphin's hearing is so acute that it can pick up an underwater sound from fifteen miles away. (That’s nothing! A woman will hear a bad word about her from 200 miles away and will remember it for ever)
A snail can sleep for three years. (I’ve worked with people like that)
More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes. (Well, if you will try to use a donkey to fly what can you expect?)
Male flies only gather at the base of bright lights when they are having a mating assembly. (Like gay men then)
A female oyster over her lifetime may produce over 100 million young. (Still not as impressive as the lion)
A baby elephant calf can weigh up to 260 pounds when it is born. (That’s got to hurt)
Pandas in China have been given Viagra to help them mate. (They need to talk to those lions)
We share 98.4% of our DNA with a chimp - and 70% with a slug. (I know some people who share 100% with slugs)
The wingspan of the Indonesian fruitbat equals the height of filmstar Sylvester Stallone. (Or three Tom Cruises)
The female lion is a much more efficient hunter than the male. (That’s because he’s too f**cking knackered from all that shagging!)

[rottunpunk]

A man sitting at a bar at Stanstead Airport noticed a really attractive
woman immaculately made-up, who was sitting next to him.

He thought to himself, "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be an off duty
flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?"
Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta slogan:
"Love to fly and it shows?"
She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to
himself: "Damn, she doesn't work for Delta."
A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her
again: "Something special in the air?" She gave him the same confused
look. He mentally kicked himself, and scratched Singapore Airlines off
the list.

Next he tried the Thai Airways slogan: "Smooth as Silk." This time the
woman turned on him and said, "What the f *** do you want?"

The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair and said "Ahhhhh,
Ryanair!!!"
:p

[SmellsLikeBogu]

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

a half-gallon of 2% milk,
a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice,
a head of romaine lettuce,
a 2 lb. can of coffee and
a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.”

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?”

The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”

[Fred27]

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

a half-gallon of 2% milk,
a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice,
a head of romaine lettuce,
a 2 lb. can of coffee and
a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.”

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?”

The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”

Were's the smut? :(

[rottunpunk]

Were's the smut? :(
in porstmouth (not the original portsmouth) apparently
http://www.smuttynose.com/
their beers arent very smutty sounding though. not like my all time favourite
''can i have a fox's nob please?'' http://beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/3596/14298
:p

[Obukan_dude]

Oh, just watch. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xTm7Z_6Dcs) I'm not gifted enough to make a good intro entry.

[Ignatz]

Whoooo Hooooo!

http://www.b3ta.com/board/7411040

[rottunpunk]

hehehehehe...he
excellent stuff :D
:P

[rottunpunk]

REALLY BAD ENGLISHMAN SCOTSMAN IRISHMAN JOKES
THOUGH I QUITE LIKE THE FIRST ONE

...discussing their teenage daughters.
The Englishman says "I was in my daughters room the other day, and I found a packet of cigarets... I had not idea she smoke."
The Scotsmand nods and says "I found a botttle of Vodka in my daughter's room, I had no idea she was drinking"
The Irishman joins in "Thats nothing, I found a packet of condoms in my daughters room. I had no idea she had a willy!"

********************************************

... discussing their sons.
"Mine was born on St Georges Day" says the Englishman "so we called him George".
"Really, thats a coincidence" says the Scotsmand "mine was born on StAndrews day, so we called him andrew."
"Yeah" says the Irishman "same thingshppened with my son, pancake".

:p

[Fred27]

From the same site Hisham posted above: http://funcop.net/fulabrudar.swf (warning: direct link to SWF file...Double warning! This SWF will freak you out if you are a heterosexual male...actually it will freak anyone out. *spooky voice* Bewaaaare!)

[stephanie dee]

From the same site Hisham posted above: http://funcop.net/fulabrudar.swf (warning: direct link to SWF file...Double warning! This SWF will freak you out if you are a heterosexual male...actually it will freak anyone out. *spooky voice* Bewaaaare!)

LOL!! I laughed at that so hard!!! :)

The link doesnt fully work, you have to click on it then scroll down and find it!!

[Mokujin77]

I saw that last night on the late shift. I just didn't need that at 3 in the morning! :eek:

[ScottUK]

Great stuff, guys and gurls.

Here's something from my works email this morning...


The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, Daphne! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" He demanded.

"Well you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any."
He immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, Here's £50. Go and buy yourself some underwear."

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee ... Her skirt also flies up to show that she is not wearing any knickers either. "Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Bridget! Where are your knickers."

She replies, "I can't afford any on the allowance you give me." He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. "Sweet mudder of Jaysus! Aggie. Where the frig are yer drawers?"

She also explains, "You dinna give me enough money at be able at affarrd any."

He reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the Love'o Jaysus 'n the sake of decency...here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a wee bit.

[Inner_Silence]

i really dont know where to post this... and im nod a smutty samurai either, but im stuck in this and i have that odd "i have to tell this to someone" feeling.

ive called a friend wich i think he would understand my joy but he is not at home so, i hope you understand tne moment of joyness that im passing by right now.

just surfing trough internet ive found this:
http://www.vai.com/News/tourdates.html

and by mistake ive realized that the gods have finally heard me.

STEVE VAI IS COMMING TO PLAY HERE IN MY OWN CITY THIS NOVEMBER 10th

CAN YOU BELEIVE THAT???!!!!!


THANKS TO ALL THE GODS!!!!

after november 10th i can finally die in peace.

thank you for listening

[Fonsz]

i really dont know where to post this... and im nod a smutty samurai either, but im stuck in this and i have that odd "i have to tell this to someone" feeling.



STEVE VAI IS COMMING TO PLAY HERE IN MY OWN CITY THIS NOVEMBER 10th

CAN YOU BELEIVE THAT???!!!!!


THANKS TO ALL THE GODS!!!!

after november 10th i can finally die in peace.

thank you for listening
And who might he be if I may ask? I can't be bothered to look it up and it wasn't as good as the comb from the Scotsman if I might add.:confused:

[ScottUK]

He's a guitar amateur (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8rEn8mFWBw).

[Inner_Silence]

said better he is
THE guitar amateur, also known as god.

here some more samples:

tender surrender (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1VjwciFLAg) this one is for some, tender surrender the best guitar solo song ever made in history of mankind, personally i dont know.
for the love of god (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Lb9h0J_ajA) with metropole orchestra
the audience is listening (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARwF7-4nd74), live in tokyo (my personal favorite)
"building the church (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rl4l5sCUCs) again in tokyo
triple neck guitar playing (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbAi7fa2yZo) in denver (this one is a must see)
answers (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34y4JgVJjEc) with metropole orchestra
bad horsie (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8h08ufm1sQQ) live @ astoria
die to live (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOdPyzYVcFk)


as a bonus track

im like a bird (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfKIapgaGEw) with nelly furtado. hahaha

anyway thats just a peek

[ScottUK]

Here's Vai as a kid - damn, his ears are big in this clip (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esl2NNOtHQE).

[Inner_Silence]

said better he is
THE guitar amateur, also known as god.

here some more samples:

tender surrender (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1VjwciFLAg) this one is for some, tender surrender the best guitar solo song ever made in history of mankind, personally i dont know.
for the love of god (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Lb9h0J_ajA) with metropole orchestra
the audience is listening (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARwF7-4nd74), live in tokyo (my personal favorite)
"building the church (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rl4l5sCUCs) again in tokyo
triple neck guitar playing (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbAi7fa2yZo) in denver (this one is a must see)
answers (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34y4JgVJjEc) with metropole orchestra
bad horsie (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8h08ufm1sQQ) live @ astoria
die to live (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOdPyzYVcFk)


as a bonus track

im like a bird (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfKIapgaGEw) with nelly furtado. hahaha

anyway thats just a peek


i have the live in tokyo dvd and i just realized that the guy that does the keyboard is tony macalpine...

[Dave_petrucci]

Wow! Always great to see another Vai fan in the mix. Congrats on the news of the concert. I've seen him twice now, once at G3 and once solo. When he did his solo concert I was four rows from the front. Best concert ever. I shit you not it was magnificent.

Speaking of concerts I'm going to see Dream Theater this October, should be a blast!

[Fonsz]

said better he is
THE guitar amateur, also known as god.

here some more samples:

................................

anyway thats just a peek
As you closely observe the text beneath my avatar you can guess that I think that the best music can be made without looooooooooong guitar solo's (soli?)
Beauty is in the eye (ear) of the beholder. I agree it is very smutty to expose our ears to such looooooooooong guitar solo's.
Some regular smut please from now on...:ponder:

[Spendius]

Some regular smut please from now on...:ponder:

Regular smut temporarily out of service (http://img53.imageshack.us/img53/5639/hookertd3.jpg)

[Fonsz]

Regular smut temporarily out of service (http://img53.imageshack.us/img53/5639/hookertd3.jpg)
Merci beaucoup mon vieux. Just what I needed.
Come to think of it, I don't suppose that I'm the only one who needs the services that are still on offer?:confused2

[ScottUK]

Regular smut temporarily out of service (http://img53.imageshack.us/img53/5639/hookertd3.jpg)Did she miss a 'T' off the end of 'BUT'...?

[Fonsz]

Did she miss a 'T' off the end of 'BUT'...?
Drum roll prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRR Kaching!

[ScottUK]

At last - a guide to upsetting the ladies...

http://eatliver.com/i.php?n=2147

[stephanie dee]

No 11- Deep hatred. How to cause this, say that her new dress is good, but your secretary's dress is better....

No. A guy said that to me, i'd punch him. Or kindly advise that if my dress is worse, then he will take me shopping to find a prettier one.

[Kenzan]

No. A guy said that to me, i'd punch him. Or kindly advise that if my dress is worse, then he will take me shopping to find a prettier one.

Reason #8765 why even when you think you win an argument with a woman, you don't really ever "win".


ever.

Sort of like arguing about how many molecules are in the ocean when you're a fish.
:D:laugh:

[Spendius]

School (http://img441.imageshack.us/img441/1678/sohoxp2.jpg) for easy professional insertion

[Spendius]

Life is made of choices (http://img413.imageshack.us/img413/1835/engineerls5.jpg)

[rottunpunk]

wow. look at all of this smut
finland is so full of smutt its wonderful
unfortunately, some of the things i found are stuck on my phone. i will try to release them soon
but whilst you are waiting:
http://img67.imageshack.us/my.php?image=imag0031vq9.jpg
it would be better called INcider, but what amused me first was that all the cans have pantti (i.e singular of panties) around the top
http://img67.imageshack.us/my.php?image=imag0032dj4.jpg
ive been told this means return or something, but my translation amuses me more :D

one of the best chocolate bars over there
http://img101.imageshack.us/my.php?image=imag0082uf3.jpg

and finally, nothing to do with finland except that it was found in a shop at helsinki airport :D
http://img101.imageshack.us/my.php?image=imag0064cg2.jpg
:p

[Spendius]

Loving nature (http://img257.imageshack.us/img257/194/smut2ok6.jpg)

Two chicks having fun (http://img257.imageshack.us/img257/6876/smut3qb3.jpg)

random (http://img262.imageshack.us/img262/200/turtlely1.jpg) stuff (http://img211.imageshack.us/img211/9114/splatterzb7.jpg)

[Fred27]

one of the best chocolate bars over there
http://img101.imageshack.us/my.php?image=imag0082uf3.jpg



You guys dont have Fazer? :eek:

If you like that "geisha"-bar you should try the Geisha-icecream by fazer..yummy! :D

[Ignatz]

Another way to waste time on the internet.

http://www.jibjab.com/view/182192

[rottunpunk]

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted
wife.
She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily
agreed and went into town on Saturday night. He returned around 2:30 am, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. "Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said: "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!"
:p

[Spendius]

Stamps for collectors (http://img264.imageshack.us/img264/1812/madonnasa0.jpg) (not safe for work)

[Spendius]

beer commercial (http://asttro.blogspot.com/2007/08/veja-at-quando-parar-de-beber-uma.html)

[Ignatz]

Technically not smut but, damn, I'll betcha that hadda hurt.

http://aycu05.webshots.com/image/28284/2000883410137009909_rs.jpg

[rottunpunk]

he actually looks like he enjoying it.
...still could be a grimace not a grin
:p

[Spendius]

The wise choice (http://www.koreus.com/video/virginite-sexe-anal.html) for your future

[Chaby]

what time (http://youtube.com/watch?v=FIe7bhcYnEk) is it?

[Lounge]

Superb... (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=TC7_yWRcqhA) Top bombin' :D

[rottunpunk]

arf. :D

lounger long time no fish
how be you?
:p

[Chaby]

beer commercial (http://asttro.blogspot.com/2007/08/veja-at-quando-parar-de-beber-uma.html)

What is a good beer (http://youtube.com/watch?v=grqXqXMA08Q) commercial?


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Smutty commercial (http://youtube.com/watch?v=KdzWsS7iit0)... or is it?!

:D:D:D

[rottunpunk]

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage,

He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back.

He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife."Honey,"she said, "you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white,and fainted.

On the card was written:

"Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without.

"Send extra sauce."
:p

[Fred27]

This is my favorite commercial at the moment:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Q42tn3S2tBQ&mode=related&search=

[rottunpunk]

hehe. ace :D
:p

[Hisham]

Huhuhu, good one Fredude.

[shred_lord]

News Just In (http://www.tatom.org/documents/CNN.com-StudyNewstudyshows.htm)

[Chaby]

News Just In (http://www.tatom.org/documents/CNN.com-StudyNewstudyshows.htm)

It is suited to award the bringer of good news in proper manner!

+rep

[Hisham]

Maybe Monica will capitalise on this news and start the "Felate for Life" movement.:eek:

[Decado]

News Just In (http://www.tatom.org/documents/CNN.com-StudyNewstudyshows.htm)

Spit or swallow? Well, it's your choice love! Breast cancer or not? Better swallow!

Perhaps I need to send the link to someone I know very well! She may be persuaded.

[Chaby]

Just an average bathroom. (http://farm1.static.flickr.com/217/535507109_406565a3f0_o.jpg)
:D


:)

[Chaby]

I founded the most difficult concentration test I've seen!
Anyone interested PM me,and I'll send the link.

[Newbie]

Perhaps I need to send the link to someone I know very well! She may be persuaded.

You'd better start drinking an awful lot of pineapple juice then.

[satsumaruma]

No way Sats, you got it all wrong. See, I ended the post with "Kisses!"

Oh I see.

I thought it was just some man love going wrong - a bit of a lovers tiff:D:D

thanks for clarifying your relationship is just platonic.

okay, back to the mayhem.

[samurai80]

Oh I see.

I thought it was just some man love going wrong - a bit of a lovers tiff:D:D

thanks for clarifying your relationship is just platonic.

okay, back to the mayhem.

No, it could never be. first off, he's too young. Second, he needs more boobs and a vagina (although his posts lead me to believe he does in fact, have a vagina), and everyone knows long distance relationships don't work.

[Chaby]

...and a vagina ... a vagina...

You can say that on public forums?!?!

Oh,how naive I was...
Why was I playing the gentleman game all this time?!?!:confused:


:)

[samurai80]

You're right Ignatz. The possibility of Adam providing a story complete with names was too much for me to resist.

Chaby- I did use a proper term for the female genitalia. While rarely used, I find it is just as effective as using terms like...

1. Red snapper

2. pink tacos

3. snooze (courtesy South Park)

4. clam

5. bearded lady

6. sideways smile

Plus many more.....

[Big One]

You're right Ignatz. The possibility of Adam providing a story complete with names was too much for me to resist.

Chaby- I did use a proper term for the female genitalia. While rarely used, I find it is just as effective as using terms like...

1. Red snapper

2. pink tacos

3. snooze (courtesy South Park)

4. clam

5. bearded lady

6. sideways smile

Plus many more.....

How about Rose?

[samurai80]

Rose is acceptable. I also would've taken tulip. Be careful if you get a venus fly trap.

[shred_lord]

You'd better start drinking an awful lot of pineapple juice then.
And thus spake the voice of experience!

BAM! :D

Sorry ;)

[Inner_Silence]

News Just In (http://www.tatom.org/documents/CNN.com-StudyNewstudyshows.htm)

GOOD NEWS!!!!


lets sacrificate ourselves for women health... personally I pretend to die as a martyr....

[Big One]

Ouchhh! That is nasty. :)

[Newbie]

Or a toated cheese sandwich.. wait, when did this turn into the smutt thread?

[Newbie]

And thus spake the voice of experience!

BAM!

Sorry


If you're expecting us to swallow the awful stuff, might as well make it less unpalatable as possible.

[satsumaruma]

Well seeing as I'm here just a couple more;

faj,
camel toes,
the fish counter,
fuzzy wuzzy



Do you know the list is probably almost endless, but still my favourite description is the P word.

Did you know that the C word is a derivative of an old English word for vagina and IMO is probably the best swear word in the world. Short, precise, curt, insulting and very offensive.

Hey do you think Carlsberg might use that in one of their advertisements?:eek:

[Newbie]

Did you know that the C word is a derivative of an old English word for vagina and IMO is probably the best swear word in the world. Short, precise, curt, insulting and very offensive.

It never used to be an offensive word, though. It was a word in common use. There's a lane in London that was called Cword Grope Lane as there were many prostitutes plying their trade there. In the late eighteenth century it was changed to "Grape Lane".
- Courtesy of Medieval History Magazine.

[satsumaruma]

It never used to be an offensive word, though. It was a word in common use. There's a lane in London that was called Cword Grope Lane as there were many prostitutes plying their trade there. In the late eighteenth century it was changed to "Grape Lane".
- Courtesy of Medieval History Magazine.

They were almost right. It was actually called

" Grope C**ten Lane" which was changed to simply to "Grope Lane" then "Grape Lane" and now it is called something else.

I only know this because it was on TV here about a week ago. apparently "C**ten" was never actually a swear word at the time simply the word for vagina. The 'expert' on the telly also noted that, as far as he knows, its modern four letter cousin is the oldest surviving swear world in current use.

Here is another dull but true observation. This word is the same pronunciation as the Yorkshire dialect for "Could Not".

[satsumaruma]

Oh

Forgot one bit.

after it was called "Grope C**ten Lane" it was shortened to "Grope C**t Lane" and then moved on from there as noted above>

Sorry about that.

[Hisham]

If you're expecting us to swallow the awful stuff, might as well make it less unpalatable as possible.

You hear that guys, the customer has spoken. Now how do we make it less unpalatable ?:ponder::D

[Newbie]

Pineapple juice. Apparently it makes it sweeter. And avoid salted peanuts and *gasp* beer. Apparently that makes it more bitter.

[satsumaruma]

Good Lord girl,

what are you swallowing where peanuts and beer make a difference?:laugh:

[Chaby]

Good Lord girl,

what are you swallowing where peanuts and beer make a difference?:laugh:

Bada-bing!!!

:D:D:D

[Newbie]

A scientific study was done a couple years back on it. Where are the Smuttettes to back me up!!??

[kartoffelngeist]

A scientific study was done a couple years back on it. Where are the Smuttettes to back me up!!??

Scientific study.

Uh huh...

I bet they didn't have any trouble finding the male volunteers..."you need to drink beer, eat peanuts, then have your semen tasted, all in the name of science..."

:D:D

[satsumaruma]

Scientific study.

Uh huh...

I bet they didn't have any trouble finding the male volunteers..."you need to drink beer, eat peanuts, then have your semen tasted, all in the name of science..."

:D:D

Ooh thank goodness we are talking about man-milk. I was worried there for a moment that our Newb had confused the term "Amber Nectar":eek:

[Newbie]

Why do you think girls wont do what you want them to most when you come back from the pub? Beer and salted nuts (of the legume variety, minds up a bit). Well, that and the slurring, the slobbering, the vommiting, the snoring, the "I wuv youse. Have I told you how much I wuv yoooooooooooouseeee. oh cwap. fink i peed myself"s. Dear God, I've been single so long even that scenario sounded tempting. Crap. Be all right if I could just train it off.... I hate my knee.

[satsumaruma]

Why do you think girls wont do what you want them to most when you come back from the pub? Beer and salted nuts (of the legume variety, minds up a bit). Well, that and the slurring, the slobbering, the vommiting, the snoring, the "I wuv youse. Have I told you how much I wuv yoooooooooooouseeee. oh cwap. fink i peed myself"s. Dear God, I've been single so long even that scenario sounded tempting. Crap. Be all right if I could just train it off.... I hate my knee.

You say this like its a bad thing:laugh:

[Newbie]

Gee, silly me. What girl could want more than that? Or you referring to my knee? If so I'm gonna tai atari your arse from here till next Sunday.

Anyway, Sats - my phone needs to be charged. It will be on and near my bed. I've had f#$k all sleep the last two night cos I've stayed up too late chatting to you lot then getting up early (early on weekends - evil). DO NOT TEXT ME TILL NINE AM YOUR TIME. Kapeesh? If you wanna chat jodo, email me or PM me, or raise it on the jo threads if some sudden inspiration comes to you before then.

[satsumaruma]

Gee, silly me. What girl could want more than that? Or you referring to my knee? If so I'm gonna tai atari your arse from here till next Sunday.

Anyway, Sats - my phone needs to be charged. It will be on and near my bed. I've had f#$k all sleep the last two night cos I've stayed up too late chatting to you lot then getting up early (early on weekends - evil). DO NOT TEXT ME TILL NINE AM YOUR TIME. Kapeesh? If you wanna chat jodo, email me or PM me, or raise it on the jo threads if some sudden inspiration comes to you before then.

I do so Love it when you boss me around.

When you are like this I always imagine you wearing a black pvc basque, collar, stockings and unfeasibly high heeled boots.:laugh:

Is this wrong?:)

[Newbie]

I don't do heels and don't own any PVC, I'm afraid, old chum.

Actually reminds me of a funny story but I'm afraid it's not very smutty. Concerns a certain kinda scary seventh dan Japanese sensei. Someone (he wasn't being a bully, this is someone who really should have known better, or at least so the story runs) tried to tsuki him. Well, this sensei tsukied her across the dojo and into the wall. Hmm.. I don't tell that story very well. Ah well. But I heard more recently that at the iai/jo nats years ago, some beginner told this sensei that his jodo was shit. (sensei's nanadan in iai, jo and kendo, I think) Well, sensei pinned this guy up against a wall with the joseki between his eyes. Apparently the guy was a real toss and not much of a loss when he stopped coming not long after that.

This is a smutty thread.. should finish with something smutty.. err.. um.. panties. There you go.

[kartoffelngeist]

panties

Hehehehehehehehe....

[satsumaruma]

I don't do heels and don't own any PVC, I'm afraid, old chum.

.

Awww. don't spoil it for me.:)

[Hisham]

Pineaple juice, i see now i'll be more conscientious about what i drink and eat before an expected samba night. Thank you Newbie for your enlightening comment.

[Spendius]

http://www.wulffmorgenthaler.com/default.aspx?id=f0ae783c-ea04-4ffe-869a-87b769a49841

http://www.wulffmorgenthaler.com/default.aspx?id=3571acfd-6401-4f0a-b219-839ad2e0f1c9

[SmellsLikeBogu]

Dilemma! (http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/6708/questionmermaidxa7.jpg)

Feed this to your smutty brain, ...

[Oroshi]

Dilemma! (http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/6708/questionmermaidxa7.jpg)

Feed this to your smutty brain, ...

Depends if there are pineapples on this island.

[Chaby]

Depends if there are pineapples on this island.

Must spread rep...
Blast!

[Decado]

If you're expecting us to swallow the awful stuff, might as well make it less unpalatable as possible.

Definitely always willing to listen to the voice of experience!

[Decado]

Dilemma! (http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/6708/questionmermaidxa7.jpg)

Feed this to your smutty brain, ...

Jeez! What a dilemma! A taste of fish whichever one you choose!

Just like one's girlfriend after a fish meal really! :lick:

[Spendius]

Hehe check the download list of the guy (39 sec before end of video)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_c4439QmHI

[bobdonny]

Hehe check the download list of the guy (39 sec before end of video)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_c4439QmHI


hehehehehehehheeh :) :) :)
Is it a set up?

[Spendius]

Not smutty, but funny commercial

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuSBCIV1zuQ

[Newbie]

Ah, me hearties, it be International Talk Like A Pirate Day! As this be the thread o smut thought this may haps be appropriate:

10 . Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?

9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?

8. Come on up and see me urchins.

7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.

6. I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.

5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?

4. How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?

3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.

2. Well blow me down?

And the number one pickup line for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day is …

1. Prepare to be boarded.

Bonus pickup lines (when the ones above don't work, as they often won't)
They don’t call me Long John because my head is so big.

You’re drinking a Salty Dog? How’d you like to try the real thing?

Wanna shiver me timbers?

I’ve sailed the seven seas, and you’re the sleekest schooner I’ve ever sighted.

Brwaack! Polly want a cracker? … Oh, wait. That’s for Talk Like a PARROT Day.

That’s the finest pirate booty I’ve ever laid eyes on.

Let's get together and haul some keel.

That’s some treasure chest you’ve got there.

Top Ten Pickup Lines for the Lady Pirates

By popular demand ...

10. What are YOU doing here?

9. Is that a belayin' pin in yer britches, or are ye ... (this one is never completed)

8. Come show me how ye bury yer treasure, lad!

7. So, tell me, why do they call ye, "Cap'n Feathersword?"

6. That's quite a cutlass ye got thar, what ye need is a good scabbard!

5. Aye, I guarantee ye, I've had a twenty percent decrease in me "lice ratio!"

4. I've crushed seventeen men's skulls between me thighs!

3. C'mon, lad, shiver me timbers!

2. RAMMING SPEED!

...and the number one Female Pirate Pick-up Line:

1. You. Pants Off. Now!

[Spendius]

Hello, smutty mind...

http://www.kittyhell.com/2007/01/27/hello-kitty-condom/

[Newbie]

I sent some of my friends who aren't on the forum what Sats said on another thread about the muscles you use in tenouchi be like the ones you use for sex and this friend replied with:

Please note that 4 out of 5 doctors surveyed recommend NOT wearing bogu while having or simulating sexual intercourse.

The other doctor said that it is ok, if you are into "that kind of thing". However he recommends that any people are into "that kind of thing" contact him immediatly at drlove69@hotmail.com

My recommendation is that if you are wearing bogu and having intercourse and are MALE, you do not shout out MEN! when you climax.

You can however shout DO! upon climaxing, especially if arrive at the realisation that your partner is not as comely as you first thought.

[Inner_Silence]

I sent some of my friends who aren't on the forum what Sats said on another thread about the muscles you use in tenouchi be like the ones you use for sex and this friend replied with:

Please note that 4 out of 5 doctors surveyed recommend NOT wearing bogu while having or simulating sexual intercourse.

The other doctor said that it is ok, if you are into "that kind of thing". However he recommends that any people are into "that kind of thing" contact him immediatly at drlove69@hotmail.com

My recommendation is that if you are wearing bogu and having intercourse and are MALE, you do not shout out MEN! when you climax.

You can however shout DO! upon climaxing, especially if arrive at the realisation that your partner is not as comely as you first thought.
what about "tsuki"???

[Adam]

This is beyond weird....

[Chaby]

Is foreplay (http://youtube.com/watch?v=uhfvyBS9_QM) really necessary?

:D

[shred_lord]

I wish I could draw! :) (http://vix.dk/v/204972)

[Hisham]

LOL great find Shred, have to spread more rep........

[rottunpunk]

arg me too
that was ace shred dude
:p

[Decado]

Is foreplay (http://youtube.com/watch?v=uhfvyBS9_QM) really necessary?

:D

Foreplay? What's that?

I tried the ice on the girlfriend's nipples routine once. Well, sometimes you just need somewhere to hang your coat!

[shred_lord]

I wonder what the weather is like? (http://images.ifun.ru/l/lAa5eoj6si.jpg)

[Nige]

I wonder what the weather is like? (http://images.ifun.ru/l/lAa5eoj6si.jpg)

Who knew meteorology was THAT exiting! :eek:

[Decado]

I wonder what the weather is like? (http://images.ifun.ru/l/lAa5eoj6si.jpg)

Just like a penis - only smaller!

[Spendius]

FNAR (http://www.ane-et-rando.com/Sommaire/Summary.html)... In France, it's all about asses

[satsumaruma]

Got this sent by text which I would've texted to you all but I don't have your numbers. Made me laugh, hope you enjoy ( apologies for some rude words)

You need to sing it to the the tune of "I will survive"

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died,
But I'd spent so many years waiting for a man that long,
that I grew strong,
And I knew that I could take you on....

But there you are,
Another lie
I was ready for a big Mac and you brought me a french fry,
I should have known that it was bullshit, just a said pathetic dream,
Should have known there was no anaconda lurking in those jeans,

Go on now, go,
walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 10 inches then turn up with only 4,
Weren't you the twat to think I wouldn't find you out
Don't you know we're only lying when we say that size don't count.

I will survive, I will survive,
'Cos as long as I have batteries my sex lifes gonna thrive,
I will always have good sex
With a handful of latex,
I will survive, hey hey.....................

[Hisham]

:laugh::laugh::laugh: Thanks for the laugh dude. +rep

[shred_lord]

Married ?


WIFE: "What would you do if I die? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: - - -silence - -

HUSBAND: "Shit."

[shred_lord]

I could have sworn this was a joke. Now I am disturbed! (http://lingerie4men.co.nz/)

[Hisham]

Now i'm disturbed two. +rep for the joke

[SmellsLikeBogu]

I could have sworn this was a joke. Now I am disturbed! (http://lingerie4men.co.nz/)
I opened this in the office ... now they look at me strangely ...

[Spendius]

Hehe (http://medias.flm.fr/fumez/sept07/270907/05.jpg)... ....

[Obukan_dude]

Hehe (http://medias.flm.fr/fumez/sept07/270907/05.jpg)... ....
Where's the Bill Clinton accessory?:D

[Oroshi]

Where's the Bill Clinton accessory?:D
Maybe it's a corkscrew.

[shred_lord]

This made me feel queasy so I thought I'd share (http://www.office-humour.co.uk/content/images/2007/03/5775.jpg)

PUN!!! (http://images.teamsugar.com/files/users/1/13255/21_2007/funny-headline.jpg)

[satsumaruma]

been sent another text which I thought I would share with you all. It does kind of balance out the other one I posted

Please note; this contains foul language so if you easily offended..... blah blah blah


The best engine in the world is the 'Fanny' (for US read Pussy)
It pulls anything,
is self-lubricating,
starts with only one finger
and every 4 weeks does its own 'oil change'



It's just a pity that its management system is so f**king temperamental:ko::ko:

[Hisham]

It's just a pity that its management system is so f**king temperamental:ko::ko:

Good "factual" joke to start the day with :D, +rep

[SmellsLikeBogu]

http://aycu11.webshots.com/image/27730/2005079068581843101_rs.jpg

I do not really know what to say about this one :) kind of speaks for itself

[rottunpunk]

arg i havent looked at ths thread in what seems like ages and ive missed so much
to make up for it
here is something i found in a shop window in leuven, belgium
right near the big posh library
behold the big book of breasts
http://img146.imageshack.us/my.php?image=imag0028pb4.jpg

apart from chocolate spread and a street full of lingerie (for women) shops, thats about as much smut i could find out there
will look harder next time
:p

[Rookie M]

It has been a while but i am glad to seem the smut still flows.
Has anyone seen or heard from Awooga guy? I have had no sign of him since he went to work for Sloughdi.
any sightings or reports on how having a job for the first time in his life of leisure have effected him would be greatly appreiciated.
Ta

[rottunpunk]

he is still alive and poking on face book
i should message him
it is quiet without him here
:p

[SmellsLikeBogu]

arg i havent looked at ths thread in what seems like ages and ive missed so much
to make up for it
here is something i found in a shop window in leuven, belgium
right near the big posh library
behold the big book of breasts
http://img146.imageshack.us/my.php?image=imag0028pb4.jpg

apart from chocolate spread and a street full of lingerie (for women) shops, thats about as much smut i could find out there
will look harder next time
:p

so you're in belgium? :p

[rottunpunk]

so you're in belgium? :p

i was in belgium for a bit visiting t'other week
hope to move out there when i find a job
what iai is there to do? weve found some but not much
:p

[SmellsLikeBogu]

well its quite a drive from leuven, but feel free to join us on thursday nights(9pm till 10.30 pm) or sunday mornings (9.30 till 11am, right before kendo starts :p)
We are located in Aalst, if you want I could give you a nice roadmap :)
We have a big fridge in our dojo with lots of yummie stuff for after practice ;)

Are you staying in leuven? I could look up some other dojos near you.

[ScottUK]

Hehe you're gonna find time to do iai...? ;)

[Mokujin77]

behold the big book of breasts
http://img146.imageshack.us/my.php?image=imag0028pb4.jpg


I came across that book (no pun intended...well, maybe a little :)) in the Waterstones in Maidstone. I was looking for a book on surfing and spotted it on one of the end-of-aisle display shelves. I saw several guys notice it, stare at it longingly, furtively look around to see if anyone was watching, go to open it and then bottle it as some other shopper looked in their direction. The funny thing was, after the fourth or fifth guy chickened-out on having a look, some woman walked past, spotted it, went straight over and started reading. I guess women are just more grown-up about these things. :confused:

[SmellsLikeBogu]

arg i havent looked at ths thread in what seems like ages and ive missed so much
to make up for it
here is something i found in a shop window in leuven, belgium
right near the big posh library
behold the big book of breasts
http://img146.imageshack.us/my.php?image=imag0028pb4.jpg

apart from chocolate spread and a street full of lingerie (for women) shops, thats about as much smut i could find out there
will look harder next time
:p

the book in front by ilse nackaerts is called, freely translated "kinky sex"

[rottunpunk]

hehe cheers for the translation dude
i should have taken a picture of the whole window display
but the camera died slightly after that one
in the other window was comic books like tintin etc.

the before kendo stuff is iai then i take it?
what style?
*EDIT* just looked at the website.
i dont mind doing seitei, but the other half will. and we need jikiden
still i much appreciate the offer, and intend to take you up on it at some point

yes scott, i intend to do lots of training whilst out there ;)
got to find a job thats not eing an engineer or requires belgiumese first though :(
:p