How to determine if you are an engineer

[Kenzan]

How to determine if you are an engineer:

The only jokes you receive are through email (OUCH)

At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string of Christmas lights.

Buying flowers for your girlfriend/boyfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma

If you find that you have to often explain how to use the gifts you have given other people.

Everyone else on the Alaskan Cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room

In college, you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure

The Salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions

You are always late to meetings

You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling

You are next in line on death row in a French Prison and you find that the guillotine is not working properly, so you offer to fix it.

You bought your wife/husband a new CD ROM drive for her birthday

You forget to get a haircut (for 6 months!)

You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie

You can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting

You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines

You comment to your wife/husband that her straight hair is nice and parallel

You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to see how they do the special effects

You have Dilbert comics/paraphernalia displayed anywhere in your work area
(Kenzan's note) I fixed the typos in the word "paraphernalia" :D

You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance

You have more friends on the internet than in real life

You have backed up your hard drive

You have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you got married.

You have used coat hangars and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts

You know what http:// stands for

You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys

You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts

You see a good design and still have to change it

You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring

You still own a slide rule and you know how to use it

You think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory

You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep

You wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa)

You window shop at Radio Shack

You're in the backseat of your car, she/he is looking wistfully at the moon, and you're trying to locate a geosynchronous satellite

Your checkbook always balances

Your laptop computer costs more than your car

Your wife/husband hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work

Your wrist watch has more computing power than a 300 MHz Pentium

Kenzan's Note..That's CAPITOL "P" in Pentium.Corrected.:D

You've already calculated how much you make per second

You've ever tried to repair a $5 radio

Your four basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4.Chocolate
:D :D

Taken from:

http://www.dbooth.net/internerd/engineers.cfm

[Neil Gendzwill]

If you actually calculated your % score on this test... (47.5%)

[rottunpunk]

hehe, that is sooo chidokan :D
:p

[h2o]

If you actually calculated your % score on this test... (47.5%)I think calculationg your percentage of this test should also qualify as a test question ;)

I didn't bother counting my total but I would guess something like 30-40%.

[Hank]

How about if you went through the list mentally checking off the statements that were obviously not conceived by an engineer?

Also, on the dillema of buying flowers for s.o. or RAM for the computer - if you're an engineer, you're making fat sacks of cash money, so you buy both.

Hank.

[Paikea]

It's pretty dated, and that engine room crack wasn't even funny. Of course I'm down there with the snipes, being relieved of my cash through the application of a pegboard and a deck of cards.

[pgsmith]

I gotta agree with Perry. That list is awfully dated. I say we should throw in some updates!

If you know what an FPGA is and what the initials stand for!
If you can describe an FFT.
If you know how to use Matlab.
If you know the meaning of CCA and PWB.

[Neil Gendzwill]

If you know that FPGA and FFT are already dated expressions... or at least, have been in use a long time.

[h2o]

If you know what an FPGA is and what the initials stand for!I believe it stands for "I don't want to draw Karnaugh maps" :p

I have regretfully not programmed an FPGA, but I have successfully programmed (and short circuited, go me!) a few CPLD:s :)

[Big One]

All the quotes were so electrical and we know that Electrical Engineer is just a semi engineer. :)

[cesarekim]

The sad part is that I actually exported the list into excel, scored and got the %... (0,56097561).... Not sure what the cutoff percentage to be an engineer is but I definitely felt like a GEEK afterwards....

Matlab's been around for 20 years hasn't it?

Big One, some of my best friends are EE's. Not sure I'd want their children dating my daughter though.

METALLURGICAL ENGINEERING FOREVER!

[Dervish]

If you can describe an FFT.

Final Fantasy Tactics?

[Paikea]

All the quotes were so electrical and we know that Electrical Engineer is just a semi engineer. :)Electrical Engineers are needed to make things for the Software Engineers to bitch about.

[cesarekim]

Any gearhead or bucket chemists out there? Are you guys ALL EE,SE,CSC??

Wait a minute, does the fact I'm an ACM member (ok, used to be) qualify me as a junior member? I even know how to program PLC in Ladder :D

[Alison2805]

I started my mining engineering degree, then realised I wouldnt get to do all the fun stuff, so I switched to mining geology. I havent regretted it yet!

[Kenzan]

Electrical Engineers are needed to make things for the Software Engineers to bitch about.

Ah, but without Systems Engineers, neither would have permissions to bitch.
:D

[kpmooney]

Final Fantasy Tactics?
Fast Fourier Transform.

[Hank]

Any gearhead or bucket chemists out there? Are you guys ALL EE,SE,CSC?? I'm a ChemE - don't feel alone.
<Insert random software engineering joke here>

Hank.

[RC_Kenshi]

Any gearhead or bucket chemists out there? Are you guys ALL EE,SE,CSC??

How about a couple of Chem E's? Both my wife and I are Chem E's working in the environmental fields (different schools and employers though). So we get to talk about LaPlace Transforms, McCabe-Thiele diagrams, Rauschig Rings and how to remediate tetracyclohexamethyldeath. Naaah, not really, mostly we talk about kendo and iaido.

[RC_Kenshi]

I'm a ChemE - don't feel alone.

Hey, another Chem E. What are you doing in Beantown? I almost accepted a transfer there, actually Wakefield, about 20 years ago. Ended up in Sacramento, where I met my wife (well, technically she wasn't my wife when I met her). Been here ever since.

[cesarekim]

:D

How about a couple of Chem E's? Both my wife and I are Chem E's working in the environmental fields (different schools and employers though). So we get to talk about LaPlace Transforms, McCabe-Thiele diagrams, Rauschig Rings and how to remediate tetracyclohexamethyldeath. Naaah, not really, mostly we talk about kendo and iaido.

My wife is an opera singer and is proud of the fact she COULD understand my job but DOESN'T want to. She screams at me sometimes and I pretend I'm at work and one of the rollers needs lubrification.... The only time we talk about kendo is when she says something in Korean along the lines of "get that stinky *!*°#! out of the living room and on the balcony where it belongs". Actually, this is what she normally screams at me. ;)

[cesarekim]

I'm a ChemE - don't feel alone.
<Insert random software engineering joke here>

Hank.
COOL BEANS! Sorry, couldn't resist...

ChemE's everywhere! No MatSci/Metallurgical Engineers to be had hu? Oh well...

VERY Nice to meet you all.

[Big One]

Electrical Engineers are needed to make things for the Software Engineers to bitch about.

And when the software engineers finish bitching, we are facing with a lot more junks that ain't worth a dime. Miraculously, we still spent money into the whole piece of junk called computer like we don't have enough stress in our lives. Go figure:tongue:

Chem Eng. heh? Doing something useful lately?

[michaelm]

I gotta agree with Perry. That list is awfully dated. I say we should throw in some updates!

OK, I'll add mine...

- If you regularly engage in heated arguments about emacs versus vi.
- If you reconfigured your keyboard from QWERTY to Dvorak to make your coding more efficient.

[Anime12478]

Wow, this really hits home for me as I am doing my homework for AAE right now. There has to be some Aero/Astro Engineers around here!

By the way, I didn't realize that MATLAB is 20 years old. There were so many problems with using it three years ago though which may or may not have been a software or network thing.

[h2o]

By the way, I didn't realize that MATLAB is 20 years old. There were so many problems with using it three years ago though which may or may not have been a software or network thing.
t's that old? Well, I guess it's not that much of a surprise. The GUI is not exactly the freshest thing around ;)
I do however like MatLab, even own my own copy (which I bought cheap). But since MathWorks require me to have the CD inserted if I want to run it, I most often just use it from the schools computer (SSH with X-forwarding is the shit!)

I am studying for a masters degree in computer engineering.

[Lounge]

Electrical Engineers are needed to make things for the Software Engineers to bitch about.
Bah!!! The real engineers are the ones that use the computers and programs to do the real work!!! We engineered bridges, boats, cars... and computers before computers existed!!! we are the engineers that design, build and test solid lumps of metal, rubber and plastic till it explodes in a wonerful shower of thick grease.... thats engineering :p
(smut intended!)

[crabbi]

Hmm...
70.73170 %

[kurisu]

Not my own but always liked it:

The glass is not 1/2 full or 1/2 empty, it's too big.

[Lounge]

Not my own but always liked it:

The glass is not 1/2 full or 1/2 empty, it's too big.
No no no no... the true engineering response is:
It is neither 1/2 full nor 1/2 empty... the glass is twice as big as it needs to be! :evolved:

[Hank]

Hey, another Chem E. What are you doing in Beantown?


Chem Eng. heh? Doing something useful lately?

Oddly enough, much of my work has to do with fuel cells (and electrolyzers of various sorts) and the systems around them. Fuel cells are engines - therefore I consider myself part of the ever-shrinking group of engineers who actually work on designing engines. *grin*


Hmm...
70.73170 %How many relevant sig figs did you use to calculate this?

Hank.

[crabbi]

How many relevant sig figs did you use to calculate this?

Only 31 I'm afraid... I'm not that technical...

[Big One]

How many in here belong to the oldest, the most honor, the most contribution to the civilization, and the lowest paid of all branch of engineer, I am talking about Civil Eng. Hail to the poor!!!

[Paikea]

How many in here belong to the oldest, the most honor, the most contribution to the civilization, and the lowest paid of all branch of engineer, I am talking about Civil Eng. Hail to the poor!!!Concrete, explosives, big machines - it ain't all bad. All I get is a cubicle and an artificial sense of urgency.

[Kenzan]

No no no no... the true engineering response is:
It is neither 1/2 full nor 1/2 empty... the glass is twice as big as it needs to be! :evolved:

There's a new form for requisition of larger glasses.
Make sure to fill out 12.7b NOT C.

[cesarekim]

Concrete, explosives, big machines - it ain't all bad. All I get is a cubicle and an artificial sense of urgency.
That's why I like working in a steel mill making rebar for concrete. No explosives except when water hits hot stuff but definitely big machines. Our roughing stand uses a 2000 Hp engine and final speeds on 8mm rebar is 25 m/s. Fun

[Neil Gendzwill]

How many in here belong to the oldest, the most honor, the most contribution to the civilization, and the lowest paid of all branch of engineer, I am talking about Civil Eng. Hail to the poor!!!Stinking snivels... :) Actually my dad (geophysical engineering prof) has always said that civils have contributed more to the general health and welfare of people than any other profession including doctors. Clean water and proper sewage disposal, it ain't glamorous but...

My degree is EE but I've lapsed into pure software geekery. I do a lot of work on satellite ground stations, lately the XM radio uplink.

Didn't know chemicals used Laplace Transforms - EEs use a ton of transform math. My math is nearly 25 years old now and about that rusty, I probably couldn't even recognise the symbols much less do transform math of any sort.

[Paikea]

That's why I like working in a steel mill making rebar for concrete. No explosives except when water hits hot stuff but definitely big machines. Our roughing stand uses a 2000 Hp engine and final speeds on 8mm rebar is 25 m/s. FunI was watching a program about the Ferrari factory in Maranello last night. Damn, it's engineering nirvana with a 5km racetrack in the backyard.

[Paikea]

My math is nearly 25 years old now and about that rusty, I probably couldn't even recognise the symbols much less do transform math of any sort.Ah, you are "management" then? (I know, that's a cheap shot...) :cool2:

[Shazzanzzz]

Aerospace Engineering/Systems Engineering by degrees, Mechanical/electrical engineer by trade here.

I have to say... .90% of what was written is not true for me. Although I've been acused of being a fake engineer before... except for the always being late and procrastination parts.

[cesarekim]

THAT's boutique engineering at its best where cost is not an issue. I wish...

In the winter you can basically skate in the scrap yard where we load trucks. That's as close to a racetrack as I'll ever get in a steel mill... :down:

[cesarekim]

Ah, you are "management" then? (I know, that's a cheap shot...) :cool2:
OUCH!

Hey, I guess I'm management too:(

I'm not GOOD at anything but I do know a bit of everything. OK, I'm basically useless but I get to nitpick with my guys :evil:

[Neil Gendzwill]

Ah, you are "management" then? (I know, that's a cheap shot...) :cool2:Naw, just that like many people what I do is not all that related to what I trained. I've deliberately stayed technical, at most I might be in charge of 9 or 10 guys as a software lead. I still write code.

[Kenzan]

Naw, just that like many people what I do is not all that related to what I trained. I've deliberately stayed technical, at most I might be in charge of 9 or 10 guys as a software lead. I still write code.

When I read this, I think of this:

[Scene Initech. Bob Slydell and Bob Porter are interviewing Tom.]

BOB SLYDELL
So what you do is you take the specifications from the customers and
you bring them down to the software engineers?

TOM
That, that's right.

BOB PORTER
Well, then I gotta ask, then why can't the customers just take the
specifications directly to the software people, huh?

TOM
Well, uh, uh, uh, because, uh, engineers are not good at dealing with
customers.

BOB SLYDELL
You physically take the specs from the customer?

TOM
Well, no, my, my secretary does that, or, or the fax.

BOB SLYDELL
Ah.

BOB PORTER
Then you must physically bring them to the software people.

TOM
Well...no. Yeah, I mean, sometimes.

BOB SLYDELL
Well, what would you say… you do here?

TOM
Well, look, I already told you. I deal with the goddamn customers so
the engineers don't have to!! I have people skills!! I am good at
dealing with people!!! Can't you understand that?!? WHAT THE HELL IS
WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!!!!!!!
lol :D

[Neil Gendzwill]

BOB SLYDELL
So what you do is you take the specifications from the customers and
you bring them down to the software engineers?
Because the customers don't know what the hell they want. I actually had a customer write a requirement that read (and I quote):

shall make (X) a world-class telecommunications company.

That's a pretty serious software requirement, don't you think?

[Kent Enfield]

How many in here belong to the oldest, the most honor, the most contribution to the civilization, and the lowest paid of all branch of engineer, I am talking about Civil Eng. Hail to the poor!!!Bah.

Why build targets when you can build weapons? ME forever!

Or until I got sick of it and decided teaching Japanese school children the difference between "I like dogs" and "I like dog" would be a more enjoyable and beneficial use of my time.

I still have Matlab on my laptop, though.

[Winter67uk]

Hey, another Chem E. What are you doing in Beantown? I almost accepted a transfer there, actually Wakefield, about 20 years ago. Ended up in Sacramento, where I met my wife (well, technically she wasn't my wife when I met her). Been here ever since.

...I have to ask, who's wife was she?

[jimswanson]

I was watching a program about the Ferrari factory in Maranello last night. Damn, it's engineering nirvana with a 5km racetrack in the backyard.

No, that's engineering nerdvana. Thank you :lick:

[RC_Kenshi]

...I have to ask, who's wife was she?

Well, when I met her . . . she was nobody's wife. That's why I married her - somebody had to (looks around and ducks).

[RC_Kenshi]

[quote=Neil Gendzwill]Didn't know chemicals used Laplace Transforms/quote]

I remember learning LaPlace Transforms when studying chemical kinetics (determining the rates of chemical reactions for those non-technonerds out there). Of course that was almost 25 years ago. Today I couldn't even tell you when to use them, let alone use them correctly.

[Manuka]

Perhaps a couple of warning signals;

Completely rewired first car - well it was an English make with Lucas electrics so nothing worked prior to the rewire.

Currently have a partially completed trebuchet in the basement. This was a 'project' to use up scrap wood left over from remodeling said basement.

Waited until wife was visiting parents for weekend to use kitchen stove (gas) for annealing brass tubing, cutting, beating and shaping missing component for Svea camping stove.

Make full tang wakizashi wall hanger, from rat tail wall hanger. Mostly woodworking; making tsuka, shortening saya, making and attaching kurigata.

Two replacement hard drives, 3 replacement CD/ROM drives in this computer, yeah the PC is old, old, old.

[Mike Molloy]

Hey, I work for the company formerly known as Lucas, so I take offence at any "Joseph Lucas Prince of Darkness" cracks!:D
(I also scored 60.97% on the test...)

The best uses for the kitchen while SWMBO is away:
1) Degreasing engine parts in the dishwasher. This works really well!
2) Using the oven to heat up cylinder heads so you can change the valve guides. The next Sunday roast does have a bit of an interesting flavour though...

[NorthernKendoka]

Never bothered to add up my score but I guess the fact that I'm working on my Master of Science in Space Engineering should give me a couple of points.

[Manuka]

Hey, I work for the company formerly known as Lucas, so I take offence at any "Joseph Lucas Prince of Darkness" cracks!:D


Mike, it was mostly changing from a 6v to 12v system so I could see furthur than 25ft with the headlights. :bandit: The car was a late 30's Morris flathead 4.

[Mike Molloy]

Does changing from 6 to 12V make much difference with acetylene lamps?:D

[Hank]

Currently have a partially completed trebuchet in the basement.So, my wife and I were out to dinner last weekend and she heard people at a nearby table talking about trebuchets and remarked that they must be nerds. I responded that they probably weren't, as nerds of their age had probably said all they ever needed to on the subject and just give each other knowing looks when it comes up.


Never bothered to add up my score but I guess the fact that I'm working on my Master of Science in Space Engineering should give me a couple of points.Space Engineering? Interior decorating? Kidding.

Hank.

[Manuka]

Does changing from 6 to 12V make much difference with acetylene lamps?:D

Lamps were easy to replace, problem was the windshield wipers, stupid little motor attached to the wiper at the top of the windscreen.:puzzled:

[Inner_Silence]

How to determine if you are an engineer:

The only jokes you receive are through email (OUCH)

At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string of Christmas lights.

Buying flowers for your girlfriend/boyfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma

If you find that you have to often explain how to use the gifts you have given other people.

Everyone else on the Alaskan Cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room

In college, you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure

The Salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions

You are always late to meetings

You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling

You are next in line on death row in a French Prison and you find that the guillotine is not working properly, so you offer to fix it.

You bought your wife/husband a new CD ROM drive for her birthday

You forget to get a haircut (for 6 months!)

You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie

You can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting

You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines

You comment to your wife/husband that her straight hair is nice and parallel

You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to see how they do the special effects

You have Dilbert comics/paraphernalia displayed anywhere in your work area
(Kenzan's note) I fixed the typos in the word "paraphernalia" :D

You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance

You have more friends on the internet than in real life

You have backed up your hard drive

You have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you got married.

You have used coat hangars and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts

You know what http:// stands for

You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys

You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts

You see a good design and still have to change it

You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring

You still own a slide rule and you know how to use it

You think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory

You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep

You wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa)

You window shop at Radio Shack

You're in the backseat of your car, she/he is looking wistfully at the moon, and you're trying to locate a geosynchronous satellite

Your checkbook always balances

Your laptop computer costs more than your car

Your wife/husband hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work

Your wrist watch has more computing power than a 300 MHz Pentium

Kenzan's Note..That's CAPITOL "P" in Pentium.Corrected.:D

You've already calculated how much you make per second

You've ever tried to repair a $5 radio

Your four basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4.Chocolate
:D :D

Taken from:

http://www.dbooth.net/internerd/engineers.cfm


you tend to correct ortography instead of just copy-paste :silly:

[Big One]

Space Engineering? Interior decorating?

No No No, Space Engineering usually work with Airplane company. They usually work in secret behind closed door to come up with exactly the minimum SPACE needed for a man to barely fit into a Coach Class. :tired:

[chidokan]

rottunpunk ratted on me earlier.... I was trying to keep a low profile but have to own up that I scored 100%. Sad but true.
The other clue is collecting gadgets or 'new techie stuff'... or thinking that analysing and changing the japanese swords molecular structure and optimising the cutting ability by running an experiment for your degree project might be 'a good idea'. Then having the lecturer agree with you as he is even sadder than you are.... Fortunately I had a backup in the form of a vibration /residual stress related fracture in a high pressure diesel fuel line that had him even more worked up... I just couldnt bring myself to section a sword up for the experiment... although the structure would be interesting to look at.:cool2:

[chidokan]

and how many of you have a units converter as an icon on your desktop...or superbeam4.... oh dear....:D
If I then said you could buy IDEAS for £20 as a licenced student discount how many would want a copy...or already have version 11 as a pirate copy...and whinge about how often it crashes...

[Inner_Silence]

...anyway.. in my case.
im not engineer, im plain matematician...
to a math guy, engeneering maths are sacrilegic...

[chidokan]

but engineering math is REAL....not pie in the sky rubbish that just twiddles stupid ideas about with no basis in fact....and they always say its approximate. What a copout...:laugh:
(I had to stand up and defend the one true maths, my mum was a maths teacher and they NEVER live in the real world...)

[NorthernKendoka]

My math teacher likes to say that engineers don't know proper math even though he teaches mostly to engineering students. So I'm on neutral ground on that one.

Space engineering is more in the line of squeezing as many expensive instruments as possible into a rocket and then a) blow up the rocket at the launchpad or b) loose the payload somewhere over Russia during re-entry.

Well at my level it's more like drinking as many cheap beer as possible and a) have explosive vomiting and pass out, b) loose your keys, wallet and keycard then pass out.

[Inner_Silence]

there is no such thing that you call "real world".

it just doesnt exists
we live in a world of ideas and like an eternal non-linear dream, everything we know its already viced by our (dis)capability of apropiate beings at its "real" state, or it quintessential state of "being"... bla bla bla...

at least thats what i think.

in short: you are mistaken as well as i am.

[RedEagle]

I'm just unbelievably happy we didn't have to do as many proofs as the pure science and math students, I'd have jumped from the top of the faculty.

Easiest way to know your an engineering student is to realize you're the but of nearly all the jokes flying around on campus :/

[pgsmith]

Well at my level it's more like drinking as many cheap beer as possible and a) have explosive vomiting and pass out, b) loose your keys, wallet and keycard then pass out.
I thought that was "kendo according to Gibbo". :)

[Paikea]

Because the customers don't know what the hell they want. I actually had a customer write a requirement that read (and I quote):

shall make (X) a world-class telecommunications company.

That's a pretty serious software requirement, don't you think?Hell no...no actor, no action, not testable.