Dojo Types I Have Known

[Charlie]

So, we could get quite humorous with this. I got the idea from a thread at MMA.tv about the various "types" of dojo-rats in your average BJJ dojo. "The Laugher" (always joking - even as he taps you), "the Enforcer, alias the Welcoming cCmmittee" (guy that tries to tie all the noobs into a pretzel, particularly if the noobs come into their first lesson fronting and acting tough). Et cetera. What "dojo types" have you known in your kendo experiences? (Some of these "types" you will also find in any karate dojo, judo dojo or boxing gym...)

I'll start with a few.

The Expat - he or she worked/studied in Japan and started kendo there. This person speaks great Japanese and has a ton of anecdotes about Japanese life, kendo, etc. ("Oh, this? This tenegui was given to me by Eiga-sensei after a particularly grueling beer-geiko...") May even have a pretty Japanese boyfriend/girlfriend. (May be a hopeless otaku, too.) We hate the expat. He has great kendo, great language, is a sandan in kendo and iai, has been to Japan, and is trying to adjust to life back in the west by generally being cool.

The Monk - we all know this dude or may partially be this dude. He shows up and trains hard. Pushes himself to the limit. Is consistently one of the club's best fighters. Strong silent type. And is a nice guy and an encouraging sempai to boot. We hate the Monk, too, because we want to be him.

Yoda-sensei - an old Japanese gentleman. I mean very old, as in went to grade school with Takuan. Looks like a strong wind would blow him over. Takes him forever to get warmed up. But once he does, and finally snaps his weary bones into his bogu, look out. It's ass-whipping time. He doesn't so much move as teleport, and his men cuts make you feel like someone hit the reset button on your inner PlayStation. We don't hate Yoda-sensei - we revere and fear him!

The Kid, aka The Hot Rod - there's several of these around in my experiences. Japanese or Japanese-Americans, Korean or Korean-Americans, that have been at this since they were 5. They come to practice after language school. And are so small - and so fast - you just can't put your shinai on them. It's like trying to play Whack a Mole - except the moles fight back! We hate the Kid, cuz we wanna go back in time and be the Kid, too.

Best Intentions - this is a companion to the Monk. Shows up and trains hard and is one of the club's consistently best fighters. Except various things keep getting in the way of his training, so he is always a few strides below the Monk in ability. He has to work late.... he's getting married.... he has to help his aunt move.... he volunteered at church and can't get out of it.... grad school... you name it. Another version of Best Intentions is The Wastrel, who is very good but what gets in the way of him being one of the best is that he is distracted. He'd rather play video games, chase girls, play guitar, or loaf.

[shred_lord]

The Knowitall - The guy who's always quick to advise you on your flaws in the friendliest way, but you secretly can't stand because the they never seem to take their own advice.

[Martch]

The [B]knowitall2[B] - The guy who has trained for 25 years with the local ninja master and says 'it's my style' when you ask him why he's fallen on his backside doing ushi ro.

[GavinP]

The Bibliographer: Has every book ever printed about Kendo and knows them all back to front. Whenever told to do something one way is quick to point out that in such and such a book someone said something that invalidates anything you tell him. Would rather read and talk about Kendo than train. Even The Monk hates this guy.

[Martch]

The Shiaiman - Only interested in winning the next point regardless of situation. Has to perform at least one screaming hiki kote every keiko, usually accompanied with crossed-wrist zanshin as he flies backwards across the dojo, crashing into the neighbouring couple. We love and hate the shiaiman because he's useful in taikai but a pain in the arse to practice with.

[Charlie]

Ahaha! You guys get it.

The Quartermaster - this describes a dojo mate of mine very well. Knows a lot about equipment. Is a go-dan in getting the best deals from eBay or wherever. Can practically make is own hakama our of tablecloths and shinai from the bamboo grove in his yard. Okay, not that bad, but the point is the Quartermaster knows kendo gear. I guess you could also call him The DIYer or The MacGyver (cuz he can jury rig your men himo with a paperclip and some chewing gum).

[Shazzanzzz]

Two-face - Guys that while in keiko are very very serious looking, especially ji-geiko, they look like they eat babies for lunch... But, after keiko, they are all smiles and jokes and are the nicest people ever.

Lifer - People that really treat kendo as a way of life. They practice hard and cares a lot about the mental side of kendo. Sometimes gets too serious about kendo....

Samurai wannabe - people who watched too much kenshin, last samurai, etc. They keep asking questions like how does kendo apply to real swordsmanship. Probably owns some $100 knife.com katanas.

Kendo 'player' - Those that basically does kendo for sport. Practices hard to be better than others and to do well in shiais. Those that just enjoy the difficulty of kendo, the fun competition, and the drinking that goes on after keiko.

[Martch]

Butter Wouldn't Melt - Usually a smaller person, young or female. A nice, innocent manner until the men goes on. Then attempts to eviscerate anyone whose doh is at in his/her eye height. Note: often closely related to....

The Screamer - someone whose high pitched kiai cuts through a dojo like a hot Masamune through butter, rooting opponents to the spot as their teeth shatter and eardrums implode.

[shred_lord]

The Philosopher - A close relative to The Bibliographer, he constantly talks about the meaning behind the pleats of your Hakama, usually while berating you for not folding it, and high brow spiritual concepts that he has convinced himself will elevate his Kendo to a godlike level, while ignoring the fact that if he spent as much time actually doing Kendo he would be as good as he thinks he is.

[Martch]

The Berserker - With a blood curdling yell the berserker launches himself out of sonkyo and attempts tsuki-men-hikimen-kote-doh-gyakudoh-men-taiatari-hikidoh, none of which land. This spurs him on to greater paroxysms of rage as his ever more frantic cuts get blocked, parried and evaded. Finally, when he's worn himself out to the point of exhaustion, you step in execute a single menuchi, just as the call 'yame' rings out.

[Kenzan]

The Maladroit:
The guy that is so uncoordinated, he falls over during Sankyo, accidentally kicks other people's Shinai across the Dojo floor, knocks over anything which isn't horizontal, and steps on my own Hakama when I stand up.

:D

[tango]

The Jackass
This is the 2.dan/3.dan in your class who rarely scores a valid point but always 'celebrates' as if he just took you to school with his weak, no-powered funky waza, poor-postured, out-of-range gyaku dou.
He nods his head while he continues to carry his kiai as if saying, "Oh YEAH, beeyotch! How ya gonna git it like THAT, son!"
Other times, he puts a mosquito-powered kiss on your kote and then just walks past you with no zanshin while projecting the notion, "Oh yeah, I killed you so effectively, I don't even have to look at you..."

The Jackass is closely related by marriage to The KnowItAll it seems.

[Martch]

Been There, Seen It All - Beware this type, for despite his air of disinterest and the groans of arthritic pain he rises slowly from sonkyu harbouring decades of dirty tricks learned. A foot up your hakama as you try hikiwaza, grabbing your tsuka in tsubazeriai...all these and more are locked away in his armoury. Then, when he's helped you up off the floor and let you collect your shinai from the other side of the dojo, he smiles with a twinkle in his eye and says "well done". B****D!

[Kapplow]

Lonely student(from rfoxmich shu ha ri article)- Guy who eats $1 ramen everyday to have enough gas money to drive hundreds of miles to visit a dojo. Loves Kendo but sucks at it.

[Paburo]

The anime otaku
they think the class is so much tougher and different than they saw it on xxxx anime/manga, and usually faint or stop before the class ends. they come to train the first day in their manga character t-shirt even though they own a full hakama and kendogi set they wore on the last anime con. also, they usually quit within two weeks and before the sensei even allows them to wear such said hakama and gi... (a shame... because deep inside you wished they'd at least stay until they got their bogu, so you could show them what 'real' kendo is hehehe)

The sensei wannabe
he is mudansha but is often correcting anyone, anyhow, anyway regardless of rank/sex. when you see him correcting a REAL sensei you instantly exchange a nod with your closest dojo mate which basically means 'aham aham... now he's really screwed up in jigeiko'. if you are his kohai you might want to hide some earplugs on your tare and plug them in whenever you see him coming near. if you are his sempai you can simply say 'talk to the hand' or the more diplomatical 'sure, please explain it to me in jigeiko'.

The japanese interchange student
dude(dudettes too) in his late teens, early twenties with great shiai background who basically comes to your dojo to kick everyones ass and keep smiling at the second dojo beer in hand. he usually stays for a year and when he gets tired of kicking yours and your kendomates ass he moves to another dojo somewhere in the world.

i'm at work so i might come up with some more laters :D

[Kenzan]

Lonely student(from rfoxmich shu ha ri article)- Guy who eats $1 ramen everyday to have enough gas money to drive hundreds of miles to visit a dojo. Loves Kendo but sucks at it.

That has got to be the most depressing story I have ever heard....
:cry:

[Martch]

More Money Than Sense - Week 1: attends first class. Having learned chudan and how to hold sword, buys blue keikogi, blue hakama, black keikogi with nafuda, shitagi, striped hakama, zori, tabi, bokuto, jo, shinken. Week 2: Is told striped hakama is for teachers only and won't be allowed to use the shinken for at least 5 years. Learns kiriorishi. Buys black hakama, white hakama, white keikogi with nafuda, iaito and spare sageo.

[Rob W.]

Captain Knowledgable: Another close relative of the Bibliographer, constantly asks questions of the sensei not because he is confused, but to show his book learned knowledge of odd, semi-useless kendo bits and thus impress all other students. Gives lots of sensei-sempai like advice to other students which he is incapable of following himself.

The Cross-polinator: Has trained in two or ten martial arts before starting kendo. Has a wealth of experience but often finds himself about to execute judo throws or Mui Thai double-knee-to-the-men while in tsuba-zeriai. In that momentary pause you hit men.

The Shoto: Tiny asian five to seven year olds who's kendo is far better than your own. Usually start because their father practiced kendo / was regional champion back in Japan or Korea. They play star wars with thier shinai during the break in class, and even that looks better than your kendo.

Great thread. I have had Yoda-sensei, Shiai Man, the Bibliographer, and Maladroit as dojomates. +Rep for Butter wouldn't melt, perfect title!

[Rob W.]

The Temporary Scalpel: A Japanese or Korean doctor doing research at a nearby hospital or university. They are only in your country for a couple months and drop by the dojo to keep in practice. All played kendo 5 days a week in highschool and though they "don't practice very often anymore" they still do 1000 men cuts every night before bed to keep their wrists supple. They attend only one practice a month and you gratefully include them on your team in every taikai you attend while they are here.

[kiki67]

The Karmanater: This is the 8th dan that visits your dojo and makes your 7th dan sensei look like a child during keiko...7th dan pays for all those kakari-geiko injustices and you watch in shock, not having previously realized that sensei isn't actually invincible

[enkorat]

Hahaha, do we get like character trait upgrades?

I have a few:

The "I have not waved around a shinai for 10 years" Japanese guy: Closely related to the Japanese Interchange Student, writes to the dojo contact/sensei in Japanese, explaining that he is ashamed of not doing kendo for over a decade since high school, but perhaps, maybe, can practice? Shows up to practice with his old high school gear which still fits, and proceeds to beat everyone except the sensei. After practice, ruefully and genuinely says, "Oh, my timing is off"


You're going to all hate me for this one...

The "I'm a beginner but on the Internets I'm a sensei" guy: Need I say anything? You know who you are...

The vector: Usually a man, usually in his early twenties. Has not yet mastered the art of using the laundry machine, and proudly proclaims "I haven't washed my keiko-gi in 3 years!" Makes you marginally happy that you're doing kendo and not judo, but not by much.

[Paburo]

The what-if
he's usually a newbie who doesnt know the rules or hasnt been to too many shiai but he is constantly machine gun shooting you and sensei everyday with questions of the type what-if... "what if hit kote from underneath? and while the opponent is falling flat on his butt while the shinai is flying out from his hands and the main shimpan is scratching his left ear and... is that a point??"... oh gawd....

[Kapplow]

That has got to be the most depressing story I have ever heard....
:cry:

It sucks but you do whatever it takes to make your dream a reality. A single compliment from a sensei/sempai makes it all worth it.

Must be awesome to live in the holy land of US Kendo. :D

[lucy]

My instructor is a mixture of the monk and the two-faced man:

the Janus monk :D

[kuzu70]

The Jackass
This is the 2.dan/3.dan in your class who rarely scores a valid point but always 'celebrates' as if he just took you to school with his weak, no-powered funky waza, poor-postured, out-of-range gyaku dou.
He nods his head while he continues to carry his kiai as if saying, "Oh YEAH, beeyotch! How ya gonna git it like THAT, son!"
Other times, he puts a mosquito-powered kiss on your kote and then just walks past you with no zanshin while projecting the notion, "Oh yeah, I killed you so effectively, I don't even have to look at you..."



That is awesome!! Made me laugh out loud at work!

The Obasan- One of the mothers of the kids in your dojo. Started kendo for "excercise" but are pretty good. They have more "balls" than half of the kenshi in your dojo. Completes kirikaeshi, kakarikeiko like everyone else.

The Kamae-chamelion- Their kendo is alright, but they keep wanting to change their kamae. They ask about jo-dan, nito, hasso-gamae. Sensei keeps telling them to work on their chudan kendo.

[Gideon]

A single compliment from a sensei/sempai makes it all worth it.

Or that one keiko where it just 'feels right'.

The Proud Papa Usually mid to late thirties with young children just old enough to attend. Makes kendo fun for the kids with lots of laughing, usually prior to the start of practice and normally teaches the younger children during practice. Then he straps on his bogu and soundly whallops you during ji-keiko - all with the smile and warmth of a father addressing a son.

[Charlie]

The Brick - Not the best kenshi in the club. Not the fastest. But tai-atari him? It's like running into a wall. I like the Brick. (I like his kote, too, but nevermind... :D)

[Charlie]

I hate hate hate The Scalpel and the "I have not waved around a shinai for 10 years" guy. Bastards. I have known many of their type, I mean, exactly. Their fundamentals are frigging awesome.

On the other hand, I love The Proud Papa.

Ever seen The Kendo Yakuza? This is not an individual but a group. They are in smoke-filled back rooms holding secret meetings deciding the future of your kendo federation ad the probationary status of a given club. Admission into their circle is a closely guarded secret... a blessing... and a curse!

[JCM]

The not-me, not-me guy: Beware of this guy. he is always quick to point out everyone elses character flaws, but fails to realize he has his own. Often found posting at public forums.


The in-bewteen guy: Attends as much training as he/she can, realizes he is never going to be Miyazaki but is quite content with that fact. He/she enjoys doing Kendo and having a laugh with his dojo mates over a pint.

[kiki67]

The Bulldozer: The bulldozer is most likely male. He may have good kendo and a simply brutal, extremely powerful followthrough, or he may have bad kendo and compensate by turning the match into an american style football game. The bulldozer scares small children...and can sometimes piss off the women!:)


I wanna see Bulldozer vs. Brick

[Gideon]

The Gaijin-Who-Wishes-He-Wasn't This is the guy who obsesses about all things Japan or Japanese. This is the guy who started kendo to learn more about the culture. Can probably speak and understand a little Japanese. He will likely try and speak some Japanese to nationals at practice beyond the expected rei-type responses and will try to understand the kanji on other people's tenguis. He's the guy who considered leaving their country of origin for a life in Japan (or has already done so). He's the guy trying to train under Japanese instructors if at all possible and will likely insist on training the 'Japanese' way. (whatever that is). Can be closeminded. Given proper circumstances, can be a very eager student.

[Lady_Kitsune]

The chosen one He's the best of your dojo, probably he could be on the selection team of your country and more, but he decide not to come to the training cos the girlfriend, the studies, etc. He has something to do with the best intentions kind, except for the fact that the chosen one quit the training voluntarily.

The vain kind He/she thinks that only because he's been practicing kendo a month more than you he's your sempaia nd he already know it all, even when his kamae still sucks like hell... He/she's so vain that he can not understand when the sempai/sensei tells him/her that something that he/she's doing is all wrong and he defends him/herself inventing wounds or problems. Of course sooner or later they quit kendo and they become backyard samuaris.

Great thread this one. I had quite a laugh with some of the fauna you can find on a dojo.

[Seiza_Seizure]

The Injury Prone- any reason to take off his/her men, get off the floor and grab an ice pack, sit out with a grimace look on their face.

The Pig- Chooses not to wash their hakama, gi, or tenegui for 6months or more. Can't figure out why no one wants to train with him.

[enkorat]

The-One-Who-Went-Native: The more advanced form of The Gaijin-Who-Wishes-He-Wasn't. After a substantial committment and life investment, can speak Japanese far better than most native Japanese, and can speak both keigo and classical Japanese with equal fluency. Has memorized by this point all of the Japanese emperors, and the names of their reigns. Japanese citizenship application is currently on file. Often mutters under his/her breath "otaku" when seeing Japanese teenagers on the subway, and feels that the "modern Japanese" have no appreciation for their own culture. Intensely uncomfortable when addressed in his native language.

The-Japanese-Cowboy: The inverse of The One Who Went Native. Japanese person who moved to a English speaking country with a strong national or regional accent, like Britain or Texas, and now speaks English with said accent. May walk around with a huge cowboy belt buckle and boots... Can't laugh because he's more Texan than you, can ride a horse, and is also a sensei who can easily clobber you.

[Martch]

The Schoolboy Swot - Asks questions at seminars he already knows the answer to so that the sensei is aware of his existence e.g "When I finish the cut, should I display zanshin?" (I really did hear this once!)

[enkorat]

The Emo Teen Sensei: The late teens-early twenties kid who is half your age and is finishing up his rebellious phase of life and still wears black t-shirts with strange skull logos, jeans that are about to fall apart, and has high maintenance hair. Changes into keiko-gi and hakama and transforms from grumpy slouchy teenager to posture perfect sensei, because he's a san dan...

[Seiza_Seizure]

The Kiai Kat- has loud,screaming kiai which sounds like a cat dying. Utilizes this type of kiai during warm up and suburi to let everyone know he is present. Can get really ugly if there are two Kiai Kats competing with one another.

The Wannabe Seiza Showboat-In most cases are not of Japanese origin, but sits in seiza when ever she/he gets the opportunity. Before training, during training, waiting before jigeiko, after training, watching training.

[chidokan]

The Unbeliever

Whenever you show him a new technique declares it is physically impossible to do. (but I just did it!!!)

The tramp

usually has kit that looks like it belonged to about ten different people, all of which doesnt fit him. The reason? He's probably from Yorkshire and is too mean to buy new....:laugh: May also be a demon, so be careful in keiko...the stuff may be his lifetime collection...

Demon
Looks like no great shakes, usually smiling, has no posture to speak of, then kicks your butt all over the floor. Usually dresses 'a la tramp'. usually worth nanadan and graded to shodan 140 years ago....then stopped grading...

[chidokan]

The Natural

the guy we all love to hate. You show him once, he's got it. Posture perfect from lesson one, then stops after a month or so because he's took up rockclimbing.

[kuzu70]

The Jackass
This is the 2.dan/3.dan in your class who rarely scores a valid point but always 'celebrates' as if he just took you to school with his weak, no-powered funky waza, poor-postured, out-of-range gyaku dou.
He nods his head while he continues to carry his kiai as if saying, "Oh YEAH, beeyotch! How ya gonna git it like THAT, son!"
Other times, he puts a mosquito-powered kiss on your kote and then just walks past you with no zanshin while projecting the notion, "Oh yeah, I killed you so effectively, I don't even have to look at you..."



I am sorry for posting this again.
I just cracked up reading this again. This is truly awesome!!

[michaelm]

Peking Tom got Yellow Fever - visits one practice because he's looking for or is trying to impress "hawt asian chicks". Then promptly leaves when he discovers the dojo is predominantly crusty old men in skirts. Sometimes closely related to The Gaijin-Who-Wishes-He-Wasn't

[jmarsten]

Hachikyu Sensei Every beginning class seems to contain at least one individual who the minute you turn your back is instructing the other beginners on how to properly perform the given task. In spite of being told as a group only those people sitting on the sensei side will provide technical direction.

Crisis Manager Every practice manages to create some crisis preventing them from fully participating.

[NigelSponge]

The Intimidator The guy who you watch in jigeiko and really dont want to fight for fear of getting owned, but then you finaly fight and realize he was proly more nervous about fighting you than you were of him!
The OTHER Kendo Kid The one other kid you know who does kendo, but at a different dojo, and constantly talks about how awsome and super authentic and Japanese his dojo is, his high rank super sensei, and undefeted sempai...until you fight him :cool2:

[Kapplow]

Crisis Manager Every practice manages to create some crisis preventing them from fully participating.


My friend's son was in our section during the summer camp. He asked me to help his son put on his men when the time comes. When it was time to put men on, He tells me, "I can't. It feels like I have diarrhea in my wee wee." Needless to say I told the sensei and he sat out until lunch. Best excuse ever.

[runsyi]

Mr. Ato-Uchi-is-my-middle-name - Thinks that Kendo spirit and not giving up means try to hit the sensei's hip after they've already hit men.

Mr. I'm-too-sexy-for-Kendo-drills - Will only come for jigeiko even though they haven't even been practicing for a year. If they do come while the other students are drilling footwork or doing kirikaeshi, he will take an inordinate amount of time to get his bogu on, finishing only when--guess what--it's time for jigeiko. Usually not seen for months at a time.

The Water Cooler Wiener - Will go and hide by the watercooler or bathroom whenever they can. Slips out of the line-up during mawari-keiko to drink water. Evades uchigomi keiko by drinking water. Spends half the ji-geiko period drinking water.

Bam-Bam - Beginners that think the more force they put into the hit the better. Also, they often underestimate their hitting distance so they hit you with the thicker part of their shinai. When you step back so they can hit with their monouchi they think you're playing a game with them and they keep stepping in to hit.

[Toshiro Mifune]

The One-upper — a guy who always claims to be doing something better and more interesting than whatever you've done, tends to be a bore; i.e. If you do 1,000 suburi a day he claims to do 2,000 one-handed hayasuburi with two shinai when he wakes up in the morning everyday.

Very annoying when it is a lazy person that has practiced at other clubs. They often use the phrase "At my old dojo" and they complain alot.

[tango]

Mr. Ato-Uchi-is-my-middle-name - Thinks that Kendo spirit and not giving up means try to hit the sensei's hip after they've already hit men.

I think you're confusing that guy with The Jackass.

After you hit a valid point, The Jackass immediately starts shaking his head "No" and points to some part of his armor as if to say, "MENGANE, sucker!" or "You hit the TSUBA, dork!" ....

[H.Sandsleth]

The Echo: Will have an identical kiai to someone else. Most likely the sensei.

The Zombie: Wobbles forward with arms stiffly stretched out in front of them, holding the shinai as a pole. They will stab you when they can not whack.

The Kendo God: Makes you go from a sweating practitioner to a misty eyed fan in a split second.

[misterkurukuru]

RBSO anyone????
you all be slipping.

[Kenzan]

RBSO anyone????
you all be slipping.

Whoa..there's even a Kendo ref on the Urban Dictionary (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Rbso)..

DUude..

[enkorat]

The Party Animal: Often a member of a fraternity, swears that keiko/shiai is better if one has been staying up late and drinking/partying the night before. Oddly enough, a hangover seems to be a performance enhancer for the party animal. Best kept away from impressionable youngsters.

The Club Idoru: Club member of either gender who seems to be more attractive than most kendoka. Can get away with a little bit more than most others because others forgive unconsciously. May be a source of club conflict/gossip as people compete for the Club Idoru's attention. Best used for campus recruitment fairs, demos, and public speaking roles.

[lucy]

Oh, I know Bam-Bam. *ouch*

It's so great to recognize people in your descriptions... :D

[michaelm]

Double Dribble
- Sweats so much that he leaves a nice puddle on the floor while standing in line in front of you for jigeiko. (Well, at least I hope it's just sweat.)
- Unintentionally spits in your face when he kiais while in tsubazeriai

[enkorat]

The Forest Fire: Usually high ranked, can also sometimes been seen in the company of the Party Animal. Kendo powered by frequent dosings of nicotine. Best place to see in the wild, outside a tournament gathered around the closest ashtray to the door.

The Padawan: Closely related to the Anime Otaku and the Samurai Wannabe, but as with these things thinks that Jedis are so much cooler. Wishes not-so-secretly that his/her shinai actually was a lightsaber. Can recite the entire Empire Strikes Back movie in the form of an epic poem similar in style to the Illiad if sufficiently drunk in the company of the Party Animal. Complains that the commercially available electronic lightsaber sold at local home appliance stores is "too short, not weighted correctly". and that "the handle is too wide." Often makes condescending comments about the Prequel trilogy not because the movies were bad but because "Nick Gillard decided to make the prequel lightsaber fights more Chinese than Kendo inspired." Sometimes gets a scolding from the sensei for telling kohai to "let go of their anger" during uchikomi. Thinks "Ki" is "the Force (tm)"

[michaelm]

Bike Lane
The guy that has taken the slow road to ni-dan. Has been doing kendo for at least a dozen years, but due to outside (life) circumstances has had many long breaks and sporadic attendance. He has watched all his peers and kohai pass him like he was in the bike lane. Still, this doesn't seem to upset him too much. Like anyone on a bike, it's about the journey and he's enjoying the ride with a smile on his face. And due to the slower pace, he can probably remember more details and has more colorful stories about the journey than those who flew by at blazing speeds.

[Kenzan]

I really hate the two faced hollow head guy. (http://video.stumbleupon.com/#p=og7xqqpyri)

[runsyi]

I think you're confusing that guy with The Jackass.

After you hit a valid point, The Jackass immediately starts shaking his head "No" and points to some part of his armor as if to say, "MENGANE, sucker!" or "You hit the TSUBA, dork!" ....

This is a different breed. The two I know aren't really arrogant, and you can't really hate them for it cause they're trying their best. They aren't presuming that the initial hit is invalid, they just think that hitting ato-uchi is the same thing as being alert.

[tango]

The Firebreather
This is the guy in desperate need of a piece of chewing gum right before class because he will knock your ass out with a HAHRdy kiai at every tsubazeriai.

[xvikingx]

Im surprised nobody has written...

The KWFer: Spends more time on KW BSing about ninjers and the lastest fart joke than actually doing kendo.

....Ah now I just sit back and watch the -rep roll in.

[ZtefaNNN[K]]

The Tornado: Legendary Warrior, has the mania of attacking non-stop, feeds of fallen pieces of bogu and elbows ripped appart by his spiral of madness and destruction. Only bothers to yell kote-do-kote-do, after you become another spiral of bruises and pain. always smiling after keiko.

[dohrt]

Mr./Ms. Goodknot - Sandan or higher, solid form, model kendoka in almost every way; excellent kihon, fast, hard worker, hakama always beautiful, shinai always in top shape, and a great sempai. But himo come untied at an alarming rate, probably at least 1-3 times per keiko, despite the fact that when tying said himo, the person looks like they use about the same amount of power tearing a phone book in half.

The Land Mine - The sempai with explosive speed and fitness, as well as excellent, deceivingly good waza. Spends 30-60 seconds in issoku-ito-no-maai as you both kiai. Only you seme, looking for opening. Finally, you attack men, but instead responding with oji-waza, The Land Mine hits ai-men, then hits astonishingly accurate and sharp hiki-kote, men, hiki-do, kote, hiki-men, men, men, kote, men, hiki-kote, then calms back down and "resets" by inhaling deeply and settling back into a solid chudan for another 30-60 seconds or however long it takes you to step wrong again . . .

SpearingTheWideReceiver - Kiai is more like a rabid dog's growl, slow steady seme in until, like a gunshot, not only do you feel a solid men before you could even blink, but you have a high-velocity men-gane plowing like a freight train into either your own men-gane or your nodo. At least once per keiko, one of your kote is crushed in this onslaught and you end up with torn fingernails, bruised knuckles, or both. Astonishingly, at no time can you ever recall any other part of this kendoka's body ever touching you.

CommanderCaste - American born from at least one japanese parent. Speaks perfect, accent free english, and is an american by culture. Is witty, charismatic, charming, graceful, attractive, fast, not to mention a hard worker and a great kendoka. Also speaks japanese and knows all the japanese sensei. But probably had a very old school sensei at one point - one of the best people you'll ever meet if you are equal rank or higher. However, if you are adult kohai to CommanderCaste, look out ! Not merely hard on kohai, CommanderCaste is just a flat out self-righteous jerk, whose only purpose in life is to make every kohai miserable. Ignores them completely in any social situation that doesn't involve giving them orders in the dojo. When doing ji-geiko with kohai, while sensei is watching, CommanderCaste is an excellent and very helpful sempai, acting as the perfect aite for whatever skill level the kohai demonstrates. However, when sensei is not watching, CommanderCaste obliterates the poor kohai, in most cases not allowing kohai's shinai to get anywhere near, using suriage, kaeshi, nuki waza in cold, ruthless effectiveness. When CommanderCaste runs practices for beginners, it's as a drill seargeant. The more kohai that quit, the better. Yet, all this is done with technically correct reiho, living in the letter of the law, rather than the spirit of it. Interestingly, some of the kohai who tough it out seem to think this is their best sempai.

Old Faithful - Retirement is quite boring, and to stay young, one often needs to continue learning in life. What better way to do it than to take up kendo !? Old Faithful may not be the youngest, the quickest, or the best at kihon, but there's a wise maturity and spirit there to be sure. Old Faithful has been doing kendo for enough years to have seen many groups of n00bs, but started too late in life to ever really get solid, refined kihon. Old Faithful can't sonkyo anymore because of failing knees and back. Old Faithful can't suri-ashi all the way to the other end of the dojo after hitting men. Old Faithful will never win at the regional shiai. Heck, Old Faithful probably never will even test for rank. None of that matters, because Old Faithful is reliable, steady, always at practice, never complains, takes the n00b hammerings as motodachi with aplomb, and makes the rest of us wonder at that kind of character and resolve.

Kendocizer - Does practice like it's an aerobics class. Warmup is charged through with an almost impatient feeling. Loves suburi, but no slowing down for the sake of form. When counting suburi for the class, counting is done at a pace that is too fast for anyone to have good footwork or kime, except the yondans and up. During kihon, it is not about working through the finer points of basics in a methodical way, but rather about doing it as fast as possible. During waza practice, there is no point in finding harmony with aite, no reason for seme before the waza, and when sensei says, "pretend it's shiai, be serious", that only means reduce delay between attacks and speed up. Always the first one done with whatever waza the class is doing. Usually skips ji-geiko.

[Anime12478]

The Money Well - Similar in type to the More Money No Sense person, but they follow the rules in Kendo. They seem to have the money to buy the best armor, dogi, accessories and videos. These are the guys you want to hate but can't since they give effort in the class in an earnest manner.

I Have Nothing Better To Do With My Life - This person is able to always find the time and location to practice something Kendo related five or six hours a day whether it be by themselves, with other dojomates or travelling to other dojos.

The Brown Noser - They may not have the skillz, but they are definately always the first to praise the sensei's or sempai's every move. They also will make sure that they know EVERYTHING that is going on with the dojo behind the scenes by volunteering to do anything possible for the club/dojo.

[Reiver]

The Instant expert: Has one or two lessons in something and immediately adds it to his armoury to impress beginners. Talks a lot. Often a mudan and has done kendo a long time. Informs you that you are 'telegraphing', usually the instant before you strike him on the head.

The Over-Enthusiast: The one who calls or e-mails you about classes, stating that he's been looking for kendo/iaido for 20 years and it's been his mission in life to learn these arts, and that he'll definitely be along to the session tonight. Usually never seen or heard from again.

The Garlic man: Eats a clove or two of garlic, which results in an eye-watering kiai, and is doubly effective at tsuba-zeriai.

[Reiver]

The Evangelist: Preaches to all and sundry the virtues of kendo/iaido/whatever, and wants the whole world and its dog to practice.

[Mr.Tvola]

The Temporary Scalpel: A Japanese or Korean doctor doing research at a nearby hospital or university. They are only in your country for a couple months and drop by the dojo to keep in practice. All played kendo 5 days a week in highschool and though they "don't practice very often anymore" they still do 1000 men cuts every night before bed to keep their wrists supple. They attend only one practice a month and you gratefully include them on your team in every taikai you attend while they are here.

This one is similar to the ]The Temporary Scalpel: - let's name him "The visitor becoming a member"

Japanese ex-patriot in his fourties, who hasn't done Kendo in 10-20 years, around Sandan level. Just out of curiosity ("I had no ide that Kendo is being practiced in youtr country") he starts to visit your dojo, but can hardly survive the first half of the practice. In jigeiko, he is an easy target and you start thinking "OK, maybe these Japanese aren't so tough as they say".

And of course in about 3 months time, he comfortably kicks everyone's ass with a excellent technique and spirit, leaving you in "did my kendo get suddenly so bad, or what the hell happened?"

[Rob W.]

Some related ones:

The Kidnapped: Good kendoka, almost always a beginner. Seems to enjoy class, always leaves with a smile, and is consistantly improving their kihon. They're well on their way to getting bogu when without warning they stop coming to practice. No reason for their departure is ever discovered, and they are never seen again.

Alergic to bee-stings: A usually young, brash kendo beginner who after a year of inconsistant attendance is finally granted bogu. He often has a Hachikyu Sensei or Not-me, Not-me guy attitude. His basics are underdeveloped due to his refusal to listen attentively to instruction and expend effort in correction. Ties his tenegui poorly his first bogu practice, noticably winces with each strike of kirikaeshi. Suddenly decides kendo is not for him anymore and is never seen again.

The Ghost: Often the final form of Allergic to bee-stings and many other types, he is the ex-student sometimes seen at the coffee shop, on campus, or in the dojo neighborhood by currently practicing kendoka. Often unrecognizable in "civilian clothes". When he notices a current student aproaching the Ghost drops his head, quickens his pace and avoids eye contact. They are rarely seen twice.

[Paburo]

The woody woodwrecker
You can spot him because he is usually using a very beaten and wore carbon fibre shinai made from slats from 4 different carbon fibre shinai. He has a dark past of breaking 301987540 bamboo shinai per month and so he has upgraded to the more resistant adamantium reinforced ol' graphite. Be it excessive force or lack of tenouchi, he will still be your worst nightmare in kirikaeshi. May buddha have mercy of your bamboo shinai if you have to block his cuts. Among his family we also have the....


The scarificator / bruise master
A curse, bad aim, a dark force or whatever. 90% of his blows land outside the armour leaving a beautiful scratch, a purple bruise, a hickey or a pointy splinter inside your arm/leg muscle. A close relative of the bulldozer and the brick. Usually a huge dude with big arm strenght and little tenouchi.


The tender and delicate crystal petal rose
Usually a girl, but also some guys. Their skin is so delicate and special they will get a bruise, a dark spot, a hickey or a scratch for just about ANYTHING. Even a moskito-powered kiss on the kote from The Jackass. Their bogu is severely reinforced with all the extra pads and kote supporters known to mankind, but they still manage to grow a bruise here and there even when they only receive cuts on spot and with normal tenouchi. Please don't let them get even remotely near the scarificator / bruise master.

[Alison2805]

The tender and delicate crystal petal rose
Usually a girl, but also some guys. Their skin is so delicate and special they will get a bruise, a dark spot, a hickey or a scratch for just about ANYTHING. Even a moskito-powered kiss on the kote from The Jackass. Their bogu is severely reinforced with all the extra pads and kote supporters known to mankind, but they still manage to grow a bruise here and there even when they only receive cuts on spot and with normal tenouchi. Please don't let them get even remotely near the scarificator / bruise master.

ahem... Im kinda like that, but with a bit extra:

The Martyr: Very similar to the tender and delicate crystal rose petal, in that they bruise very easily. However, they really enjoy turning up to class black and blue and show off thier bruises with pride (especially missed tsuki), often comparing with others to see who has the worst. Often along with phrases like "oh my god, they tried to KILL me!!" hehehe...:laugh:

[Kenzan]

Geeze...
It seems Kendo seems to be filled with a lot of strange, and quite broken people.
:D

[Lady_Kitsune]

The wall He try his best, but he just don't listen instructons or does not want to listen. Sempai corrects him/her again and agian, even you help them (after sempai orders) and he/she keep doing the same, the very same mistakes over and over. He/ she can be realted to the vain kind but the difference is that they don't think they're too good to follow the class they just don't want to admit they're are wrong in something. Usualy is older people that is not used to making mistakes in their lives.

[Mike Molloy]

LOL, this is a superb thread!
Who is going to be first to cut'n'paste all these wonderful descriptions into their club/federation/national kendo magazine?

My favourites would be:

All-The-Gear-No-Idea (brother of More Money Than Sense). He does a few weeks beginners course and then buys a hand-stitched bogu (with same dou) over the internet. Turns up for practise with his new 10000 grade cotton hakama on backwards...

Mr Two Left Feet. (Antithesis of The Natural)
As a beginner his guy has horrible footwork and kiai always out of sync with the rest. He gets hakama/keikogi/bogu and looks like a sack of sh1t tied up with string...
BUT he always turns up and trains with 100% effort.
A few years on he is Sandan+ and standing out in front running the show...


(Personally I aspire to being Been There, Seen It All -"groans of arthritic pain" sounds all too familiar!)

[GavinP]

The Paul Bunyan: This guy towers over everyone at the class and outweighs the next heaviest by a factor of 3. Ususally comes from a college football/wrestling/hotdog eating background he can't wait to get into bogu. Is usually broken down into 2 subsets... The world looks like a nail - Who trys to hammer everything through to the centre of the Earth. Very likely to either leave once they realise that being bigger just makes them a bigger target or becomes The Bulldozer. The second is the I don't wanna hurt nobody who is too scared to swing a shinai closer than 2 feet to anyone else in case he hurts them, a gentle giant who eventually works out how to use his size to his advantage.

[Fonsz]

I think that there are more descriptions than that there are people practicing Kendo.:confused:


Thinks "Ki" is "the Force (tm)
It's not? Are you sure?

[Darknails]

The Hibernater - He confuses mushin (the state of no mind) with hibernation. He confuses the centerline with the shinai-rack. He seems to be holding an, albeit good, kamae even if the ceiling crashes down on him. But, when his opponent makes a move first, he says that his opponent is too hectic. The only time when anyone is allowed to do anything just happens to be when he takes the initiative.

[Charlie]

I am LOLing and smiling at so many of these!

[enkorat]

On a incrementally more serious note, I did once write an email to a friend of mine within a discussion about martial arts in general, and specifically what kinds of people choose to train in martial arts.

Since it seems to fit kind of in this thread I'll put it here. It doesn't necessarily have 100 percent applicability to Kendo in particular, because my gut feeling is that we attract a more specific demographic than some other martial arts in general.

I classified the people that I've known in martial arts including kendo into four main "initial motivations", on the basis that the needs of a particular group has a different dynamic. I also thought that these are not set in stone, and that motivations and thus classifications could change through time, and that a particular person could either be described as one classification or a mix of two.

The Reactionists: The primary motivation of a reactionist to pursuing martial arts training is as a reaction against some sort of past event involving victimization. These people are doing martial arts because they are looking for a way of learning "self defense". Although many reactionists have mental challenges overcoming a lack of self confidence, meekness, or fear, they are to be commended because they are taking a "proactive step" in taking control of their lives.

For the reactionist, one of the most difficult moments in training comes at the "breaking point", where there is a sudden realization that you are physically, emotionally and mentally capable of the same level of violence as once was visited upon the reactionist themselves. This fundamentally destroys the reactionist's identity as the "righteous martyr" or the "perpetual victim". Although this sounds good, it means that the equation changes from "I as the victim am always right" to "being a victim does not mean either right or wrong". Faced with this, there are normally three paths. Often they quit because they are not ready to move beyond "I as the suffering victim am always right". They may accept that being a victim is only a place on the spectrum for the struggle for control, and move beyond their fear. Or they may become "drunk" with power and being in control and and begin victimizing others.

When I was younger I was a reactionist who had to work through a lot of different challenges. I haven't seen many reactionists in Kendo, I suspect mainly because it isn't advertised as a "self defense" system, although I have met one beginner who fit that profile, who subsequently left training.

The Practicalists: Practicalists generally do martial arts because they think "fighting" is a "useful thing to know". They generally have relatively aggressive personalities, and are somewhat Machavellian in outlook, discounting tradition, philosophy, or culture for "techniques that work" either within the context of "fighting" or in Kendo's case shiai. They don't normally have the same internal struggles as reactionists, so they don't normally understand them very well. Generally I've seen practicalists come in to Kendo through other arts attracted by things like the speed and level of physical engagement of kendo. The growth trajectory of practicalists in kendo seems to be one of realizing that "techniques that work" become increasingly influenced by strategy and philosophy.

The Atheleticist: Atheleticists generally come into martial arts for the physical challenge. Often times they are already well established atheletes, and don't have personal issues like the reactionists, nor are they overly concerned with things like practical application as the practicalists are. Some are driven by a competitive motivation to excel, and can be extremely goal oriented. So much so that after achieving the they have set out for themselves (like achieving a blackbelt rank or a championship title) they lose interest in the larger picture and move on to the next challenge. The main difficulty facing Atheleticists seems to be remaining convinced that Kendo continues to be increasingly challenging as one stays within it.

The Culturalist: The Culturalists generally are attracted to martial arts as a "window to another culture", and covers people who are interested in exploring either a foreign or their own culture heritage, tradition, history or philosophy. They are generally well read, and approach martial arts and/or kendo as a sort of "educational" or "spiritual" exercise. Some see kendo as an adjunct or physical expression of their own spiritual development. They tend not to favor competition, are extremely detail oriented, and are very interested upholding the tradition of martial arts or kendo. The challenge of culturalists seems to be the physicality and level of "sweat equity" in kendo.


Anyway, whats interesting to me, at the point that I am in martial arts and in Kendo specifically, is that these divisions in motivation tend to exist relatively early on, but as time goes by and if someone is still practicing, the boundary lines begin to blur.

Indeed, one of the most impressive things about Kendo that I've seen so far is how accomidating it can be to people. I have been in other training environments where these people have been factionalized into distinct camps. Perhaps I have been lucky and I've been around flexible senseis and flexible sempai, but from what I gather reading from KW as well, I hope that this is true elsewhere...

Anyway, back to humor.

[Kenzan]

Let's not forget a most important one:
The Catagorists:
The people who belong in the proper section next to all the other sections which have been properly sectioned off to include other sections of items which, alphabetically and chronologically listed, provide more effective sections to which, allow us the continuation of making additional section trees, with the outcome being; that we may further define each section appropriately for the reception of entitled ridicule.
:D

[enkorat]

Hey now,

Carlus Linnaeus was the bomb! :D

[lucy]

Hey now,

Carlus Linnaeus was the bomb! :D

No, I hate Carl Linné. And the Latin version of his name as well. All since I kept forgetting his name in Biology class. Now I obviously can't forget him... ARGH! :D

[MAZ77]

THE I WONT GO AWAY

The person in class everyone hates, even the person that doesnt hate ANYONE. They are soooo annoying and keep showing up to class even though they know they make everyone uncomfortable and kendo unenjoyable. They have the worst kendo in the world with no apparent motivation and lack any sort of people skills; socially awkward.

Similar to the I WONT GO AWAY is the:

WHERE ARE WE GOING AFTER KENDO?

This person stick around as long as humanly possible hoping to be invited to the 'second dojo' even though they are aware we ditched them purposely the past 30 times.

[ogogo]

can you blame that person for showing up to class and working at kendo? perhaps you could engage them and cultivate their people skills as opposed to merely adding to a probably long list of people who have written him off as an exile and thus exacerbated the problem?

and can you also blame the person who wants to get closer with his dojomates by going out for a drink after a hard practice?

i apologize if im not posting in the spirit of humor in this thread, but i just wanted to post my impressions. And admittedly I am being hypocritical seeing as I have been with the crowd who doesnt want anything to do with a particular fellow or tries to ditch "that guy". This post is just as much an impression of myself as it is your "dojo types"

Just typing out loud.

[Kenzan]

THE I WONT GO AWAY
The person in class everyone hates, even the person that doesnt hate ANYONE. They are soooo annoying and keep showing up to class even though they know they make everyone uncomfortable and kendo unenjoyable. They have the worst kendo in the world with no apparent motivation and lack any sort of people skills; socially awkward.


....And I thought you liked meeeeeeeeeee!
Waaahahahahaaaaaa!:cry::cry::cry:

:D

[Anime12478]

Musashi Wannabes - This person has read the Book of Five Rings and Musashi to the point of being able to recite any quote in the book at random. They're usually the kind of person who teaches themselves a JSA and recites the quotes to make what they are doing seem authentic

[kiki67]

The Dojo mom: Can be a he or she, doesn't need to have kids of his/her own. this is the one that is always looking after all the other dojo-mates. He/she makes sure the floor is cleaned by the proper people, that no one forgets shinais bokuto or kote when they leave. She/he makes sure all the drunken kenshi get home safe and sound, even if she/he is intoxicated him/herself. She/he protects the children from the Bulldozer and Jackass. What would a dojo be without a Dojo mom?

[MAZ77]

can you blame that person for showing up to class and working at kendo? perhaps you could engage them and cultivate their people skills as opposed to merely adding to a probably long list of people who have written him off as an exile and thus and can you also blame the person who wants to get closer with his dojomates by going out for a drink after a hard practice?exacerbated the problem?



i apologize if im not posting in the spirit of humor in this thread, but i just wanted to post my impressions. And admittedly I am being hypocritical seeing as I have been with the crowd who doesnt want anything to do with a particular fellow or tries to ditch "that guy". This post is just as much an impression of myself as it is your "dojo types"

Just typing out loud.

Sometimes, you just have to write off bad debt. One can only do so much before it is detrimental. Everyone has a difference in tolernace, but cutting your losses is more often than not your best bet.

[MAZ77]

....And I thought you liked meeeeeeeeeee!
Waaahahahahaaaaaa!:cry::cry::cry:

:D

No, the guy who likes everyone still likes you, so its not you.

[MAZ77]

The Dojo mom: Can be a he or she, doesn't need to have kids of his/her own. this is the one that is always looking after all the other dojo-mates. He/she makes sure the floor is cleaned by the proper people, that no one forgets shinais bokuto or kote when they leave. She/he makes sure all the drunken kenshi get home safe and sound, even if she/he is intoxicated him/herself. She/he protects the children from the Bulldozer and Jackass. What would a dojo be without a Dojo mom?

Aside from jackass, this is my favorite one. I havent been to a dojo that doesnt have one yet. I would also put THE ENFORCER next to dojo mom. They are the most ruthless creatures.

[kiki67]

The Berserker - With a blood curdling yell the berserker launches himself out of sonkyo and attempts tsuki-men-hikimen-kote-doh-gyakudoh-men-taiatari-hikidoh, none of which land. This spurs him on to greater paroxysms of rage as his ever more frantic cuts get blocked, parried and evaded. Finally, when he's worn himself out to the point of exhaustion, you step in execute a single menuchi, just as the call 'yame' rings out.

That is my favorite description! Kudos to the person who wrote that...you have a talent. And Berserkers are a fun addition to any dojo. I just love people who can "spur themselves into greater paroxyms of rage"...like this kid (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBVmfIUR1DA):

[Reiver]

The Apologiser: During any form of practice, including waza practice, apologises every time for hittting you, even if you've told them to do so. Once they get the idea that it is impolite not to strike properly in the dojo, lose all restraint and go on a thumpfest. They often turn into The Berserker.

[Paburo]

WHERE ARE WE GOING AFTER KENDO?

This person stick around as long as humanly possible hoping to be invited to the 'second dojo' even though they are aware we ditched them purposely the past 30 times.

ogogo, don't take it to heart... actually in our dojo we have had members of a tribe similar to that above.... a bit diff though... i'll add it now:

The social-lifer (also known as The i-do-kendo-for-the-party-and-the-hot-guys)
Usually a girl, but some guys can be found too. They first tried Kendo for whatever reason, but even though they didn't quite like it much or fit in the training method still kept coming to keiko for the 2nd dojo/beers afterwards, the crazy kendo camps and the parties. Also well-known for never ever missing a single party or event where one or more members of the dojo assisted. Unfortunately, as time passes their love for kendo doesn't quite match their love for the social-lifing and they all end up quitting eventually after months/years time.

[Charlie]

Sometimes, you just have to write off bad debt. One can only do so much before it is detrimental. Everyone has a difference in tolernace, but cutting your losses is more often than not your best bet.

Nah, I'm with Ogogo. Perhaps it is because I am too much of a touchy-feely chuch-type but I really want to include everyone and friend the friendless, no matter how despicable they seem to others in my group. If you're in the kendo crowd, I ain't gonna ditch you, partner. Wish I'd always been this way, I'm sorry to say I did contribute to ostracizing people in the past.

Ogogo, I don't mind thread drift, myself, but feel free to start another thread if you like and would like to see more on this topic!

[Togashi Yokuni]

Tough-Love Sensei: Someone who usually hails from a police or SDF background. If he takes interest in you, he makes it his mission to help you improve your kendo by making your ji-geiko an absolutely miserable experience. Accomplishes this by doing every oji-waza available to prevent you from hitting him, and doing pre-war kendo stuff like throws, etc. And just when you feel like an uncoordinated idiot, he sincerely compliments you on the nice keiko you had earlier.

Mixed-Martial Artist: Similar to the Cross-Pollinator, this person has or is still training in other martial arts, AND manages to use some of that training in kendo, for better or for worse. Makes an interesting partner in ji-geiko if nothing else.

A side-note, it's especially fun to watch the aikido version of the Mixed-Martial Artist and the Tough-Love Sensei go at it...every time TLS tries to throw him, MMA just rolls into the throw and stands up still with shinai in hand and back in chudan! :ko:


The Apologiser: During any form of practice, including waza practice, apologises every time for hittting you, even if you've told them to do so.


Heh...one of my dojomates is like this, and he takes it to the extreme sometimes. I'm currently sidelined cause of an injury, but I try to go to every practice so that I can, among other things, watch my girlfriend practice. In a recent ji-geiko, he accidentally tagged her on the elbow. After bowing to her in apology, he then turned in my direction and bowed to ME! :laugh:

Cheers!

Togashi

[Fudo-Shin]

They often turn into The Berserker.LOL!!...every Dojo has 1. When all else fail, they go into berserk mode.

[Martch]

That is my favorite description! Kudos to the person who wrote that...you have a talent. And Berserkers are a fun addition to any dojo. I just love people who can "spur themselves into greater paroxyms of rage"...like this kid (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBVmfIUR1DA):

Thanks. Nice to know I may have a talent for something - kendo, iaido and jodo are more like hard work!

I have to confess to being the original Garlic Eater. As an ikkyu I accidentally discovered I could make my sandan teacher wince if I breathed garlic at him in tsuba-zeriai, leaving him open to hiki waza. Since then I've gone on to experiment with various combinations of chemical/olefactory warfare as Reiver will attest to. I can vouch for a lot of fenugreek in curry as being particularly effective! :gasmask:

[male73]

Heh...one of my dojomates is like this, and he takes it to the extreme sometimes. I'm currently sidelined cause of an injury, but I try to go to every practice so that I can, among other things, watch my girlfriend practice. In a recent ji-geiko, he accidentally tagged her on the elbow. After bowing to her in apology, he then turned in my direction and bowed to ME! :laugh:

Cheers!

Togashi

Sorry about that sempai, I didn't mean to apologize to .... you .... in .... public ....er, I'm doing it again. Gomen. Ooops, dang.:D

[Gessho]

The Berserker - With a blood curdling yell the berserker launches himself out of sonkyo and attempts tsuki-men-hikimen-kote-doh-gyakudoh-men-taiatari-hikidoh, none of which land. This spurs him on to greater paroxysms of rage as his ever more frantic cuts get blocked, parried and evaded. Finally, when he's worn himself out to the point of exhaustion, you step in execute a single menuchi, just as the call 'yame' rings out.

Hilarious! I am the Berserker doing my best to become the Monk but I get so darn frustrated and fly into a kirakaeshi rage...! :ponder:

[Ryuux]

The stone-ears The guy who never understand the explanations that Sensei says and always run to you before the exercise begins, begging you to explain the following waza.

[Lady_Kitsune]

The Lady Lady Almost always a girl (but sometimes is a boy too.) Always have a something that prevents her to finish the training or doing Jigeiko. A wound, studies, I have to get up early, you name the excuse. But this is not like that at all, is just fear of facing someone on a almost real match, or fear that someone hurt her (him)

[cesarekim]

The klutz -- one who comes to the dojo never having been able to compete or challenge others in a physical competition. Unlike the more gifted, he/she spends years learning how to do men but they make up with determination what they lack in skill. At some point, they suddenly transform into decent kenshi. They can then turn into monk or some other sub-species.

Great thread, btw, still laughing about some of the fauna mentioned.

[Charlie]

It's time for us to start confessing as to who we think we are in this thread. I am part Monk and part - which was the one that was the well-intentioned guy always offering to help run things and organize things? And part Klutz, and part.... do we have The Cheerleader yet? "Good job! Keep trying!" That's me all over.

[DavidLee]

It's time for us to start confessing as to who we think we are in this thread. I am part Monk and part - which was the one that was the well-intentioned guy always offering to help run things and organize things? And part Klutz, and part.... do we have The Cheerleader yet? "Good job! Keep trying!" That's me all over.

I am the Two-Faced (http://www.kendo-world.com/forum/showpost.php?p=273503&postcount=7), Double Dribbling (http://www.kendo-world.com/forum/showpost.php?p=273593&postcount=53), Brick (http://www.kendo-world.com/forum/showpost.php?p=273539&postcount=27).

[Lady_Kitsune]

I used to be Ms Goodknot, Apologiser and Bam Bam.. I think I pass over them, I hope!:)

Now I'm still are the tender and delicate crystal peal rose and something of the Club Idoru...

[Paburo]

i am the chosen one! :D

[lucy]

I’m part Maladroit, part Bibliographer (I know lots of theory though I can't do most of it, nevertheless I prefer training to reading), part KWFer, Ms. Goodknot (but far from sandan), Martyr and some more, I guess... :D

[enkorat]

What did they used to call Pokemon characters that leveled up? Evolved? Anyway...

The Machine Gunner: the evolved form of the Berserker, usually a sensei by that point. Unlike the Berserker, whose hits are wildly inaccurate and not effective, the Machine Gunner's hits actually land most of the time, and land hard.

and the opposite of the Machine Gunner, the One Hit Wonder: also usually a sensei, usually found in "the sensei squad" at team tournaments. Has mastered the ability to score ippon with the first hit, thus most matches against a One Hit Wonder are extremely short.

Interesting fight arises when a Machine Gunner faces a One Hit Wonder.

[Gideon]

It's time for us to start confessing as to who we think we are in this thread.

I think I show tendencies of: The Gaijin who Wishes he Wasn't, Mr. Goodknot, the Echo, and embarassingly enough, a Double Dribbler. Would love to become a Land Mine.

[ewanwalker_2001]

I'm sorta in between 'Best Intentions' and 'Wastrel', I also have Bibliographer tendencies and I'll admit I have 'Stone Ears'.....

[GavinP]

I would say that I'm part 'in-between' guy and part 'maladroit'... with just a sprinkling of 'padawan' (I don't own a force FX lightsabre, but I would, I'm a geek... I know it :D ).

[Ryuux]

I'm The Injury Prone FRUSTATED no matter how hard I try...I always get injured when I'm beginning to feel good with my kendo...but I NEVER left the dojo (only when I must place the shoulder in its joint...)

This type always trains very angry with himself because knows that he'll never be at level of the rest .

[MAZ77]

Definitely MR. Goodknot....but forget all about the other stuff other than himo comes untied at an alarming rate. And i would even modify it to say mr left do himo goodknot. my left himo is unruly.

[Charlie]

I love the Machine Gunner/One Hit Wonder dichotomy! I have known both of these types of sensei!

Gotta admit I am a sweaty, sweaty Double Dribbler as well!

[ZtefaNNN[K]]

I´m something between the Land Mine, The Monk and clearly, the Jackass hahaha ..."Oh YEAH, beeyotch! How ya gonna git it like THAT, son!" - loved that bit :D ...btw I might be a Party Animal from time to time... dammit! I can´t decide.

[HandsomeWarrior]

I started almost four years ago as a pure The klutz and I must admit I have evolved into a pure case of I Have Nothing Better To Do With My Life :evolved:

*shrugh* What yer gonna do...

Hillarious thread by the way. It made my morning.

[Gale]

The Wasted Talent: Usually the combination of The "I have not waved around a shinai for 10 years" Japanese guy and the chosen one .He has everything you want to have. Rattlesnake reflexes, olympic swimmer endurance, "musashi incarnate" natural talent...you name it. But he drives you crazy with his indifference towards kendo. Shows up late, half drunk or hungover and smokes like 65 year old air traffic controller. Kicks every sorry ass in the dojo and with some made up excuse, leave early. You hate him, oh god you hate him so much that tears come from your eyes right after you learn that he missed his sandan grading because he got drunk. He stops showing up, your dojo starts to fail at local and international tournaments because that drunk bastard single handedly defeated three opponents with higher grades than him in team matches.

The Unavoidable Nito-Ryu Fan: UsuallySubspecies of Samurai wannabe and The Anime Otaku. Two types in general: The Musashi and The Sleeper Agent.

Right after discovering kendo Musashi wonders why almost everyone using one shinai in chudan position. After all everyone knows that only cool anime characters wield two swords and faceless generic bald samurai using single katana on chudan destinied to die in the hands of nito masters. Besides, how hard it can be to wield two swords anyway?
Right from the beginning Musashi wants to learn the ultimate technique of two swords and nothing else. Every chudan or jodan technique is a waste of time because everyone knows that two swords beat one sword, it is simple math you know?
Constantly asks sensei about nito, gets frustrated over "generic aspiring nito gaijin dodge" talk used frequently by Japanese sensei then quits. Later you'll see him in a latosa-escrima club.

The Sleeper Agent is the more sinister brother of Musashi. He burns with the desire of wielding two swords but keeps it to himself because he has simple grasp of how things work in kendo. Watches nito matches in youtube, reads books and manuals about it and secretly trains himself at home or innocently plays with kohai at dojo. Rarely talks about his desire even frowns upon people trying it. After some time or "enough" grading he whips out the second sword and start taking names...or not. Even if he still can't hit anything that moves he is content with the idea of being a shining star in the world of chudan lemmings like us :)


The Rock Star: He\She has more friends than you can ever imagine. They usually come to dojo, watch the keiko, cheer for him\her. He usually stops practice to talk with his fans, explains why straight old man wear skirts and shout so much. Some of them show up at next keiko because it looks "cool". Rarely seen at the second keiko, if seen usually turn out as The Anime Otaku.

Bruce Lee: Subspecies of what if?. Bruce has practiced a hand to hand martial art for years and thinks everything else is inferior to it. He thinks it would be more fun if they allow throws like they used to do in good old days. Always claims that kendo is ineffective due to lack of back flips or five hit punch combos to the crotch. Constantly tries to adopt some hip throw or trip move to his kendo, effectively forcing you to upgrade your health insurance to premium.


I guess i am the Brick-The in Between Guy hybrid aspiring to be a Monk.

[rfoxmich]

The correct term according to my Asian friends is:
Waisian.



The Gaijin-Who-Wishes-He-Wasn't This is the guy who obsesses about all things Japan or Japanese. This is the guy who started kendo to learn more about the culture. Can probably speak and understand a little Japanese. He will likely try and speak some Japanese to nationals at practice beyond the expected rei-type responses and will try to understand the kanji on other people's tenguis. He's the guy who considered leaving their country of origin for a life in Japan (or has already done so). He's the guy trying to train under Japanese instructors if at all possible and will likely insist on training the 'Japanese' way. (whatever that is). Can be closeminded. Given proper circumstances, can be a very eager student.

[rfoxmich]

The Woodhead

Doesn't matter what sensei says, how they say it, how they demonstrate it. The woodhead is right.... always right...never changes.

[Aden]

Mr. I'm-too-sexy-for-Kendo-drills - Will only come for jigeiko even though they haven't even been practicing for a year. If they do come while the other students are drilling footwork or doing kirikaeshi, he will take an inordinate amount of time to get his bogu on, finishing only when--guess what--it's time for jigeiko. Usually not seen for months at a time.

Thats me - but a true master makes no pretence of taking inordinate amounts of time to avoid footwork, kihon and waza - just arrive in time for jigeiko once every month or two! It is really "I am too morally feeble for Kendo Drills" though...

[yoda-waza]

... not to mention all us "I'm too sexy cyber-dojo types who take inordinate amounts of time to type in past the 117th post...."
How many of us really know our "types" through the keyboard?