Did your parent(s) support you?

[NewToItAll]

I'm an American (that makes a difference, right, since in Japan it's more common do to Kendo?) 15 year old guy, and I was really hoping to start either kendo, iaido, or both. Yet any time I suggest, even mention, starting a martial art (I haven't even tried mentioning Kendo/Iaido yet) I get a weird look from my father, and a "Why would you want to do that?" I explain how it would help me physically, mentally, and how it's something that I've admired, and he simply says (last time we talked about it, anyway, he said), "Well, if you want exercise, why don't you try going to a gym?"

:rolleyes: :mad2:

I don't understand how to get him to agree with me, and to pay for my lessons, drive me there, etc. He really doesn't seem to get it at all, and try as I might it doesn't seem like he understands how much this is something I want to do. Don't get me wrong, he's not your "Fat, lazy, American Dad" (it might sound like he doesn't care about anything I do, which is 100% wrong) like many people have, but he just doesn't seem to understand why I'd want to start a martial art.

Any suggestions, thoughts, similar stories? You lucky Japanese, living in a culture where this is accepted easily and appreciated more. :disapp:

I mean, as a last straw, I could wait until college. But, I was really hoping I could start it earlier, because the earlier the started, the better I would be as time went on, having learned the foundations at a younger age and getting a "head start" on most, so to speak.

[jasmine]

I'm an American (that makes a difference, right, since in Japan it's more common do to Kendo?) 15 year old guy, and I was really hoping to start either kendo, iaido, or both. Yet any time I suggest, even mention, starting a martial art (I haven't even tried mentioning Kendo/Iaido yet) I get a weird look from my father, and a "Why would you want to do that?" I explain how it would help me physically, mentally, and how it's something that I've admired, and he simply says (last time we talked about it, anyway, he said), "Well, if you want exercise, why don't you try going to a gym?"

:rolleyes: :mad2:

I don't understand how to get him to agree with me, and to pay for my lessons, drive me there, etc. He really doesn't seem to get it at all, and try as I might it doesn't seem like he understands how much this is something I want to do. Don't get me wrong, he's not your "Fat, lazy, American Dad" (it might sound like he doesn't care about anything I do, which is 100% wrong) like many people have, but he just doesn't seem to understand why I'd want to start a martial art.

Any suggestions, thoughts, similar stories? You lucky Japanese, living in a culture where this is accepted easily and appreciated more. :disapp:

I mean, as a last straw, I could wait until college. But, I was really hoping I could start it earlier, because the earlier the started, the better I would be as time went on, having learned the foundations at a younger age and getting a "head start" on most, so to speak.


my parents dont support me to do kendo exersice.they think that waste time
and waste money.they dont understand how i like it.

[xvikingx]

I don't understand how to get him to agree with me, and to pay for my lessons, drive me there, etc.

Maybe you could get a job (if you don't have one already) and pay for kendo yourself. I am sure this would show your father how serious you are about wanting to learn kendo/ iaido.

[Khabbi]

Well , if I had the same probs , id prob just tell him that Kendo and Iaido is something that means somthing big too u , and that he should suport u coz its the thing to do . And if its a money thing , you need to get a job . like a paper round or somthing , just enuff to cover the costs .

And if he still doesent suport you , ask your mother , mothers seem to have a way of getting dads to do anything :wink:

And if none of them suport u , fuck em , do it all yer self . life is hard enuff withou ppl that are suposed to suport u dont give a crap



Khabbi

[dorkusxmaximus]

I didn't have any support from any of my parents from any martial arts I took. I paid for all of my lessons since I was 14 years old, and so should you, if you're really determined to take kendo that is.

[Will]

Did you use the "Colleges look for people who do unique things" excuse? That works...

[ACRAWFORD]

Maybe your dad is supportive and is looking for the motivation behind your desire. Training costs time and money, so he may be testing your commitment before shelling out the dough. My father did this when I first approached him.



So my advice is to prove to him that you are serious and will stick with it. As to how to do that each Dad is differant, but he is your dad so you will think of something.




Andre R Crawford
Ft Hood Tx

[Kendo-Militia]

Sounds to me like Kendo is something that your parents may not understand. Most parents feel if it is not "normal" then they are against it. In America, Kendo is not "normal". Most kids in America play basketball, baseball, or football. Just because you know what Kendo is, they may not know what it is. If they have never attended one of your classes, ask them to come out and watch. The more they know about it, the more they may support you on it. I had the same problem when I wanted to play football. Both my parents were born in Japan and they didn't know or understand Football. Get them out there to see Kendo.

[eli1021]

Maybe your dad is supportive and is looking for the motivation behind your desire. Training costs time and money, so he may be testing your commitment before shelling out the dough. My father did this when I first approached him.

So my advice is to prove to him that you are serious and will stick with it. As to how to do that each Dad is differant, but he is your dad so you will think of something.

I agree with ACRAWFORD. A soccer ball costs $15, so if you lose interest after a while then it's no big loss. Kendo lessons are expensive, plus you have to buy shinai, bogu, etc. which is quite a bit of money. If you have a history of getting interested in things and then quickly losing interest, then he may not think you are committed enough to make it worth the investment. Your job is to prove that you ARE committed, and that you will not give up once you reach the 6 month hump.

[Raiza]

I'm an American (that makes a difference, right, since in Japan it's more common do to Kendo?) 15 year old guy, and I was really hoping to start either kendo, iaido, or both. Yet any time I suggest, even mention, starting a martial art (I haven't even tried mentioning Kendo/Iaido yet) I get a weird look from my father, and a "Why would you want to do that?" I explain how it would help me physically, mentally, and how it's something that I've admired, and he simply says (last time we talked about it, anyway, he said), "Well, if you want exercise, why don't you try going to a gym?"

Hm, has he ever seen a martial arts practise? He seems completely unfamiliar with the idea of martial arts. Have him come along with you to watch a practise. If I had kids that wanted to take up something that required a great deal of self-discipline, I'd be sooo happy. It doesn't sound as though the cost is a factor as many gyms charge as much if not more than a typical kendo/iaido fee. I presume he'd have to drive you to the gym too...

For the first several months all you need is a comfortable clothes and a couple well-maintained shinai for kendo or a bokken in saya for iaido (check with the club as they may have some used ones for you to purchase or borrow), so costs aren't too great and the risk isn't too great if you find out it's not your style. That's usually around the same price as, say, a pair of decent cleats and a soccer ball.

In Japan, kendo is more something you're expected to do when you're growing up, much like hockey in Canada or baseball/football in the US. Oodles of kids take it up because their parents expect them to do it, then drop it after high school in order to get jobs, go to college, etc.

My mom hated the fact I was doing Shotokan karate during high school. I paid for it myself from savings from a summer job or whatever short job came up, paid for the gas to drive me there, got rides with other classmates to practise when I couldn't borrow the car and studied my arse off to show my grades weren't affected.

As a 15 year old possibly having to pay for all this stuff, you're a bit young to be working anything more than ~4 hours a week while you're at school. Your studies and what's left of your childhood come first.

[mystic_kendoka]

my parents are korean, and support me doing kendo, as long as i dont take too much time over it, so as not to interfere my 'studies'...

[NewToItAll]

Hm, has he ever seen a martial arts practise? He seems completely unfamiliar with the idea of martial arts. Have him come along with you to watch a practise. If I had kids that wanted to take up something that required a great deal of self-discipline, I'd be sooo happy. It doesn't sound as though the cost is a factor as many gyms charge as much if not more than a typical kendo/iaido fee. I presume he'd have to drive you to the gym too...

For the first several months all you need is a comfortable clothes and a couple well-maintained shinai for kendo or a bokken in saya for iaido (check with the club as they may have some used ones for you to purchase or borrow), so costs aren't too great and the risk isn't too great if you find out it's not your style. That's usually around the same price as, say, a pair of decent cleats and a soccer ball.

In Japan, kendo is more something you're expected to do when you're growing up, much like hockey in Canada or baseball/football in the US. Oodles of kids take it up because their parents expect them to do it, then drop it after high school in order to get jobs, go to college, etc.

My mom hated the fact I was doing Shotokan karate during high school. I paid for it myself from savings from a summer job or whatever short job came up, paid for the gas to drive me there, got rides with other classmates to practise when I couldn't borrow the car and studied my arse off to show my grades weren't affected.

As a 15 year old possibly having to pay for all this stuff, you're a bit young to be working anything more than ~4 hours a week while you're at school. Your studies and what's left of your childhood come first.
That's a good idea..I believe he has never seen a martial arts practice, so like you say, taking him would at least show him a little of what I'd be doing.

And I wasn't really thinking when I mentioned the prices; I've played hockey since I was..oh..8? So, the costs of equipment, practice, clinics, etc all exceed those of kendo, easily. :)

As for whoever said the "Colleges like people who do a lot of things," that is a good idea, I'll try that one out on him as well. And for those of you who mentioned trying my mother (which would be a wonderful idea with my mom), sadly she recently passed away a little while ago, I can't get her to give me the yes.

But, thanks for all your ideas, I'll be sure to try them out, and hopefully show my dad that I'd really like to do this and get the ok.

[Raiza]

There's a few ideas to be found in a similar thread, right here (http://www.kendo-world.com/forum/showthread.php?t=901&referrerid=235).

[samurai999]

Yup.. Mixed reaction in my family (and mine is Japanese!). Father didn't really want me to play. Said it wasted money and time (even though I paid for everything). I tried taking him to a tournament, but complained to heck about how things smelled on the way home, how rude people were, how packed the gym was, how he didn't like the food, etc. I didn't really hear the end of it. But I think he's starting to realize why I started and why I'm still doing it. After I got injured though, the ominous voices of doom from him came again in the form of "you can't afford another injury", "who will pay for your insurance", "you will never be able to keep a job", "you will fail in school", etc. So I pretty much had it after that and I moved out when I started grad school. He's not forcing me not to do kendo, he's trying to prod me and prod me until I give it up. Since I don't see it in his perspective and he usually says the same thing every time I talk to him about kendo, I don't really listen.

My mom is polar opposite.

Tim

[litige]

Well, what a great way to be raised!

[twix]

when i was little i really wanted to learn karate, and my [traditional and overprotective asian] parents wouldn't let me because they thought i was already a tomboy and they shouldn't encourage me to do something 'unfeminine'. they sent me to piano classes instead.

when i took up kendo my dad was ok with it, but my mom said, "what are you doing kendo for? you're a girl, you should be soft and gentle..."
then i replied, "why did you send me to school and uni? you should have let me be foolish, weak and dependent on a man."
my mom didn't say anything back, but i felt i shouldn't have said that because she looked a bit hurt and upset, so i quickly added, "well, i want to do kendo for my personal development. it's challenging, and it helps improve my coordination, reflex and strength. i don't find it easy, but it makes me want to try harder and push myself further."
now she's very supportive, although she still freaks out when i come home limping :P

[yukiko]

My case was very different. I wanted to do more girly stuff like ballet and singing and stuff like that, but i couldnt instead I was introduced to kendo at the age of 9. It was because my parents moved around the world so many time since I was one, and they were afraid that i wont gain any cultural awareness of my country, this is how i started. My parents supported me til I came to uni, now they dont support my kendo at all, most of my stuff come out of my summer job pay, because i am an adult, but anyway, my point is that my start was very easy as my parents knew what was kendo, and my grandad was actually a sensei. Now, your situation is different. Your parents don't know what kendo is, i mean remotely!so what you have to do is to give them a tasty session. Take them to a dojo and show them what it is like, talk to them with some backuped information. Tell them what it is. Unless you get them interested or see the point of doing it, they wont let you do it. Plus make sure that you and your parents are aware of the cost that they have to pay for the bogu and stuff like that as this sport is not something you can do without money, unfortunatelly.....:wink: You need to do a bit of research, and make sure that your research is interesting. Cuz as long as you show them enough enthusiasm I am sure your parents will be happy to help you.

Good luck

yukiko

[NewToItAll]

Everyone, thanks for the replies! :) I'll take all of your advice, combine it into one strategy, and I'm bound to succeed! ;)

Thanks again.

[mystic_kendoka]

kendo isnt that expensive, its expensive but not as much as many other sports... take golf for example... u need to buy some striped polo shirts... some pointy shoes... LOL, but those are expensive... then u need golf clubs, the decent ones are around $300, you need about 3 woods, a driver(500), then you need a couple of irons, and a putter, which adds to about... $3 000 then you need a golf bag... then the membership fee, and private lessons fee... plus you might have to buy newer golf clubs to stay in 'trend'

kendo on the other hand, the only thing you have to buy repeatedly is a shinai, which is only a couple of bucks...