samurai80
8th July 2009, 03:12 PM
Slap yourself-Ridiculous Products
A quick glance at martial arts products that should never have happened.
1. Action Jeanshttp://www.stpaulksw.com/blog/wp-content/images/chuck-norris-action-jeans-1.jpg "We here at Kuk Sool Won of St Paul are so happy for Chuck Norris the inventor and his Action Jeans. They’re pretty much better than your jeans.", claims Kuk Sool Won, a dojo from...ummm...St. Paul. Just check 'em out. Drink it all in. I'll even allow you to overlook that it's mutha f'n Chuck Norris in those jeans. They're perfect for farmers, greasers (that means YOU John Trivolta!), Chuck Norris, and people who frequently splurge on Wal-Mart "fashions". The secret is in the technology. What space-age polymer could give you the fighting edge you need, and reveal the shape of your balls? Elastic. Don't forget, the fine folks at Century Martial Arts leave those bad-boys unhemmed, so you can "have them tailored to your exact length.". Tailored?!?! Whoa! Look out for James Bond over here, in his Action Jeans. Just think, the only thing standing between those tailored jeans, and millions of dollars is those assholes who invented baggier jeans...and biker shorts!
2. Lighted Kama
Details:
Length: 12 inches
Blade Material: Aluminum
Diameter: .8 inch
Handle Colors: Red with Silver, Black with Silver or Blue with Silver
**Note: Due to state laws, we are not allowed to sell this item in the following states: CA, MA and NY.
Now banned in three states, and from my prescence, I give you http://www.sakuramartialarts.com/v/vspfiles/photos/WEA-2001-A1-1.jpg. I found this in the "How To" section...Lightweight Kamas with shorter handles are preferred. Often, blades for competition are vented with large circular holes to further reduce weight and increase the speed of the Kama. Handles are also planed, or shaved down slightly in the direction of the blade and like tapering; increases the aerodynamic efficiency of the weapon, making it cut through the air more quickly. I can' even begin to pick apart all of the scientific bullshit that's wrong in that statement, but I can express my anger for the way Century Martial Arts tries to sell me on the image of 'scientists' gathered in some laboratory creating...ugggh... faster, light-up kama. Appearently, ninja loved raves as much as they loved killin' stuff. If someone ever kills me with lighted kama, I want someone to bring me back to life, and kill me again.
Me, at the river Styx...
Me- Hey dead guy, how'd you die?
Other dead guy- I was attacked by a shark...I'll never forget those black eyes. How'd you die?
Me- Some guy cut me down with faster-than-normal, kama. I'll never forget the "holographic prism tape".
3. American Flag Hakama I know, I know. We've totally ripped on these before, but how could they not make the list? Feast on these...https://www.ninjagym.com/martialartsupply/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/232x/5e06319eda06f020e43594a9c230972d/1/_/1_2_3.jpg If "Think anyone wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearing these bad boys?" enters your head upon viewing of these magnificent bastards, then stop copying me! I thought it first! Wether you're poking stuff with sticks, planning on looking super-intense, or just want to embarrass youself, these gawd-awful hakama are the answer. Once again, I'm fighting to see the logic in this hybrid of terrible. Bet I could fight to see the logic even better if I had on some American Flag Hakama! Traditional Japanese clothing plus American flags?! Awesome. If prisoners had to wear those, crime rates would drop to historical lows.
A quick glance at martial arts products that should never have happened.
1. Action Jeanshttp://www.stpaulksw.com/blog/wp-content/images/chuck-norris-action-jeans-1.jpg "We here at Kuk Sool Won of St Paul are so happy for Chuck Norris the inventor and his Action Jeans. They’re pretty much better than your jeans.", claims Kuk Sool Won, a dojo from...ummm...St. Paul. Just check 'em out. Drink it all in. I'll even allow you to overlook that it's mutha f'n Chuck Norris in those jeans. They're perfect for farmers, greasers (that means YOU John Trivolta!), Chuck Norris, and people who frequently splurge on Wal-Mart "fashions". The secret is in the technology. What space-age polymer could give you the fighting edge you need, and reveal the shape of your balls? Elastic. Don't forget, the fine folks at Century Martial Arts leave those bad-boys unhemmed, so you can "have them tailored to your exact length.". Tailored?!?! Whoa! Look out for James Bond over here, in his Action Jeans. Just think, the only thing standing between those tailored jeans, and millions of dollars is those assholes who invented baggier jeans...and biker shorts!
2. Lighted Kama
Details:
Length: 12 inches
Blade Material: Aluminum
Diameter: .8 inch
Handle Colors: Red with Silver, Black with Silver or Blue with Silver
**Note: Due to state laws, we are not allowed to sell this item in the following states: CA, MA and NY.
Now banned in three states, and from my prescence, I give you http://www.sakuramartialarts.com/v/vspfiles/photos/WEA-2001-A1-1.jpg. I found this in the "How To" section...Lightweight Kamas with shorter handles are preferred. Often, blades for competition are vented with large circular holes to further reduce weight and increase the speed of the Kama. Handles are also planed, or shaved down slightly in the direction of the blade and like tapering; increases the aerodynamic efficiency of the weapon, making it cut through the air more quickly. I can' even begin to pick apart all of the scientific bullshit that's wrong in that statement, but I can express my anger for the way Century Martial Arts tries to sell me on the image of 'scientists' gathered in some laboratory creating...ugggh... faster, light-up kama. Appearently, ninja loved raves as much as they loved killin' stuff. If someone ever kills me with lighted kama, I want someone to bring me back to life, and kill me again.
Me, at the river Styx...
Me- Hey dead guy, how'd you die?
Other dead guy- I was attacked by a shark...I'll never forget those black eyes. How'd you die?
Me- Some guy cut me down with faster-than-normal, kama. I'll never forget the "holographic prism tape".
3. American Flag Hakama I know, I know. We've totally ripped on these before, but how could they not make the list? Feast on these...https://www.ninjagym.com/martialartsupply/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/232x/5e06319eda06f020e43594a9c230972d/1/_/1_2_3.jpg If "Think anyone wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearing these bad boys?" enters your head upon viewing of these magnificent bastards, then stop copying me! I thought it first! Wether you're poking stuff with sticks, planning on looking super-intense, or just want to embarrass youself, these gawd-awful hakama are the answer. Once again, I'm fighting to see the logic in this hybrid of terrible. Bet I could fight to see the logic even better if I had on some American Flag Hakama! Traditional Japanese clothing plus American flags?! Awesome. If prisoners had to wear those, crime rates would drop to historical lows.