Afraid to return

[red.hydrangea17]

Hi, I'm new here.
This may sound kinda stupid. But I need ur advices.
I was in kendo for about a year or two. But then, I started to feel afraid to it. I think it's because i'm afraid of making mistakes like fell down, say the wrong word, etc.
Now, i felt that i miss those things. the thrill of facing ur opponent, of the exercise, and many other things.
i want to return, but i was afraid. i cant tell why...

[ShinKenshi]

Everybody goes through this at some point early on in kendo so you're not alone. We all get a little self-conscious and begin worrying about how others perceive us, especially since it's just you and your opponent out there. For me, that's what I like the most about kendo; it forces you to face your fears and be better than you were the day before. Just think of it as one of the first major hurdles you face as a beginning kendoka. If you can push yourself to get back to the dojo and conquer those fears, you'll be all the better for it.

[FastKendo]

That's true, we're crossing that path at some points, so you don't have to worry. Afraid of making mistakes is afraid to improve, you don't want that. Making mistakes are often good as long as your intention is to do the right thing. If you keep running from it, you'll never overcome it.

[Tort-Speed]

A Japanese proverb goes something like, "Fall down 7 times, get up 8" - as in life, and as you' ve written, it's about not giving up and IS about going for it. As Kendo still attracts you, try it again. You are lucky: many people spend their lives in boredom. Good luck!

[JSchmidt]

The hardest thing is always stepping through the door. In the vast majority of cases, people will be more than happy to see 'old' students return, regardless of their level.

[red.hydrangea17]

Oh my god... ahahaha... i almost cried when i read this. :cry:
thank you so much for ur words. :happy:
i'll definitely return to kendo. i'm still a bit scared. but i'll try my best to improve. i'll become strong, and face my fear.
thanks a lot u guys:smiley:

[rfoxmich]

You will make mistakes, look stupid do things you wish you hadn't. What is important is not the mistakes you make but what you learn from them, how you use your mistakes to improve.

[FastKendo]

Oh my god... ahahaha... i almost cried when i read this. :cry:
thank you so much for ur words. :happy:
i'll definitely return to kendo. i'm still a bit scared. but i'll try my best to improve. i'll become strong, and face my fear.
thanks a lot u guys:smiley:

Good to hear that.
By the way, since we're from the same country, where will you train?

[cr720]

Oh my god... ahahaha... i almost cried when i read this. :cry:
thank you so much for ur words. :happy:
i'll definitely return to kendo. i'm still a bit scared. but i'll try my best to improve. i'll become strong, and face my fear.
thanks a lot u guys:smiley:

Good to hear that! I was out of Kendo for 4 years or so, and yes, the hardest part in my experience was walking back into the dojo. Keep your head high and do your best! :D

[braxtonhicks]

I get scared almost everyday train because I know there is a good chance that:

a) I'm gonna screw up
b) I'm going to be tested to the limit of my focus, stamina, and spirit.
c) It's kendo and it's not meant to be easy.

I think that this nervousness only lasts until I get through the door of the dojo. Then it's time to train. I got my ass kicked tonight, just on basics and suburi, but was too busy "doing" to be nervous. We had a special practice for the upcoming shiai.

Like a poster above said, I think most Sensei will be happy to have you. Kendo has a pretty high attrition rate. Go for it man! I took 10 months off with a torn Achilles, and my sensei we're really happy to see me back, not to mention accommodating.

Then we had beer keiko. I mean real beer keiko. And soju keiko. In fact, I'm doing a bit of drunk posting right now, as I bus it home! Of course you should come back! Go for it! *Hic*. *burp*.

Seriously though, I hope you come back. I know it's tough, but the fact that you're asking about it suggests to me that you've got the drive to follow through.

Damn, I need to drink some water.

[red.hydrangea17]

Good to hear that.
By the way, since we're from the same country, where will you train?

Well, apparently i'm still searching. So i don't know yet. And i'm still trying to find the time to train, since my schedule is really full.

[Genya]

It´s nice that you decided to keep training :)
I wouldn´t consider myself as a total beginner anymore, but since I recently moved to a bigger dojo with real sensei, I find myself making really stupid mistakes all the time and it´s always really embarrassing.. But that´s how we learn not to suck so badly ;)

[rfoxmich]

I used to ride horses. Not this trail riding stuff but dressage. My teacher once said: If you don't fall off the horse every now and then you're not trying/learning...oh, and when you do fall off.. get back on.

I used to downhill ski (not very well), my instructors there said "If you're not falling you're not improving"

On Chess Gary Kasparov former world champion said:
"Setbacks and losses are both inevitable and essential if you're going to improve and become a good, even great, competitor. The art is in avoiding catastrophic losses in the key battles."

The point is failure is part of growth. Regardless of what you do try to succeed, be prepared to fail, and use those failures as a springboard to your later successes. Overcoming the fear of failure is part of the growth kendo is supposed to cultivate.
Now get back on that horse, kick your boots back into your bindings, and get back to the dojo.

[Inner_Silence]

I have a friend that says the same than you, she is afraid of comming back since she has missed lots of kendo and always finds an excuse not to co train each day even thou she could.

the bad part is that she has a bogu that belongs to the dojo. I really think that the bogu could be actually being used to some of the guys that needs it, but Im not quite sure about telling her to return it, I think is the best choice but girls are weird and by some irrelevant and illogic reason it might hurt her feelings. I really dont find it important, I mean, is the lesser evil to tell her to return her bogu but for some reason noone has told her that yet even thou everyone agrees with it. from that I could deduce that they may know something that I dont, and thats the only reason I havent told her.

I really want her to return the bogu, but I also dont want to screw this up as I (for some reason) usually do when I deal with people.

any ideas? this question especially goes to the girl that started this thread. what if one of your sempais tell you to give up your bogu?? (well I assume thet your bogu is yours, but lets think that is loaned from the dojo)

[FastKendo]

If I were you, I'll tell her to back to the dojo since he already has the bogu, if not, I'll tell her "perhaps that bogu would be more useful for someone else."

But I'm a man anyway..

[verissimus]

I have a friend that says the same than you, she is afraid of comming back since she has missed lots of kendo and always finds an excuse not to co train each day even thou she could.

the bad part is that she has a bogu that belongs to the dojo. I really think that the bogu could be actually being used to some of the guys that needs it, but Im not quite sure about telling her to return it, I think is the best choice but girls are weird and by some irrelevant and illogic reason it might hurt her feelings. I really dont find it important, I mean, is the lesser evil to tell her to return her bogu but for some reason noone has told her that yet even thou everyone agrees with it. from that I could deduce that they may know something that I dont, and thats the only reason I havent told her.

I really want her to return the bogu, but I also dont want to screw this up as I (for some reason) usually do when I deal with people.

any ideas? this question especially goes to the girl that started this thread. what if one of your sempais tell you to give up your bogu?? (well I assume thet your bogu is yours, but lets think that is loaned from the dojo)

It's happened in our dojo before, especially with some of the kids who started, but decided not to continue. Usually a polite message from the president / secretary of the dojo / club (who deals with administrative matters) to the person in question (or his / her parent) is sufficient. The person (or parent) should be mature enough to realize that the bogu could be used by someone else.

However, it's the sensei and the secretary who make that decision, not the other members.

[Neil Gendzwill]

We do two things up front in our dojo to help with this problem: first, we take a deposit, and we take the bogu rent from that deposit. So if people aren't using the bogu, we are still taking the rent. Second, we let people know that if they don't come to practice for a month or more, we will ask for the bogu back.

I think a lot of the time returning it is admitting to themselves that they have quit. Other times it is lack of opportunity or forgetfulness. Occasionally it is just plain inconsideration. Whatever the reason, I am so over being delicate about it. It gets annoying when time after time, people just don't return the damn bogu.

If it is your responsibility to manage such things in the dojo, call her up and ask her politely to return the bogu. Girls aren't any more delicate or weird about these things than guys.

[GothMelancolia]

If it is your responsibility to manage such things in the dojo, call her up and ask her politely to return the bogu. Girls aren't any more delicate or weird about these things than guys.

Exactly...we are not delicate or weird about this....just tell her that for now there are people that really need that equipment...she shouldn't feel weird about it....I wouldn't.
Of course this only if the people that lead the club made you in charge with this.

[ArcticBlizzard]

Don't make her return it, make her wear it (in the dojo of course).

[UnimportantHero]

Maybe if you ask her to bring it down in person, she will feel fired up for Kendo all over again, upon seeing everyone practicing!
Or maybe that only happens in comic books.

[FastKendo]

Maybe if you ask her to bring it down in person, she will feel fired up for Kendo all over again, upon seeing everyone practicing!
Or maybe that only happens in comic books.

Well that's happen in real life too. My wife always get fired up everytime she saw her friends practicing. Too bad she need to rest for a few months due to a heel injury.

To: Inner_Silence
Perhaps the fact that she's still keeping the bogu is a good sign if she wants to comeback, but mayne she's still having a problem.

[Neil Gendzwill]

Maybe if you ask her to bring it down in person, she will feel fired up for Kendo all over again, upon seeing everyone practicing!
Or maybe that only happens in comic books.We always do that, we have refunds to dispense and all that. Plus I'm not about to go driving around town picking up bogu from people.

Nobody ever changes their mind.

[UnimportantHero]

Nobody ever changes their mind.

How sad.

:(

[Tort-Speed]

Heard a saying like "A wise man changes his mind a thousand times, a fool never." Sort of over the top, but ... Last night's keiko, a woman in her mid-60's apparently came back - as much as can be demonstrated here, there was some oo-ing and awe-ing going on; she sure was energetic, made me feel wimpy.

[Mugu]

The point is failure is part of growth. Regardless of what you do try to succeed, be prepared to fail, and use those failures as a springboard to your later successes. Overcoming the fear of failure is part of the growth kendo is supposed to cultivate.

I'm going to keep this mind, I'm having strange nervous thoughts for testing next year... Thanks Fox sensei

But to the original poster, we have a kid who used to do Kendo and went off to college. Dropped out of Kendo for at least 3 years but finally returned last Saturday, you have no idea how happy we were to see him even though he Taiatari me to the floor during Kirikaeshi :)

[ender84567]

I'm going to keep this mind, I'm having strange nervous thoughts for testing next year... Thanks Fox sensei

But to the original poster, we have a kid who used to do Kendo and went off to college. Dropped out of Kendo for at least 3 years but finally returned last Saturday, you have no idea how happy we were to see him even though he Taiatari me to the floor during Kirikaeshi :)

Oh you will have no problems, even wendy and I passed :-D

[Mugu]

Oh you will have no problems, even wendy and I passed :-D

Congrats!!!! Yeah, I need to practice more Kata and hopefully I won't forget to take off my Do again during testing for kata then I should be fine LOL

[ender84567]

Someone almost forgot to take theirs off, I cant remember who now, its all kinda blurry.

[Carol700]

Hey red....I was in Kenpo for years (well all throughout high school) I stayed in shape through college and occasionally going to classes in Terre Haute, Indiana where I attended school. I have to admit it got tougher the more responsibility I acquired to really stay dedicated. It seemed as if I was less intimidated when I was more conditioned for the training session. The more and more I seen myself getting tired faster and my attention drifting the more anxious I became on a regular basis about it. Then what I did I do....I started to get more focused again and when I graduated from Indiana State I went back to Chicago and started back again. Being in familiar surroundings gave me some of my confidence back and training did the rest. So as fate would have it...what did I do soon after I got back in shape and less afraid to take a hit....I get pregnant (http://www.chacha.com/topic/get-pregnant)and haven't been back since. I say all this to say that your training will give you back your confidence and time will help you get over the anxious feelings you may have.

[rainmaker]

Boys have freaking short attention span so you should understand that your thread can quickly turn into a monster.

Anyway, go back to your problem. I have been practicing Kendo for 7 years and I practice with my sensei on Wednesday. Everytime, I go to his dojo, I get scared too. He expect lot from me and I worry that I will fail him over and over again. I probably do. But I still keep challenging it and without you knowing it, you get better. If you quit, you will never get better. Hardest part of kendo is not your opponent, it is yourself. You have to kill yourself everyday to get better. If this is what you like, don't quit. Stop making excuse, just keep going back to dojo... Fight yourself...




Hi, I'm new here.
This may sound kinda stupid. But I need ur advices.
I was in kendo for about a year or two. But then, I started to feel afraid to it. I think it's because i'm afraid of making mistakes like fell down, say the wrong word, etc.
Now, i felt that i miss those things. the thrill of facing ur opponent, of the exercise, and many other things.
i want to return, but i was afraid. i cant tell why...

[Sasayaki]

I have been out of Kendo for 2 years now because life happens. But I think it's more then you being afraid like a regular kendoka. You sound intimidated, not afraid. And I think it's because you're a girl as well. Honestly, when I would go into the dojo I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. Sometimes I was the only girl at practice, and with a dojo of about 10-15 men. It's intimidating, and messing up was very scary in front of them. I've just recently regained the passion to try and go back.

I have to find a new dojo in the area I'm at, and I'm intimidated once again about going back after so long and being horrible at it, as well as embarrassing my self.

But then, want to know what I realized? Everyone starts somewhere. Don't think for a second you have to walk in there remembering what you're doing. You can walk in there as a beginner with a fresh mind again. And realize that they are not there to judge you. And even if some do, you've only got 100 years to live in my mind. Live it up, because now is all the time you have.