motivational problems relating to ikkyu test

[coldwater19]

i passed my ikkyu test about a month ago after having done kendo for eleven months. i understand that kendo isn't just about passing "belt" tests, of course, but passing this test really meant a lot to me. because it was a milestone in something i had voluntarily chosen to do and stuck with that wasn't forced upon me by my parents, because it was one of the first things i've done since starting college that i haven't felt complete apathy toward, because i'd initially taken it because i like some anime and i was able to turn that into a genuine desire to improve myself, because i didn't want to disappoint sensei and my entire dojo, and because maybe, just maybe, this was the first thing in my life to be intrinsically motivated.

everyone told me in the months leading up to the test that i would easily pass my ikkyu, and i took that to meaning that i had improved greatly and was actually good at that level. and then i got to the test and they handed out the ikkyu tests like *candy* and passed everyone even though half those people should not have, even the senseis who were grading were laughing at how awful it was. now i certainly don't know what goes into grading standards, and maybe i didn't deserve to pass either, but when they passed everyone anyway it felt like they just took everything i had put of myself into it, my heart and how much kendo means to me, and devalued and trivialized it completely.

perhaps i'm being too melodramatic but it has made me so upset my kendo has been poorer than before i tested, and i know i'm capable of being better but i have no confidence anymore. and now sensei is making me into the president of the kendo club and i feel like i don't deserve this. i don't know what to do. i don't know how to reclaim that sheer passion and drive that i had for kendo that i had never felt for any of all the other activities i've ever tried in my entire life. any advice you could give me will be truly appreciated.

[Neil Gendzwill]

What can I say? Ikkyu gradings are like that sometimes, and I don't care for it either because I've always felt it could cause the sort of feelings you're having now. However the judges have their reasons for taking this sort of approach to low level gradings. I can assure you that the standards will increase as you rise in the ranks.

Having said that, kendo is an intensely personal thing. You have to decide that you are doing it for yourself, because you enjoy kendo, because you learn something from it, because... of whatever reasons you have, yourself. I think you need to take pride in the fact that your kendo was up to your standard, even if some of the other candidates were not. If you have higher standards for yourself than the grading committee, that's a good thing. When your sensei tells you not to worry, you'll pass the test, that's usually an indicator that you are already above the standard demanded. If your sensei wants to give you more responsibility in the club, that's another vote of confidence in your kendo that you can take to heart.

If ever you want a real measure of your progress, just look at your keiko with the people in your club new to bogu. Notice how slow they attack, how easy to hit... that was you less than a year ago. Sometimes it's hard to gauge progress when measuring against your dojomates, as you are all progressing together.

[coldwater19]

However the judges have their reasons for taking this sort of approach to low level gradings.
Why do judges take this sort of approach to low level gradings? I can understand not wanting to discourage people early by failing them on such a low level grading (but people were hitting hiki-do during ikkyu testing for crying out loud), but wouldn't it better to just pass the people who really do meet the standards instead of having a lot of crappy kendoka hanging around at a level they don't really qualify for? Won't that just boost people's egos by giving them delusions of being better than they really are? I've read other topics in the forum and can understand the idea of "give them the rank, then have them work to really *be* that rank to motivate them even more," but that seems kind of backwards to me. I suppose everyone's minds and motivations work differently, but I would feel insulted if I was given a rank when I really hadn't reached that level yet.

[Gerald Audette]

Hi Coldwater. First off, congratulations on passing your exam. And your sensei giving you more responsibility in your club is a good indication about how they feel your kendo is progressing.

I agree with Neil, gradings can sometimes be like that. But you started off your note by saying you're intrinsically motivated to do better kendo. That's the key - you need to do kendo for yourself. Members of your club told you that you would pass, and you did. They knew you could do it. Remember that and keep at it.

HTH

[Neil Gendzwill]

Coldwater, I have some of the same questions myself and I don't have any answers for you. I know that some of it is a cultural difference.

[Masahiro]

First, let me say congratulations on passing your ikkyu test, just 11 monthes, Wow! I know exactly how you feel about seeing people who do not deserve the ranks pass the same test you feel so rightfully deserved. However, imagine that maybe there are some people who were watching you being graded and they also think to themselves that you didn't deserve to pass the test but you did. How do you think they feel? Switch the angel of this matter and examine it from a different point of view a bit. Of course, I didn't bring this up to put you down or anything. I just want you bare in mind over course of time, everyone's true kendo skills is exactly in porpotionate to the "quality" time they spent practicing. these people who get passed easily will probably only progress to Nidan? or even Sandan (the most) before they will reach a plateau and have to relearn their basics and reflect on all the bad habbits they have learned. Just be patient and enjoy beating those "fillers" in the mudansha, and shodan division. They will do well to emember you, for it was you who is suppose to be of their equal, but beat them so easily.

[Old Warrior]

... perhaps i'm being too melodramatic but it has made me so upset my kendo has been poorer than before i tested, and i know i'm capable of being better but i have no confidence anymore. and now sensei is making me into the president of the kendo club and i feel like i don't deserve this. i don't know what to do. i don't know how to reclaim that sheer passion and drive that i had for kendo that i had never felt for any of all the other activities i've ever tried in my entire life. any advice you could give me will be truly appreciated.
What does someone else's rank have to do with your kendo? Why does your kendo get better or worse because someone else passed or failed a test? Why does your passion change because someone else has demonstrated that their kendo is inferior to yours?

What's really in issue is an understanding of why you study kendo. Apparently, there is something in the mix other than self improvement. I am baffled why your self confidence is effected by others not meeting what you perceive to be the ikkikyu standard. The fact that you have performed to what you see as an acceptable standard ought to be the beginning and end of the story. On a personal note, I emailed a sandan in my school and said I was concerned that I would fail next week's shodan grading, because "I can't do 1000 suburi". His reply was very interesting to me. He said "Sabumnim (sensei) knows the kendo you have in your heart and he will understand if you can't do them all". Considering the fact that I have gone to class 3-4 days a week for over two years and I always give my absolute best - I think I get his point.

[DCPan]

Hi,

I can sympathize with what you are saying.

Think of it like this, in a match, do you accept the judge's decision as final?

Similarly, if you don't trust the panel's decision, why take the test?

Sometimes, there are things that the judges are looking for that you do not necessarily see. Maybe the guy has a vision problem, fused spine, whatever.

If you use an absolute standard (for the low ranks), very few people will make it pass the low dans if they are expected to perform like those who started when they are 5 and/or the riot police.

A very wise sensei said this to me, "Don't think of your rank as an affirmation. Think of it as a standard that you are ready to begin living up to...."

FWIW.

[coldwater19]

I am baffled why your self confidence is effected by others not meeting what you perceive to be the ikkikyu standard. The fact that you have performed to what you see as an acceptable standard ought to be the beginning and end of the story.
Domo sumimasen, in all my agonizing and self-doubting I hadn't considered the simplest answer of all. Grading rhetorics aside, the only standards and test results that should matter to me in the end are my own. Thank you for your wisdom.

[coldwater19]

Think of it like this, in a match, do you accept the judge's decision as final?

Similarly, if you don't trust the panel's decision, why take the test?
Eep, I will always abide by the judges' decisions on anything. As judges they have a higher understanding of kendo and I do not have the right to question it. I do want to know their reasons, but I certainly don't have to right to question those either, and they should not be obligated to explain them to me. I was being really naive and insecure, thanks for bringing that up.

[LNGUYEN]

You just passed ikkyu, are you sure you know enough Kendo to tell who is crappy and who is not. Do you think you know better than those Sensei who were judging the test? Do you think you are so good that the others are not deserved to pass ikkyu, because if that is your rank then the others must be lower? Did you have a good kirikiaeshi? Didn't you move your feet after hitting Men and turn around for another Men? Did you have perfect Men on with correct tenougi and correct himo length? Did you have correct kigeiko? Did you have correct Kata? For God sake, Men, it is just ikkyu. Mind your own.

[Andoru]

Eventhough grade is (supposedly) an indication of your kendo abilities, it is generally not the case in the mudansha category. I've seen 6th kyus beat 3rd and 2nd kyus plenty of times. Heck in the recent shiai I've seen a shodan beat a sandan and a godan.

In my last shinsa, I was one of the rare few people from my dojo who wasn't selected to skip grades. I was devastated initially, because prior to that I have alot of confidence in my improvements in kendo. Then I started to consistently beat people higher rank than me and I remember one of my dojo mate saying to me that rank doesn't mean a thing.

We have to believe in ourselves and in our kendo and not be troubled by rank issues. At the end of the day, grading is an examination based on your kendo of that particular moment, and anything could have happened then. You've passed ikkyu - congrats! Now start working on shodan. Rank doesn't hold back one's kendo, so show them how good of an ikkyu you are!

[Ares]

Hi,
I just did my ikkyu at the CKF grading last week, and like you i noticed that the judges were giving out the rank like candy.
I watched the grading for the dans after my own as well. Now my issue is the exact opposite of yours, instead of feeling unispired afterwards, i was actually inspired to improve my kendo, im not doing kendo for the ranks, nor for anyone elses pleasure, im doing it for myself because it makes me feel good when im at practice, or talking about kendo with another. I want to get my hits right and show my spirit. I have made up my mind to work hard in kendo.
Islam

[coldwater19]

Do you think you know better than those Sensei who were judging the test? Do you think you are so good that the others are not deserved to pass ikkyu, because if that is your rank then the others must be lower?
I'm very sorry, I wasn't trying to disrespect the sensei at all. I can see how I might have implied that I thought I was better than them or that I could determine who and who didn't deserve ikkyu, but that was not my intention. I apologize for automatically assuming everyone was incompetent; I *don't* know their kendo backgrounds or who they were so yes, I was being too judgemental. As others have explained to me in their responses to this thread, I now have a better understanding of why senseis feel it necessary to be generous in the ikkyu grades. I'm sorry if I offended you.

For God sake, Men, it is just ikkyu. Mind your own.
Well I guess that getting my ikkyu meant more to me than the average person. Another person from my dojo who was testing for ikkyu at the same time said something similar along the lines of "oh, it's just ikkyu", and that may be so, but please don't cast something that meant a lot to me aside just because it seems insignificant to you.

[Oyabun]

After about 8 months of Kendo training (5 days a week), I'm currently at 4th-kyu (no one skips ranks at my school; we all start at 6th-kyu). There are several high school kids in the class who just took their shodan test last month. Some are better than me, some are are about my level, and some I have to completely roll over for when I spar with them so they won't cry. However, there are some guys my age who are still at 6th-kyu, and they usually make me cry (well, not literally, but almost). As a consequence, I don't think about rank too much. It feels good to get a promotion, but it feels better to feel improvement in your Kendo. I would echo what other have said. Don't worry about how other people are getting along in the ranks. Just be satisfied with your own performance.

[Paburo]

i have a little experience in ikkyuu, cause i was stuck on it for like almost... two years?

when i was ikkyuu i beat a yondan and two sandan and severan nidan-shodan in tournaments. ppl was kinda atonished. i was proud. i thought to myself, i've only been doing this two-odd years, but i deserve a better rank.

on one of the last tournaments i lost to a... 4kyuu? 3kyuu? i felt my kendo was miserable. that i didn't even deserve ikkyuu. my footwork is crap, my kamae is weak.

ive come to realize a lot of things about 'rank'.

coldwater-san, ikkyuu is a line on a paper that says youre 'brown belt'. it doesn't give you super powers or diminish your skill.

if i was you i would focus more on my kendo, and less on the stickers of my federation card.

[joekc6nlx]

After about 8 months of Kendo training (5 days a week), I'm currently at 4th-kyu (no one skips ranks at my school; we all start at 6th-kyu). owever, there are some guys my age who are still at 6th-kyu, and they usually make me cry (well, not literally, but almost). As a consequence, I don't think about rank too much. It feels good to get a promotion, but it feels better to feel improvement in your Kendo. I would echo what other have said. Don't worry about how other people are getting along in the ranks. Just be satisfied with your own performance.
In my dojo, we don't even start at 6th-kyu. That is something sensei requires and he will not award rokkyu until HE feels you're ready. I was impatient about that about 6 months ago, but after having had a long discussion with sensei over pizza and my homemade beer, I realized what he was saying was that I should not try for rank, I should try for competency. I am still shoshinsha, I have not yet been promoted to rokkyu, and I am not the only one in the dojo who has not yet made it.

I couldn't care less how someone else made ikkyu, I'll make it when I'm ready and I know that I'll have been awarded it solely on my merits (guided by sensei, of course), and that even if someone else doesn't have the same spirit as me, that's not my problem. As long as I hold to my teachings and strive for my own personal perfection, that's all that matters to me.

And, since I didn't say it at the beginning, coldwater, congratulations on making ikkyu. It is NOT "just ikkyu", it is another milestone on your personal journey. Enjoy the trip, there are rewards all along the way.

[Old Warrior]

I couldn't care less how someone else made ikkyu, I'll make it when I'm ready and I know that I'll have been awarded it solely on my merits (guided by sensei, of course), and that even if someone else doesn't have the same spirit as me, that's not my problem. As long as I hold to my teachings and strive for my own personal perfection, that's all that matters to me.
As a fellow 50+ kenshi, with just over two years experience, I applaud your epiphany. I just returned from my shodan grading (I am sore all over after 1000 one handed suburi) and feel precisely the same way. I have watched a whole bunch of teenagers move through the ranks and become dans. Most of them have very little dedication and even less spirit. And, it hasn't bothered me one bit. As a matter of fact, it has made my kendo experience even more fun, as I dispatch these young dans with a touch of old man concentration, treachery and dogged determination. I love the look on their face when the old guy from the kyu ranks kicks their tail. The absolute best is when you hear one of the wonder dans mumble "Sh_t, I hate to fight that guy". Unfortunately, now they will be more alert, as I get to wear a blue uniform and line up with the pro's.

[Hai_hai]

Maybe if you spend $400 on Anthony Robbins motivational tapes, books, and videos... you wouldn't have these selfish, motivational problems. Go, sell your bogu and buy those tapes.

[Lucien]

I think this idea of 'who can have who' is kinda interesting.

I am a sempai in our dojo, but there are one or two ikkyu grades who can consistantly beat me. Does that mean I don't merit my dan grade? I hope not.

What it means is that they can benefit from a weakness in my kendo - it's up to me to close that gap.

Coldwater, there will always be people better than you, and people who are worse. Take your ikkyu as an indicator of where you are and move on!

[streetcleaner]

For God sake, Men, it is just ikkyu. Mind your own.

i'm sure the grading bar is different each time, but i've seen not only ikkyu, but a shodan, nidan and sandan testing where senseis give dan like a candy. i think they do this to "promote kendo in a new area". thats very sad bat true. i have the absolutely same feeling as the coldwater19 after my last grading. but what can i do? just continue to train and do my best and hope the judjes don't laught when i'm grading