Help a desperate man.

[KingCanute]

My best friend cheated on his girlfriend with a hot girl who's in our school on Monday (thanks to me) and his girlfriend is going to find out. How does he break up with his long-term girlfriend tactfully. Any suggestions or past experiences much appreciated. He He wants to remain on speaking terms with his currnet girlfriend while possibly starting something with this new girl.

[Paikea]

My best friend cheated on his girlfriend with a hot girl who's in our school on Monday (thanks to me) and his girlfriend is going to find out. How does he break up with his long-term girlfriend tactfully. Any suggestions or past experiences much appreciated. He He wants to remain on speaking terms with his currnet girlfriend while possibly starting something with this new girl.To paraphrase a favorite movie line: "Your friend isn't in trouble - he's dead where he stands". Your best bet is to stand outside of the blood-spatter range.

[Niels]

No easy way to do it, so just do it

[ZealUK]

Follow Maddox advice...

"I couldn't find the words to tell my ex that our relationship was over, so one day while we were watching TV I headbutt her in the tits. Then I picked up my jacket and left. No awkward goodbyes, no "still friends" bullshit. Just a couple of bruised titties and a failed relationship. I rule."
from http://maddox.xmission.com

[Kaoru]

My best friend cheated on his girlfriend with a hot girl who's in our school on Monday (thanks to me) and his girlfriend is going to find out. How does he break up with his long-term girlfriend tactfully. Any suggestions or past experiences much appreciated. He He wants to remain on speaking terms with his currnet girlfriend while possibly starting something with this new girl.
hehehe, I guess both of you are in quite a pickle, huh?

Well, first, your friend needs to learn some etiquette on proper behavior when dating or courting(Whichever he was doing.) He should never have cheated on her in the first place. That was really wrong and not a kind thing to do.

Really, what he should have done, is just told this hot girl that he has a girlfriend and if he was interested in her, to have told her, "I need to break up with my girlfriend first before I can go out on a date with you. If I don't, I am cheating on her." if he just had to go out with her. That's the correct and honorable thing to do.

Then, if he has decided he isn't happy being with his girlfriend because he saw this hot girl he thought was cute, he should have FIRST, talked to the current girlfriend and let her know that he plans to break up with her because he is interested in a new girl, instead of just cheating. Honesty is ALWAYS best. A guy never ever should lie to a girl and he should tell her the real reason he wants to break up. It will make him look really bad if he doesn't and she finds out later from someone else, the truth.

I take it you guys are in H.S.? Well, that's ok. That explains the shallow reason he has for wanting to break up with her. He hasn't figured out what it is to really love someone yet. If had already figured it out, he'd have loved and respected her enough not to cheat.

Speaking of respect...

It is also a matter of respect for the girl he is going out with. He must not have had enough respect for her since he cheated on her so willingly. That is not a good quality to have. A person should respect the person they are dating/courting or married with.

Now that he has gone and done the dishonorable thing of cheating, he needs to sit down with her and first tell her what he did, and then make a humble and nice apology and mean it. And, if he doesn't really love her, he needs to tell her that he is not IN love with her right now. If he did really love her, he would not have let himself be swayed by some hot girl.(Hot girl, whatever. If she flirted, she should be ashamed for doing so with a taken guy! That girl, if she knew he was taken, was just as bad, IMHO, for cheating with him.)

Since he cheated on her just for a "hot girl," he does not understand what it is to be IN love yet. That's ok. It just means that he better not try to really get into a serious relationship right now, since he does not have his priorities figured out yet. Too immature still... :) The reason he cheated is very shallow. He needs to know that.

On the flipside that the girl he cheated on did not know he was taken... If the girl he cheated with did not know at the time he was cheating and then she found out he was already taken when they went on that date, she would probably really be disgusted. She'd probably just tell him "I don't date guys who cheat" and refuse him if he asked her out, after he broke up with his GF. So, he needs to think carefully. This "Hot Girl" may have ideas of her own.(Unless she is just as shameless. Then, they'd deserve each other.) Then, he'd have learned a lesson about cheating, the hard way. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

He also needs to sit down and make a list all the qualities of the current girlfriend that he likes in one row, and in the other, the dislikes. That way, he can see if it is really worth losing her over a hot girl he does not even know yet. If the likes list is longer, he needs to ask himself what he really wants. Does he just want to date others for now, or, is he in love. There's a difference.

Oh, BTW, all this could be said for a girl with the same problem.

Well, I could have loads more to say, but I'll leave it for now. These are just things I learned from my mother and watching friends and my brothers.

As for you Canute-san,

I suggest you stay out of your friend's love life from now on. It was wrong for you to encourage him. You owe your friend AND his girlfriend a HUGE apology. Your friend should not blame you for his mistake. He let himself be swayed. But, he can tell her that you and he were both involved and that you had done whatever it was you did. Honesty is a MUST for a girl to trust a guy. You must own up and apologise to her. Well, you'll not do that again, huh? :)

Good luck. I hope you don't mind me being honest about what I think. It does not mean you are a bad person, ok? :)

Kaoru

[Kaoru]

To paraphrase a favorite movie line: "Your friend isn't in trouble - he's dead where he stands". Your best bet is to stand outside of the blood-spatter range.
Hunter-san,

That's being a coward. He is part of it. He needs to stand up and take the consequences like a responsible person, if he cares at all for his friends. Meddling like that is a serious thing.

Kaoru

[mingshi]

...Well, I could have loads more to say, but I'll leave it for now. These are just things I learned from my mother and watching friends and my brothers.
Eh? Are you sure about your advice? What makes you any different from people on the forums claiming "these are just things I learned from my book and watching video tapes"??

For the same reason I seldom read your long posts.

[Reikon]

hehehe, I guess both of you are in quite a pickle, huh?

Well, first, your friend needs to learn some etiquette on proper behavior when dating or courting(Whichever he was doing.) He should never have cheated on her in the first place. That was really wrong and not a kind thing to do.

Really, what he should have done, is just told this hot girl that he has a girlfriend and if he was interested in her, to have told her, "I need to break up with my girlfriend first before I can go out on a date with you. If I don't, I am cheating on her." if he just had to go out with her. That's the correct and honorable thing to do.

Then, if he has decided he isn't happy being with his girlfriend because he saw this hot girl he thought was cute, he should have FIRST, talked to the current girlfriend and let her know that he plans to break up with her because he is interested in a new girl, instead of just cheating. Honesty is ALWAYS best. A guy never ever should lie to a girl and he should tell her the real reason he wants to break up. It will make him look really bad if he doesn't and she finds out later from someone else, the truth.

I take it you guys are in H.S.? Well, that's ok. That explains the shallow reason he has for wanting to break up with her. He hasn't figured out what it is to really love someone yet. If had already figured it out, he'd have loved and respected her enough not to cheat.

Speaking of respect...

It is also a matter of respect for the girl he is going out with. He must not have had enough respect for her since he cheated on her so willingly. That is not a good quality to have. A person should respect the person they are dating/courting or married with.

Now that he has gone and done the dishonorable thing of cheating, he needs to sit down with her and first tell her what he did, and then make a humble and nice apology and mean it. And, if he doesn't really love her, he needs to tell her that he is not IN love with her right now. If he did really love her, he would not have let himself be swayed by some hot girl.(Hot girl, whatever. If she flirted, she should be ashamed for doing so with a taken guy! That girl, if she knew he was taken, was just as bad, IMHO, for cheating with him.)

Since he cheated on her just for a "hot girl," he does not understand what it is to be IN love yet. That's ok. It just means that he better not try to really get into a serious relationship right now, since he does not have his priorities figured out yet. Too immature still... :) The reason he cheated is very shallow. He needs to know that.

On the flipside that the girl he cheated on did not know he was taken... If the girl he cheated with did not know at the time he was cheating and then she found out he was already taken when they went on that date, she would probably really be disgusted. She'd probably just tell him "I don't date guys who cheat" and refuse him if he asked her out, after he broke up with his GF. So, he needs to think carefully. This "Hot Girl" may have ideas of her own.(Unless she is just as shameless. Then, they'd deserve each other.) Then, he'd have learned a lesson about cheating, the hard way. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

He also needs to sit down and make a list all the qualities of the current girlfriend that he likes in one row, and in the other, the dislikes. That way, he can see if it is really worth losing her over a hot girl he does not even know yet. If the likes list is longer, he needs to ask himself what he really wants. Does he just want to date others for now, or, is he in love. There's a difference.

Oh, BTW, all this could be said for a girl with the same problem.

Well, I could have loads more to say, but I'll leave it for now. These are just things I learned from my mother and watching friends and my brothers.

As for you Canute-san,

I suggest you stay out of your friend's love life from now on. It was wrong for you to encourage him. You owe your friend AND his girlfriend a HUGE apology. Your friend should not blame you for his mistake. He let himself be swayed. But, he can tell her that you and he were both involved and that you had done whatever it was you did. Honesty is a MUST for a girl to trust a guy. You must own up and apologise to her. Well, you'll not do that again, huh? :)

Good luck. I hope you don't mind me being honest about what I think. It does not mean you are a bad person, ok? :)

Kaoru
It means they are both dishonorable, if loyalty, and trust, are both nothing they value of others. You ruined your friends relationship, and now want him to go out with a girl that cheated with him. Think about it. Would you want to date a girl whom you cheated with? What's the chances that she wouldnt' do it to you? Very slim. Don't pull this crap anymore, especially when you get older, you'll end up ruining marraiges instead of highschool (if that) sweethearts.

Now follow Karou's advice, and it might cost you a friendship or two, but at least you will have admitted your wrong doing, and can now learn from your mistakes.

[Reikon]

Eh? Are you sure about your advice? What makes you any different from people on the forums claiming "these are just things I learned from my book and watching video tapes"??

For the same reason I seldom read your long posts.
Experiance.

[kendokamax]

Experiance.

'Experiance' ?

[rainmaker]

KingCanute, I assume you are still in highschool and yes, it is time to be confused. As Kaoru-san said you shouldn't be proud of ruining your friend's relationship. I am sure you might have reason but this is not the right way to breakup. Your friend ****ed up, now he has to face the consequence. He is planning to chicken out, what a bastard. He will bail out your friendship when he have chance. But you as kendoka, you should face your fear. Don't run away. You are now fighting with your integrity. That is what kendo should about. If you just know how to swing sword, you are no better than gangster. Be a men.. You should be proud of who you are. Face the problem and deal with it. That is how you build your character. Otherwise, you will not only run away from your friend's girfriend, it could be also your future girlfriend, friend, work, family, and responsibility...

You are still teenager and you are still young. People, including me, still make a mistake. Noble thing is when you make a mistake, try to fix it, then try not to make same mistake again.


My best friend cheated on his girlfriend with a hot girl who's in our school on Monday (thanks to me) and his girlfriend is going to find out. How does he break up with his long-term girlfriend tactfully. Any suggestions or past experiences much appreciated. He He wants to remain on speaking terms with his currnet girlfriend while possibly starting something with this new girl.

[nalogg]

he shoulda broke up before he decided to do anything with this new girl.. that's just common sense.

but hindsight is 20/20.... so to solve the problem...
why does he not like his old girlfriend anymore? he should ask himself that and really examine the situation. is he 100% sure he'll be as happy if not more, with the new girl?

But if he must, he should break up while being a civil as possible to the old girl. do it in person, AWAY from friends and other people and not at the END of a date. that way he doesn't waste another day of hers.

I don't have any experience dumping anyone, but i've been dumped a number of times and i'm trying to think of ways they could've been easier.
I was lucky in that i wasn't that attached to any of them.... and also: i'm a guy, so it may be an entirely different situation for dumping a girl.

[Kaoru]

Eh? Are you sure about your advice? What makes you any different from people on the forums claiming "these are just things I learned from my book and watching video tapes"??

For the same reason I seldom read your long posts.
Well, when you consider the fact that my parents have been married for over 40 years, I'd say my Mother's advice is pretty good.

Cheating is wrong, period. Where am I comng from? My parents set rules. I never was allowed to date until I was 18, and when I did date, I was chaperoned.
Have a problem with that? Even now, my parents have ideas as to what is proper or not. Man, if I was dating or being courted and I cheated, I'd be in HUGE trouble. I'd never hear the end of it. And if I ever knowingly dated a guy who was taken, my parents would have an absolute FIT. I was raised that it is bad to do that. And, I was told that if I dated a guy and found out he was dating someone else or is married, that I will be expected to refuse to date him again.(Which I'd gladly do.) Call it old fashioned, I don't care. My big brother expected(And still does) proper behavior from me as well, and I did learn from him when he broke up with a girl. I used to ask him what happened, and he'd sometimes give out advice.

So, that is where I got many of my ideas from.

And, watching what some girls do, makes me never want to repeat what they do.
And, others, like some of my friends, I think are good examples in how they handled their relationships. I DO talk to my friends.

And, you CAN learn by example. How do you think a child learns to be nice to others? Or, to be rude? The parents sets the example. And the set of particular friends sets an example too. Heck, we all set an example by what we do. How do you think you learn Kendo etiquette? By watching sempai and sensei. And, nobody is perfect. But, a person can hopefully learn from mistakes. And, who never makes mistakes? Nobody. Mistakes can be good learning tools.

If I said I got all this from a book or video, then I could see you saying this, and I'd agree. But, since I did not, you should go rethink what you said. I never said MY advice was the best. I DO know what I said isn't bad advice. Unless people are so depraved these days that they think anything is ok to do, and that what I said was silly. That would be a new low... and very disappointing.

Oh and nobody learns from nothing. You did not learn behavior from just yourself. How else do you think people learn what is acceptable or not?

Anyway, it is NOT the same thing as a book or video. You can take or leave what I said, but at least I didn't just get it from nowhere and make it all up, or from a boiok or video and claim my advice is the best. Is my advice good or bad? It depends on who the person is inside, that determines whether or not they think it is good or bad. That's ok with me. Everyone is different. Sorry that you didn't like my post.

Kaoru

P.S. And yes, I'd agree that sometimes, I talk too much. ;) And, I don't think everything I say is perfect, either.

[Reikon]

'Experiance' ?
Read karou's post.

[rainmaker]

I told you, this is typical example of why you should never, never screw up with woman.. When the God created woman, he did not only used Adam's rib bone, but also included Excel spreadsheet for calculation and PowerPoint presentation... They know how to argue with men...



Well, when you consider the fact that my parents have been married for over 40 years, I'd say my Mother's advice is pretty good.

Cheating is wrong, period. Where am I comng from? My parents set rules. I never was allowed to date until I was 18, and when I did date, I was chaperoned.
Have a problem with that? Even now, my parents have ideas as to what is proper or not. Man, if I was dating or being courted and I cheated, I'd be in HUGE trouble. I'd never hear the end of it. And if I ever knowingly dated a guy who was taken, my parents would have an absolute FIT. I was raised that it is bad to do that. And, I was told that if I dated a guy and found out he was dating someone else or is married, that I will be expected to refuse to date him again.(Which I'd gladly do.) Call it old fashioned, I don't care. My big brother expected(And still does) proper behavior from me as well, and I did learn from him when he broke up with a girl. I used to ask him what happened, and he'd sometimes give out advice.

So, that is where I got many of my ideas from.

And, watching what some girls do, makes me never want to repeat what they do.
And, others, like some of my friends, I think are good examples in how they handled their relationships. I DO talk to my friends.

And, you CAN learn by example. How do you think a child learns to be nice to others? Or, to be rude? The parents sets the example. And the set of particular friends sets an example too. Heck, we all set an example by what we do. How do you think you learn Kendo etiquette? By watching sempai and sensei. And, nobody is perfect. But, a person can hopefully learn from mistakes. And, who never makes mistakes? Nobody. Mistakes can be good learning tools.

If I said I got all this from a book or video, then I could see you saying this, and I'd agree. But, since I did not, you should go rethink what you said. I never said MY advice was the best. I DO know what I said isn't bad advice. Unless people are so depraved these days that they think anything is ok to do, and that what I said was silly. That would be a new low... and very disappointing.

Oh and nobody learns from nothing. You did not learn behavior from just yourself. How else do you think people learn what is acceptable or not?

Anyway, it is NOT the same thing as a book or video. You can take or leave what I said, but at least I didn't just get it from nowhere and make it all up, or from a boiok or video and claim my advice is the best. Is my advice good or bad? It depends on who the person is inside, that determines whether or not they think it is good or bad. That's ok with me. Everyone is different. Sorry that you didn't like my post.

Kaoru

P.S. And yes, I'd agree that sometimes, I talk too much. ;) And, I don't think everything I say is perfect, either.

[kendokamax]

Read karou's post.
I thought it was Experience? why the a?
sorry english is my second language

[Reikon]

I thought it was Experience? why the a?
sorry english is my second language
it was late i spelled it wrong?

[Mikeyprime]

I told you, this is typical example of why you should never, never screw up with woman.. When the God created woman, he did not only used Adam's rib bone, but also included Excel spreadsheet for calculation and PowerPoint presentation... They know how to argue with men...

Bahahaha! that is funny.

I find this thread humorous. These people are in High school. They rarely think or care much of the consequences of cheating and dating. Same holds true in college. Fact of the matter is that the environment in these 2 venues is that of just having a good time. Ultimately these two gentleman did something they both know is wrong and are looking for an easy out. There is none.

The best avise to you kind sir is, Never ever ever meddle with a friends relationship unless : you want to hear them talk about it all the time, burden you with the problems, be the mediator in arguments. However, if you find that your friend is getting the bad end of the stick, then it is ok to offer some advise. until then, focus on keeping/acquiring your OWN relationship.

[Reikon]

Bahahaha! that is funny.

I find this thread humorous. These people are in High school. They rarely think or care much of the consequences of cheating and dating. Same holds true in college. Fact of the matter is that the environment in these 2 venues is that of just having a good time. Ultimately these two gentleman did something they both know is wrong and are looking for an easy out. There is none.

The best avise to you kind sir is, Never ever ever meddle with a friends relationship unless : you want to hear them talk about it all the time, burden you with the problems, be the mediator in arguments. However, if you find that your friend is getting the bad end of the stick, then it is ok to offer some advise. until then, focus on keeping/acquiring your OWN relationship.
and not cheating...

[Paikea]

Hunter-san,

That's being a coward. He is part of it. He needs to stand up and take the consequences like a responsible person, if he cares at all for his friends. Meddling like that is a serious thing.

KaoruNever, never, NEVER become involved in other people's relationship problems. Nothing but grief and trouble there. Now, Ms. Wan and Ms. Karou are at jodan, ready to have a go - nothing but bad mojo coming from this so far.

Where was that thread on sashi waza again? (backs slowly out of room, hands in plain sight, smile on face)

[Reikon]

*jumps on Paikea and throws him back into the room* MWUAHAHAH!!

[kanyil]

Playing the devil's advocate, as a purely philosophical point, while cheating is not nice, is there really a way to define "right" or "wrong" in any romantic relationship?

People do screw up (badly) sometimes, and as a result, others get hurt, but is it wrong for people to try and seek their own happiness? Whether they find it or not in the end, is a different matter entirely.

[Reikon]

Playing the devil's advocate, as a purely philosophical point, while cheating is not nice, is there really a way to define "right" or "wrong" in any romantic relationship?

People do screw up (badly) sometimes, and as a result, others get hurt, but is it wrong for people to try and seek their own happiness? Whether they find it or not in the end, is a different matter entirely.
...It's wrong. Seeking your own happiness, when it involves hurting others is maliciously selfish. Serial killers enjoy killing people...you want them to seek their own happiness? You want pedophiles to seek happiness? Same goes for people who enjoy, or think infedelity is ok.

[ISSAC RU]

well...only one word :


BUSTED !!!

[Trout]

KingCanute

Your mate needs to be honest with his girlfriend and tell her face to face - before she finds out from someone else would be good!

Cheers

[mingshi]

From my experience, never trust a man who cheated his girlfriend for you - God knows when he is going to do the same to you?!?

...A sensible girl thinks independently. Not because "moral said so" or "my parents told me not to".

[Hai_hai]

My best friend cheated on his girlfriend with a hot girl who's in our school on Monday (thanks to me) and his girlfriend is going to find out. How does he break up with his long-term girlfriend tactfully. Any suggestions or past experiences much appreciated. He He wants to remain on speaking terms with his currnet girlfriend while possibly starting something with this new girl.
Cheating and tactfully breaking up? Please, unless she was cheating on him, it's going to be far from a smooth break up.

[rainmaker]

Mingshi, I don't think that is what Kaoru's intention. You are just saying that Kaoru is not a sensible girl... Moral is part of sense too.. Unless you have 6th sense.... Anyway, Mingshi, you are mean...

but pretty...



From my experience, never trust a man who cheated his girlfriend for you - God knows when he is going to do the same to you?!?

...A sensible girl thinks independently. Not because "moral said so" or "my parents told me not to".

[Atarin]

My best friend cheated on his girlfriend with a hot girl who's in our school on Monday (thanks to me) and his girlfriend is going to find out. How does he break up with his long-term girlfriend tactfully. Any suggestions or past experiences much appreciated. He He wants to remain on speaking terms with his currnet girlfriend while possibly starting something with this new girl.Defence of a desperate man.

I think I had better intercede here and save the little Honour remaining.

I have known King Canute for many years, we are both kendoka.

After three years in the same relationship things had started to decline, we both knew this but were too afraid to face reality and end it. Yes, what I did that night was dishonest, deceitful etc. but it did give us the inertia to change things.

I know the method was wrong but surly moments in life like that happen for a reason. I believe that Things do happen for a reason, and I believe that had it not happened we would have wasted even more of our lives in the pursuit of something that did not exist and did not make us happy.

I do know the "hot girl" and she knew I was in a relationship. Today I did the honourable thing and told my x everything. It went quite well, she is very upset, but that is to be expected really. We are still friends and we have forgiven each other.

What now? Three years and now a free man, quite scary. Although Im sure the King will manage to turn my life into an episode of The O.C. again soon!

[Reikon]

Defence of a desperate man.

I think I had better intercede here and save the little Honour remaining.

I have known King Canute for many years, we are both kendoka.

After three years in the same relationship things had started to decline, we both knew this but were too afraid to face reality and end it. Yes, what I did that night was dishonest, deceitful etc. but it did give us the inertia to change things.

I know the method was wrong but surly moments in life like that happen for a reason. I believe that Things do happen for a reason, and I believe that had it not happened we would have wasted even more of our lives in the pursuit of something that did not exist and did not make us happy.

I do know the "hot girl" and she knew I was in a relationship. Today I did the honourable thing and told my x everything. It went quite well, she is very upset, but that is to be expected really. We are still friends and we have forgiven each other.

What now? Three years and now a free man, quite scary. Although Im sure the King will manage to turn my life into an episode of The O.C. again soon!
I've heard this story many times.

"But we were seperated."

"But it wasn't going well."

Do you seriously think relationships are all flowers and kisses? More like sixes and sevens. I'm not going to sit here and lecture you on how that is one of the most used and poorest excuses next to "I didn't mean to" and "It just happened". What gets me is you seriously have no guilty concious about the whole thing. Your "three years and i'm a free man" easily prooves that.

Let me tell you what I believe. I believe that you didn't have enough common sense, intelligence, whatever to say "No, stop, I have a girlfriend." And then either try to make things right or break up with her before cheating.

The inertia to change things is always there, it just takes more balls to try to make things better than to say "oh well, this isn't going good..i think i'll go bang a random hottie."

and you spelled defense wrong.

[kanyil]

...It's wrong. Seeking your own happiness, when it involves hurting others is maliciously selfish. Serial killers enjoy killing people...you want them to seek their own happiness? You want pedophiles to seek happiness? Same goes for people who enjoy, or think infedelity is ok.
I do believe there is a subtle difference between how people behave in a romantic relationship and how people behave while skinning their victims. The difference between what I was talking about, and the examples you cited above, is that one is legal while the others are not.

Serial Killing is clearly wrong and society has saw fit to collectively denounce such acts, when found, with sentences of Death/Life Without Parole/25 to Life etc (mileage may vary from US state to state). Similarly, paedophilia is also unlawful and strongly punished (generally). You'll find that the above would remain more-or-less the same for *most* countries.

Infidelity, on the other hand, is not unlawful. Society clearly did not see a need to have a very strong feeling on this issue, and therefore - voila - infidelity is not a generally unlawful act if done in private (even if done in the white house). Some societies even permit more than 1 spouse. How would you define infidelity then? Or would you choose to impose your value systems on everyone in the world?

The point is, you are free to be faithful or not in a relationship, but you will also suffer the consequences for your actions.

If you like dating 25 persons at the same time, then that's the choice you made, but the likelihood of having spent enough time/attention to get to know anyone of those 25 persons so that they will want something more permanent with you will be slim to none, and slim's out of town. On the other hand,, if you choose to date one girl/guy and love them with all your heart and mind and soul then more power to you.

Again, there are no absolute rights and wrongs in a relationship, only choices and consequences which give us a chance to do better in the next relationship (if any).

btw Reikon, great comments:

Let me tell you what I believe. I believe that you didn't have enough common sense, intelligence, whatever to say "No, stop, I have a girlfriend." And then either try to make things right or break up with her before cheating.
The inertia to change things is always there, it just takes more balls to try to make things better than to say "oh well, this isn't going good..i think i'll go bang a random hottie."

[KendokaJim]

Seppuku. It's the only honorable thing to do at this point.

[Reikon]

Thanks kan. You made some very good points.

[Infinity]

Seppuku. It's the only honorable thing to do at this point. A bit drastic but the point is valid.

Our young friends are still in school so their behaviour patterns are still forming. Expecting young people to do the right thing is useless. No one is born with a sense of honor - it must be taught.

As for your involvement in this foray, King Canute, tell the truth. Live by that and you will usually do the right thing because, if you have a conscience, you will find hurting people not very nice.

There is no tactful way of saying to someone “I think so little of you as a person that I decided to cheat on you”. There is no “oh it just happened”. There is conscious decision making in every action. There is no “lets still be friends” because this boy, your friend, can’t think about anyone but himself. This is a totally natural part of life. Although, studies about human behaviour have found that this self involvement should end around puberty. If you find your sense of morality is on a higher plain that your friends’, find another friend. This guy sounds like a looser.

[Willow]

Atarin actually spelt defence correctly, Reikon - it's only Americans who changed the spelling rules for nouns such as defence and practice.

[Reikon]

Atarin actually spelt defence correctly, Reikon - it's only Americans who changed the spelling rules for nouns such as defence and practice.
Exactly, and therefore, he spelled it wrong :)

[Marquis]

Cheating is wrong, period.
That's all folks :old_man:

[Willow]

What...? So are American spelling rules the only valid ones? I don't think so...

[Reikon]

What...? So are American spelling rules the only valid ones? I don't think so...
Of course they are. :)

[Willow]

Valid in the US - agreed. Canada - maybe (not sure - maybe a Canadian could enlighten us) But nowhere else in the English speaking world as far as I'm aware.
So you're wrong , mwahaha....

[Reikon]

And then you woke up!

Our missles are bigger than your missles, and therefore, we is teh right!!!

[Trout]

Reikon

Based on your command of the English language - are you related to Gee Dubya?

Cheers

[Willow]

Missles? Missles? Mistle...toe? Aah, mistletoe - it is nearly Christmas after all. Hope you all have a good one.

Willow
( PS. Reikon, I sincerely hope that Father Christmas leaves an Oxford English Dictionary specially for you under the tree. It really is the best English dictionary in the world. You cannot be truly proficient at Scrabble without it. The spelling patterns will blow your mind...)

[Anjin-san]

Guys, seriously... I don't mean to sound condescending but, its high school. Unless you plan on sticking with these people for ever the consequences aren't far reaching.

And how can you be to blame for somebody else cheating? Unless you forced them to do it at gunpoint then it wasn't really your fault dude. If either of them wanted to stop they could have, so you really don't have any responsiblity here.

As for how he's going to break up, its probably already played out by now, tell us what happened.

P.S. that site got me laughing hysterically for a good 20 minutes. I love his take on the last samurai. Julia Roberts as The Last INUIT ROFLROFLROFL

click for more funness:

http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=1765&NEXTID=0&PREVID=0&DISPLAYORDER=20041220141557&CAT=anims&NSFW=

[ben spain]

Not 'dating' until you are 18 - and then going with your parents is massively overprotective in my opinion. However shagging anything you can get drunk enough is too far the other way.

Kids have to live a life WITH break-ups, cheating lovers, begin dumped, dumping etc. otherwise they don't learn valuable lessons about relationships and how they work.

I would tell your mate to get on with it - do it himself and try to be sensitive about it. And if he goes gloating to his mates - she will find out and she will get her revenge. What is that phrase? - Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!

[Reikon]

Reikon

Based on your command of the English language - are you related to Gee Dubya?

Cheers
No...He's from Texas i'm from Kentucky (and I live in Florida)...I'm just using the age old way of masculine reasoning.

Missles? Missles? Mistle...toe? Aah, mistletoe - it is nearly Christmas after all. Hope you all have a good one.

Willow
( PS. Reikon, I sincerely hope that Father Christmas leaves an Oxford English Dictionary specially for you under the tree. It really is the best English dictionary in the world. You cannot be truly proficient at Scrabble without it. The spelling patterns will blow your mind...)
Yeah my birthday was a few days ago (17th) and Xmas is this Sat. :x

Wait wait..I'm going ot do this the english way (yeah punk..i saw harry potter)

Happy Christmas

and for teh americans

Merry Christmas

[Trout]

Wait wait..I'm going ot do this the english way (yeah punk..i saw harry potter)

Happy Christmas

and for teh americans

Merry Christmas
Actually, we English say Merry Christmas because we also tend to say '.. and a Happy New Year' - and it just wouldn't be cricket saying happy twice in one sentence;-)

Also, don't get to hung up on the Harry Potter films - they had to 'alter' them for the American audience - ie '.. and the Sorcerer's Stone' rather than '.. and the Philosopher's Stone' as they didn't think the US audience would know what a philosopher was.

Every now and then I get to see US tv news on CNN etc - don't you get a bit sick of the constant dumbing down of the content? Unfortunately, it's creeping in over here aswell - I blame Jerry Springer!

Happy Holidays!

Cheers

[Reikon]

Actually, we English say Merry Christmas because we also tend to say '.. and a Happy New Year' - and it just wouldn't be cricket saying happy twice in one sentence;-)

Also, don't get to hung up on the Harry Potter films - they had to 'alter' them for the American audience - ie '.. and the Sorcerer's Stone' rather than '.. and the Philosopher's Stone' as they didn't think the US audience would know what a philosopher was.

Every now and then I get to see US tv news on CNN etc - don't you get a bit sick of the constant dumbing down of the content? Unfortunately, it's creeping in over here aswell - I blame Jerry Springer!

Happy Holidays!

Cheers
Yes, well, sadly I don't watch CNN because I find the channel dumbing in the first place. It puts me to sleep. And most people will know what a scholar, philosopher, etc. is in the US. At least we say ELEVATOR!!! MWUAHAHA!!

[Willow]

Thank God for that. Imagine having to use LIFT for one of those things.

BTW I'm very glad those missles weren't hostle.

[Reikon]

Thank God for that. Imagine having to use LIFT for one of those things.

BTW I'm very glad those missles weren't hostle.
It was just mistle toe...you can go back to drinking your tea and eating scones (which are wonderful btw) now.. ^_^ :P

[ben spain]

I just wondered if anyone knows why the American language evolved to be different from the English language.

I know that they must of once used the English language in entirety (as the British had control until the civil war) - so when did the word colour turn to become color. I can understand new technology (such as lift/elevator) begin given different words - but colour must have been used when what is now the USA was part of the 'British Empire' as is was then. I guess it is a kind of evolutionary thing like the different dialects in different parts of the UK- but when did someone decide that colour was now to be spelt color?

[Trout]

Ben

The American language did not evolve, it was the English language that evolved.

Basically, the English who went to America took the English of the time with them and as they had very little contact with the rest of the English speaking world (no planes back then ;-)) they kept that version (which did evolve, but at a slower pace than English English) - so you will find that a lot of the American terminology we find odd is actually OLD English.

That's a very brief, not very detailed explanation - but I hope you can see what I am saying. (I read about it in a book by an American - Bill Bryson).

See you at the bash tonight.

Cheers

[Kaoru]

Missles? Missles? Mistle...toe? Aah, mistletoe - it is nearly Christmas after all. Hope you all have a good one.

Willow
( PS. Reikon, I sincerely hope that Father Christmas leaves an Oxford English Dictionary specially for you under the tree. It really is the best English dictionary in the world. You cannot be truly proficient at Scrabble without it. The spelling patterns will blow your mind...)
Wow, I don't know how I missed out on this discussion. I'm a word nut. I LOVE dictionaries. Ahhhh.... To be able to afford to buy the whole Oxford English Dictionary.... And Scabble? I LOVE it!!! I never get to play humans though. I just have my computer. Nobody I know can play it. :( Willow-san, you should get the official Scrabble dictionary. That's what I have.

Oh, and Reikon-san, BOTH English and American spellings are correct, so there! :D

[Kaoru]

Not 'dating' until you are 18 - and then going with your parents is massively overprotective in my opinion. However shagging anything you can get drunk enough is too far the other way.

Kids have to live a life WITH break-ups, cheating lovers, begin dumped, dumping etc. otherwise they don't learn valuable lessons about relationships and how they work.

Well, my parents themselves did not go with me. The guy had to come over and we had to stay in the living room. And, if we wanted to go out, it was to be with a group of friends. That was ok. If we wanted to go to his house, the parents had to be home. Same rules. The guy would have had to ask take me out alone. Overprotective? Possibly. None of my friends as far as I know, had the same rules. But, at least my parents had rules. It's better than no rules and no moral obligation, IMHO.

Before 18, I did have guy friends, but I just was not allowed to date them. I could invite them over but the rules still applied, though a little less strict since it was not a date thing.

But yes, you are right in what you said. However, if parents let their girls do what they like, they may end up with a girl who does things she shouldn't. Some rules at least, are important.

Kaoru

[Kaoru]

No...He's from Texas i'm from Kentucky (and I live in Florida)...I'm just using the age old way of masculine reasoning.


Yeah my birthday was a few days ago (17th) and Xmas is this Sat. :x

Wait wait..I'm going ot do this the english way (yeah punk..i saw harry potter)

Happy Christmas

and for teh americans

Merry Christmas
I love Harry Potter! *does little dance*

The next book comes out July 16th! :D

Happy Birthday!

Kaoru

[Kaoru]

Actually, we English say Merry Christmas because we also tend to say '.. and a Happy New Year' - and it just wouldn't be cricket saying happy twice in one sentence;-)

Also, don't get to hung up on the Harry Potter films - they had to 'alter' them for the American audience - ie '.. and the Sorcerer's Stone' rather than '.. and the Philosopher's Stone' as they didn't think the US audience would know what a philosopher was.

That's not why. It was because they thought that Americans wouldn't know what the Philosopher's Stone is, and they thought it was too... serious sounding I think it was they said. There's no such thing as a Sorcerer's Stone! A Philosopher and a Sorcerer are two different things with two different meanings. They really messed that one up! The whole meaning of the book is changed with the title. Grrr... :D

Every now and then I get to see US tv news on CNN etc - don't you get a bit sick of the constant dumbing down of the content? Unfortunately, it's creeping in over here aswell - I blame Jerry Springer!
I hate Jerry Springer.

Kaoru

[Kaoru]

Ben

The American language did not evolve, it was the English language that evolved.

Basically, the English who went to America took the English of the time with them and as they had very little contact with the rest of the English speaking world (no planes back then ;-)) they kept that version (which did evolve, but at a slower pace than English English) - so you will find that a lot of the American terminology we find odd is actually OLD English.

That's a very brief, not very detailed explanation - but I hope you can see what I am saying. (I read about it in a book by an American - Bill Bryson).

See you at the bash tonight.

Cheers
Hi Trout-san,

Yes, a lot of what you said is true depending on what part of America you are talking about. But, that's not why we have different spellings. Noah Webster is the one responsible for that. He wrote the first American dictionary, which was published in 1806. His major work, the one we know today, was published in 1828, and now known as the Merriam-Webster Dictionary.

Here:

http://www.m-w.com/info/noah.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_English#History

Scroll down until you get to the bit about
the differences between Brit. Eng. and Amer. English.

http://education.yahoo.com/reference/encyclopedia/entry?id=50241

These links each have interesting information on this. :)

Kaoru

[Reikon]

I love Harry Potter! *does little dance*

The next book comes out July 16th! :D

Happy Birthday!

Kaoru
Thanks :) *does bigger dance*

[Kaoru]

Thanks :) *does bigger dance*
hehehe, You're welcome! :)

Kaoru

[Reikon]

I just wondered if anyone knows why the American language evolved to be different from the English language.

I know that they must of once used the English language in entirety (as the British had control until the civil war) - so when did the word colour turn to become color. I can understand new technology (such as lift/elevator) begin given different words - but colour must have been used when what is now the USA was part of the 'British Empire' as is was then. I guess it is a kind of evolutionary thing like the different dialects in different parts of the UK- but when did someone decide that colour was now to be spelt color?
Actually the English only had control until the American Revolution, where with help form the French we became an independent nation, out of British rule.

Civil War was the war between the Northern and Southern states, about Slavery.

[Neil Gendzwill]

I just wondered if anyone knows why the American language evolved to be different from the English language.
You live in a country where two people living 1 mile apart can speak in different accents and use different slang and wonder how the language evolved differently in two countries seperated by an ocean???

[Reikon]

Oh yeah, and if I'm not out of line, I'd like to mention that the word "F uck" despite it's obscene meaning today, comes from old english and means "to bludgeon"..cool eh?

[Lloromannic]

I love Harry Potter! *does little dance*

The next book comes out July 16th! :D
And the next movie features Clémence Poésy *does The Locomotion*

[KingCanute]

actually it comes from the olde german word for "to strike". How off the point has all this become? Want to know how my friend's getting along? All your advice has fallen on deaf ears. We went to a new years eve party at the new girl on the scene's house for new years. And the old girlfriend says that she is trying to just be his friend but then blows up at any contact that he's had with her. Oh HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE.

[KingCanute]

oh and i heard that the language changed because of the diversity in america. Because the country wasn't entirely english speaking, some words (such as pavement) were simpified to make them more memorable or more easily understood for people speaking other languages (to side-walk). Or so I heard. Probably not the whole story. Who here uses t9 predictive texting and who uses multitap. I prefer writing out whole words and punctuating properly myself.

[The Pat]

Neil Gendzwill
"You live in a country where two people living 1 mile apart can speak in different accents and use different slang and wonder how the language evolved differently in two countries seperated by an ocean???"

been to ottowa lately?, cross the river and were speaking a difrent language! let alone acents,and sorry but you guys out west sound funny.


The pat

[Reikon]

Neil Gendzwill
"You live in a country where two people living 1 mile apart can speak in different accents and use different slang and wonder how the language evolved differently in two countries seperated by an ocean???"

been to ottowa lately?, cross the river and were speaking a difrent language! let alone acents,and sorry but you guys out west sound funny.


The pat
It's THE FRENCH!!!

[m_french]

Eh? Are you sure about your advice? What makes you any different from people on the forums claiming "these are just things I learned from my book and watching video tapes"??

For the same reason I seldom read your long posts.
Touche..........

[m_french]

P.S. And yes, I'd agree that sometimes, I talk too much. ;)
Ya think????

[crabbi]

Yaaaayyyy!!!

Finally this thread got onto a topic where I am qualified and willing to comment!!!

Not inertia... momentum...!!!

If you have inertia you go nowhere....

aaaaaaaaaaaahhh finally got that off my chest... now I can get back to lurking and sniping...

cheers

crabbi

[ben spain]

Sorry, I have not come back to this thread for a while. Bad boy!

Neil: I was not talking about accents, dialects and slang but the actual 'correct' spelling of the word. For example when did the dictionary change from 'colour' to 'color' (or vice versa). This has now been (at least partly) covered

Reikon: Sorry, you are correct. I get confused between the two (we don't really cover much American history in the UK!) as it was a kind of civil war (a war when two sides within one country fight between each other) - but just not THE 'Civil War'. My bad.

Kaoru: I mean no offence to you or your parents. Just thought I would state that in case you thought I was being nasty!

[nothing]

Just like the Knights of the Round Table in the Celebrated tale by Monty Python....... Run away... fleeeeee runa away!!!