Fake Martial Arts...wow.

[Phorest]

I saw these posted on the JCCC Kendo forums and just had to have a good laugh. Check out this "swordsmanship" from "one of today's top martial artists"... Rick Tew.

It doesn't get much funnier than this!!

http://www.tewryu.com/sword_sparring.html

http://www.winjitsu.com/sword_form.html

http://www.tewryu.com/sword_angles.html

http://www.tewryu.com/sword_drills.html

Wow. I don't know whether to find this funny, or tragic? :confused:

[saki_wooah]

man... this is sick



Training Today's Ninja - Rick Tew's Martial Science and Tew Ryu Ninjitsu is your source for up to date total warrior information and training. American Ninjitsu systems upgraded to a non-traditional program of martial arts. What Ninjutsu wants to be - the Martial Science is your solution for becoming a ninja based on reality or what we call a "Total Warrior" Tired of ninjutsu traditionalists that hide behind scrolls and names? Welcome to the arena where you are the leader and the student is once again the most important aspect of the Martial Arts.


Ninja based on reality??? who's sick enough to walk around in a ninja suit in America???



College of Martial Science
Martial Arts Camp - CMS, College of Martial Science in California. Martial Arts, Adventure and Personal Growth. 3-18 month program to bring you to instructor status in the Martial Science. Teach Martial Arts for a living - join today.


would like to try Kendo v.s. Martial Science Instructor...

*ippon for kendo*

why going to the college of martial science? Train at home with a baseball bat and old furniture that you can destroy.



This is sooo funny! This is not martial art at all! I wonder if he started by doing things like shinai.org....

[Phorest]

I hadn't even noticed that part Saki...


What Ninjutsu wants to be

Wow. Thats bold. I hope a real ninja doesn't read that and decide to show Mr. Tew what real Ninjutsu is all about. ;)

[JSchmidt]

Well, we can't have a ninja thread without this. (http://www.realultimatepower.net/)

Jakob (who's going to flip out and kill people)

[Phorest]

Of course we can't. And I would be afraid that the real Ninja from the hate-mail section doesn't pay Mr. Tew a visit as well. Heh heh.
But..this isn't a ninja thread! Its a...laugh at the guy who thinks he knows stuff about swordsmanship thread. Yup.

[Critical_Bill]

omg omg omg!

idiots! curse the weirdass ninja movies of the 80s!!
not only were they really really bad and infuriating, they spawned
a breed of..of....well the evidence is right there.. i wanna cry!
i'm gonna have to dress up as a pirate and smack some ninja boys heeheh :D

[Blah]

my eyes bleed

[nodachi]

Has anyone actually had an opportunity to meet one of these McDojo sensei and whoop their booty in front of their students or to discredit them and ruin their farce?

I think that would be really fun. Granted, I am not good yet, but if one of you folks have had a chance to do just that, please share the story.

[Haowen]

If people really buy into that, I'm going to start selling my own personal brand of kung-fu pills. Take one a day and you'll be a real ninja! (And randomly flip out and kill people).

[Phorest]

I agree with nodachi 100%.
If you were to do this you would win the "Kendo World Kenshi of the Year" award. It doesn't exist...but if you pulled off something that amazing well, I would create it. And, if you video taped it you could have that for 2 years in a row.

[Confound]

I'll say one thing, Mr. Tews has a monopoly on looking like a stupid reject from the backstreet boys. He looks like he's trying to audition for the ninja-sword-dancing edition of the latest boy band. Maybe he is trying to build an army of brainless, bleached automatons who will take over the world and force us all to listen to their awful cheesy pop music, with bad guitar solos.

c

[stevemcgee99]

That's one of the coolest sites I've ever been to. I laugh out loud over and over.

[etherknot]

Well I only needed to see the first clip.
It's pretty bad. But there are a LOT of people on the Internet like this. Just go read alt.martial-arts in USEnet. Trust me, stuff like this gets old real quick :)


Needless to say, a real ninja wouldn't attend these lessons or order any of the product. It's not in their nature to draw attention to the fact that they are ninjas. It's part of the invisibility.


I did however get a chuckle from:

Rick Tew's Martial Science Home Study Program
Put away the Ninja films and pop in a HSP tape and learn the Martial Science at home.* Easy to learn step by step training to teach you everything the martial arts has to offer.


Be sure to watch the "How-to-Seppaku In 5 Easy Steps" video included free with every purchase! :rolleyes:

[stk]

must... wash.. brain..

[nodachi]

The big question is... does this guy know he is full of pooh (which means he is a shrewd business man/con man for tricking people into giving money) or does he think he is actually teaching (which means he is just plain nuts)?

[aru-ma]

OH WOW, I'm sold, I think I'll quit kendo and do this instead!! :D

Seriously though, its really sad that some people actually sell fake martial arts like this, even worse some people actually fall or this kinda thing:(

[Paburo]

http://ninjaburger.com/

this one is as good as the real ultimate powah one, go check it out

[Phorest]

OH OH! It gets even BETTER! http://www.tewryu.com/twblade.html

See if you can spot the HILARIOUS quote within the first 2 sentances. Hahaha!!! :D

[Ares2907]

I feel somehow soiled by having been exposed to this.
*shudder*

*smacks phorest on the head with a stick*
now go and do 500 haya-suburi.
:p

[Phorest]

Hai!
*bow*

[nodachi]

Oh baby!!! I want HIGHLANDER like skills! Screw learning actual swordmanship from real sensei, I am rushing there right now!!! There can be only one, so watch out Mr. Tew whoever you are!!! MAybe then I can absorb his power in a flash of lightning and become my own ninjitsu sensei!

:)

[inner_cent]

O My God ....... Somehow this guy knows something about anything ... and integrated into one Big Fat "TEW Ryu" ?!?!

If you pronounce the word "TEW" in cantonese, it sounds like a "F*** Up" Ryu haahaa

[Confound]

Ninja burger is a big joke, it's an advertisement for a role playing game. I'm a great fan of Ninja Burger, mostly because it's a satire on people who take ninjas too seriously. The whole 'fries of our ancestors' thing is beautifully overdone. If someone wants to buy me a present, get me a ninja burger shirt, those guys know how to be funny.

c

[aru-ma]

ninja burger? ha ha thats a funny site, check the comics its hillarious.
unsatisfied customers=seppuku :D

[stevemcgee99]

That's a sweet site, too.

[AlexM]

I can't stop watching.

The Tew Ryu Ninjitsu stuff is just so awfull that I can't turn away. They're videos are like train wrecks: It's painful to watch and you feel sorry for the people involved but you just can't look the other away. I'm starting to understand the appeal of reality television (God help us). I've developed some kind of morbid fascination with watching Tew sensei and his followers flail away like idiots, jump over each other and dress like "ninja" in public. It's like discovering Soylent Green is made of people but still wanting to eat more.

There's a very 1980's feel to this stuff (right down to the hair and the soundtrack, even without the ninjas). Hell, maybe it's got value as kitsch. That's it! I'm fascinated by it because it's ARTISTIC(as kitsch)! I don't have bad taste! There's a perfectly logical reason for watching those vidoes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I'm trying really hard to convince myself, please help.

One last thing:
DAMN YOU PHOREST! DAMN YOU!

[kendokamax]

....

I wonder if this serious or some kind of joke??

[Phorest]

No, its serious! You can sign up for the "College" and actually attend his classes. http://www.tewryu.com/cms.html

He he he. Somebody attend his camp and challenge him to a shinai "duel". Heh.

[KATSUJIN]

weird guy.....the video clips shown may give people wrong impressions of martial arts......he also doesnt seem to know actually much abt the martial arts......weird guy....

[stinkyKote]

Haha.. oh man, I love this ninjaburger.com quote:

"Guaranteed delivery in 30 minutes or less, or we commit Seppuku!"

[hobbit]

Bring back the teenage mutant ninja turtles - they'd give him a run for his money:rambo:

[Jon Seay]

I would pay money to see my Sensei give Mr Tew a one second lesson on Tsuki

[Abe Froman]

The ugliest thing about that was the way they struck....ALL RIGHT HAND!!! OMG IT BURNS TAKE IT AWAY!!! The only time they used thier left hands at all was when they scewed something else up(I know, that could be the whole video). I guess nobody told them cutting with a katana is different than hacking with daddy's axe.

That and the 80's "thing". That was just the spoiled icing on the mouldy, salmonella-filled cake.

[Phorest]

WOOOOO! Hehehehehe.

http://www.tewryu.com/senseidoubleblind.jpg

I want to learn this so I can be like Tew Sensei.

[nodachi]

I wonder if there have been any law suits against this putz for actually ruining someone's vision with all these little stunts of throwing crap in other people's eyes.

What a Putz!

[Haowen]

Don't you know? You fight better when you're blind. Before Dare Devil, there was...

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0800102266.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

[Ares2907]

Actually, dare devil was around a whole lot longer than blind fury, but only Marvel Comics nerds would know that. . .

d'oh.

[Sinta]

Argggg! My eyes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *grabs a pencil and stabs them*

I can't believe this is serious....What's more surprising.. people actually fall for this!!!

.................tis a sad thing accepting there are many stupid beings in our proud human race.

[nodachi]

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity... not necessarily in that order.

[Raígma]

*without words*

[Shelgeyr]

Hmmm, you know every once in a while "one of those guys" shows up at a practice... great site to refer them too
:evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:

[rottunpunk]

well you must admit they are quite good at waving swords etc round in a totally pointless manner

the only threat id feel is he might cut his toe off cuz he has absaloutly no idea what he is doing

damned shame i dont have sound on this compuitor cuz the pictures are funny enuff by themselves-hehe

:p

[munenmuso]

I think that smoke he threw on those faces was his farth mixed with anthrax. Another friendly agent of Bin Laden or Saddam.:D

[angryshinai]

Gotta love this...

Level 2:
The Shinai

After working with your bokken it is time to move on to the Shinai or second level of training. The purpose of the shinai is to introduce you to the art of the sword combat. Sword against sword. To most people this will be the most exciting part of their training. Basically, you will be sparring with two swords. We start with shinai's because they do very little (if any) damage when hit.

Um ok


Level 3:
The Katana

Okay, you have done a lot of playing around and training. Now you want to get your hands on a real sword. Even though you will have been training in swordsmanship the Katana will still feel really weird. Especially if you don't have a Tew Ryu modified version.

right .... ill have to get me one of those..

At first i thaught it was a joke website.

[angryshinai]

Um no, i was right...It is a joke

[Richie224]

How dare you have a ninja thread without this!

http://www.ninja4hire.com/


Phil the ninja .......... hmmm

[nodachi]

Hey Richie,

Thanks, I have someone I need to harrass so I should hire this ninja to egg his house and put a bag of flaming poo on their doorstep... I mean... really, that is tough stuff to do... I better call this Phill the ninja right away... <snicker snicker>

[Confound]

We did have Ninja burger didn't we? I thought I posted that link a while ago. The Fries of Our Ancestors really can't be beat.

c

[BewareOfCMS]

Note: I am excercising free speech and my own opinion.

CMS is a scam for young people's money. Rick Tew has designed CMS into phases consisting of 8 to 12 weeks in length. He gets ambitious martial artists who want to learn realistic Ninjitsu to sign up for an unlimited amount of time. The fact though, is that nobody stays after a single phase. Nobody comes back because Rick Tew runs them off the property in any way he can. Many of his instructors have had enough of it too so he is lacking in quality instructors. Most of the time he just sits in his house all day long. His attitude is very intimidating making training around him very uncomfortable and very "unfun". One should want to be around their instructor, not feel afraid of him.

I will say one thing good about Rick, he is no doubt one of the top three Ninjutsu practicioners in the world. He is dangerous. What good is that though if you can't learn any of it or absorb any of those skills yourself?

Answer: No good.

I got jipped. Almost every CMS member has gotten jipped; they are just too afraid to speak out about it because Rick intimidates them.