Opposition to Kendo

[Raiza]

Have you ever encountered any opposition by others(acquaintances, friends, family etc.) to you doing kendo? If so, for what reasons and how did you overcome it?

[alexpollijr]

Sometimes my mother complains about the smell of kendo-gu, and sometimes my girlfirend complains about the time spent in kendo (even if she's also a kendo-ka at the same Dojo).

What kind of 'opposition' are you facing?

[aru-ma]

some things I've been through before (actual quotes):

1."Why do kendo? it doesnt teach you self defence like hand to hand martial arts"
2."Its wasting your time do something else useful"
my reply"talking to me s wasting YOUR time now go away"
3."your stuff(gi, bigu etc.) smells, take it somewhere else"
my reply: resolve :) works great on removing smell from stuff
4."you havent washed your gi for how long?":P
5."I think you've watched to many samurai movies"
my reply "I think you need to keep our mouth shut"
6."cut down your training you're not gettng your work down"
7."you should do other martial arts like judo or something, its cheaper"<--this guy was refering to price of bogu, shinai, etc. my reply "kendo's cheaper on the medical bills" (for now)
8."you look stupid carrying that bag around campus"
my reply "you look stupid with that mowhawk, whats you point?" :D

[Raiza]

Originally posted by alexpollijr
What kind of 'opposition' are you facing?

Nothing major, alex, just a bit of resistance from my better half regarding concerns over injuries, budo culture, etc. When he actually came to watch a practise and see how happy I was, he became much more accepting of the whole situation. I was just curious to see how others dealt with similar situations.

[Neil Gendzwill]

Most people I talk to think it's pretty cool, but some are shocked when they find out how long I've been doing it. Most people don't commit to any non-work or family activity for more than a few years.

My wife has had to come to terms with the fact that kendo is not a hobby and has to occupy a significant chunk of my free time. OTOH I have to compromise - family and work come first.

[KhawMengLee]

Hmmnn...girlfriend of course, who refuses to ask me, about or how was my day at kendo( when the kendo subject arises, she tunes out).

A friend once said(he's chinese, as I am btw), "hey, isn't that japanese, a bit useless right, why don't you learn something more chinese." My reply was to have him put on the bogu and ask him to try jigeiko with me...lets just say he was rooted(v. tired) after minute of trying to hit me(no cardio fitness)...then I introduced him to Mr Kote, Mr Men, Mr Dou and Mr Tsuki:D...he was a lot less vocal about kendo after that.

Heh...and of course my mom wanted to thump my sensei after seeing the monster bruises after a hard training with my sensei...hehehe...mothers can nevr stop being mothers(ya gotta love 'em for that;))

[gill]

My uncle told my mother she had to get me to give up kendo or I would die of blood poisoning from all the bruises. It has taken a long time and a lot of effort (helped by a decrease in bruises with experience) to get her to stop worrying.

As for the uncle, we did a demo at his police station and broke the floor!!! :D

G

[roar]

"Do you still do karate" is the most common question. "Kendo" should not be so hard to remember, right. "Still do" is even worse- like kendo is something you should not do as a grownup.

[Neil Gendzwill]

Originally posted by roar
"Do you still do karate" is the most common question. "Kendo" should not be so hard to remember, right. "Still do" is even worse- like kendo is something you should not do as a grownup.
I don't interpret it that way, and I get that comment all the time. Say "do you still do tae-bo" or "are you still taking swing dance lessons" and you get some idea of where they are coming from - it's all fads or hobbies to them, and inconceivable that you would dedicate a significant part of your life to something like that.

[Jon Seay]

My wife has a HUGE issue with the amount of time I spend in the dojo. It is very difficult for my friends and family to understand the budo culture and why I allways feel that I must train harder. I have passed my Kendo prime and will never be a world champion or even make the U.S. team. I think the biggest misconception here is that all activities must have a clear goal or outcome to be achieved and Kendo is an art form that has as many goals as there are individuals.

[titus]

My family and girlfriend are usually supportive of kendo, and happy that it doesn't take me out of the city like fencing did.

However, I've encountered huge opposition lately from both parties when I floated the idea of going to IBU for a year after my Masters (that would be 2005-6).

Their reasons:
1) After grad school I should get a job immediately
2) Should think about "settling down" (I'd be 25)
3) Kendo is JUST a sport/hobby, not something serious (this is extremely typical, as confirmed by posters above)

Any advice on how to counteract these objections? In the end, I'll do what I want, but I'd prefer to bring them all on side with me or it could get ugly.

[aru-ma]

titus, try explaining to to them that kendo is not JUST a hobby, it's a part of your life. with regards to settling down, your only going to be 25 you can settle down when you 35 or 40 :D,

[M.K. Kawai]

Titus,

You could try these answers:

1) I'll be working in the day and doing Kendo at night. Besides, I'm going to do it only "Blank" times per week.

2) The hours doing Kendo and tournaments versus the number of hours spending time with the family is "blank" for Kendo and "blank" for family. That means I spend "blank" number of days doing Kendo with the balance for family. (Make sure time for family is GREATER than time for Kendo)

3) Yes, it you can call it a sport/hobby but at least I am getting some exercise every week. Its a great way to relieve the stress caused by work and it beats being a couch potato:D

That might help. Best of luck to you...

MKK

[burger boy]

Titus,
You will have your entire life to work, I say go to IBU for a year. It would probably be a great break after working on your masters degree. And settling down?... 25 is too young to start settling down. Go now and enjoy it. You won't have the opportunity to do it once you've joined the "real world."

burger boy

[Old Warrior]

"Any advice on how to counteract these objections? In the end, I'll do what I want, but I'd prefer to bring them all on side with me or it could get ugly."

There are a number of trite axioms that seem to apply. They include: Life is a journey and We must all march to the beat of our own drum.

Having said the above, I want to know who has been supporting all your education efforts. If it's you, I say "Do whatever you want - its your life". But if you have accepting the largess of your family so you can become educated, I say "there comes a time when everyone must be self supporting". And at age 25, it's about time.

Now, I may suck at Kendo, but having raised 3 kids to adulthood, I'm at the master level in parenting. From my perspective, as long as you take care of yourself and have no dependants who are looking to you for their survival, your life is your own.

[Chusan]

2B true:
the strongest opposition against Kendo comes from myself. Since I have some problems with using my legs it`s really hard to go to the dojo and practise - every step hurts. Yet I try...

[titus]

Thank you for the advice from aru-ma, MKKawai, burger boy, and Old Warrior! All very helpful. I was looking for some encouragement and it seems I came to the right place :)

Old Warrior: You bring up a good point. I have been, in fact, supported financially by my parents for a very expensive education so far, thus the problem. You're definitely right that the time for self-supporting is perhaps upon me. Fortunately, the IBU program seems to have a scholarship so I only need an upfront sum to pay for the year, which should be no problem with savings from past work. After that though, it's definitely time for me to enter reality :p

[roar]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Jon Seay
[B]My wife has a HUGE issue with the amount of time I spend in the dojo. It is very difficult for my friends and family to understand the budo culture and why I allways feel that I must train harder

Even worse if your wife also practise, and want to go to practise. Either spend a fortune on babysitters, or try to find an agreement. Which usually means me ending as the coachpotatoe of the day.

[Old Warrior]

"Fortunately, the IBU program seems to have a scholarship so I only need an upfront sum to pay for the year, which should be no problem with savings from past work."

My youngest son went to Kansai Gaidai University for a semester. He was a Japanese Major and it was part of the BA curriculum. Japan is a VERY expensive place to live. Aside from the cost of transportation to get there, ordinary living expenses are exhorbitant by most US standards. If you have savings, you have them because your parents have been underwriting your life. All parents seek in return for their investment in your education is that you make use of it for your benefit. My question is whether or not you have the right to spend all your savings to pursue a non career related pursuit. And the, after all your money is gone, do you expect to simply, come home, and be supported again until you happen to find a job. If you were my child - you'd be very disappointed in my response. One of the hardest adult lessons to learn is the need to become self sufficient and to have to pass on pleasures that conflict with responsibilities. If I had all the money I spent on college educations, weddings, cars, etc., I'd be retired and my kendo would be improving vastly - as I practiced every day, instead of sitting in my office working.

[titus]

Originally posted by Old Warrior
My youngest son went to Kansai Gaidai University for a semester. He was a Japanese Major and it was part of the BA curriculum. Japan is a VERY expensive place to live. Aside from the cost of transportation to get there, ordinary living expenses are exhorbitant by most US standards. If you have savings, you have them because your parents have been underwriting your life. All parents seek in return for their investment in your education is that you make use of it for your benefit. My question is whether or not you have the right to spend all your savings to pursue a non career related pursuit. And the, after all your money is gone, do you expect to simply, come home, and be supported again until you happen to find a job. If you were my child - you'd be very disappointed in my response. One of the hardest adult lessons to learn is the need to become self sufficient and to have to pass on pleasures that conflict with responsibilities. If I had all the money I spent on college educations, weddings, cars, etc., I'd be retired and my kendo would be improving vastly - as I practiced every day, instead of sitting in my office working.

Hehe, Old Warrior have you been talking to my dad or something? :D Of course, I totally agree with you that living in Asia is expensive. I've travelled extensively throughout the region and know the costs can be brutal, however I'm a pretty cheap living person. I will definitely be taking your advice though and be careful to budget properly during my stay.

Also, I see your point about the money I have existing because my parents paid for my expenses. However, I can assure that in my family, money is not an issue in these situations. For them the most important thing is WHAT i'm doing with my life, not the cost.

Finally, I do intend to work afterwards, and look forward it. I could be working now, but a few years ago I had a kind of epiphany and realised that I was on track to go to school, get a job, and never really accomplish anything "meaningful" in my life. I never did any sports, had any hobbies (did fencing but it was too serious to be very fun), had any long-term relationships, etc. I was a workaholic. So now, I've been trying to compensate, taking up kendo, went on student exchange, learning japanese and mandarin, etc. So I'm trying to get this stuff out of the way before I start working, you know what I mean?

[Old Warrior]

"However, I can assure that in my family, money is not an issue in these situations. For them the most important thing is WHAT i'm doing with my life, not the cost."

You are one very fortunate young man. Most people your age are not smart enough to understand or appreciate how much this means. If I were you, I'd give my ole man a hug - for no reason.

[Marine_Boy]

How do I deal with questions concerning the amount of time I spend in a dojo?

Firstly I start by saying:

"Honey I still think you are really nice and I really love you."

Shortly followed by:

"There's a nice new ____ restaurant opened, should I treat you?"

If that doesn't work:

"Hello is that InterFlora, I'd like to order a large bunch of ___ flowers delivered to etc. etc."

And if they are still persistent on the amount of time spent in the dojo:

"Ok. I'll come clean with you. You know when I say I'm at kendo / training... well... I'm actually having an affair with someone else."

If all else fails, just take their insults and abuse like a man. I.e. look apologetic and don't answer back!

Stan:D :D :D

[stevemcgee99]

I read on a kendo website that a senior japanese kendo instructor told the writer that to improve in kendo, "get along with your wife."

He went on writing about his interpretation of what that meant, and more of the conversation he had with this old kendoka.

I think I found the link to it on the "interesting links" page of the San Jose Kendo Dojo website.

[samurai999]

Originally posted by Raiza
Have you ever encountered any opposition by others(acquaintances, friends, family etc.) to you doing kendo? If so, for what reasons and how did you overcome it?

Hell yes.. My father (although seems to be supporting me) "prefers" me not to do kendo. Why?

1.) It is ruining my life.

2.) It is ruining my career.

3.) I can be doing something more fulfilling.

4.) It is ruining my school grades. (when I was temporarily taking classes at Stanford) I ended up with an A- in ALL THREE CLASSES I TOOK.

He is always talking to my mom behind my back about the above. He has tried to get me to quit on a couple of occasions.
I participated in the US champs and afterwards, he told me that

1.) "You already accomplished all you need to accomplish so you can start to ease out".

2.) "You have plenty of trophies. You don't need anymore."

3.) (beating his chest like king kong) "I did kendo when I was in HS in Japan and we went to wash our clothes in the river. You will never undrstand." Of course I won't. And someone who always claims that he couldn't walk from one end of the house to the other because of asthma wouldn't be able to do kendo in pre or post war Japan.

4.) "You will never make it if you continue"

What made me angry one day was the way that he was proudly saying to my aunt that I was in the US championships while making it known to me that he didn't want me playing. Wasn't too appreciative of the comment.

[samurai999]

Oh.. The how I overcame it part... HEHE..

I participated in the US Champs.. Thats how. Plus, I remember the saying "ignorace is bliss".

Tim

[saki_wooah]

My mom tells me all the time:

1- You're getting too much hits on your head and you'll end up with a jellyfish brain.

2- You don't have time to study anymore.

3- It's expensive!!!

4- You're obsessed with kendo! All you do is kendo-kendo-kendo.

5- Why don't you try other martial arts? Stop kendo and start [insert other martial art]. It's the same!

6- You're too young to do kendo! Your kendo mates are 2 times older than you!

And I always try to make up an excuse...

[Shelgeyr]

Several of my co-workers give me a hard time about Kendo. I really think that most of is just in fun, but I have tried a few things to help them cope with my obsession.

Invite them to come to practice with you, you never now, you may addict them as well (think of this as being a kendo pusher)

Download some of the videos in the "Goodies Section" and play them.

Constantly talk about kendo.

O, wait don't do that last one....

And if all else fails a good lashing always helps :D

[Marine_Boy]

Hey stevemcgee99,

What is the link to the mentioned site. My excuses are getting a bit lame!

Stan:)

[Jon Seay]

Saki-wooah it does not change much as you get older. Replace Wife for Mother and you have pretty much the same argument.

2- changes from studying to work around the house

3- It's expensive!!! (Oh yea)

4- You're obsessed with kendo! All you do is kendo-kendo-kendo. (Sounds like you’re my kind of guy, good for you)

5- Why don't you try other martial arts? Stop kendo and start [insert other martial art]. It's the same! (I don't think this will apply)

6- You're too (old) young to do kendo! Your kendo mates are 2 times ( younger ) older than you!

And I always try to make up an excuse... (How about I am not a menace to society)

[Old Warrior]

NONE ARE REQUIRED. THE WIFE HAS SAID ALL OF THESE:

1 - Don't you have Kumdo tonight, there's a program on TV I like.

2 - When you have Kumdo you sleep deeper and snore less

3 - Kumdo is good for you, when you come home you're too tired to bother me.

4 - Kumdo tonight, then you won't be wanting a big dinner.

5 - Gee, since you started Kumdo you've lost a bunch of weight.

And last

6 - why don't you go to Kumdo on Sat., it will give you something to do.

[stevemcgee99]

The link to the page about "getting along with your wife" is here.

http://www.st.rim.or.jp/~shimano/doujo/eng/okuden_e.html

Very solid commentary on this site, btw.

[Marine_Boy]

stevemcgee99 , saw the site and thought it was very good and intuitive.

Stan

[dorkusxmaximus]

My mom hates the ugly bruises I receive on my right arm after practice. one time she saw a long line of dark bruises on my arm, I told her I fell on the floor while I was mopping because I didn't want her to tell me to quit. I felt really bad for lying to her, but I didn't want her to think anything negative about kendo.

[Simon Chien]

Why do'nt you put on protectors on you arm and wrist ( normally right hand only ) to prevent or reduce those bruises ? Some people just hit too hard .............................

[Karaken]

DDF

Please see my post on Frustrated about Kendo.. Today.

Center - only - center.

[Kendoboy]

my grandparents are the only people I know that think it's "silly" or "a stupid waste of time" (depending on their mood and how kind they are being, or honest). Other than that, my enthusiasm seems to win over any skeptics.

[dorkusxmaximus]

Chien, I have a wrist protector but I don't wear it because I feel like I strike a lot slower than I do without it. It could be all in my head though.

[KhawMengLee]

Chien, I have a wrist protector but I don't wear it because I feel like I strike a lot slower than I do without it. It could be all in my head though.

Dorky, all the speed and power comes from the left hand. The right only guides the hit and tenuichi. A lot of us beginners have this problem where we use too much of the right hand to hit with, which is why we do a lot of one handed suburi when we warm up.

[emitbrownne]

Dorky,
If you are worried about the right arm being slowed then put a protector on your left arm to counterbalance. At first you will feel a little cumbersome and slow but it works like weight training, repetitive use will build strength. Your body will compensate and you will stike like you are not wearing a protector.
I wear two protectors.... but thats just because I'm soft :P

[LadyGinevra73]

:) Hi, i'm a new-entry and this is my 1° post , i apologize if my english is not good !!! About the question of Raiza i think that in every moment of our life we encounter some opposition 'cause people love judge ! :mad:
Simply i don't say to my family (mother and father) that i practise kendo/iaido 'cause certainly they worry about it ! (this is possible because i'm living with a friend :D )

bye

[Lynn]

Parental objections......what else is new? :P
Oh well, stuff bout it
1) Not being ladylike.....hell, I¡¦m not ladylike to begin with. So I kinda brush that aside.
2) Should spend more time on my studies.....that point I do concede...
3) The kote injuries I got when I first started.........the bruises from wrist all the way up to the upper arm. up until the point when my mum blew her top and threatened to speak with the pp in my kai. haha......I had quite a hard time pacifying her that time!
but i seldom have any bruises nowadays....so that ceases to be a big issue with my parents.

oh oh.....during that point of time, my mum even ask me to wear long sleeves when I go out so that people dun accuse her of child abuse! She was joking of course......:P

or at least I certainly hope so...

[AlexM]

Speaking of abuse (what a cheery subject)... We had a girl in our dojo get asked by friends (very seriously) if she was in an abusive relationship because of the bruises on her arm. She told us that she had a hell of a time convincing them that she was okay and didn't need to take refuge at a women's shelter.

I admit, all the bruises do look suspicious (a: abused person b: S&M enthusiast c: Turkish prison inmate). I can't imagine what my sensei's daughter must say when she's asked about it: "Oh no, I'm not abused. It's just that my father and his students occasionaly hit me with bamboo sticks." .... followed by calls to child welfare services.

Back to the topic.
I have only gotten encouragement to do kendo (or any sport/budo) for that matter from people around me. Although they do sometimes think that I'm nuts.

[mingshi]

Originally posted by Lynn
oh oh.....during that point of time, my mum even ask me to wear long sleeves when I go out so that people dun accuse her of child abuse! She was joking of course......:P

or at least I certainly hope so...

Interesting. Once after practice from somewhere far, when I got onto the underground train it was quite late at night. After settling down with my bogu, I rolled up my sleeves and examined my marks of excellence (i.e. bruises). A middle-aged women sitting next to me saw this, leaned toward me, and ask with a frown on her face,

"Are you alright?"
"Huh...? Er, yeah..."

The same thing happened again when I changed to another train line. Since then I have to avoid rolling sleeves on public transportation.
--------------------------------

Yeah. Back to the topic.

As I started Kendo here in London without my parents sitting at home checking out every move of mine, I didn't face major opposition from them.

Just that I have many occations that a few Senpai asked me not to train that often :eek: ...

"Jenny, besides college and Kendo, do you go out at all?"
"...eh, no..."

Shame... I hope situation will improve after graduation...:p

[sparc]

I've only known two people who were opposed to me doing Kendo. One is my Dad, and the other is my Uncle.

The funny thing is, they've never even SEEN what kendo involves, so they make uneducated guesses about it. I just put it down to the "fear of the unknown".

I still enjoy Kendo, no matter what. :)

---
Sparc.

[Henry Jones Jnr]

My Mum and Dad are glad because apparently I am too fat (Mind you a fantastic Sensei said that I would do very well as a Sumo wrestler. Mum and Dad had been to Japan in the ninteensixties so they knew what Kendo was about. Besides Mum used to yell at us whenever we tried Jousting in the back paddocks.



Anyone for Yabusame

[dorkusxmaximus]

my little bro is huge, so you're not alone. he's going to try kendo out because he needs to lose some excess weight (doctor's order). I can't believe my mom agreed to this, but it'll be kewl to fight against my little brother without getting in trouble if he sticks to it that is.

[Raiza]

My mom is always worried that all I do is kendo-kendo-kendo and have no social life whatsoever, until I tell her about all the great people I get to meet and party with after tournaments. I just went to the one for Quebec and had a blast, even if I couldn''t stay for dinner afterwards :(.

Frequent beerfests after practise help too... :ditsy:

Also sat down with my better half and explained the deeply personal and apparently profound reason why I do kendo and he's now behind me 100%. :calm:

I do kendo so I can do kendo. Maybe one day I won't suck at it so much.

[pelleas]

There is really no one who has a problem with my Kendo, like old warrior my partner, thinks it is great as it gets me out of the house, gets me exercise, and she maintains, has made me a calmer, less stressed person. ( I think she is right)

None of my other family or friends have a proble with it, primarily for two reasons i thin, firstly, none of them understand what it is and are not that interested in finding out and also they know that if they were to have problems with it that they would recieve a substantial lecture from me as to why they should keep themselves out of things that they no nothing about as well as the benefits and enjoyment of kendo, and because they know me, none of them want to sit throug this. :D


I am a lucky one though

Pelleas

[kendokamax]

my rigth foots has opposition to kendo these days..
it hurts so much , i think it really dislike me doing kendo.....maybe i should quit!

argh.....fumikomi is so freaking hard to get right!!! im becoming nuts

Im too weaak

maman

[aru-ma]

My lecturers has opposition to me doing kendo, if they dont then why am I piled up with assignments?:D :p

[dorkusxmaximus]

Gosh even if my wrist protector on, i still have a whole bunch of bruises running down my right arm to my wrist.

[Inouye02]

is your brother still doing kendo nancy ?

[dorkusxmaximus]

yeah he's still doing it. man, that boy gives up too easily whenever he gets fustrated and hates taking orders.

[Katsuya]

some things I've been through before (actual quotes):

1."Why do kendo? it doesnt teach you self defence like hand to hand martial arts"
2."Its wasting your time do something else useful"
my reply"talking to me s wasting YOUR time now go away"
3."your stuff(gi, bigu etc.) smells, take it somewhere else"
my reply: resolve :) works great on removing smell from stuff
4."you havent washed your gi for how long?":P
5."I think you've watched to many samurai movies"
my reply "I think you need to keep our mouth shut"
6."cut down your training you're not gettng your work down"
7."you should do other martial arts like judo or something, its cheaper"<--this guy was refering to price of bogu, shinai, etc. my reply "kendo's cheaper on the medical bills" (for now)
8."you look stupid carrying that bag around campus"
my reply "you look stupid with that mowhawk, whats you point?" :D


Same here my dad is a black belt in Karate and he asked me how the hell would you drag around a stick in the streets you'll get arrested. Why not learn karate which you only need your body. In the end I got to learn kendo.

[Padawan]

Nothing major, alex, just a bit of resistance from my better half regarding concerns over injuries, budo culture, etc. When he actually came to watch a practise and see how happy I was, he became much more accepting of the whole situation. I was just curious to see how others dealt with similar situations.
My gf came to the dojo with me once and cried for every hit I took. Then she started doing faces whenever I went to practice!

[Eiliries]

I don't get any objections to going to kendo, I generally get support from everyone(although it annoys my friends a little that I'm always going on about kendo), but that may be because kendo and school are the only reasons I have for leaving the house....:silly:

[kanyil]

My gf came to the dojo with me once and cried for every hit I took. Then she started doing faces whenever I went to practice!
you must have a far kinder gf, my gf just laughs at me being hit.

[masher]

I've just started kendo (~1 month), so I haven't had much chance to be "talked" to by my parents et al.

But considering that my other hobby is skydiving, I don't think they'll have a problem with my being hit with sticks.


Kendo is also a lot cheaper than skydiving too, I can do kendo more often... :)

[senki-kendo-jos]

My dad ain't too keen on his ickle daughter getting beat up by big blokes (and considering that most of the guys at my dojo are either over 6ft or tiny wiry little nutters) and he gets annoyed that i'd rather do kendo than work on fridays!! Woohoo. For me I just made him come watch a taikai, he rather enjoyed it, although i'm still a long way from getting him to join in! hee hee

[D'Artagnan]

my gf just laughs at me being hit.

Mine is the one hitting me!!

[SirFingerLickin]

some things I've been through before (actual quotes):
8."you look stupid carrying that bag around campus"
my reply "you look stupid with that mowhawk, whats you point?" :D

Thats fun one. I would (sarcastically)say 'Dang, really?! And here I was hoping all the chicks would dig this look!'

[Niels]

Wow, i seem to be really lucky to have my parents supporting me in kendo (not only financially) they think it's great for me because they see i learn all the things that i suck at posture, discipline, concentration etc etc...
Also my (now ex) girlfriend is really supportive and sees (both inside and outside the dojo) that i enjoy it very much !

And to everyone who isnt such a lucky bastard like me, keep going as long as you still have the time (want to make the time) and money to do it !!

--Niels