satsumaruma
30th January 2006, 01:17 AM
I' ve just been sent this from a friend
Plaese enjoy ( and no I am not having a go at the Legal Profession - although they often deserve it)
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts,
>>>>>and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken
>>>>>down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of
>>>>>staying calm while
>>>>>these exchanges were actually taking place.
>>>>>
>>>>>.........................................
>>>>> Q: Are you sexually active?
>>>>> A: No, I just lie there.
>>>>> ---------------------------------
>>>>> Q: What is your date of birth?
>>>>>
>>>>>A: July 15th
>>>>> Q: What year
>>>>>
>>>>> A: Every year.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> ----------------------------------------------
>>>>> Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>>>>>
>>>>> A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>>>>>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>> Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
>>>>> A: Yes.
>>>>>
>>>>> Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>>>>> A: I forget.
>>>>> Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that
>>>>>you've forgotten? A:mmmmmmmmm
>>>>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>--
>>>>> --
>>>>> Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
>>>>> A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
>>>>>Q: How long has he lived with you?
>>>>> A: Forty-five years.
>>>>>
>>>>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>
>>>>> Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he
>>>>>woke up that morning?
>>>>>
>>>>> A: He said, "Where am I. Doris?"
>>>>>
>>>>> Q: And why did that upset you?
>>>>>
>>>>> A: My name is Susan.
>>>>>
>>>>> -------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>> Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
>>>>>voodoo or the occult?
>>>>> A: We both do.
>>>>> Q: Voodoo? A: We do.
>>>>> Q: You do?
>>>>>
>>>>> A: Yes, voodoo.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> ----------------------------------
>>>>> Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
>>>>>sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>>>>>
>>>>> A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>>>>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>> ----
>>>>> --------------------------
>>>>> Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
>>>>>
>>>>> A: He's twenty
>>>>> --------------------------------------------------------
>>>>> Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>>>>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>---
>>>>> Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
>>>>>
>>>>> A: Yes.
>>>>>
>>>>> Q: And what were you doing at that time?
>>>>>------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>
>>>>> Q: She had three children, right?
>>>>>
>>>>> A: Yes.
>>>>>
>>>>> Q: How many were boys?
>>>>> A: None.
>>>>> Q: Were there any girls?
>>>>> ----------------------------------------------------------
>>>>> Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
>>>>> A: By death.
>>>>> Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
>>>>> ______________________________________
>>>>> Q: Can you describe the individual?
>>>>> A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>>>>> Q: Was this a male or a female?
>>>>>______________________________________
>>>>> Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
>>>>>deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
>>>>> A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>>>>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>------
>>>>> Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
>>>>>people?
>>>>> A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>>>>>--------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>
>>>>> Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
>>>>>to?
>>>>> A: Oral.
>>>>> ______________________________________
>>>>>
>>>>> Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>>>>> A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>>>>> Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
>>>>> A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
>>>>>an autopsy.
>>>>>----------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>> Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>>>>>
>>>>> ______________________________________
>>>>>
>>>>> AND TO SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST!!!!!!
>>>>>
>>>>> Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
>>>>>a pulse?
>>>>>
>>>>> A: No.
>>>>>
>>>>> Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
>>>>>
>>>>> A: No.
>>>>>
>>>>>Q: Did you check for breathing?
>>>>>
>>>>> A: No.
>>>>> Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
>>>>>began the autopsy?
>>>>> A: No.
>>>>> Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>>>>> A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>>>>> Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
>>>>>
>>>>> A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
>>>>>practicing law somewhere.
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
Plaese enjoy ( and no I am not having a go at the Legal Profession - although they often deserve it)
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts,
>>>>>and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken
>>>>>down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of
>>>>>staying calm while
>>>>>these exchanges were actually taking place.
>>>>>
>>>>>.........................................
>>>>> Q: Are you sexually active?
>>>>> A: No, I just lie there.
>>>>> ---------------------------------
>>>>> Q: What is your date of birth?
>>>>>
>>>>>A: July 15th
>>>>> Q: What year
>>>>>
>>>>> A: Every year.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> ----------------------------------------------
>>>>> Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>>>>>
>>>>> A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>>>>>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>> Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
>>>>> A: Yes.
>>>>>
>>>>> Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>>>>> A: I forget.
>>>>> Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that
>>>>>you've forgotten? A:mmmmmmmmm
>>>>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>--
>>>>> --
>>>>> Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
>>>>> A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
>>>>>Q: How long has he lived with you?
>>>>> A: Forty-five years.
>>>>>
>>>>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>
>>>>> Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he
>>>>>woke up that morning?
>>>>>
>>>>> A: He said, "Where am I. Doris?"
>>>>>
>>>>> Q: And why did that upset you?
>>>>>
>>>>> A: My name is Susan.
>>>>>
>>>>> -------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>> Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
>>>>>voodoo or the occult?
>>>>> A: We both do.
>>>>> Q: Voodoo? A: We do.
>>>>> Q: You do?
>>>>>
>>>>> A: Yes, voodoo.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> ----------------------------------
>>>>> Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
>>>>>sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>>>>>
>>>>> A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>>>>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>> ----
>>>>> --------------------------
>>>>> Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
>>>>>
>>>>> A: He's twenty
>>>>> --------------------------------------------------------
>>>>> Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>>>>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>---
>>>>> Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
>>>>>
>>>>> A: Yes.
>>>>>
>>>>> Q: And what were you doing at that time?
>>>>>------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>
>>>>> Q: She had three children, right?
>>>>>
>>>>> A: Yes.
>>>>>
>>>>> Q: How many were boys?
>>>>> A: None.
>>>>> Q: Were there any girls?
>>>>> ----------------------------------------------------------
>>>>> Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
>>>>> A: By death.
>>>>> Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
>>>>> ______________________________________
>>>>> Q: Can you describe the individual?
>>>>> A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>>>>> Q: Was this a male or a female?
>>>>>______________________________________
>>>>> Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
>>>>>deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
>>>>> A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>>>>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>------
>>>>> Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
>>>>>people?
>>>>> A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>>>>>--------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>
>>>>> Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
>>>>>to?
>>>>> A: Oral.
>>>>> ______________________________________
>>>>>
>>>>> Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>>>>> A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>>>>> Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
>>>>> A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
>>>>>an autopsy.
>>>>>----------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>> Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>>>>>
>>>>> ______________________________________
>>>>>
>>>>> AND TO SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST!!!!!!
>>>>>
>>>>> Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
>>>>>a pulse?
>>>>>
>>>>> A: No.
>>>>>
>>>>> Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
>>>>>
>>>>> A: No.
>>>>>
>>>>>Q: Did you check for breathing?
>>>>>
>>>>> A: No.
>>>>> Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
>>>>>began the autopsy?
>>>>> A: No.
>>>>> Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>>>>> A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>>>>> Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
>>>>>
>>>>> A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
>>>>>practicing law somewhere.
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D