if you like anime-like stories read my story

[mingshi]

Ah, sorry for interupting the reading, but as a bored reader, I want to ask a few questions:-

1. >>>Tanghi (demon fairy), Ganak (a demon with much mind power and fighting power)....

Are they all Indians?

2. I have nothing better to do, so I actually find myself reading your story.... But before you summit this thing to fanzine or any sort of that, can you use the proper punctuations? Bad legibility will result in a right-on "slam dunk" of your work...

3. Although I didn't have the time and energy to do it anymore, I should tell you that when I was at your age I had 3 low-quality Manga fanzine published. If you want very harsh criticism I have tonnes to give...

Thanks for reading.

[weldon87]

i really am not looking to have this published i really don't care most ppl that have read my story thought it was good and creative im still trying to come out with new ideas for the story and its hard i personally thought it was a interesting story ,and of course their not indians

[Ares2907]

How about posting a link to this story hosted somewhere else instead of using a kendo discussion forum?
I haven't read much of it but judging from the above, it would probably read better if you paid more attention to grammar/spelling.
You also switch tense every two sentences or so and a bunch of other stuff that made my brain hurt. If you're really interested in creative writing, try looking for a writers group. Most universities have some, or you might try asking around at book shops etc.

[Hai_hai]

if you like anime-like stories read my story

Well, I like anime-like stories... that are written well.

[weldon87]

get off my sack ppl dam go do something else with your lives,i haven't said nothing negative in any forum yet ppl for no reason ppl come to critize a story i made sitting on the toilet,if you cant say nothing positive dont say nothing at all, im not looking for no awards for this story(in other words i dont give a F*** about the grammer)im really tryin to get my ideas down for now

[Ares2907]

If you're going to get this defensive over criticizm (most of which was constructive mind you), then chances are you don't have what it takes to improve as a writer.
When your writing is shite, you need people to point it out and offer pointers on how you can go about improving it. Now if you did indeed develop this on the toilet, why the hell did you think it would be worth putting up on a forum dedicated to kendo discussion?
As for not giving a fuck about the grammAr, that's all well and good, but if you're just trying to get ideas down, do it in a place where you're more likely to receive helpful feedback.
Essentially, you posted on a public forum (an inappropriate one I might add), and for the most part it was ignored. Then a couple of people offer very minor criticism and you get super defensive about it?
You're about 15 years old right?

[Hai_hai]

weldon87,
You submit all this text on a public bulletin board. You should expect some sort of response. If you were writing this in a personal notebook or on a file in your PC, then you wouldn't expect anything from anyone. Don't cry me a river.

Hai YAAAAAA!!!!!

[Hai_hai]

And another thing, you boastfully promoted this topic with "If you like anime-like stories, read my story".
Well, I like anime-like stories so I started to read your story. Then, it became so boring.... so poorly written... so one-dimensional that "Where's Waldo?" books have more character development than this story.

Waaaa, people are mean to me. Well, better now than later in the real world when your "pipe" dreams of becoming a world famous anime writer go up in smoke because some Japanese editor thinks your writing is the worst he's ever read.

[Confound]

Being a writer means being able to discuss your work in a literate fashion, and being able to accept criticism. Firstly, find a less cookie cutter plot. Secondly, don't steal names from anime, that has no class at all. Thirdly, research the area or historic period you choose to write about. Fourthly, don't vomit onto the paper / internet. Write carefully, don't just pout out whatever sewage comes to mind.

Fifthly, but by no means lastly, brevity is the essence of wit. With a vapid story like this, you need to have rapid pacing, less brainless, 'aren't my characters so cool' dialogue, and more action.

Lastly, I will stop myself here, because this piece is far below my notice. I've given you more attention than you merited.

c

[mingshi]

I am presenting the best 3 pages from my 1999 amatuer Manga. To be exact, it was drafted in pencils during Maths classes when I was 16, and inked later (at around 17).

Excuse the poor translation. I have to flip the page so it reads in the Western way (left to right). Also, I scanned it from the printed version which is thread-binded... so excuse the shadows at the edges...

Now it looks really unprofessional for me... At that time I can only afford to have 15 readers, because it costed a lot for a 17-yr-old kid to print, and the book is hard to bind :p. I was told my storyboarding is too static and boring, and the frames have too much blank space...

Enjoy :rolleyes: sweet memories...

File at approx. 200k (http://www.btinternet.com/~mwan/images/comix0102.jpg)

[Hai_hai]

Mingshi,
That's really good artwork. I also draw manga, so I notice you don't use the usual "oversized" eyes. I especially like the details and 3-dimentional proportionality of the buildings. The revealing cleavage on one of the woman is a bit racy/erotic.

Hai_hai

[weldon87]

i wasn't trying to be boastful i just made the title that, so more ppl would read it,i do appologize for my defensive behavior i just felt the story deserved more postivie feed back because thats all i get from ppl my age,and i haven't really started a deep storyline yet im still thinking about it,im still talking about seiji's part in the story the storyline im really thinking about is when mikuru comes in the story and that won't be fo a while,what i have written now seems kinda rushed because im putting things together so it will make sense when i add the other characters in the story,so please ppl bear with me.

[Hai_hai]

weldon87,
Have you ever read a book on "how to write a story/book"? This next question is more painful, have you ever read a story or book?

You started out by listing all the characters in your story. That's not how good stories are written unless you like to write Bible-style. Although you can claim you're using your creative license, it's not a good writing style in general. Introduce your characters into the story as it progresses and where it fits.

Bad punctuation is everywhere. With missing commas everywhere (literally), it's acually irritating to read. Some people choose not to learn grammar because they expect a word processor program to pick things up, or some editor in "future dreamworld publishing corporation" to fix all mistakes when they make it big because author "New York Times Bestseller list so-and-so" relies on his editors. Don't kid yourself. Creative writing and good grammar and spelling will help you in the long run. Having only one of these skills puts you behind a thousand other wanna-be writers.

Your writing is not written in a story-telling style. I don't know how else to put it. It's like "This happened. Then, this happened. And then, this happened." If I wrote a book called "Counting from zero to one-hundred" and the entire book was just a listing of the numbers zero to one-hundred, that would be the equivalent to your writing.

It's okay to write a story here if you want unless the bulletin board moderators prohibit it. I like to read creative writing by amateurs. I'll be frank towards really bad writers.

I would suggest that you read other people's writings, especially published ones, whether it's a short story or a novel.

[KENSHIN]

Hi weldon87,

I admire that you have attempted to write a story, I am assuming that this is your first shot at it. I think if you keep at it then you will eventually make a cracker of a story. Also don’t take the criticism that is being dished out to you as being bad because essentially what they are telling you is to help you become a good writer. I know that it can be very hard to accept someone else’s criticisms especially when you have put your heart and soul into it, and the person giving the critique may not really understand what effort you put into it. But essentially what they are saying is very, very important for you. Anyway, here is another place that might be more suitable for your story to be posted and to get feedback that might be of further benefit to you. http://www.poalo.com/forum/

Anyway, good luck with writing more stories.

[KENSHIN]

Hai_hai I think your comments are a little too strong and not really very constructive but more like you are just slandering his work just because he is not able to understand the criticism that is being given to him. Ok his work might not compare to the likes of David Gemmell or J.R.R Tolkien. But I think that it is a start. Although, Weldon87 did not take the criticism too well about his grammar being not up to scratch etc. But he is just a kid, 15 years old right? I can tell you although his work might be called amateurish, I think it is really nice to see a 15 year old spending his time writing. Even if it is as you define “bad”, I am sure and it usually does happen that they will improve over time.

[aru-ma]

weldon87,

I'm not going to say anything about your story (I havent read it), I was just wondering if you've posted your story on other "fanfiction" sites, I know its not a fan fiction story but these sites usualy have places for original works like yours to put and.

my tip for writing better stories:

1. Recheck your work, its better to have a good draft, even if its just a draft.
2. Get a proof reader. (preferably more than one and more experienced)
3. Write more, it'll only get better.

anyway thats it from me

[weldon87]

i do see the mistakes but i can't edit them i did edit them on my computer so i'll give a link to my new and edited story
http://invisionfree.com/forums/Club_Anime/index.php?act=ST&f=22&t=10

[hamish]

Hi Weldon87,

As with your post above, please post a link to your story, our server has enough trouble storing all the kendo related posts, let alone your writing, too. Then you can update and edit as you want.

Hamish

[weldon87]

o ok