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  • Joke of the Day

    "Nine Months...."

    Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered he door if they could spend the night.

    "I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my
    house."

    "Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."

    The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

    Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

    But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

    He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"

    "Yes, I do." said Bob

    "Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

    "Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out "I have to admit that I did."

    "And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

    Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"

    (scroll down...)




























    "She just died and left me everything."


    (And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you...?)

  • #2
    Very good.



    "Why did the boy fall off the swing?




    Because he had no arms or legs."

    Comment


    • #3
      oldy:

      a guy gets on the plane and notices a parrot on the seat next to him ...
      the guy gets thristy and tries to attrackt the flightattendant's attention as she passes by
      "excuse my miss..." she ignores him and goes by.
      the parrot wakes up, and yells "YO HO, GET ME A DOUBLE SCOTCH ON THE ROCKS, AND MOVE YOUR BIG ASS!" within 10 secs he's sipping his drink ...
      strange the man thinks ...
      now he's getting hungry, and tries to attrack her attention once more
      "Im sorry to disturb you, bu..." she ignores him again as she walks by.
      the parrot goes "YO FAT ASS, GIMME SOME PEANUTS, IM HUNGRY BITCH"
      He gets his peanuts and happily chucks them down.
      "Thats it, the man thinks, enough of this"
      he yells from the top of his lungs "YOU FRECKING DUMB BITCHES, GO GET ME A DRINK BEFORE I KICK THE CRAP OUT YOUR BIG ASS"

      The attendess throw him out the plane.
      As he is falling down, the parrot flies next to him
      and the parrot says:
      "You've got a big mouth for someone who has no wings"

      Comment


      • #4
        An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar, and the barman says, "What is this, some kind of joke or something?"

        b

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by shred_lord View Post
          Very good.



          "Why did the boy fall off the swing?




          Because he had no arms or legs."

          What do you call that same boy in a pool? Bob
          What do you call him lying on your door step? Matt
          What do you call him hanging on your wall? Art

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by kurisu View Post
            What do you call that same boy in a pool? Bob
            What do you call him lying on your door step? Matt
            What do you call him hanging on your wall? Art
            Fantastic!

            Comment


            • #7
              Its pink, red and silver, sits in the corner and gets smaller every minute?


              -a baby with a rasp.

              its pink and cant turn around in a corridor?

              -a baby with a spear through its head

              Its red and white and makes alot of noise

              -A peeled baby in a tub of salt

              How do you get 10 babys in an empty can of pringles?

              -use a mixer

              Comment


              • #8
                Ok there was a newly divorced woman who decided to buy herself a sex toy.
                So she went to the sex toy-shop (sex toys'r'us etc.) and walked around for a while but didnt actually know what she was looking for so she asked the clerk. He understood her problem and showed her to the side, and unpacked a strange box.
                "whats that?" she asked
                "this, my lady, is the magic dildo!" he said with a certain seriousness and awe.
                "hmm... what makes it magic?" she asked
                "well, you just say 'magic dildo' and the place you want it to massage and it will fly right to the place and start massaging."
                "oh what a nice dildo! Ill have it!" she said and paid the man.

                On her way home driving the car, she got a little curious and could help saying "magic dildo shoulders" and the dildo flew up to her shoulders in an instant and massaged her shoulders very, very thoroughly.
                "ok.." she thought "what next? ah!" and said "magic dildo my vagina" and well yeah.. you get the picture, and after a while she was having a too good time and accidentally bumbed into the car infront of her. The other car happend to be a police car and in 2 or 3 seconds there was a police officer poking his mustaschio'ed face in through the window of the womans car.
                He asked her why she bumped into him, and she explained everything, including the amazing magic dildo, which she blamed for the whole accident.
                Then the officer laughed and said "magic dildo..? my ass!"
                Last edited by ziggey; 25th January 2007, 09:58 PM.

                Comment


                • #9
                  What is blue and sits in a corner ?
                  - a baby playing with a plastic bag

                  What is green and sits in a corner?
                  - same baby, a month later

                  What is black, lives in a tree, and is dangerous?
                  - a crow with a katana

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    what sound does a little yellow duck make when you throw it against a wall?

                    -kwak

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Most of you have probably heard this one...

                      What's the difference between a truckload of dead babies and a truckload of bowling balls?


                      - You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        This should be renamed Sick Joke of the day

                        But good all the same

                        David

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          the difference...

                          what's the difference between pink and purple...?


                          THE GRIP

                          what's the difference between kinky and perverted...?

                          kinky, you use a feather.....PERVERTED, is when you use the WHOLE CHICKEN:::!!!!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            What's the difference between a hurricane and a woman ?
                            None: it comes hot and wet and leaves with your house and car.

                            What's the difference between a snowstorm and a man ?
                            None: you never now how many inches you will get or how long it will last.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by akumalkenshi View Post

                              what's the difference between kinky and perverted...?

                              kinky, you use a feather.....PERVERTED, is when you use the WHOLE CHICKEN:::!!!!

                              what the difference between light SM and hard SM?

                              in light sm you tie your wife to the wall and hit her with a whip
                              in hard sm, you tie a whip to the wall and hit it with your wife.

                              Comment

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