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The Collected Words of Ignatz: Part 1

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  • The Collected Words of Ignatz: Part 1

    John O’Connor (Ignatz) was a regular poster here until his death in April of this year. He remains one of the most highly appreciated members of his community and still tops the polls in terms of reputation points.

    Despite knowing him only through this forum, I thought it would be appropriate to bring together his wisdom and wit in a collection of quotes. Because he made almost 4,000 contributions this is going to take some time. Here is my favourites from his first 500 posts. Feel free to add yours.

    Here John lives his maxim that, “The clever bon mot or witty riposte certainly has its place.”

    “Somewhere there must be a caboose to his train of thought.”

    “It looks like you have completely failed to understand proper use of the English language.”

    “Sorry, I thought you were trying to outdo yourself in stupidity.”

    “How can I miss you if you won't go away?”

    “In other words, you have no kendo experience at all.”

    “Can you be a little more vague?
    Sorry for the sarcasm, but I can't imagine that anyone has the slightest clue about what you are saying.”

    “I want to go double or nothing on the $500 he owes me that he will continue to make stupid posts.”

    OP: "I'm looking a littel blue"
    John: “Take a shower from time to time, it works wonders.”

    “You would need at least a modicum of intelligence to understand it.”
    (When the OP didn’t get the message) “Your thread is stupid. Your posts are stupid. Ergo, one might conclude that you are stupid.”
    (And when OP still didn’t get the message) “No, I am contributing to the drifted thread. You are still pointless, and pretty stupid too.”

    OP: “Really their rudness has given me a negative mind torward tradion,you say im un willing to accept YOUR way of kendo.I day your un willing to accept mine.”
    John: “I am willing to postpone my death to see "your way of kendo" and I look forward to it.”

    “. . . . . .Huh?. . . . . .”

    “Shut up clown boy. Don't disrespect Mr. Miyagi.”

    “I'll have to take your word on what pee tastes like.”

    “Sorry Skippy. This has not in any way been a serious bashing. Nothing but kid gloves and good advice.”

    John’s Wisdom:

    “Love is like playing the piano. It is simply a matter of pressing the right keys at the right time and it pretty much plays itself.”

    “They say that academic politics are totally vicious because the stakes are so low.”

    “Statistics are usually used like a drunk uses a lamp post, for support rather than illumination.”

    “Nah, the horse is already dead, It killed itself.”

    !!!!COBRA KAI!!!!

    “My advice would be to stop dressing like one of the Village People and lose the Judy Garland albums.”

    “I am proud to say that I have no idea what this is all about.”

    John On Religion:

    “My sister and I have been thinking about opening a cheese shop. We will call it:

    "Cheeses of Nazareth"”

    “That's where you are wrong my friend, the birth of the peep is the basis for the entire bible. I know. God told me.”

    “I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.”

    “You presume to know my mind?”

    “Don't worry, it isn't really a picture of jesus. He wasn't a white guy.”

    “God answered his prayer.

    He said No.”

    On Himself:

    “I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.”

    Poll: “How do you feel?
    I'm too fat
    I'm perfect, mens sana in corpore sano
    I'm too slim”
    John: “I am 2.014965e-16 Light Years tall and weigh 1378998.084 grains give or take and I feel just perfect.”

    OP: “But who is the arbiter of what is right or not?”
    John: “I am.
    Don't make me smite your ass down.”

    “I also am housebroken and can follow orders.”

    “You know that since I cut back on red meat I lay a cable out that almost seems to be greased, yet the paper is clear.”

    “Roger that big boy.”

    On Kendo:

    “I guess you guys are pretty good because I don't think I have run into anybody who has what I would call "beautiful kendo" that's getting the snot beat out of him every time.”

    “Ah grasshopper, when you understand that it will be time for you to leave the temple.”

    “If your only tool is a hammer, all of your problems start looking like nails.”

    Ways to counter gedan: “Keep training. Does that help more?”

    "I will kill the wabbit with my shinai and magic helmet"

    “My son called today and asked for some advice about a career matter. I hope that someday you have the opportunity to feel that special.
    Anyway. what I did was figure out what direction he had in mind and led him in the direction that he knew was the right one. You can't teach anybody anything, all you can do is set the stage for them to teach themselves.

    Kendo taught me that.

    During the course of our discussion I told him that I scored ippon twice the other day against a superior player but I was not happy because they were sloppy. A point is a point he said. No, I replied, he deserves to die with dignity and can only do that if I kill him beautifully.

    Kendo taught me that too but I'm not really sure of the lesson.”

  • #2
    My condolances to John's family and loved ones. He'll be missed.

    Now who will have to sort out Han?


    • #3
      A big fat rep for you Lucien. Iggy produced some seriously funny shit on here...


      • #4
        thanks dude


        • #5
          Well done

          God, how I miss him here. Reading those posts sure does remind me of those times.


          • #6
            Said this before but Ignatz's sig was always very important to Awooga Guy.

            "I want to be what I was, when I wanted to be what I am now" - which apparently was some graffiti found in London in 1980 (Googled it)


            That is all.


            • #7
              "Not today, Skippy!" -- during the last match John played during a tournament (8th Goyokai in Boston). '

              "A little head is always good." -- at the bar, speaking about the virtues of beer foam (and/or something else)

              Thanks for posting these. A day doesn't go by when I don't think fondly of our departed taisho.


              • #8
                Is part 2 due soon?


                • #9
                  Excellent collection.

                  Truly this is a gargantuan undertaking given how often John posted, and how he rarely posted anything not worth reading, or lacking significance.

                  Perhaps I'm speaking beyond my depth here, but I'd attribute John's great wisdom to the fact that he seemed to see things with startling clarity, and therefore he could perceive what was truly there... his incredible wit probably helped too.


                  • #10
                    Eight years later, I think it is time for pt 2.

                    Lucien - chop on, there's a good fellow.


                    • #11
                      We need someone that's either retired, or just became unemployed so they have time to sift through his posts. Wish I had the time as some of them were truly worth preserving. He was even funnier in person!