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Being asked to leave dojo for not being at practice enough.

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  • #16
    Lancer, if I may be so bold to say, don't resent your girlfriend. Is there not a university club near you or is also run by your sensei? I don't want to go into any details to locations on here but if you want to pm me perhaps some suggestions can be made. In any regards, kendo can teach you and build you up but in the end you need to find the strength within yourself to go on. In life there are definitely responsibilities more important than kendo. I'm sure you know that.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by MikeW View Post
      I agree with Neil's comment completely. There are better way s to get feedback on this situation than to air them on a public forum.
      Something like this is why other forums have an "anonymous" forum. Aikiweb for example.

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      • #18
        Also Good Luck & Well Being to you and your family, Lancer. don't give up on Kendo or your old dojo...maybe after a few months time, approach your Sensei with a humble but willing attitude and maybe things will work out. Sensei stands for more than just a teacher in Kendo...they tend to be very wise & caring.

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        • #19
          Kendo can be a small world indeed: even if you could find a new dojo you could get to, perhaps that Sensei or Senseis know of would run into your old Sensei, who likely would still be anti you. I agree you need to talk to him, therefore, but since he isn't for that, try to use an intermediary. I may've missed that part, but is he Japanese because if so, it becomes a deeper kettle of fish.
          Many of us get too much on our plate - please, do NOT hold it against your baby and new family!!! JMHO

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          • #20
            I certainly feel for you and am sorry that your hurt by the situation. However, I think this is also a way for your Sensei to tell you that you need to take care of your personal life first. Perhaps I'm reading too much into the situation, but from what you've said about everything that's been going on, it does have that feel to it.

            Obviously, when you have a physical injury, you need to take time off to let it heal. Although it's not as obvious, if you're mentally not "there" during practice, then that's like an injury too. Lack of focus because of outside stress can affect your practice. It may not have been obvious to you because it's harder to be conscious of how we look as we practice, but your Sensei may have seen it. If you get your personal life in order, then you may have a better focus, both as a student and as a senior student. You've written that you'd like to return to kendo to practice, but like a physical injury, you can't practice fully until you heal.

            Let's be honest, there are expectations set upon you the higher up in rank you are. You have to not only exhibit better kendo, but be a role model to the lower ranked students. Your Sensei probably doesen't feel like you have it in you right now. Take the time that you have off to enjoy raising a baby (because they grow-up quick) and reflect about what you can do to improve your personal life and bring that back to the dojo.

            It would shock me if you weren't allowed a second chance after taking some time to determine what it is you need to do for yourself and what it is you need to bring to the dojo floor. I personally hope that you continue doing kendo and that you can return back to trusting your Sensei and the friends that you've made during kendo. Best of luck to you!

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            • #21
              Gooluck Lancer. I don't think the issue was you dedicated your live to kendo especially with the hardships you were going through most people wouldn't expect you to take care of your family/personal business first. Emails most of the time can't convey things that a phone call or even face to face. It is too easy for people to misinterupt emails and generally sometimes instructors/sensei are more forgiving to junior students than senior students.

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              • #22
                It is clear that the reason for your Sensei so that you do not want the dojo is not really back on your lack of presence. Instead, he said e-mail is not satisfied with your conduct as a "senior" member of the dojo ... Maybe if you really want to continue Kendo - what I think you do - you should call or visit Sensei and talk to him. If you do not know exactly what he "acted like you," then change under dojo * can * mean that you will be asked to demonstrate that meant - though I can not imagine what kind of behavior would warrant a person will be asked to leave a club ... although there are obviously more than meets the eye.

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                • #23
                  Others have already touched on airing the correspondence so nothing to say there.

                  It sounds like you have a tricky situation. You want to participate, but it sounds like there are factors above and beyond a particular individual's displeasure that is preventing you from being able to do so (work, relationship, etc). It really sounds like consistent participation is not an option for you at this time. You're going to have to either address those factors, or find a group where your constraints are acceptable. It isn't easy getting the rest of one's life to accept dedication to a martial art.

                  Being forced to part ways, either on your own or someone else's insistence isn't easy, but some times it is for the best. I can't really tell who has unreasonable expectations, but for this to have apparently gotten to this point you're probably going to happier somewhere else. If there's nothing nearby, you might have to suck up the longer travel or get ready to move. If you do find another spot, I hope you can save yourself some grief by letting them know about scheduling issues and so forth up front.

                  Best wishes

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                  • #24
                    Thank you everyone for the great advice. I have decided to take a break from kendo. I am working on my relationship and taking care of a newborn. I also have started seriously playing golf again and even though I haven't played in 10 years, it is just like riding a bike, you never forget. I shot a 93 today. My best 10 years ago was 86 I also think some of the posters are correct in saying give everything some time and maybe someday I can go back to my old dojo. I don't hate my sensei, its just that I have never been treated like this before and it still hurts. Thank you all again for your support.

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                    • #25
                      Take care Lancer and the best of luck to you and your family.

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                      • #26
                        Lancer,

                        You need to do some serious thinking about your situation and what your sensei has said, because from all of your troubles, Kendo should be the last thing on your mind. If you're a new father who's currently unemployed, your time is better spent providing for your new family. You can practice Kendo at home.

                        Sometimes self-study and growth is what an individual needs. Don't think that you're the only one that's ever been in a situation that's unfair. Everyone has been in a tough spot before. It's up to you to work through it. If your sensei said you need to conduct yourself better, you need to examine yourself honestly. Patience and humility is part of Do.

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by Pandaface View Post
                          You need to do some serious thinking about your situation and what your sensei has said, because from all of your troubles, Kendo should be the last thing on your mind. If you're a new father who's currently unemployed, your time is better spent providing for your new family. You can practice Kendo at home.
                          He basically just said that (see two posts above).

                          And I'm not sure I agree you can really study Kendo at home without practicing it at all in a dojo.

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