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any one else train with their wife?

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  • any one else train with their wife?

    Hello,

    I am new to kendo 3mo. My wife and I started kendo as something to do together. We drive 1hr each way to practice 2 time a week, which has not discouraged me in the least (my wife hates the drive). I would like to hear some advice from any one who trains with their partners. Not to toot my own horn but I have a natural tendancy to pick physical activities quickly. Problem is my wife is a bit clumsy. I am worried that if I advance quicker than she does she might become discouraged. I have learned already not to give her any advice (bad idea), but i wonder if anyone has some ideas on how help me help her improve without discouraging her, or put plainly, pissing her off. I would hate for her to give up on kendo.

    thanks, Logan

  • #2
    My wife and I started kendo together a several years ago. I do pick up physical activity quicker than her as well. My advice..."never give advice". The husband is always fair game for a verbal lashing, you may have a shinai as a weapon, but they have sex, man, we are virtually unarmed!

    Supportive training was my answer, if i didnt have anything nice to say...I didnt say anything at all, then I looked for the good and made efforts to encourage her. Then after a couple of years she was commenting on my kendo and now and then, whips my A$$.

    Good training, (IMO) will develop good kendo, so your a quick starter, and she will get there later rather than sooner, but she'll get there...so I would encourage her, and enjoy her company, and let the instructor handle the teaching advice. Ultimatley we are lucky to have our partners join us in such an awsome activity!

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    • #3
      My honest opinion is to let her develop on her own. It'll be better for your marriage to have something that both of you share and enjoy rather than you taking the "advisor" role. Leave the instruction to the sensei and practice with her in a way that is a learning experience for the both of you.

      Don't sweat the small stuff; she won't get everything right away. First focus on the basic kamae and waza. Keep the fundementals basic and dont try to make her perfect. Remember, even though the physical advancement may be different, the mental process will definately be pretty much on the same level!

      These things will come in slow progression, but rewarding for both of you.

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      • #4
        Nishi is a smart dude.

        Nishi is a smart dude. He hits the nail on the head with that one.

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        • #5
          I hope my future significant other will be as interested in Kendo as I am. If not, then I hope she at least supports the activity.

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          • #6
            aw...well i cant give much of an advice here, im a student, and as surprising as it sounds many girls (at least in my case) tend to reject martial arts,

            what i mean is,: that evrything is going alright, but the moment they hear about me being a martial artist, well erm.....they tend to put some distance, like if i were some weird guy who could break things with the mind, in another lvl of conciousness or something,
            i dont know, most people ive known have predjuices about martial arts, and they tend to expect crazy things that only happen on movies from the practicioners, i mean, i get on the bus with my karategi, and i can almost smell they fear out of people (its very uncounfterble to be treated like a robot that can go berserk any moment and kill someone , nobody looks at you (or they do, but they try to look as if they didnt) evrybody speaks gruffly, etc etc etc *shivers* ug that kind of stuff).

            so i got a little of track with this, but my point was that most girls ive known dont accept karate, or kendo as an activity, so let alone asking them to join me in the practice of it. so ye.........i wouldnt know

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Kyros Nighle
              i mean, i get on the bus with my karategi, and i can almost smell they fear out of people
              I know what you mean, i always get weird looks from people when i have my shinai

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              • #8
                Myself and my long-term partner (Akasha on this forum) started training together. Thing was i picked it up a bit quicker than she did, mainly as at first i was more dedicated. I definately feel that at the stage you are at, giving her advice is a bad idea. You have to be really careful not to sound like you are being patronising etc. However, as me old mate Nishi said she'll get there eventually.There may come a time when you can advise her and she appreciates it. I am now at the stage where my partner seeks my advice, and values, and enjoys learning from me.

                There is nothing better thab having a relationship where you both pursue Kendo, I have seen too many kendoka being hindered by unsupportive partners. I know and appreciate that whatever i do in Kendo, my partner will be there to support me, AND have an interest in what i am doing. It's great!!!

                Maybe Akasha could post and give her side of things (infact i'll call her now).

                Andy Fisher
                DSKYK Preston
                Great Britain

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                • #9
                  The other side of the coin.

                  I'm on the other side of the coin with this one.... where our lass (My Girlfriend) is alot better than me at Kendo (and slightly crazy !!!! if you don't believe me ask Nishi or D'a). I've been practicing about four years and she has been practicing about 7 years now.

                  I can totally understand the don't give any advise aproach. But as I said from the other side. She often tells me what I am doing wrong, and as it is me she doesn't exactly sugar the pill if you know what I mean, and boy does it put my back up........ We have had a couple of heated discussions about it.

                  The best bit of advice I can give is don't got to practice after you have had an argument....... It is not a plesant experience....... especially if you girlfriend is alot better than you.

                  But on the flip side, we won the National Kata Taikai together, which was a really good feeling. We Came First and Second in the last National Jodo Takai..... so there definatly up sides to it.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by GMason
                    The best bit of advice I can give is don't got to practice after you have had an argument....... It is not a plesant experience.......

                    AGREED!!!!!!!!!!

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                    • #11
                      Definitely with Nishi on this one.

                      I gave advice to my wife once on her kendo and learned from my mistake.

                      I have been doing kendo for longer than my wife, but I often ask her for advice because she knows me very well and can point out weaknesses/strengths in approach or attitude. I.e. not just the technical side of things.

                      The best thing is that if I want to practice something at home/go to a shiai she is sympathetic.

                      The worst thing is the gloating when she gets a decent point.

                      I read this excellent quote about the secret of being a strong kendo player "Get along with your wife". Visit this site for a brilliant explanation of the quote: http://www.st.rim.or.jp/~shimano/dou.../okuden_e.html

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                      • #12
                        From the women!

                        Well, D'Artagnan did pick it up a lot faster than I, left me way behind.

                        He learnt the hard way about giving advice! I strongly suggest you don't or be extremely careful in giving advice. All that does is re-enforce that your 'better' than her, she doesn't want constant (even once = constant) reminding.

                        I was jealous, as at first I felt I tried just as hard and didn't get as far as him. I did start to feel sorry for myself and resent him a little.

                        I could see he only wanted to help but I was too proud to listen and didnt want to. My dedication to Kendo did start to slip. Try to talk about others in the dojo and experiences you had when training with them - not b*tch necessarily - but who you find hard to work with, who you like working with, who you both find helpful and try NOT to get onto talking about each other specifically. This puts you on a more even level as it matters not who is 'better' you will still both be able to relate to it.

                        *You could point out how you see, have learnt, noticed, very carefully, how men and women SEEM to 'do' kendo differently in the beginning*. How now you may be physically more able but she may be picking up the metal aspect quicker. Therefore you will start to even out.

                        *Note* - never TELL her they do, suggest, ask opinion, you THINK or have LEARNT, or PERHAPS, as if she came up with the idea or thought of it herself. If she doesn't bite and it starts going wrong I suggest you just drop it.

                        A time will also come when she does want and seek your advice but she has to get to a certain level for herself, in state of mind and kendo.

                        Now I use him as my personal trainer! I like to kick his ass more than anyones, I can't all the time but he brings out more in me because I want to so much and it's great for both of us and I learn a lot, (using his own dirty tricks on him, helps). Now I like fencing him more than anyone and I want advice from him after the fence.

                        Also bare in mind for the future, the rules are different for you both she can gloat about good points you can humbly enjoy them.


                        Best of luck - remember she is always right, even when she knows she's wrong.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Akasha
                          [color=black] she doesn't want constant (even once = constant) reminding.

                          FINALLY!! a confessioin!

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                          • #14
                            I would just like to add that the better he now does the harder I push to close the gap.

                            He has just been asked to train with the British squad - very jealous - very even more determined to kick butt!

                            We will conquer the world together! - eventually.

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                            • #15
                              What if your wife hates kendo? She keeps saying that I choose kendo instead of spending quality time with the family. How would you handle something like that?

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