Joke of the Day

[satsumaruma]

How did you know my name is Jerves??

And hey, I can posrep you again



And now for my joke..


Icelander decides to take a driving holiday around the UK and everything was going well for the first few weeks.

After a few days in Wales, however he notices something is wrong with his hire car. He rings up the Hire company who tell him that their nearest branch is quite a distance from him and if he didn't mind would he take it into the nearest garage and get it fixed and they will obviously pick up the bill. He agrees that this is the best solution.

Once at Taff's Auto Repair garage he takes his car into the service bay where the engineer has a look to see what the problem is

" ah yes" says the engineer " you've blown a seal"

"so what" says the Icelander " you shag sheep"


I thank you

[misskitty]

[QUOTE=satsumaruma;328333]How did you know my name is Jerves??


just a damn good guess

[Nakura]

A little gem from Oz...

How do you know when a plane's full of pommies?

When the motors stop running, the whining keeps going.

[misskitty]

A boy was walking down the road when he noticed an old geezer with an unusually small head. The curious boy walked up to the geezer and said, "Hey mister! Why the heck is your head so small?"
The old man looked at the boy and replied, "Boy, if I wasn't so damn old, I'd give you a beating... but since you remind me of myself at your age, I will tell you."
The boy listened curiously as the geezer explained, "One day I was fishing on the pier when I got a huge bite... And, I said to myself, 'Holy shit! I've caught a whale!'"
"No kidding?" pried the boy. The geezer continued, "But, when I reeled it up, to my surprise, it was a gorgeous mermaid! Well, she looked at me in tremendous fright and said she'd grant me one wish if I let her free..."
"And?" interjected the boy. "Well, after some quick thought, I looked at her and said, 'How 'bout a little head?'"

[satsumaruma]

[QUOTE=misskitty;328442]

How did you know my name is Jerves??


just a damn good guess

you baaaad girl you!!!

A boy was walking down the road when he noticed an old geezer with an unusually small head. The curious boy walked up to the geezer and said, "Hey mister! Why the heck is your head so small?"
The old man looked at the boy and replied, "Boy, if I wasn't so damn old, I'd give you a beating... but since you remind me of myself at your age, I will tell you."
The boy listened curiously as the geezer explained, "One day I was fishing on the pier when I got a huge bite... And, I said to myself, 'Holy shit! I've caught a whale!'"
"No kidding?" pried the boy. The geezer continued, "But, when I reeled it up, to my surprise, it was a gorgeous mermaid! Well, she looked at me in tremendous fright and said she'd grant me one wish if I let her free..."
"And?" interjected the boy. "Well, after some quick thought, I looked at her and said, 'How 'bout a little head?'"

and so norrr-teeee

[corwyn]

you baaaad girl you!!!




and so norrr-teeee

And you like it, too.

[misskitty]

[QUOTE=satsumaruma;328558]

you baaaad girl you!!!
and so norrr-teeee

no im not, i just have a wicked sense of humor honest

[Ookami7]

All right, here goes.

A scots man walks into a bar and orders 3 beers. He downs one after another. Time passes by and the guy becomes a regular at the bar.
After a while the bartender goes up and says, you know that the beer would be better if I drew them 1 at a time for you. The guy goes yeah,
but I have 2 brothers, ones in Canada and the other is in the U.S. Before we seperated we promised that we would always drink together. The bartend
considers it a quint custom and leaves it at that. About a year and half passes. One day the guy comes in and only orders 2 beers. There is a dead hush
in the bar as the bartender goes up and says, I`m sorry for your lose!!! The Scots man looks at him some what bewildered and starts to laugh, No no,
everyone is fine. I just gave up drinking lol

Enjoy kiddies!!!!!

[Mokujin77]

How did you know my name is Jerves??

And hey, I can posrep you again



And now for my joke..


Icelander decides to take a driving holiday around the UK and everything was going well for the first few weeks.

After a few days in Wales, however he notices something is wrong with his hire car. He rings up the Hire company who tell him that their nearest branch is quite a distance from him and if he didn't mind would he take it into the nearest garage and get it fixed and they will obviously pick up the bill. He agrees that this is the best solution.

Once at Taff's Auto Repair garage he takes his car into the service bay where the engineer has a look to see what the problem is

" ah yes" says the engineer " you've blown a seal"

"so what" says the Icelander " you shag sheep"


I thank you

"Must spread rep..."

Bah! Stupid system!

[imouto]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.'

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, 'Sure. I have this,' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.'

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?'

(you're gonna love this)

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone.'


(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)

[misskitty]

For decades two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven and approached the statues.
"You've been such exemplary statues," the angel announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly could be heard a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.
Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces. "You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.
Grinning widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head!"

[imouto]

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her out to some place expensive...............

So I took her to a gas station!!!!!!!

[Mokujin77]

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her out to some place expensive...............

So I took her to a gas station!!!!!!!

Fantastic! Just as true over here as it is down your end, unfortunately.

[still learning]

Q: What has 200 balls and f#cks ducks?

A; 12 bore shot......... [I think Americans call it 'double ought']

# # # # #

Q; Where are an elephants sex organs?

A In its feet - - coz if it stands on you, you are f#cked!

Bill

[misskitty]

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price. The motorcycle is missing a seal, though, so whenever it rains Steve has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.

Steve’s girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents one evening. He drives his new motorcycle to his girlfriend’s house.

She is waiting outside for him when he arrives. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word. Our family had a fight a while ago about doing the dinner dishes. We haven't done any since... and the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."

Steve sits down for dinner and soon notices that his girlfriend wasn’t exaggerating. It is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen and nobody is saying a word. Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her onto the table and has sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her father is obviously livid, and her mother is horrified. Yet, when Steve and his girlfriend resume their places at the dinner table, nobody says a word.

A few minutes later, Steve grabs his girlfriend’s mom, throws her onto the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her father is boiling, and her mother is a little more pleased. But still, there is complete silence at the table.

Suddenly, there is a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle outside and so he jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline.

With a look of terror in his eyes, the girlfriend’s father backs away from the table and exclaims, "Okay, enough already, I'll do the damn dishes!"