Joke of the Day

[pgsmith]

and in case the IT guys didn't put something nasty that doesn't allow you to play with this thing

Yep, our work filter won't allow that one.

[Bailemor]

Fantastic, that is brilliant sorry cant spread rep


David

Have fun with this link, made me smile. Just wonder how many people are waiting for a release date . . .

http://www.pomegranatephone.com/

David

[Bailemor]

Whats worse than a dog chewing your shoe???


a Killer whale eating your trainer.......





I'll get my coat now

[David G]

Whats worse than a dog chewing your shoe???


a Killer whale eating your trainer.......





I'll get my coat now

Sooooo bad, but funny. Sorry I can't spread rep.

[1stdan]

It is sad and Bad..... But then again they are not called Friendly whales are they?

[Kaa]

but he, quote just wanted to play a little end quote - and then she juuust had to go and spoil it all, by dying...


ok, i am obnoxious i know

[pgsmith]

Here's one for all you Grandparents out there ...

A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa's room ...
"Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
"What?" said her Grandpa.
"Make a noise like a frog - 'cause Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we’re all going to Disney Land !”

[Big One]

A very prestigious cardiologist died and was given a very elaborate funeral by
the hospital he worked for most of his life. A huge heart covered in flowers

stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital

sat in awe. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.

The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heartforever.

At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter.

When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I am so sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral.

I'm a gynecologist.

The proctologist fainted

[MikeW]

These are from the Laffaday mailing list I'm on....




I am a man of the new millennium. I embrace technology. I
traded my VCR that blinked 12:00 for a DVR that records
100s of hours at the touch of a button. I have a phone with
a camera and I know how to text. Yep, ol' TZ is practically
a renaissance man.

In fact, some of my best parenting is done via texting. This
morning my 14 year-old daughter texted me that she wouldn't
be home until after 5. I replied with advice about good and
bad, smart and stupid, shepherds and sheep.

She told me she knows all that and I need to chill. I replied
that I am an ice-man...and then I realized I had forwarded
her a picture accidentally.

So I sent her another text: "Oops, sorry. Please disregard
the naked picture of your mother spread eagle with a whip
sticking out of her ass. Love, Dad."

Technologically,

TZ

-------------------------------------------------------

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly... I really need
you to pay me a compliment."

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

-------------------------------------------------------

A man and his wife were celebrating their 40th wedding
anniversary. The wife says to her husband, "We've been
married so long, sweetheart, I hope you feel you can ask
me anything you want. After all this time I want us to be
completely open in our relationship."

The husband replies, "Okay, there is one thing that has
been bothering me for a long time, but I haven't had the
courage to ask before...but I have noticed that all six
of our children look similar to one another except one. I
can't figure out how he got to look so different. Did he
have a different father than the rest?"

The wife stops. She is unable to look her husband in the
eyes. Slowly she replies, "yes. Yes he did have a different
father."

Her husband was taken aback. "Oh! Okay, I must know. Please
tell me. Who was that child's father?"

Again she cannot look her husband in the eyes. She is very
distressed, and after a long silence she slowly said, "YOU."

[suneohair]

Whats worse than a dog chewing your shoe???


a Killer whale eating your trainer.......





I'll get my coat now

i found myself laughing after i read this. i guess theres something wrong with me lol

[Trent]

Two part joke:

Where do you weigh a whale?

At a whale weigh station...


Where do you weigh a pie?

Somewhere over the rainbow...

(when given a quizzical look, bring out your best Judy Garland from Wizard of Oz and sing)

Somewhere over the rainbow,
weigh a pie.

[batusai.]

What vegetable goes toink toink toink? - Spring onions.

What has four wheels and flies? - A garbage truck.

lol!

[corwyn]

The Hormone Guide
Women will understand this!
Men should memorize it!

Every woman knows that there are days when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands! This is a handy guide that should be carried like a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!


13 Things PMS Stands For

1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff

and my favorite one:

13. Potential Murder Suspect

Forward this information to all of your friends and those who might need a good laugh... and men who need a warning.

And, have some wine.

[David G]

The Hormone Guide
Women will understand this!
and men who need a warning.

. . . .

And, have some wine.

"Must spread rep" Great!

David

[Kaa]

The Hormone Guide
Women will understand this!
Men should memorize it!

And, have some wine.

If I could I would double +rep you - for outstanding achievements in research! Brilliant!
But I "must spread more rep".. so I cant even single +rep you...

Ab fab Corwyn!