my favourite fishing joke...
two old guys standing under a bridge on the opening day of the season. Just then a hearse goes past, and one oldie lifts his hat and a tear comes to his eye.
His friend says "hey, I didnt know you got emotional about funerals... How nice that you showed respect like that!"
The other oldie says " well.... we have been married for over fifty years..."
you may groan.
Tim Hamilton
http://chidokan.tripod.com/
A man's word is his honour, a womans word... I never listen to them long enough...
They will have to pry the sword from my cold dead fingers....
Why are you reading this instead of being out training???? Excuses not accepted....
What kind of sport do you play with a Wombat???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.WOM!
What did the snail say when the turtle gave him a ride?
"WHEEEEEEEeeEEEEEEEEeEeEEEEEEEeeeeEEE!"
Always laugh when you can. It is cheapest medicine.
...and it keeps the ravenous, man-eating squirrels off of you.
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
"Douter de tout ou tout croire, ce sont deux solutions également commodes, qui l'une et l'autre nous dispensent de réfléchir." ~Jules Henri Poincaré
"What does it matter if you win or lose? Just do good kendo." ~Terry Holt Sensei
A Parks Board warden catches a guy sneaking away from the beach with ten lobsters in a bucket.
"Thats way over the limit of lobsters allowed to be caught each day, and you are under arrest." says the warden!
The guy prostest by saying: "These are my pet lobsters. I bring them to the beach once a day for a swim, and when I whistle they come back to me and get into my bucket."
"I dont believe you" says the warden. "Show me."
So the guy promptly dump the lobster into the ocean and gazes after them as they swim away.
After a minute the warden says: "Okay, how long?"
"How long what?" the guy replies with a puzzled look.
"How long till you whistle and call the lobster back?"
"What lobster?"
...Just after McMurphey has received the electro shock treatment... (One flew over the Cuckoo's nest)
"The next girl to take me on will light up like a pinball machine and pay out in silver dollars"
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner."
She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.
Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
hidari.... no no no your other left.
"You must spread some reputation...etc, etc"Originally Posted by misskitty
Bugger!
Last edited by Mokujin77; 26th May 2008 at 06:19 AM. Reason: Added angry smilie.
Tony Cook
-Shumpukan Kendo-
What he said..."You must spread some reputation...etc, etc"
Bugger!
Why is sex like money in the bank?
Because when you withdraw, you lose interest.
"Douter de tout ou tout croire, ce sont deux solutions également commodes, qui l'une et l'autre nous dispensent de réfléchir." ~Jules Henri Poincaré
"What does it matter if you win or lose? Just do good kendo." ~Terry Holt Sensei
A man and woman meet in a hotel bar whilst on holiday.
When he mentions that he is 'hooked' on fishing she agrees that it is a wonderful passtime.
He invites her to go fishing with him the next day and she agrees to the trip.
Whilst out in the boat they reach an intersection of streams and the chap decides to give his lady friend the choice of direction they should take.
He asks 'Up, or down'?
Without another word she promptly removes her clothes and shags him breathless..........
On resuming the trip the man has a silly grin on his face [of course].
Shortly they reach another intersection - - same question asked - same result and the chap is completely overjoyed. This happens 3 times before the end of the day.
Nothing is said about these behaviours when they reach their hotel - and they agree to meet for another trip the next day.
At the first opportunity the chap reaches an intersection and asks..
'Up, or down'?
She says........ 'Up'.
He says ' Yesterday when I asked that question you shagged me silly ....'
She says... 'Yesterday I forgot my hearing aid and I thought that the options were 'Fuck or drown'......
Bill Davison; - Myoken Dojo [Plymouth]
The mountain path I climbed with my Sensei led to the foothills;
The path to the peak is a solitary one.
What's hard and stiff going in, and soft and sticky coming out?
Chewing gum.
Ok ok ...
This one's better.
Last edited by Kenzan; 29th May 2008 at 05:56 AM.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheapest medicine.
...and it keeps the ravenous, man-eating squirrels off of you.
whats brown and sticky
a stick
hidari.... no no no your other left.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick. :-D
"Douter de tout ou tout croire, ce sont deux solutions également commodes, qui l'une et l'autre nous dispensent de réfléchir." ~Jules Henri Poincaré
"What does it matter if you win or lose? Just do good kendo." ~Terry Holt Sensei
An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes!
"Well now", says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich".
***POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold!
"I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess."
***POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.
"Your third wish?" Asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. "Oh-can you change my cat into a handsome prince?" she asks.
***POOF *** There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, "Bet you're sorry you had me neutered."
hidari.... no no no your other left.
"Go spread rep...yaddah yaddah..."
Brilliant!
"Douter de tout ou tout croire, ce sont deux solutions également commodes, qui l'une et l'autre nous dispensent de réfléchir." ~Jules Henri Poincaré
"What does it matter if you win or lose? Just do good kendo." ~Terry Holt Sensei
Miss Kitty delivers another Brilliant one! ba boom kiddo! Already gave ya rep, so gotta wait a while lol
Keep it up ladies and gents!
Here is one for you: An Irishman, Scotsman and English man are drinking in bar (I know this would never happen, but bare with me) A fly lands in each of their drinks.
The English man being afronted asks for a new beer! The Scotsmen shrugs his shoulders, pulls the fly out and keeps on drinking. The Irish man....................................
Grabs the fly in brings him up close to his face and says "why you wee devil spit it out d!mn yee spit it out!!!"
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks