Don't you feel uneasy doing tai-a-tari with a man?

[Airin]

During kirikaeshi, I feel really uneasy to do tai-a-tari, if I'm sparring with a man. Friday sempai told me I always have my arms too far from my body and so I don't push with the body. I know that is my mistake, but still I feel so uncomfortable to jump against a man in that way.
I know it sounds stupid, but does any other woman have the same problem?

[rottunpunk]

ive grown up doing judo with blokes, so that sort of thing doesnt really bother me.
so im not sure if i can be much help im afraid
have you told your sempai how it makes you feel?
or just make a joke out of it by saying you cant get in closer as your boobs are too big and get in the way?
though if its inhibiting your kendo, perhaps it is just something you need to get over?

[lucy]

Maybe it would help you to think of your aite not as a man but simply a partner? Maybe it sounds stupid, but just think that once you step into the dojo everyone is just a kendo partner... Maybe, if you try to keep the whole gender thing out of it, you won't feel so uncomfortable anymore...

I can't say that I'm having similar problems, but I'm pretty new in bogu, so I don't have much experience.
Not very helpful, I suppose...

[Alison2805]

During kirikaeshi, I feel really uneasy to do tai-a-tari, if I'm sparring with a man. Friday sempai told me I always have my arms too far from my body and so I don't push with the body. I know that is my mistake, but still I feel so uncomfortable to jump against a man in that way.
I know it sounds stupid, but does any other woman have the same problem?

Something I try to do in everything (kendo, work, social situations), is when I find myself feeling uncomfortable or embarressed: DO IT MORE!! Ask the male sempai that you feel MOST uncomfortable whith to do it to you all the time. Then everyone else will be a breeze. Im serious!! Try it!

Force yourself to do it and soon it wont bother you anymore. The more you shy away from taiatari, the longer it will take you to get used to it, and fearing it will distract you from kicking the guys ass.

Us girls do have some advantages in taiatari if youre short - if you keep you hands down near your hara, tall guys have to push from lower than they want to - which not only can feel wierd for them, but if you are lucky could make them lean forward a little, opening up men.

Can someone post the 11(?) things kirikaishi is supposed to teach you? I cant remember them off the top of my head..

[namabiru]

Not so much. You're wearing a do, after all. And as the only bogu-wearing female in my small dojo, I've never had a male make a comment about tai-a-tari in this way.

[yahiko_venom]

I also have this problem, though im not a girl, it still feels wierd forcing myself onto people.

My only advice is to get it out of your head durring mokuso, thats what its there for

[bullet08]

don't think of them as males/men/boys. think of them more like cardboard cut out. or maybe rack of rib.. or something. of course, make sure to respect that cardborad cut out.. more like moving target. and just pound on them. don't think too much.

pete

[Paburo]

i sometimes also feel very uneasy taiataring with boys....

aaaah i'd only rather tai atari cute girls... lol

but naah, that's not gonna happen. so i just forget about it altogether and take off all sexual, religious or violence related associations i might make to tai-atari. it's just a push between two armors...

it's nothing dirty, immoral, or sinful my friend....

[Airin]

have you told your sempai how it makes you feel?

I thought about that, but telling him made me to feel more uneasy.

Maybe it would help you to think of your aite not as a man but simply a partner?

I understand, but I can't. If the guy is a fifteen boy there's ok: I could almost be is mum. But if he's older than 25, it's different. I get even uneasy that my aite steadily looks into my eyes.

You're wearing a do, after all

Uhm, yes, but the only adult male who usually comes so near is my husband. It's a very overrunning of a taboo zone.

it's nothing dirty, immoral, or sinful my friend....

I rationally think that and I start well, but as I'm going ahead my instictive part yells: "What are you doing? Keep at the safe distance!" and my arms automatically shift far from my body.
How to keep this voice silent?

[Neil Gendzwill]

So this isn't about fear of injury, but more being uncomfortable with men in your personal space? Perhaps as you gain more experience and get to know your dojomates better, you will become more comfortable. It can be kind of a brother-sister relationship.

[lucy]

I get even uneasy that my aite steadily looks into my eyes.

I know that one... At first it was strange, but I have gotten used to it after some intense iaido practise... Sensei: "Don't blink, look into each other's eyes at all times!"

But sorry, I'm getting off topic.

I'm sure you'll find a way to get used to it. How long have you been doing kendo, if you don't mind me asking?

[Old Warrior]

I don't get this thread. Maybe it's because I'm an old married fart. I have stepdaughters, granddaughters, sisters in law, old female friends (wives of friends), a mother in law, etc. When we meet I expect a real hug and a sincere kiss on the cheek. Some of these women actually prefer a kiss on lips.

At this point in my life there is absolutely nothing sexual that crosses anyones mind when we are extending sincere affection deriving from relationships that have existed for decades. I might add that even the men in my life with whom I have decades of shared life experiences - we hug each other.

Similarly, how can anyone seriously do kendo, if their libido is involved. It is hard enough to worry about seme, tenouche, waza etc. to have any room in my conscious or unconscious thoughts relating to sex. I can understand if these thoughts creep in at social affairs, but it is beyond me how one can be bouting with someone and let their mind wander to prurient places. The higher ranked women, I know, would pound you into the floor.

[bullet08]

I don't get this thread. Maybe it's because I'm an old married fart. I have stepdaughters, granddaughters, sisters in law, old female friends (wives of friends), a mother in law, etc. When we meet I expect a real hug and a sincere kiss on the cheek. Some of these women actually prefer a kiss on lips.

At this point in my life there is absolutely nothing sexual that crosses anyones mind when we are extending sincere affection deriving from relationships that have existed for decades. I might add that even the men in my life with whom I have decades of shared life experiences - we hug each other.

Similarly, how can anyone seriously do kendo, if their libido is involved. It is hard enough to worry about seme, tenouche, waza etc. to have any room in my conscious or unconscious thoughts relating to sex. I can understand if these thoughts creep in at social affairs, but it is beyond me how one can be bouting with someone and let their mind wander to prurient places. The higher ranked women, I know, would pound you into the floor.

maybe cultural difference?

pete

[lucy]

I don't get this thread. Maybe it's because I'm an old married fart. I have stepdaughters, granddaughters, sisters in law, old female friends (wives of friends), a mother in law, etc. When we meet I expect a real hug and a sincere kiss on the cheek. Some of these women actually prefer a kiss on lips.

At this point in my life there is absolutely nothing sexual that crosses anyones mind when we are extending sincere affection deriving from relationships that have existed for decades. I might add that even the men in my life with whom I have decades of shared life experiences - we hug each other.

Similarly, how can anyone seriously do kendo, if their libido is involved. It is hard enough to worry about seme, tenouche, waza etc. to have any room in my conscious or unconscious thoughts relating to sex. I can understand if these thoughts creep in at social affairs, but it is beyond me how one can be bouting with someone and let their mind wander to prurient places. The higher ranked women, I know, would pound you into the floor.

The way I understand it it's not about sex at all, but simply being to used to a large personal space no one else usually invades - except for the husband/close friends.
And, apart from that, you also mentioned

sincere affection deriving from relationships that have existed for decades

Sure, with good friends it's normal to get closer, but I can imagine that someone who is maybe a bit reserved feels uncomfortable getting closer to other people he/she doesn't know very well.
I think Neil put it very well.

[bianchi]

There is also the other side... I feel a little uneasy to taiatari with women because I need to be more careful with my strength. I hate when I see girls flying out of the court into the ground because a big man goes for a full strength taiatari in mixed taikais.

So I don´t taiatari with women like I do with men because we have very thin girls at our dojo and if I go with full strength I can hurt then... I am 30cm taller than most of then... So I do proper taiatari with girls, but I try to equilibrate my strength with their strength and it is hard to find this equilibrium... If you go too strong, you can hurt then, if you go too weak, they will not practice properly...

And by the way... I don´t see anything sexual about taiatari with bogu... It never crossed my mind...