Not allowing Women and Men to be on the same team

[MartialArtsGirl]

Well, after going to the shiai (the one where I was complaining about because women would no longer be allowed to fight with men- individual or on teams) I decided that it really wasn't that bad. It wasn't perfect but it really wasn't so bad either. (Maybe I'm saying this because my dojo gals did so well, but...its not just that!)

I was really really glad to see my Sempai so happy when they took first place. I know that previously they had struggled when competing with the guys so I am very glad. So I guess the decision was alright. It was a good one. So I guess I am sorry for getting so heated about the whole thing. (Though I still maintain that women are not as inferior physcally as everyone thinks. I think the difference is only slight!) But little things make a big difference I guess.

The only thing I do wish, though, is that it would have been possible to fight some of my guy friends from other dojos. It's really nice to have that opportunity, especially in a shiai setting. It's not just about the medals or winning or whatever, but sometimes its just nice to fight other guys you don't normally get to fight. My friend and I were planning on fighting after the shiai, but there just wasn't time since we had to be out of the gym so quickly. Maybe next time we can fight before the shiai starts instead of after.

So anyway it wasn't so bad. I did notice something that bothered me though- I watched say the kyu girls when they fought, and the kyu guys when they fought and, yeah there was a BIG difference. I don't know if it was all due to strength though. It just looked like the guys were more willing to kill their opponent than were the girls. One of my dojo mates said it might be the testosterone that makes guys want to be more aggressive. Maybe. I am not really sure what it is. Is it wrong for me to like that style of kendo, whatever it is? Actually I don't care I just want to emulate the way guys do it. It's more intense so I like it better. The higher ranks- guys and girls- seem the same but at the same time their kendo looks more refined. Anyway that's just my two cents on the whole deal.

Overall the shiai in Brooklyn was awesome. I loved it.

[krys]

(Though I still maintain that women are not as inferior physcally as everyone thinks. I think the difference is only slight!)

...

The only thing I do wish, though, is that it would have been possible to fight some of my guy friends from other dojos. It's really nice to have that opportunity, especially in a shiai setting.

My friend and I were planning on fighting after the shiai, but there just wasn't time since we had to be out of the gym so quickly. Maybe next time we can fight before the shiai starts instead of after.

You do not need to wait for that next tournament of yours for that. Just visit their dojo or have them visit yours and train together. And when you do free sparring (if you do that), you may do shobu... So that fight to one, three or whatever number of points you want, may be even better than a tournament shiai as there are no judges, who may not see all, and you just award points to each other.

Besides if you insist on fighting men, find a tournament that allows men and women to fight each other.

It's more intense so I like it better.

Intense is better.

Still waiting for your pictures.

[MartialArtsGirl]

PM with photo sent, Krys.

If I start posting my photo on KW then I'd have to be a lot more... careful? About what I say. I've already embarrassed myself numerous times on here. Maybe people at my dojo could figure out who I am, but if I meet you guys at a shiai or something I don't want anyone to think of some of the dumb stuff I've said on here. I haven't exactly followed protocol of politeness and such either. >_< I feel like I can be myself and express my mind more easily online, but if I posted my photo I would start thinking about what other people think more, since I might be recognized.

[JSchmidt]

Huh? So you are not willing to stand by what you write?

[b8amack]

I don't think you need to explain not wanting to post your picture on the internet, MAG. Understandable enough sentiment, really. I wouldn't worry about having said dumb shit, though. We've all been there. I don't think anyone takes it too seriously.

[Big One]

I think different. Either under alias or real name, whatever you say reflecting on your character and respect. If someone say something that he or she doesn't stand behind it, it ain't worth a dime.

[b8amack]

You take an internet forum seriously?

[Big One]

Whatever type of communication to me is serious. Just because we are talking through a machine doesn't mean we can degrade ourselves to a bum. There is cause and effect in every action we take or word we say. However, I still can detect when people are joking.

[MartialArtsGirl]

Huh? So you are not willing to stand by what you write?

It's not that I don't stand by what I say. It's just that irl, I may not be as...whats the word...blunt, or argumentative. Irl, I try very hard not to argue with people. Sometimes I fail at that, but I do my best. Most people do not like to argue. So usually when an argument starts, (especially if it is clearly not a friendly debate, but rather than real life version of a flame) I just say "ok, whatever".

Also, another reason- I know that in the kendo community rank is a super important thing. I.e. you don't talk to a high ranking sensei like your equal. (Or at least in the Japanese culture of the dojo I go to). For example, I'd be horrified if I talked to say, the president of the AEUSKF in the way I have talked on the forums. Part of that is, I do not KNOW peoples rank here, or position or anything. One time I actually did check on someones profile on KW, and I was like, omg he's 7 dan and also he's someone that I heard my sensei and dojo sempai talking about. I had no idea that he was so well regarded and high ranking. I quickly went and checked to see if I had said anything that could be disrespectful to him (maybe not disrespectful for an equal, but disrespectful for a sensei) and luckily I had not.

I am also talking a little bit about some things I said awhile back, around the time I started. Its not that I don't stand by them, but I certainly could have been a bit more tactful in the way I worded it. Actually I could be a heck of a lot more tactful irl too, but somehow my tact ability is broken (even according to American culture, though I guess I'm getting better then I used to be). Anyway, if I'm around people that I need to be more respectful of, I guess I try to monitor what I say more instead of just speaking my mind.

It's kind of like, getting into an argument (flame) with a person online, only to find out later that he or she is actually your boss.

I also don't want to make my dojo look bad in case I said something disrespectful or stupid.

[ArcticBlizzard]

Well MAG,

How did your matches go?

I’m happy you’ve come to reason Getting into an argument isn’t a problem whatsoever.
And you shouldn’t be more respectful to people because they have a higher grade, you should be respectful because it’s the proper thing to do, and often they show the same respect to you in return.
And arguments are a lot of fun, just be sure you’re able to discuss and come with reasons why something should or should not be like it is at present times. Because I say so isn’t really a reason.

But for now, I’m happy you enjoyed your matches and hopefully more will follow

And like others said, it’s always possible to fight with others, go to their dojo orwait until they come to yours. If you’re ever in the neighbourhood, drop on by and will have a go with you

[Josh Reyer]

I also don't want to make my dojo look bad in case I said something disrespectful or stupid.

The solution is not to hide behind an alias (though there's nothing wrong with using an alias in and of itself), the solution is to be more careful in what you write and how you write it. And if you do accidentally make a disrespectful comment to someone, to own up to it, and apologize. (See the obi thread for Peter West doing exactly that.) That kind of behavior will reflect on you and your dojo much better than just using an alias and letting fly on the internet however you like.

[Neil Gendzwill]

I've always said you should type your replies here as if your sensei is looking over your shoulder - for he very well may be, effectively. We have a lot of lurkers here and they may well be your seniors at your local dojo.

One of the downsides of electronic communication is the tendency to treat the person on the other end much more rudely/aggressively than you would in normal conversation. I understand the need for anonymity especially for women - but I think you should behave as if everyone knows who you are.

[turboyoshi]

Anyway, if I'm around people that I need to be more respectful of, I guess I try to monitor what I say more instead of just speaking my mind.

I agree with Neil, you should always write as if you're speaking directly to someone. Tact is a skill that everyone can develop, even you though you may not believe that yet.
We're not very different I think, I also was not very diplomatic for most of my life and have only, in recent years, started to understand how to express my thoughts while also keeping in mind the feelings of the other person. I still don't always succeed but I think it's important that I'm at least trying.

I also don't want to make my dojo look bad in case I said something disrespectful or stupid.

We all get emotional about some topics and say things, or say them in such a way we may later come to regret. Owning up to one's mistakes is an excellent way to build character. If you feel like you can ignore your mistakes by hiding behind an alias, that's not a good representation of your character.

In the end, you shouldn't be obsessively self conscious that it prevents you from expressing your ideas, but if you honestly believe in kendo, you have to believe in rei, not just in the dojo, but everywhere. The things you learn in kendo, are meant to be expressed in your everyday life as well. Otherwise, you're just playing with sticks.

[MartialArtsGirl]

That's all true. Actually I have no proof of it, but I have the strong feeling that my Sensei does read the forums- as an anonymous lurker. It's just a feeling I got and if he does read it, then he most certainly knows who I am. Actually probably more than one of my sensei read it.

I often am obsessively self-conscious (in real life) around certain people- particularly people I put on a pedestal like my Sensei.

[Maro]

Don't be afraid of admitting mistakes - that takes more character than denying it.

Also, the "think" before you post rule, whilst simple is very true. I'd have triple the posts I have if I didn't follow it.