Inappropriate Smiling and Laughing

[UnimportantHero]

I am someone who laughs and smiles (big wide grinning smiles) whenever I feel anxious, or when I am in any situation where smiling and laughing would be inappropriate. Funerals are an example. It is uncontrolled and not at all intentional. It does not mean that I am feeling happy or good. It just happens. Sometimes - and for no reason at all - I can start laughing hysterically and uncontrollably, and these laughing fits can last for easily thirty minutes to an hour or so. I have been doubled over in pain but still laughing because my abdominal muscles end up hurting so much, though that has not happened in a long while, which has me glad. Just to emphasize that it is not normal nervous laughter and is actually something that can take some real struggle to supress.

It has come up in practice (not the hysterics, thank goodness, just the irrepressible "giggling" and smiling) now that Maestas Sensei is present and I am receiving instruction. It makes me feel inappropriate and awkward. He does not seem to mind that I laugh whenever a bokken or shinai comes anywhere near my head. Or when I am focusing on something he is teaching me. I think he understands that it is a reflex and that it is not one I can easily control, and that I am laughing not because I am amused but because the emotional energy increases and triggers that particular response. That is the feeling I got from him at least. But it still makes me feel as though I am being inappropriate. It also distracts me from paying as much attention as I could because I am too occupied with fighting it in my head.

Does anyone here have similar behavioral ... weirdnesses ... or even similar experience with something comparable? Am I being wildly inappropriate or offensive? I hope that it goes away soon. It is embarrassing enough in training and practice. I would hate to get to the point where I can start participating in shiai only to end up laughing in the middle of one and looking disrespectful. That would be terrible.



(On the very positive and thrilling and self-encouraging side, the yelling portion in the kiai was nowhere near as daunting or intimidating as I had expected. I could do it even when I expected that it would take me much longer to be able to. So that has me feeling super good! )

[Tort-Speed]

Hopefully there will be (an)other(s) who may have a similar challenge that will join this thread. But thought you may feel better in your struggles, to know that laughing and (nervous-type) giggling is so Japanese. The first year here I was quite put off as I often was in situations due to the culture and language differences, where I hadn't a clue what/how to do, so was rather sensitive to not putting my foot in it, or foot in mouth. There were times I was walking gimpy - changing from 2x/week keiko to daily and sometimes twice a day 2 times keiko (coming here on a Japanese-Culture Study-type visa, in Kendo, meant 20 hours/week keiko); sometimes barely hobbling. People giggled (I wanted advice or encouragement!). So it's possible that a Japanese Sensei wouldn't feel put off by your "laughing." (Yet, if you get the chance, somehow explain about your special thing.) Anyway, except that you say it's hard to control and for that I do feel for you, you'd fit right in here: giggling is the usual reaction instead of saying something like, 'Sorry to hear that' (you broke your ankle, husband lost his job, etc.). They giggle... out of embarrassment at not knowing how to help, or lack of understanding and empathy; or being drawn into/touched by a situation they don't know how to handle or that is totally outside their realm. Meanwhile, were you to laugh loud enough in a shiai for your opponent to hear - like in Tai Atari - and still keep your focus, you'd likely blow him/her away psychologically. Maybe your loud and good kiai will replace the uncontrolled laughing impulse, a kind of outlet for nervousness or whatever.

[b8amack]

Yeah, laughing for half an hour in mid shiai would probably get you hansoku.

[Fuzzy]

It happens to me all the time, but usually doing kata. I seem to be able to put my game face on once in bogu.
Last week I had to do 30 minutes of kata with my eyes looking at the other persons neck and chest. I tried lifting my eyes up to eye level but couldnt control myself cracking up. Im a very jolly person but dont think this is related.
It seems to be an emotional release which due to the intensity with which I try and perform the kata which is brought to the surface, and like yourself I have no ability to control. Yet some days Im perfectly fine.The fact I have done roughly 2 hours of kata each week for the last 2 years or so I was hoping I'd have "grown" out of it. Maybe I should try doing kata in full bogu ...hmmm


Fuzzy

[ben]

Tort-speed makes a very good point about Japanese culture and laughing/smiling "inappropriately". Also Fuzzy's experience with kata is similar to what mine was when I first started. For me it was to do with facing another person and doing something so unusual. As it became more usual I also stopped looking at my opponent as a person in the social sense: they were no longer "Jason" or "Emma" or "Doug", they just became shidachi or uchidachi. Also, practising enzan no metsuke really helps 'distance' yourself from your opponent so that you don't fall into studying their face in a sociable way.

Emily, with regards to the nervous laughter, might I suggest meditation? Not just at training but regularly at other times. Breathing slowly, deeply and evenly is probably the opposite of what the you're doing when you are gripped by an attack. It could help to lesson your susceptibility.

b

[turboyoshi]

I have a similar problem though nowhere near as severe. I also tend to laugh/giggle during tense moments, especially during kata practice. It's especially difficult for me to look at people's eyes, that always feels too intense for me so I have to look elsewhere. Since I'm hearing impaired, and have to watch people's lips most of the time anyway, it's not that big a deal in everyday life.

The breathing exercise ben suggests is definitely helpful. When I feel like I'm getting too tense, I take a mental step back and take a few deep slow breaths to refocus myself and start back again when I feel like I can approach with an appropriate degree of seriousness. Even if you have to keep doing it, several times throughout the practice, just keep on with it. It does get a little bit easier and over time you will find you are able to refocus faster.

[Kokoro777]

These are very interesting and vaguely familiar symptoms you are describing. Do you suffer from any motor tics like excessive blinking, twitches of the head or even of other parts of your body? Do you also sometimes cry uncontrollably? What you describe is beyond social awkwardness-induced laughter and I wonder if you might consider seeking medical advice in particular that of a neurologist. There are a family of conditions affecting an area of the brain called the basal ganglia which, amongst other things, is involved in the initiation and inhibition of movements (including those of vocalisations). It could be that the basal ganglia is not doing its job properly and inhibiting what is inappropriate for that occasion, and you could be helped with medication. Gilles de la Tourette syndrome is the most famous basal ganglia deficit. Also some people who suffer damage to the frontal lobes of the brain (after stroke for example) exhibit the symptoms you describe and laugh or cry uncontrollably in the absence of an appropriate external cue.

Alternatively this may be a purely psychological condition related to anxiety and a doctor could refer you onto someone who could help you overcome your problem.

Do keep us informed of what happens.

[UnimportantHero]

Thanks all. I can resonate with a lot of this, especially the eye contact bits, and I feel less ... uh ... embarrassed. Meditation is also a thought. I might give myself some time before practice to do something like that. See whether or not that helps. I think it might diminish as well once more students start showing up and there is not quite so much attention on just me. Cause that makes me feel awkward, for sure. Kokoro, I do not think it is anything like that. No twitches or uncontrolled movements or anything like that. Just an inborn talent for being inappropriate, I suppose.

[IronWarrior]

Sounds like you have a tic, I would visit the Doctor.

[rfoxmich]

Definitely see a Dr. about this. This can be a symptom of a more serious neurological or physiological problem.

[UnimportantHero]

I do not think it is something like that. Pretty much all instances are triggered by something. The something happens to be a thing that would not normally trigger a laugh or a smile. Like funerals. I guess I should have been more clear when I said...

Sometimes - and for no reason at all - I can start laughing...

I should probably have said that there is no normal reason for laughing out loud. A random thought can pop up that is not funny at all - the last time involved a road trip in a crowded vehicle and me attempting to figure out how much longer it would be till we got to our destination - and it was thinking about distance and time and the terrible music on the radio that triggered the hour long laughing fit. So I do not think it is something serious or medical like IronWarrior and rfoxmich suggest. I do not think at least. I am seeing a physician soon for unrelated reasons, so I suppose I will ask her opinion while I am there. Does not hurt to ask after all.

Thank you for the concern though! I appreciate it. Also, thanks to everyone else as well. Especially the parts about making eye contact, nervous laughing, and the meditation suggestion. I will give the meditation a shot, and I certainly feel less embarrassed to know that others have similar experiences.

[IronWarrior]

http://yfrog.com/mskfkid2j
http://yfrog.com/f/n7kfkid1j/

Hehe, sorry couldn't help it.

[Bokushingu]

sometimes when i'm Jigeiko with a sensei and i miss or do something stupid or they beat me in ai-men or score on me, they laugh or smile. for some reason, it makes me feel better. ^_^

[Kool Kensei]

Maybe keeping in mind that Kendo derives from swordsmanship meant for life and death situations rather then sporting practice would help. Only thing is some people tend to laugh when their life threatened or in danger. So maybe showing good happy attitude while staying serious for the traditional aspect would clarify some unwanted feeling in one's mind.

[1stdan]

I am a person with a prety odd sense of humor, and sometimes that gets me in trouble. When your standing around with a bunch of stone faced individuals and something funny comes across mt mind it makse me smile or occasionally laugh to myself. I can see where that would draw the eye of a stern sensei. I tend to just try an smile as much as possible all the other time so it does not look so out of character for me. If it is a tick and you cant get rid of it, move on down here to Dallas and you can hang with us. At least there will be two of us smiling at nothing, maybe it will catch on. Good Luck.
Also I think once you get int Bogu your attention might be elsewhere. That could help.