I have been out of Kendo for 2 years now because life happens. But I think it's more then you being afraid like a regular kendoka. You sound intimidated, not afraid. And I think it's because you're a girl as well. Honestly, when I would go into the dojo I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. Sometimes I was the only girl at practice, and with a dojo of about 10-15 men. It's intimidating, and messing up was very scary in front of them. I've just recently regained the passion to try and go back.

I have to find a new dojo in the area I'm at, and I'm intimidated once again about going back after so long and being horrible at it, as well as embarrassing my self.

But then, want to know what I realized? Everyone starts somewhere. Don't think for a second you have to walk in there remembering what you're doing. You can walk in there as a beginner with a fresh mind again. And realize that they are not there to judge you. And even if some do, you've only got 100 years to live in my mind. Live it up, because now is all the time you have.