My best friend cheated on his girlfriend with a hot girl who's in our school on Monday (thanks to me) and his girlfriend is going to find out. How does he break up with his long-term girlfriend tactfully. Any suggestions or past experiences much appreciated. He He wants to remain on speaking terms with his currnet girlfriend while possibly starting something with this new girl.
To paraphrase a favorite movie line: "Your friend isn't in trouble - he's dead where he stands". Your best bet is to stand outside of the blood-spatter range.Originally Posted by KingCanute
Perry Hunter
No easy way to do it, so just do it
Fu Metsu, Rotterdam
http://www.fumetsu.nl
Follow Maddox advice...
"I couldn't find the words to tell my ex that our relationship was over, so one day while we were watching TV I headbutt her in the tits. Then I picked up my jacket and left. No awkward goodbyes, no "still friends" bullshit. Just a couple of bruised titties and a failed relationship. I rule."
from http://maddox.xmission.com
From a girl's point of view...
hehehe, I guess both of you are in quite a pickle, huh?
Well, first, your friend needs to learn some etiquette on proper behavior when dating or courting(Whichever he was doing.) He should never have cheated on her in the first place. That was really wrong and not a kind thing to do.
Really, what he should have done, is just told this hot girl that he has a girlfriend and if he was interested in her, to have told her, "I need to break up with my girlfriend first before I can go out on a date with you. If I don't, I am cheating on her." if he just had to go out with her. That's the correct and honorable thing to do.
Then, if he has decided he isn't happy being with his girlfriend because he saw this hot girl he thought was cute, he should have FIRST, talked to the current girlfriend and let her know that he plans to break up with her because he is interested in a new girl, instead of just cheating. Honesty is ALWAYS best. A guy never ever should lie to a girl and he should tell her the real reason he wants to break up. It will make him look really bad if he doesn't and she finds out later from someone else, the truth.
I take it you guys are in H.S.? Well, that's ok. That explains the shallow reason he has for wanting to break up with her. He hasn't figured out what it is to really love someone yet. If had already figured it out, he'd have loved and respected her enough not to cheat.
Speaking of respect...
It is also a matter of respect for the girl he is going out with. He must not have had enough respect for her since he cheated on her so willingly. That is not a good quality to have. A person should respect the person they are dating/courting or married with.
Now that he has gone and done the dishonorable thing of cheating, he needs to sit down with her and first tell her what he did, and then make a humble and nice apology and mean it. And, if he doesn't really love her, he needs to tell her that he is not IN love with her right now. If he did really love her, he would not have let himself be swayed by some hot girl.(Hot girl, whatever. If she flirted, she should be ashamed for doing so with a taken guy! That girl, if she knew he was taken, was just as bad, IMHO, for cheating with him.)
Since he cheated on her just for a "hot girl," he does not understand what it is to be IN love yet. That's ok. It just means that he better not try to really get into a serious relationship right now, since he does not have his priorities figured out yet. Too immature still...The reason he cheated is very shallow. He needs to know that.
On the flipside that the girl he cheated on did not know he was taken... If the girl he cheated with did not know at the time he was cheating and then she found out he was already taken when they went on that date, she would probably really be disgusted. She'd probably just tell him "I don't date guys who cheat" and refuse him if he asked her out, after he broke up with his GF. So, he needs to think carefully. This "Hot Girl" may have ideas of her own.(Unless she is just as shameless. Then, they'd deserve each other.) Then, he'd have learned a lesson about cheating, the hard way. The grass is not always greener on the other side.
He also needs to sit down and make a list all the qualities of the current girlfriend that he likes in one row, and in the other, the dislikes. That way, he can see if it is really worth losing her over a hot girl he does not even know yet. If the likes list is longer, he needs to ask himself what he really wants. Does he just want to date others for now, or, is he in love. There's a difference.
Oh, BTW, all this could be said for a girl with the same problem.
Well, I could have loads more to say, but I'll leave it for now. These are just things I learned from my mother and watching friends and my brothers.
As for you Canute-san,
I suggest you stay out of your friend's love life from now on. It was wrong for you to encourage him. You owe your friend AND his girlfriend a HUGE apology. Your friend should not blame you for his mistake. He let himself be swayed. But, he can tell her that you and he were both involved and that you had done whatever it was you did. Honesty is a MUST for a girl to trust a guy. You must own up and apologise to her. Well, you'll not do that again, huh?
Good luck. I hope you don't mind me being honest about what I think. It does not mean you are a bad person, ok?
Kaoru
Hunter-san,
That's being a coward. He is part of it. He needs to stand up and take the consequences like a responsible person, if he cares at all for his friends. Meddling like that is a serious thing.
Kaoru
Eh? Are you sure about your advice? What makes you any different from people on the forums claiming "these are just things I learned from my book and watching video tapes"??
For the same reason I seldom read your long posts.
Mingshi (Jenny) Wan - "A thousand suburi a day keeps your bullsh!t away..."
+ Mingshi's Budo Photo Journal 2005 + Other Snapshot Journals +
It means they are both dishonorable, if loyalty, and trust, are both nothing they value of others. You ruined your friends relationship, and now want him to go out with a girl that cheated with him. Think about it. Would you want to date a girl whom you cheated with? What's the chances that she wouldnt' do it to you? Very slim. Don't pull this crap anymore, especially when you get older, you'll end up ruining marraiges instead of highschool (if that) sweethearts.hehehe, I guess both of you are in quite a pickle, huh?
Well, first, your friend needs to learn some etiquette on proper behavior when dating or courting(Whichever he was doing.) He should never have cheated on her in the first place. That was really wrong and not a kind thing to do.
Really, what he should have done, is just told this hot girl that he has a girlfriend and if he was interested in her, to have told her, "I need to break up with my girlfriend first before I can go out on a date with you. If I don't, I am cheating on her." if he just had to go out with her. That's the correct and honorable thing to do.
Then, if he has decided he isn't happy being with his girlfriend because he saw this hot girl he thought was cute, he should have FIRST, talked to the current girlfriend and let her know that he plans to break up with her because he is interested in a new girl, instead of just cheating. Honesty is ALWAYS best. A guy never ever should lie to a girl and he should tell her the real reason he wants to break up. It will make him look really bad if he doesn't and she finds out later from someone else, the truth.
I take it you guys are in H.S.? Well, that's ok. That explains the shallow reason he has for wanting to break up with her. He hasn't figured out what it is to really love someone yet. If had already figured it out, he'd have loved and respected her enough not to cheat.
Speaking of respect...
It is also a matter of respect for the girl he is going out with. He must not have had enough respect for her since he cheated on her so willingly. That is not a good quality to have. A person should respect the person they are dating/courting or married with.
Now that he has gone and done the dishonorable thing of cheating, he needs to sit down with her and first tell her what he did, and then make a humble and nice apology and mean it. And, if he doesn't really love her, he needs to tell her that he is not IN love with her right now. If he did really love her, he would not have let himself be swayed by some hot girl.(Hot girl, whatever. If she flirted, she should be ashamed for doing so with a taken guy! That girl, if she knew he was taken, was just as bad, IMHO, for cheating with him.)
Since he cheated on her just for a "hot girl," he does not understand what it is to be IN love yet. That's ok. It just means that he better not try to really get into a serious relationship right now, since he does not have his priorities figured out yet. Too immature still...
On the flipside that the girl he cheated on did not know he was taken... If the girl he cheated with did not know at the time he was cheating and then she found out he was already taken when they went on that date, she would probably really be disgusted. She'd probably just tell him "I don't date guys who cheat" and refuse him if he asked her out, after he broke up with his GF. So, he needs to think carefully. This "Hot Girl" may have ideas of her own.(Unless she is just as shameless. Then, they'd deserve each other.) Then, he'd have learned a lesson about cheating, the hard way. The grass is not always greener on the other side.
He also needs to sit down and make a list all the qualities of the current girlfriend that he likes in one row, and in the other, the dislikes. That way, he can see if it is really worth losing her over a hot girl he does not even know yet. If the likes list is longer, he needs to ask himself what he really wants. Does he just want to date others for now, or, is he in love. There's a difference.
Oh, BTW, all this could be said for a girl with the same problem.
Well, I could have loads more to say, but I'll leave it for now. These are just things I learned from my mother and watching friends and my brothers.
As for you Canute-san,
I suggest you stay out of your friend's love life from now on. It was wrong for you to encourage him. You owe your friend AND his girlfriend a HUGE apology. Your friend should not blame you for his mistake. He let himself be swayed. But, he can tell her that you and he were both involved and that you had done whatever it was you did. Honesty is a MUST for a girl to trust a guy. You must own up and apologise to her. Well, you'll not do that again, huh?
Good luck. I hope you don't mind me being honest about what I think. It does not mean you are a bad person, ok?
Kaoru
Now follow Karou's advice, and it might cost you a friendship or two, but at least you will have admitted your wrong doing, and can now learn from your mistakes.
Experiance.
'Experiance' ?
"I am Doka , Ken Doka."
II---!!! MOU---!!!!!!!!!
KingCanute, I assume you are still in highschool and yes, it is time to be confused. As Kaoru-san said you shouldn't be proud of ruining your friend's relationship. I am sure you might have reason but this is not the right way to breakup. Your friend ****ed up, now he has to face the consequence. He is planning to chicken out, what a bastard. He will bail out your friendship when he have chance. But you as kendoka, you should face your fear. Don't run away. You are now fighting with your integrity. That is what kendo should about. If you just know how to swing sword, you are no better than gangster. Be a men.. You should be proud of who you are. Face the problem and deal with it. That is how you build your character. Otherwise, you will not only run away from your friend's girfriend, it could be also your future girlfriend, friend, work, family, and responsibility...
You are still teenager and you are still young. People, including me, still make a mistake. Noble thing is when you make a mistake, try to fix it, then try not to make same mistake again.
Your Men is mine....
he shoulda broke up before he decided to do anything with this new girl.. that's just common sense.
but hindsight is 20/20.... so to solve the problem...
why does he not like his old girlfriend anymore? he should ask himself that and really examine the situation. is he 100% sure he'll be as happy if not more, with the new girl?
But if he must, he should break up while being a civil as possible to the old girl. do it in person, AWAY from friends and other people and not at the END of a date. that way he doesn't waste another day of hers.
I don't have any experience dumping anyone, but i've been dumped a number of times and i'm trying to think of ways they could've been easier.
I was lucky in that i wasn't that attached to any of them.... and also: i'm a guy, so it may be an entirely different situation for dumping a girl.
_____________________Toire wa doko desu ka?
Well, when you consider the fact that my parents have been married for over 40 years, I'd say my Mother's advice is pretty good.
Cheating is wrong, period. Where am I comng from? My parents set rules. I never was allowed to date until I was 18, and when I did date, I was chaperoned.
Have a problem with that? Even now, my parents have ideas as to what is proper or not. Man, if I was dating or being courted and I cheated, I'd be in HUGE trouble. I'd never hear the end of it. And if I ever knowingly dated a guy who was taken, my parents would have an absolute FIT. I was raised that it is bad to do that. And, I was told that if I dated a guy and found out he was dating someone else or is married, that I will be expected to refuse to date him again.(Which I'd gladly do.) Call it old fashioned, I don't care. My big brother expected(And still does) proper behavior from me as well, and I did learn from him when he broke up with a girl. I used to ask him what happened, and he'd sometimes give out advice.
So, that is where I got many of my ideas from.
And, watching what some girls do, makes me never want to repeat what they do.
And, others, like some of my friends, I think are good examples in how they handled their relationships. I DO talk to my friends.
And, you CAN learn by example. How do you think a child learns to be nice to others? Or, to be rude? The parents sets the example. And the set of particular friends sets an example too. Heck, we all set an example by what we do. How do you think you learn Kendo etiquette? By watching sempai and sensei. And, nobody is perfect. But, a person can hopefully learn from mistakes. And, who never makes mistakes? Nobody. Mistakes can be good learning tools.
If I said I got all this from a book or video, then I could see you saying this, and I'd agree. But, since I did not, you should go rethink what you said. I never said MY advice was the best. I DO know what I said isn't bad advice. Unless people are so depraved these days that they think anything is ok to do, and that what I said was silly. That would be a new low... and very disappointing.
Oh and nobody learns from nothing. You did not learn behavior from just yourself. How else do you think people learn what is acceptable or not?
Anyway, it is NOT the same thing as a book or video. You can take or leave what I said, but at least I didn't just get it from nowhere and make it all up, or from a boiok or video and claim my advice is the best. Is my advice good or bad? It depends on who the person is inside, that determines whether or not they think it is good or bad. That's ok with me. Everyone is different. Sorry that you didn't like my post.
Kaoru
P.S. And yes, I'd agree that sometimes, I talk too much.And, I don't think everything I say is perfect, either.
Read karou's post.
I told you, this is typical example of why you should never, never screw up with woman.. When the God created woman, he did not only used Adam's rib bone, but also included Excel spreadsheet for calculation and PowerPoint presentation... They know how to argue with men...
Well, when you consider the fact that my parents have been married for over 40 years, I'd say my Mother's advice is pretty good.
Cheating is wrong, period. Where am I comng from? My parents set rules. I never was allowed to date until I was 18, and when I did date, I was chaperoned.
Have a problem with that? Even now, my parents have ideas as to what is proper or not. Man, if I was dating or being courted and I cheated, I'd be in HUGE trouble. I'd never hear the end of it. And if I ever knowingly dated a guy who was taken, my parents would have an absolute FIT. I was raised that it is bad to do that. And, I was told that if I dated a guy and found out he was dating someone else or is married, that I will be expected to refuse to date him again.(Which I'd gladly do.) Call it old fashioned, I don't care. My big brother expected(And still does) proper behavior from me as well, and I did learn from him when he broke up with a girl. I used to ask him what happened, and he'd sometimes give out advice.
So, that is where I got many of my ideas from.
And, watching what some girls do, makes me never want to repeat what they do.
And, others, like some of my friends, I think are good examples in how they handled their relationships. I DO talk to my friends.
And, you CAN learn by example. How do you think a child learns to be nice to others? Or, to be rude? The parents sets the example. And the set of particular friends sets an example too. Heck, we all set an example by what we do. How do you think you learn Kendo etiquette? By watching sempai and sensei. And, nobody is perfect. But, a person can hopefully learn from mistakes. And, who never makes mistakes? Nobody. Mistakes can be good learning tools.
If I said I got all this from a book or video, then I could see you saying this, and I'd agree. But, since I did not, you should go rethink what you said. I never said MY advice was the best. I DO know what I said isn't bad advice. Unless people are so depraved these days that they think anything is ok to do, and that what I said was silly. That would be a new low... and very disappointing.
Oh and nobody learns from nothing. You did not learn behavior from just yourself. How else do you think people learn what is acceptable or not?
Anyway, it is NOT the same thing as a book or video. You can take or leave what I said, but at least I didn't just get it from nowhere and make it all up, or from a boiok or video and claim my advice is the best. Is my advice good or bad? It depends on who the person is inside, that determines whether or not they think it is good or bad. That's ok with me. Everyone is different. Sorry that you didn't like my post.
Kaoru
P.S. And yes, I'd agree that sometimes, I talk too much.
Your Men is mine....
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks